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The999Kid |
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The999Kid World Chat Champion
Joined: 11 Jan 2008 Karma :
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Posted: 14:08 - 18 Aug 2017 Post subject: |
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A man is walking home in a thick fog one day when he starts to hear a noise behind him.
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he keeps walking for a few hundred yards, and still the noise carried on behind him
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quickly he turns around to see a casket stood on end, lid slightly ajar facing him. he turns back around to resume walking and carries on his journey home. again he hears the noise behind him. he turns around to see the wooden corpse container following him down the road.
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the man picks up his pace and continues home, with the noise behind him getting closer and faster. Eventually the man breaks into a run in a bid to escape the crazed box. soon after he arrives at his front door, fumbles for his keys
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he forces the key into the lock, runs inside the house and throws the door closed with a huge slam locking it again behind him.
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Crash!
the casket hurls itself through the front door and stands there bold as brass. the man in horror sprints upstairs and tries to barricade himself in the bathroom.
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CRASH!
again the 6ft pine box bursts through the bathroom door to the disbelief of the man who starts grabbing everything he can get his hands on to defend himself from his wooden aggressor.
he flings, tablets, soap, loofahs, bog roll and eventually a glass bottle strikes the casket on the lid before smashing into pieces showering both of them with the medicine contained within... it stops, wobbles for a moment then falls backwards motionless.
the man pauses for a moment, then reaches down to retrieve the remains of the final projectile that ceased the onslaught.
he picks up the bottle shards, complete with label and reads.
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"Codeine Linctus - Stops persistent Coughing" ____________________ NDB 19/10/1989 - 1/11/2010 |Nowhere.Elyseum wrote: I get the distinct feeling that Tim should be our secret weapon for future trolling. I don't know many people that can rip the piss in Iambic pentameter |
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scorps |
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scorps World Chat Champion
Joined: 29 Jan 2007 Karma :
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Tracer1234 |
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Tracer1234 World Chat Champion
Joined: 13 Sep 2014 Karma :
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Posted: 00:17 - 22 Aug 2017 Post subject: |
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Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
____________________ Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15 |
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toby1 |
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toby1 Scooby Slapper
Joined: 02 Aug 2011 Karma :
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andys675 |
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andys675 World Chat Champion
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Karma :
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owl |
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owl World Chat Champion
Joined: 21 Oct 2016 Karma :
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Howling Terror |
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Howling Terror Super Spammer
Joined: 05 Dec 2008 Karma :
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Posted: 11:26 - 27 Aug 2017 Post subject: |
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A very sad day today. After seven years of training in the medical fields and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money...
A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet. ____________________ Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project |
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RhynoCZ |
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RhynoCZ Super Spammer
Joined: 09 Mar 2012 Karma :
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andyscooter |
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andyscooter World Chat Champion
Joined: 30 May 2009 Karma :
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Howling Terror |
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Howling Terror Super Spammer
Joined: 05 Dec 2008 Karma :
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Raffles |
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Raffles World Chat Champion
Joined: 14 Apr 2009 Karma :
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RhynoCZ |
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RhynoCZ Super Spammer
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Tracer1234 |
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Tracer1234 World Chat Champion
Joined: 13 Sep 2014 Karma :
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Posted: 12:25 - 05 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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Back to school day and all that....
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" ____________________ Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15 |
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Tracey Suntan-King |
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Tracey Suntan-King World Chat Champion
Joined: 10 Nov 2012 Karma :
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chickenstrip |
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chickenstrip Super Spammer
Joined: 06 Dec 2013 Karma :
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Posted: 14:38 - 08 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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Kick = the final activity on one's bucket list. ____________________ Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE! |
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RhynoCZ |
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RhynoCZ Super Spammer
Joined: 09 Mar 2012 Karma :
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Posted: 11:51 - 11 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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A man comes home from the work and his wife immediately asks him:
"Did you buy bread?" To which the husband replied:
"Bread, shopping, that's not a man's job"
"Then take your clothes off, walk with me to the bedroom and do the man's job."
Him: "Damn, woman! Do you not understand a joke, give me that shopping bag!" ____________________ '87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor |
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha |
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha World Chat Champion
Joined: 22 Nov 2012 Karma :
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tracks |
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tracks Nitrous Nuisance
Joined: 01 Nov 2012 Karma :
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Tracer1234 |
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Tracer1234 World Chat Champion
Joined: 13 Sep 2014 Karma :
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
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owl |
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owl World Chat Champion
Joined: 21 Oct 2016 Karma :
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Posted: 17:38 - 12 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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maybe it doesn't translate well ____________________ Observation is the greatest source of wisdom. |
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MCN |
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MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
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Posted: 17:42 - 12 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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owl |
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owl World Chat Champion
Joined: 21 Oct 2016 Karma :
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Posted: 17:48 - 12 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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A man is at the bar drinking with his mates, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."
"Relax," one of his mates says, "give me ten quid." The friend folds up the note and puts it in the drunk guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you ten bucks to have your shirt cleaned."
"Thass a great idea!"
When the drunk gets home his wife wakes up and angrily asks "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"
He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me ten bucks to have my shirt cleaned, see for yourself!"
The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's £20 in here!"
"Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too" ____________________ Observation is the greatest source of wisdom. |
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Tracer1234 |
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Tracer1234 World Chat Champion
Joined: 13 Sep 2014 Karma :
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Posted: 18:11 - 12 Sep 2017 Post subject: |
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vice wrote: | A man is at the bar drinking with his mates, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."
"Relax," one of his mates says, "give me ten quid." The friend folds up the note and puts it in the drunk guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you ten bucks to have your shirt cleaned."
"Thass a great idea!"
When the drunk gets home his wife wakes up and angrily asks "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"
He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me ten bucks to have my shirt cleaned, see for yourself!"
The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's £20 in here!"
"Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too" |
B-, Could do better: $/£ ? ____________________ Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15 |
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owl |
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owl World Chat Champion
Joined: 21 Oct 2016 Karma :
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 6 years, 226 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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