A Joke A Day

[Pjay]

A Radical Muslim walks into a gay bar, the barman asks "what would you like?"
"Free shots for everyone" He replied.

[ride_to_die]

Me and my girlfriend have split up as she says all I do is talk about football.
I'm gutted, i was with her for 5 seasons
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I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time.

[andys675]

went to the car boot sale last sunday, had this step machine for sale on the stall and a young lass walks up and said "does it work?"

"No" I replied "she's still fat"
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Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.

[Hong Kong Phooey]

The only thing putting me off mermaids



Fishy fannies
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'81 CG125, '97 FZS600 : '99 CBR600F4, '09 KTM RC8

[Pjay]

[Skudd]

[Gone but not forgotten]

I'm gutted, i was with her for 5 seasons

Did you think she was a keeper?[/quote]

Did she play away?[/quote]

You could always keep her as a substitute!!!
____________________
Mick

[Hong Kong Phooey]

[Gone but not forgotten]

[Bozzy]

A care worker gives a pet spider to a child with learning difficulties.

"Look after this spider for a week," the care worker says.

"Um, ok!" says the child, "but what should I do with him?"

"See if you can teach him a few tricks!" exclaims the care worker.

The boy agrees, and the following week the care worker returns.

"Have you tought the spider any tricks then?" asks the care worker.

"Yes, watch this!" says the boy.

"Spider, walk forwards three steps." The spider walks forwards three steps.

"Spider, walk backwards three steps." The spider walks backwards three steps.

The care worker looks on amazed. "Have you tought the spider anything else?" he asks.

"Sure," says the boy. He picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and puts it back on the ground.

"Spider, walk forwards three steps." The spider doesn't do anything.

"Spider, walk backwards three steps." Again, the spider doesn't do anything.

Confused, the care worker asks the child what he's learned from all of this.

The child responds,

"Spider go deaf when you pull it's legs off."

[Gone but not forgotten]

So this blonde walks into a bar.........

................Ouch!!!...................
____________________
Mick

[Pete.]

A woman cleaning her teenage son's bedroom finds a S&M/bondage magazine under his mattress. When her husband gets home she shows it to him and asks. "What should I do about this?"

He grinned and replied "Well I wouldn't spank him"
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a.k.a 'Geri'

132.9mph off and walked away. Gear is good, gear is good, gear is very very good

[Gone but not forgotten]

So these 2 blondes walk into a bar!!!..........

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Ouch!!!..........Ouch!!!.........................
____________________
Mick

[Hong Kong Phooey]

The keyboard shortcut to open up a new web browsing window is CONTROL + W
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'81 CG125, '97 FZS600 : '99 CBR600F4, '09 KTM RC8

[MCN]

A man starts a new job and his first Friday at lunchtime he calls the boss and says
"I'm sick, I cant come in today."
The boss lets it slide but the next Friday he does it again, and the Friday after!
The boss calls him into the office the third time and asks him whats goin on and he says
"Well its like this, my sister phoned me up crying saying she had an argument with her fella, so i went round to comfort her and we ended up having sex all morning, 3 Fridays in a row!"
The boss screams, "What, your own sister? That's sick."
The fella says, "I know, I fucking told you!"
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[Skudd]

[Pjay]

[Hong Kong Phooey]

[Hong Kong Phooey]

[Gone but not forgotten]

[orac]

[Gone but not forgotten]

So this guy goes into the optician to rectify failing eyesight.

The optician takes the guy out of his shop & into the street.

The guy is puzzled & asks why he brought him outside?

The optician says, "What's that thing up in the sky?"

The guy answers "The Sun!"

The optician says "Well just how far do you want to see then?"

..................pause for groans!!!!
____________________
Mick

[Pjay]

[Gone but not forgotten]

[bamt]

It’s been so long since I've had sex, I was starting to forget who get's tied up. So I wandered around to our local house of ill-repute, and was rather pleased to find that there was a special offer on the services of their Dominatrix. I do love a bargain debasement. She took me down to the dungeon and pretended to whip me, which was great - I’m into pseudo-masochism.