Strategies to avoid phone IM dominating your life...

[Sun Wukong]

So, I know I'm not the only grumpy bastard who doesn't want to be fiddling with their phone like a 12 year old for an hour, rather than having a 2 minute phone call. Compounded by being a bit ADHD so I really can't flit between two activities, so it is a dead hour and a mental drain I hate.

Unfortunately, in this irritating modern age, people expect to contact like this, and drip information to you, and you have to politely engage or they get the arse. Especially so in Asia.

I just nuked Messenger off my phone as it was driving me nuts, literally, and now my Whatsapp is piping up instead I'm worried about updating my phone number on it for fear of randoms starting it as well.

I know I should just ignore it, and as some have said "turn off notifications", but the bugger is that people (I'm starting to think both deliberately and maliciously) ask a simple open question to hook you in, and then reply instantly with more so you are stuck trying to escape the mundane small talk that ensues.

Plus, it is genuinely useful and a much cheaper option than texting or calling, so realistically just telling them to fuck off and call/text doesn't tend to work much, and people worry about their data to just call (even receiving).

So, help! Anyone had any success curbing it, and if so how?
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Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86

[M.C]

Don't use them?

I purposely don't use whatsapp or snapchat or whatever bollocks people are using. Filters out a lot of the needy annoying types

[sickpup]

The answer is simply to grow up.

[G]

You're behind the curve there surely (to be fair, it's probably not got to you yet); it's all about the pokemon now!

As you suggested - notifications off, then set yourself specific times where you 'catch up' on social media.

After the end of the hour; off until the next session.

Not that such tactics have worked for me.

Also; I dislike typing on a phone given the choice of a real keyboard.
So; limit yourself to only answering when sat at a computer. (What's app can also be done through a web page.)

[hellkat]

Welcome to the Century of Instant Gratification

The people I "speak to" the most already trust me to get round to responding in my own good time, and so it doesn't need to be instantaneous. As to the others, I don't really care what they think of me if I don't respond immediately.

MC is right, it's about weeding out needy types and leaving the ones who are confident that you *will* get back to them, just Not Right Now.

Even leaving notifications on has its uses, but there are far too many people nowadays who are all "OMG she's totally seen my message, why is she not responding to me, she hates me, I'm going to die". (Hey, I do it myself sometimes )

Without employing Sickpup's rather more ascerbic idiom, yes, actually, it is also about being mature enough not to worry what someone thinks of you if you don't respond instantly or to everything.

You are certainly mature enough to prioritise thus: "I've replied once or twice on the important issues; now is a good time for me to cease correspondence with this person for the time being" and to go on with getting on with your life/work/whatever that person is interrupting.

I like G's attitude of setting certain time windows to deal with social media. Saves on the constant drain upon your own time. Plus, it gives the other person a sense of security, "Oh, Rich usually answers his Whatsapps between 5 and 6am, so if I havent heard from him by then, ... I'll kill myself ... "
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

I leave notifications on, but my phone is pretty much always on silent, and non-vibrate. So much less stress. I just look at it whenever I can be arsed.

Also stops it pinging away at night and interrupting my sleep, that was the main reason I turned it all onto silent with no vibrate.
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[Andy_Pagin]

Power it off.
Power it on when you want to catch up with whatever
then power it off again.
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[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

Went for a 3hr ride...didn't take phone. Felt weird.
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[The Shaggy D.A.]

Get a new phone.

https://www.gsmarena.com/nokia_100-4120.php
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[doggone]

You could move here where mostly there is no signal so we just shout loudly to talk longer distances.
Or just turn it off

[andyscooter]

As someone who uses his phone for personal and business use

I can't just turn it off

If I'm not in work mode and a number comes up I havnt got I ignore and send a message saying call me at whenever

Messenger is te same
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[techathy]

I have by phone on audible notification most of the time & when it's not I'm either driving or it's in sight (e.g on my desk). I will also look at a notification within probably 15 most of the time but I will prioritise its importance & deal with it on my terms. So well an 'SOS' type message from my house mate, who suffers from sever paranoid panic attacks, will get an immediate response. But someone asking me if I want to go on a ride this Saturday can wait until I'm not doing something.

