Bike Noob

[Holdawayt]

[Teflon-Mike]

Lol. ever watched Lennie Henry goes home?

He quips that da-an sa-af, he acquired that London 'jive' but still got accused of having a funny accent.... Heading back up the M6, he'd be chatting to Dawn French in the car, and they'd reach fort Dunlop, and she'd say... "Oh Kay, you're home, you've gone native!"

By dint of medical emergency, I was born in Lode Lane, Solihul, but my home town is Stratford upon Avon, and my nursery years were spent on the family farm, where when I started to talk, I apparently entoned in Braad'ist Owl-Wowld, Gaa-sta! The accent of the aged farm workers who indulged the tear away toddler getting 'in' to everything before H&S regs came along!... With a stutter!

BOTH these traits were, it was revealed not very long ago, 'beaten' out of me before I started school. "You are the Heir to the estate! NOT some urchin from the village, you WILL talk 'properly'!" and I had to enunciate in correct BBC 'English' or I wouldn't get replied to in the house! "That language belongs in the fields and it STAYS in the fields!"... I think I had probably asked something like, "Whell, 'e aluz cawls meeeya booggah! Waz wraaang we-eth thaaat?" lol!

After a brief interlude 'oop-nurth', with mother divorsing and going to uni, living in the red-light district of Chapel Allerton, Leeds, in student accommodation, wondering who this "Yorkshire ripper" every one was talking about was, and being accused of 'sawndin pohsh!".. I returned to Statford, to attend high school in Henley in Arden, half way twixt Stratford and Brum, with a catchement that stretched as far either way, north/south and Leamington to 'Stood-Leigh' east/west! and my accent 'wandered'.. horrendously around the compass!

I'd get on the train to school on a Monday morning, and my mate would say "Dowt nid aask whut yoo bin doowin thes weakind! Yooh bin with thaa' Brummee bint, int yah?... y' taakin Brumigum aygayn bouy!"

Got worse when I started working on the building sites when I was about 15, and all the Brummie Oyrish! I almost got the crap kicked out of me by a rather hefty NI Fenian in the workingman's club in digbeth once, after a week on the lump with Mick & Liam, of Southern Irish extraction, who took great glee in playing to 'character' of their namesake jokes!!! Who after a good twenty minutes stopped dead across the conversation, looked me in the eye, and entoned, in good Guiness fumes "Oy Stup tekin Pess!"

More humorous was in '88; heading over to Dublin, to see Elvis Costello 'Live', and a little inebriated in the bar after, a similar if less threatening incident with a 'local' laughing and announcing "Can tell you'r frum Birmin'um, caant we!".... "Why? Is my accent that strong?" I asked.. not actually thinking I HAD a particularly strong accent, brummie or otherwise.... "Nah Lad!" He said, "But y'oyrich one has wandered through every county in the land, so'tas!... jus loyke every other Oyrish Brummie, comin 'owm!"

Curiously, the matter of the "Gaa-sta" and the stutter being beaten out of me as a child; after my nervous breakdown ten years back, left trying to teach myself to walk and talk again, and broken nerves didn't want to make body do what I told it; the Gaa-sta, and the stutter came back.... and still does, particularly when tired. Which was amusing at a pub near Evesham for a family 'do'.... and the middle aged waitress remarked to my Aunt "He sounds like my GRANDAD! I haven't heard anyone talk like that for thirty years!"

Reminded me of a comment made by an Indian collegue at work, about "Asian Gurnah's" or "White Boys", a derogatory re-applied to 2nd generation emigrant Indians returning to the land of their forefathers, with 'antique' dialects learned in their forreign home, usually from grandparents.

But, yeah! worked in Brum, lived in Stratford, I suffered the Fort Dunlop effect twice a day!!!

I daren't venture past Wednesbury! I have to take the long way round 'BlaK Cooontreeee!' for the sake of rolling hysterics in the car when I try and talk!
____________________
My Webby'Tef's-tQ, loads of stuff about my bikes, my Land-Rovers, and the stuff I do with them!
Current Bikes:'Honda VF1000F' ;'CB750F2N' ;'CB125TD ( 6 3 of em!)'; 'Montesa Cota 248'. Learner FAQ's:= 'U want to Ride a Motorbike! Where Do U start?'