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A Joke A Day

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grr666
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Joined: 16 Jun 2014
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PostPosted: 19:57 - 12 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

RhynoCZ wrote:
A man comes home from the work and his wife immediately asks him:
"Did you buy bread?" To which the husband replied:
"Bread, shopping, that's not a man's job"
"Then take your clothes off, walk with me to the bedroom and do the man's job."
Him: "Damn, woman! Do you not understand a joke, give me that shopping bag!"


So a man comes home from work and his wife asks him "Did you buy bread?"
"Bread!?! Shopping!?! that's not a mans job!!" He exclaims.
So his wife says "Ok, why don't you do a mans job and ravish me then?"
To which he replies, "I was only joking, give me the shopping bag and I'll go now despite your offer of sex.
Being honest, that's preferable to banging you anyway you hideous old trout."
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duhawkz
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PostPosted: 21:41 - 12 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its still no funnier then when rhino told it
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grr666
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PostPosted: 21:46 - 12 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

duhawkz wrote:
Its still no funnier then when rhino told it

I never claimed it was, I just used to watch a lot of Les Dawson back in the day... Ugly wife and fat mother in law
jokes were a staple of light entertainment back when it was still considered outrageous to say "Arse" on TV before 9pm.
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 13:40 - 13 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://s20.postimg.org/m1fm47rv1/Screenshot_20170913-143839.png
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thx1138
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PostPosted: 11:31 - 14 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://s25.postimg.org/5bfglvjwf/generation-snowflake-27-650.jpg
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vice
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PostPosted: 11:50 - 14 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://pics.me.me/jasmin-perez-jaasmin-perez-hitlers-killer-is-my-hero-9-1-13-16134938.png
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ScaredyCat
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PostPosted: 11:58 - 14 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

thx1138 wrote:
https://s25.postimg.org/5bfglvjwf/generation-snowflake-27-650.jpg


Similarly,

"Everyone that doesn't agree with me is a snowflake/liberal - A BCF guide to Politics" - by U R Viewzuk
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 13:49 - 14 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://s20.postimg.org/k7mnw4qq5/Screenshot_2017-09-14_at_14.47.30.png
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Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15


Last edited by Tracer1234 on 14:26 - 14 Sep 2017; edited 1 time in total
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vice
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PostPosted: 14:05 - 14 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

The possessive of a singular noun is 's, punctuation is not the issue here, take a moment
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 02:25 - 15 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I met a girl with 12 nipples today...


Sounds weird, dozen tit.


Rolling Eyes
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Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15
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vice
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PostPosted: 11:13 - 22 Sep 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

A little boy asks his father "what is politics?" Dad says, well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister. Your mother is the government. We are here to care for YOUR needs, so we will call you the people. The nanny, we consider her the working class and your baby brother, we will call him the future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parents room & find his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole & sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed, the next morning, the little boy says to his father, dad I think I understand the concept of politics now.

The father says good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.

The little boy replies, the Prime Minister is screwing the working class, while the Government is fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.
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bamt
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PostPosted: 08:31 - 14 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths?

Me: I perform under pressure.

Interviewer: Can you give me an example?

Me: <deep breath>

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de

PRESSURE, pushing down on me....
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 10:56 - 14 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

bamt wrote:
Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths?

Me: I perform under pressure.

Interviewer: Can you give me an example?

Me: <deep breath>

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de

PRESSURE, pushing down on me....


I was fully expecting that to be a Weinstein to begin with.
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Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 13:39 - 15 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Think about it - every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.

Stay lazy my friends.
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 15:59 - 15 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 17:14 - 15 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One says to the other, "I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 21:21 - 16 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you call a snake thats 3.14m long?




A Π-thon.

Shocked
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Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 16:53 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 17:01 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Howling Terror wrote:
Think about it - every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.

Stay lazy my friends.


RhinoCZ alert
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 17:08 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^I aint no rhino maaan. I'm a Swanman.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMg7lYeX4AEj6TX.jpg
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MCN
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PostPosted: 17:17 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Howling Terror wrote:
^^^I aint no rhino maaan. I'm a Swanman.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMg7lYeX4AEj6TX.jpg


A swan came up to this person one day and nibbled their fingers.

It wanted to say something but it was a Mute Swan.



Anyone seen my jacket?
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 17:25 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is it this tweed one here, with leather patches on the elbows and a packet of wurthers originals in the inside pocket?
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 17:31 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^^Completely incorrect, MCN keeps his wurthers in his trouser pocket.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 17:42 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh yeah - them brown cords of his.
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 17:47 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mmmm soft brown cords. Shhh!
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