Road Rage, I don't understand

[talkToTheHat]

So yesterday I am out and about on a mix of errands and a ride. I turn onto a road that runs across the swampland they are inexplicably trying to build new houses on. It's a 30 limit, muddy with construction traffic and/or recent flooding and features many speed bumps that have weird angles due to constuction traffic. Ahead of me is an Audi and ahead of that a council street sweeper of the kind that regularly orbit said road making it less muddy. They are cruising at thereabouts the speed limit. Given conditions I decide that blasting past between the speed bumps is a bad idea and hold a sensible gap.

Then a blue citroen driven by a man with a red face completely surrounded by ginger fuzz appears and sits about a metre from my rear wheel, and the driver leans on the horn for the entire length of the road before pulling into the bus lane when it appears and overtaking on the inside, nearly being collected by the street sweeper turning left across the bus lane.

Why? What on earth did he hope to gain by this? If I had closed on the audi it would have made overtaking more difficult and would not have saved anybody any time. I doubt it was to alert me that my motorcycle was falling apart or otherwise about to fail as I checked it carefully when I stopped for petrol at the next but one roundabout.

There is a possibility he saw my long hair or was just excited by how my winter textiles fail to complement my figure and was trying to start a mating ritual. I'm assuming the tweenage girl on the passenger seat who appeared to be gesticulating and yelling at the driver was his daughter and not some person he had abducted, so the chances are he is in some kind of shitty relationship and now only gets ABC sex, but I'm checking the news for reports of an abducted girl, although given the state of his face I don't dare imagine the troll that might be with.

Seriously, am I missing something I did, or was this driver completely insane? Is there anyhting I can do to get out of such situations without further compromising my safety?
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Bandit. does. everything.

[stinkwheel]

Smile and wave.

If he's dangerously close. Slow down or stop. They love that.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[DJP]

Keeping a sensible distance does seem to drive some people mad.

OTOH, red face+Citroen causes me to think: "People Carrier" every one of which is driven by a permanently enraged 40 something hell-bent on proving that his van-with-seats is superior to every other vehicle on the road and not, in fact, a hateful POS that his wife chose for him...
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Suzuki Bandit 1250
https://deejayp999.atwebpages.com/index.html
That's http not https

[FretGrinder]

An Audi was doing the speed limit in a 30?

I'm pretty sure you're mistaken and we'll put that down to an extreme case of "poor obs"
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Yamaha MT-09

ಠ_ಠ

[Rogerborg]

[stinkwheel]

Alternatively, merrily wobble along making no eye contact in the mirrors and giving every impression you are utterly unaware of their presence.

They also love this. They will eventually expire of a heart attack.

Although the last road rage I experienced (someone objected to being passed by an Enfield SO much he re-passed me round a blind corner in an active, dynamic 20 school limit complete with chicaines and speed humps) I pulled up next to him at the next junction and advised him to, and I paraphrase, "Wise the fuck up before someone makes you.". Complete with pointy finger. But I did make sure I was considerably bigger than him before undertaking this course of action.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[conker]

I had to google it, FYI Urban Dictionary: ABC Sex

[talkToTheHat]

Audi was trying not to get too close to road sweeper. It wasn't a particularly long stretch of road, but a planning fail, dual carriageway goes into roundabout and the exits are tesco carpark and a traffic calmed road that floods every week through a housing estate in the process of being built. Said road terminates in another rounabout, morrisons and a park and ride to one side, dual carrigeway straight on leading to industrial estates, B&Q, amazon, out of town shopping centres, stadia, and dual carriageway access to town cente or motorway.
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Bandit. does. everything.

[Tracey Suntan-King]

[Pigeon]

Maybe it was Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

People are dicks and you're not allowed to carry hellfire missiles on a bike.

You did the right thing by being cool and not doing something dumb, which is something I struggle with often.

[27cows]

Had something sort of similar to the point where it was in fact completely different happen the other day. Was riding along when suddenly everything in front was building up...and a quick looksee revealed a hearse and various funeral cars up front.

