Well this has never happened to me before....

[0l0dom0l0]

So I'm sat in uni, working on my dissertation and I decide it's time for my mid afternoon shit.

Off I trot to the toilet which is clean and the seat is piss free, which pleases me greatly.

I shut and lock the door behind me pull down my trackies and boxers, turn round to sit on the toilet and begin to lower my anus towards the seat.

As I lower myself not really paying much attention I then feel this cold, wet area underneath my bollocks.... I'd been greeted by a fucking freezing bollock bath as the automatic flush is triggered by my movements towards the seat

At this point there's nothing I can do so I continue to sit down, pull out my phone and begin the usual scroll through facebook etc with my nuts making a quick retreat into my body.

Well fook me the flush went off again so I'm now sat getting another bollock bath !

Safe to say it was the quickest shit I've ever had.

What an absolute nightmare, happened to anyone else before? Thank fuck the water was clean before I sat down
____________________
CBT Passed: 30/08/2009, Theory Passed: 31/08/2010, Mod 1 Passed: 6/9/2010, Mod 2 Passed: 13/09/2010. Restriction ended 13/09/2012.

Bikes: 2007 Derbi GPR 50, 1998 Yamaha Fazer 600 (written off), 2002 Yamaha Fazer 600, 1994 CBR 600F, 2003 Triumph Daytona 600, Kawasaki ZX6R J1.....Current: 2006 Yamaha FZ6, 1998 Suzuki TL1000R and a Honda VFR 400 NC30.

[grr666]

Dodgy sensor or massive scrotum.
It's one or the other.


BTW you do know those systems add a shot of bleach to each cistern full. Your muff might undergo a sudden
unexpected makeover. Still cheaper than paying for anal bleaching I suppose.
____________________
Currently enjoying products from Ford, Mazda and Yamaha
Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off.

[Tracey Suntan-King]

And it didn't occur to you, despite having your phone in your hand, to video this event for BCF's viewing pleasure?
____________________
Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[nowhere.elysium]

At least you know that your balls are definitely clean now.
____________________
'10 SV650SF, '83 GS650GT (it lives!), Questionable DIY dash project, 3D Printer project, Lasercutter project

[Doovy]

Well that's put me right off my dinner.
____________________
Yamaha RXS 100 > Honda CD 250 > Honda Hornet 600 > Honda CBR 600RR > Yamaha RXS 100 > Kawasaki ZX6R J2 > Yamaha FZ1

[grr666]

[Beehive Bedlam]

I got my ass nettled once when I took a shit in a lay-by. Luckily there were some dock leafs within reaching distance and I killed two birds with one stone.

[Rob Fzs]

Sure you weren't shitting in a bidet?
____________________
'00 Aprilia RS50 > '92 Honda CG > '99 Yamaha Fazer > '91 Yamaha RXS > '79 Suzuki X5 > 01' Honda Cg > 07' Honda Cg > 82' Kawasaki Z200 > suzuki gsxr 400 gk73a > honda vfr 400 NC30> Yamaha RD350 YPVS F2 > Kawasaki ZZR 600 D1 > Yamaha TZR 250 2MA >Suzuki TL1000R > Yamaha TDR250 > Honda 929 blade > Suzuki SV1000 > Honda H100
Mod 2 Passed 09/06/2011

[ScaredyCat]

[MCN]

I am very/extremely 'picky' when it comes to dumping in public facilities.
I use possibly up to about 17 sheets of bog roll to fashoin: A seat cover, a daubur barrier (over the frontispiece) complete with a splash guard draped from the rear lip to below the water line.
____________________
Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[Poseidon]

[.....]

[Chinaboy]

[hellkat]

Ladies are not averse to a nice bottom cleansing.
I like a nice dash of water up the barking spider as well.

In fact so much does the sensation of cleanliness appeal to me, that I am thinking of asking my housing association to instal a bidet next time they redecorate the bathroom.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Chinaboy]

I had a bidet in my apartment in Shanghai, in the winter months WOW... that water was cold. Funnily enough, the seat was electrically heated, which was nice

[Dave70]

Same happened to me a while back in some department store.

It does give you a bit of a WTF? moment , especially the second time it goes off.

Absolutely stupid design.
____________________
There ain't no devil, there's just god when he's drunk.

2012: R125 killed by white van. 2016 R125 killed by 30,000 miles of redline. Current: 2016 Kawasaki ER6f.

[MCN]

The Bum Washing Crew of Islam make such a fucking mess of a cubicle when 'cleaning up'.
They use: Dwarf watering cans, garden watering cans, empty plastic Coke/Pepsi bottles, water bottles, hoses with spray guns, hoses without spray guns, spray guns using unregulated water flow. They leave the place swimming in run-off.
(And they use the left hand and fingers for the 'detailing'.

A whiteman cannot use the lavie until it's had time to dry out.
____________________
Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[hellkat]

Not quite the same, but I once had a bit of a log jam going on, during a trip across Europe. I think it was the result of a few too many motorway cafe sandwiches and not enough vegetables.

Something like 4 days into the journey, my arse finally decided to alert me to the fact that it was getting into the mood to let go its beloved charges, but it was not making an easy job of it for me.

We happened to be parked up in one of those nice continental petrol stations where they have showers and loos and things so lorry drivers can freshen up (Italy, I think).

I had warned the number 1 chaperone that I may be some time, so he was unbothered, and engrossed in catching up with his emails.

So I sat there (as ya do) squeezing this way and that, and trying not to grunt. Every time I leaned in a different direction to encourage my sphincter to give up the goods, the fricken toilet flushed on me. It was helpfully refreshing, but only really served to alert the (male) attendant that there was something wrong with his facility.

I had to reassure him that yes, everything was fine, and that the toilet was working perfectly.

But I soon decided that this was not the pool I was ready to drop those kids off at, and scarpered, warning the boyf that I would need another toilet stop soon. He was highly amused.

The attendant had a distinctly perplexed expression.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[hellkat]

[winz]

I really miss the arse showers when I was in Thailand.

Just. so. clean.... Nothing's come close.
____________________
Current Bikes: BMW K1200S
Previous: Honda CBR929RR, Honda CBR1100XX, Honda CB600F

[MCN]

[sickpup]

[andyscooter]

[Gone but not forgotten]

[Chinaboy]