As hellkat said personal maturity and confidence to simply say "that can wait" to your self. If the person what's to have a hissy fit about it then they can dial back their egos a notch or 100.

[Beehive Bedlam]

No friends helps.

[dydey90]

Don't both Facebook messenger and whatsapp both have call features as well as text?
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[daverave999]

Turn your data off?
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[andyscooter]

[andyscooter]

[Sun Wukong]

Constructive response there Sickpup

Data off is becoming my chosen means of dealing with it, but as others have said, sometimes you need the phone on.

I did absolutely love having a "dumb phone" for a while when in India, and resented having to go back to a smart phone for work. Current alledged smart phone's auto focus won't let me log in to web wechat Not sure how to fix that cock, and no rush on getting another phone so a bit stuck for now.

Ok, let me be a bit more blunt in my question then.

What actual written strategies of communication do you use to convince people to "grow up", especially for instance when making plans for an evening, or a place to meet up.

I have tried, desperately, to hurry fuckwits up. 95% of people are pretty dense, so getting directions to their place can take 20 minutes of intermittent fiddling. Arranging times, plans, normal information exchanges the same.

Chinese is at least merciful in that regard, 我有事 / 我在忙 and they fuck off pretty quickly

However, I will also soon be requiring it for business, or at least changing it to the same number I use for business and therefore at the mercy of many probably fuckwits.

Also, I guess the unique (or perhaps, not?) problem I have is I can't leave a conversation hanging half way, at least not deliberately. I often end up doing something else and abandon the conversation, especially said needy friend, but I can't consciously ignore an ongoing conversation to the point that it actually annoys me.

Needy-ish friend and I at least have a code-word to just stop a conversation dead, after this annoyed me in the past, so actually (assuming she is not in a proper panic) is not a big issue. Especially after I abso-fucking-lutely banned voice notes. My god those things

As Hellkat says, instant gratification generation. Unplugging from it is getting harder and harder, and I am finding that every country I visit requires me to have a sim-card with Data just to fit in to how "normal people" plan things.

I want to get off
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Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86

[The Artist]

[Sun Wukong]

[recman]

No IM, no Facebook and I only use whatsapp for family.
This forum is the only other place I'd describe as coming close to social media.

[Suntan Sid]

The, ultimate, first world problem!

Your correspondents have, successfully, trained you to do as they command.
Reverse the situation, train them to behave in the way you want!

99% of the population are now, totally, enslaved by their pocket "nag" boxes!
Marketing has triumphed, you're addicted to paying for shite you don't need, and you don't even know it!
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"Everybody needs money, that's why they call it money!"

[Robby]

I haven't used Whatsapp, but I understand it's like text messaging, but free. Just get used to responding very slowly. In time, people will learn that a response to a text will take a few hours.

Also, use email. If people are using text messaging to have a conversation, drip-feed information and keep their responses short, send them an email. Say what information you need, let them respond. If they don't answer all the questions, restate them if they do.

I'm not sure why you're worrying about this for a work/business environment. Different rules apply - in workland, you answer the questions and provide the information. If you fail to do so, the requestor will keep asking until you do. This is different to teenage girl land (where you currently seem to be) where people will give cryptic half-answers hoping that you will play along. This game can be ignored.

[rcbikeracer]

[hellkat]

What Robby said.
Totally.

If you find yourself being sidetracked by work-related people in that respect, then those people need further on-the-job training about how work is a place for achieving things, not for socialising.

Also:
我有事 / 我在忙 really should work for most reasonable English speaking people. You're busy, you have something to do. NORMAL people respect that, and when you get back in touch with them later to resume the conversation/start another topic, they don't hold it against you.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.