So I chugged along at 16mph, as is the done thing. And then suddenly this twat in a (yes!) Audi A7 blares his horn. I kind of wave my hand in a kind of 'slow down' manner and point ahead. Then this gobshite screeches past me and suddenly realises about 20 yards down the road what is what, and that there's another twat in an Audi heading directly towards him...

Comical in the extreme. Two Audi driving fucksticks sitting nose to nose, at a standstill, with all the non-funeral traffic expressing their hilarity as they passed by, with an ever growing line of vehicles building up down the road.

Moral - all Audi drivers are clueless cunts who always end up looking stupid.
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The RXS100: vehicle of choice for Chuck Norris

[andyscooter]

Also had someone do this to me

Gold rover 45 decided to follow me that close in slightly icey conditions I couldn't even see the front of the bonnet in my mirrors

When I stopped at a set of lights to have a word she jumped a mile as she was messing with stereo and lighter

Wouldn't open the window to talk though


Two minutes later did it again
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gilera runner vxr200 (chavped)
if its spelt wrong its my fat fingers and daft auto correct on my tablet

[UncleFester]

The problem with attempting to communicate with people doing retarded things is that they are retards.

If their driving is so shockingly bad that they come to your attention, you are going to gain nothing by trying to get through to them - best to just let them get on with whatever suicide moves they seem to want to get on with.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@51.948154,-0.307448,3a,75y,317.24h,75.3t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1s02IQTsr_tMnvlWQ9Vi-hzw!2e0

Had some idiot in a Merc overtake me here the other morning, icy as hell and pitch black - he went past me and a full articulated lorry carving a path in between the front of that and the 3 cars coming towards us he couldn't see. I had watched him dancing in my rear view mirrors all the way out of Hitchin and just eased off the throttle and let him go - morons are everywhere.
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2017 Z1000SX

[recman]

[UncleFester]

That's my route to work .... Stevenage to Hitchin to Barton Le Clay, then either ferret off to Harlington / Westoning or A6 then Pulloxhill - either way that spits you out at the back of Woburn Sands deer park then through the Brickhills to the A5 - hoipefully winding up in Milton Keynes - the best thing about that route is the many roads you can take to get to the same place.

If you see a wobbly CB500 or a Silver Aygo / Red Honda S2000 ... probably me if it's daft O'Clock

Did find a full sized deer the other morning, just over that little weird crest half way to Hexton - a light brown stain moment!!
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2017 Z1000SX

[Codezombie]

I remember once having the NERVE to out-accelerate a Jaguar driver (back on my old YZF-750) at the Coventry airport roundabout, when I got to the slip road he passed me, clearly shouting "something" at me, and actually ACTUALLY purple with rage.

Amazed the chap did'nt have a heart attack there and then.
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2015 Zero-SR; Yamaha Diversion 900

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[dydey90]

I like to oblige people who try to make friends with me on the road. If they tailgate, they clearly are just trying to get close enough to inspect my fine vehicle. So I slow down and let them. Or on a motorway, if they get right up behind me then I assume that they need a better view of me, therefore it would be rude to move over.

Disclaimer: I always use the correct lane of the motorway when not providing an educational opportunity for arsehole drivers.
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This post is probably not serious and shouldn't be taken literally.
Past: CBR125,ER6f NINJA 650, ZZR600 Current: VFR750

[talkToTheHat]

I wonder whether I am getting judged to be a rider of a slow Harley by Idiot drivers. There's enough going on with a 535 to not be bothered by lukewarm 4-doors but the fun is over before I reach 80.

Or possibly assumed to be on a 125/250 that must be bullied out of the way, I occaisonaly get vehicle enthusiasts, who to be completely fair are usually the drivers that would escape the hellfire missile treatment, winding down windows and exclaiming "that's never a 250" or similar. I find the "top trumps" conversation works best here. 535cc, claimed 46 horses, 185kg plus fuel.

I've always had little cruisers and they are people magnets. Horribly so. Is it any different on other bikes? I know the sales pitch I was given for an Enfield at the local bike shop I should have avoided was "ride one of these and everyone will want to be your friend" but what's it like on something like an fzr600, mk1 bandit or other such vaguely standard bikes from that era?
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Bandit. does. everything.