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MCN
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PostPosted: 23:51 - 19 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww... I take my fingers off the keyboard for a couple of hours and the Forum Character Assassins have a field day.

Rolling Eyes
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Raffles
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PostPosted: 23:52 - 20 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

For his next illusion, David Blaine is due to "appear" in court.
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 00:16 - 21 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 00:34 - 21 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 06:47 - 21 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't even know it was surgically possible to transplant a brain. What, specifically, made you consider a brain transplant in the first place?
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 11:05 - 25 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tom Jones recently disclosed that he was sexually harassed in the 1960's by a powerful, male, music industry figure.

When asked if he thought that the same sort of thing still goes on nowadays he replied,

"It's not unusual."
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 17:51 - 30 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do Germans say "trick or treat"?
"Öffnen Sie! Gestapo!"
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'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI; MZ 150 ETZ, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor
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ScaredyCat
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PostPosted: 19:29 - 30 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trekking across the Antarctic.


Paramedics said he could have done with another coat.



A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!" I think it was Farmer Geddon.


At work I noticed the computer department have started putting Christmas decorations up..... IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
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The Shaggy D.A.
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PostPosted: 18:26 - 31 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I, for one, like Roman numerals.
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The Shaggy D.A.
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PostPosted: 18:27 - 31 Oct 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6 and 500 though. I'm LIVID!
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Chances are quite high you are not in my Monkeysphere, and I don't care about you. Don't take it personally.
Currently : Royal Enfield 350 Meteor
Previously : CB100N > CB250RS > XJ900F > GT550 > GPZ750R/1000RX > AJS M16 > R100RT > Bullet 500 > CB500 > LS650P > Bullet Electra X & YBR125 > Bullet 350 "Superstar" & YBR125 Custom > Royal Enfield Classic 500 Despatch Limited Edition (28 of 200) & CB Two-Fifty Nighthawk > ER5
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 17:32 - 03 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

My neighbour holds the world record in concussions. He's been concussed over 50 times.
He lives only a stones throw away.
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King29
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Joined: 18 Oct 2017
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PostPosted: 19:15 - 03 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

An Irishman walks into a sandwich shop and asks "How much are the cheese rolls?"

"£1 for two" replied the owner. "How much is one?" said the Irishman. "75p" said the owner.

The Irishman says "I'll have the other one".

Jim Davidson.
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MCN
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PostPosted: 19:24 - 03 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

King29 wrote:
An Irishman walks into a sandwich shop and asks "How much are the cheese rolls?"

"£1 for two" replied the owner. "How much is one?" said the Irishman. "75p" said the owner.

The Irishman says "I'll have the other one".

Jim Davidson.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTPNsvABGFk
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Pete.
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PostPosted: 19:53 - 03 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was brilliant but the auto-play that followed was 100x better Very Happy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAxhYZ9txfQ
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King29
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Joined: 18 Oct 2017
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PostPosted: 19:56 - 03 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

With the new call of duty ww2 released today; I thought this very apt. IT IS SWEARY.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32QNjUTJlnQ
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ScaredyCat
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PostPosted: 12:26 - 22 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on their ships?







So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian.
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King29
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PostPosted: 22:31 - 23 Nov 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' this Christmas in Birmingham, Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Luton and London.
Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 00:48 - 01 Dec 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 16:35 - 13 Dec 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay, nearly Christmas ( Mad )

Every Christmas I'd come running downstairs to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as I could. Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour lunch before watching TV for the rest of the day.

I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office.
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King29
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Joined: 18 Oct 2017
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PostPosted: 18:16 - 13 Dec 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a reminder that tomorrow is Royal Mail's last posting date if you want your cards to arrive in time for Easter
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 21:45 - 16 Dec 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
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Old Thread Alert!

The last post was made 6 years, 103 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful?
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