A Joke A Day

[bhinso]

Supermarket attendant is serving a fat moody cow with a boy and a girl.

Attendant says 'Nice children, are they twins?'

Moody cow says 'Of course not you stupid b1tch. They don't even look the same. What made you ask that?'

Attendant says 'Oh I just couldn't believe someone would fcuk you twice.'

[Howling Terror]

[King29]

New 007:

"Vodka Martini … stabbed, not stirred".

[recman]

Just had a chicken-proof lawn installed.

Impeccable.

[The Artist]

[RhynoCZ]

*Possibly one of those, that might get lost in translation...

Two friends meet after some time and talk about what's new and all that...

The first lad says, well I got married. Today it was her birthday so I got her a very nice ring and a brand new car. If the ring doesn't fit, she can just get into her new car and drive to the town the get the ring sized.

That's nice, the other lad says. I also got married. We've just had our anniversary.

What did you get her, asked the first lad.

Well, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo. If those slippers don't fit, she can go feck herself.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[recman]

Impeccable.

[scoobydaz]

I'm in the process of writing a book and I've realised I need to kill off a couple of characters - the only problem is it's an autobiography.........
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Current Bikes: VFR 800Fi 1998 & CB250N Superdream 1981

[MCN]

“Hello everyone, my name is Gabriel and I am an alcoholic.”

His colleague says, ”Hey you shouldn't tell everyone that.”

Gabriel, ”You can fuck right off pal.
I'm the captain on this flight and I'll tell them whatever the fuck I want to tell them.”
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[RhynoCZ]

- Mum, what is black humor?
- Do you see that man in the wheelchair over there?
- No, mother, I'm blind.
- Exactly.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[sniff6]

I was at a fancy dress party the other night when a big fat girl came over to me.
She blushed and said "I really fancy you".
"Calm down" I replied,
"it's just a costume, I'm not a real fucking doughnut"
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'Great Britain' Love it https://img43.imageshack.us/img43/3967/67004290.gif or Leave it

[recman]

Grandad had to go into a home.
I rang the day after to check on things.
Nurse said 'Hes like a fish out of water I'm afraid'.
'Ah,' I said, 'not adjusting well then'.
'No,' she said, 'he's dead'.

[Tracey Suntan-King]

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found lifeless in your cell.
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Polarbear]

https://i.postimg.cc/4xn98xNP/69343686-10157643051531204-5488545734124896256-n-002.jpg
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Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[bhinso]

The British weather is like Islam...

It's either Sunni or it's Shi-ite.

[RhynoCZ]

Parents: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up your things, your adoptive parents will be here in 20 minutes.”
____________________
'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[RhynoCZ]

A grandfather tells war stories to his grandson...

Grandfather: "During the WW2, I killed 15 Nazis!"
Grandson: "...but our family is German and you've said you were just an aircraft mechanic...''
Grandfather: ''I've never said I was a good one...''
____________________
'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[RhynoCZ]

https://www.rouming.cz/upload/kdo_to_chape_da_plus.jpg
____________________
'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[King29]

I was passing a Paki shop this morning and I thought I'd pop in for some tea bags, but all I could see was that horrible instant powdered shite...
I said, "Hoy Abdul, have you got any proper teas"?
He said, "Oh yes my friend, I got this shop, a house down the street, and five flats in Bradford"

[Riejufixing]

Did you hear that when Diane Abbot visited Ireland and was asked if she liked County Down, she replied she preferred it when Carole Vordeman was on it?

[Raffles]

I've just bought a used bike off ebay which used to belong to Errol Brown. It started with a kick.

https://emoticons.datahamster.com/getmecoat.gif
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[thx1138]

[recman]

Bumped into a Chinese drug addict last night.
He asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”
I replied, “Not since he was in the Italian Job..”

[ride_to_die]

A vampire walks into a bar, "A pint of blood landlord" he says.
The barman gives him his order.

A second vampire walks into the bar, "A pint of your finest blood please" he says.
Again, the barman pours his order.

A third vampire walks into the bar and says, "A mug of hot water please barman".
The barman looks puzzled and asks, "What the feck do you want hot water for...?"

"I found a used tampon and I'm making tea".
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I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time.

[RhynoCZ]

With all this eco-green nonsense around, I can't believe they haven't banned pencils yet! This is just outrageous! Don't people realise how much carbon these leave on the paper?!
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor