Strangest complaints people have had about your house

[Baggyman]

[grr666]

Wifes bestie is full on committed, her partner rides and they spent a lot of time (and money) finding kit for her that's
leather free. As for my sofa which is leather, when I come to think of it I don't think I've ever seen her sit on it.
We usually spend the whole time in my kitchen, it's bigger than my living room by a fair bit and better suited
to entertaining. She even brings special vegan wineswith her because 'sulphites' apparently.

OTOH

My mates wife is a fucking hypocrite, she ate fish when she was pregnant, (obviously picked from the fish bush)
and their now 3 year old has been brought up vegetarian, no doubt to go full vegan when he's older. Fair play though
for a 3 year old he's built like a brick shithouse and more like a 5 year old size wise so it's doing him no harm I guess.
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Currently enjoying products from Ford, Mazda and Yamaha
Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off.

[owl]

my mate's wife was bitching about us eating veal, I asked if she ate lamb?

She was like "yes, whats your point?"

https://concretecollar.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/They-say-the-way-to-a-man39s-heart-is-through-his-stomach-Unless-he39s-a-vegan-then-it39s-through-his-vagina-meme-23392-600x445.jpg
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Observation is the greatest source of wisdom.

[chris-red]

[STONEY!]

Common ones I get

why do you have so many bikes? Because I like them

why do you have so many cars? as above

Why do you have a car lift? to lift cars

does that even run? maybe

what do the neighbours think? they love me (I fix their things)

why is there a gearbox in the kitchen? Cleaning

what is a motorbike doing in the kitchen? safe storage

why does everything smell of petrol, diesel, oil, insert chemical here? that's not everything thats just me.

[thx1138]

I do get moaned at sometimes for destroying my front garden and putting a motorbike in it. I did have a very nice front garden, but I got tired of students stealing my plants and hanging baskets anyway.

[andyscooter]

I get moaned at for not having coffee in the house


unless someone is visiting that we know are coming we don't drink coffee in the house so why buy it

last jar was solid by the time anyone wanted it
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gilera runner vxr200 (chavped)
if its spelt wrong its my fat fingers and daft auto correct on my tablet

[dodsi]

[stinkwheel]

[Pjay]

[andyscooter]

[Robby]

[M.C]

[Sun Wukong]

[Motorhate]

[DrDonnyBrago]

Mother in law - our house is a starter house and we should look in to getting something bigger.

Bitch please - we just bought it, we like it, it's the same size as the house you have lived in for 40 years, we have a baby, there is an unused, double guest room, fuck off.

[dodsi]

[Joncrete Cungle]

My bushy and unkempt Pyracantha perimeter pilfering pikey preventative.

[talkToTheHat]

"How can you look at all those guitars on the wall? Some of them aren't even complete" They're on the walls to keep them out of the way of ignorant people. Incomplete ones are in the process of being built or restored. I might even like the way some of them look.

"Why do you have a black fridge? it's so depressing" It matches the coffee machine and the cooker. You can leave now.

"Why do you have grey walls and a purple carpet? You should have something cheery and bright?" Yep, seen your house, it's magnolia everywhere. I'm fairly sure there's a positive correlation between magnolia and crazy people. The grey doesn't clash with the guitars and the purple is reasonably easy to get blood stains out of.

"Urrgh, all that computery stuff. Why do you need three monitors? And all those plasticy keyboards? Can't you get a piano and an ipad like a normal person? I don't event want to know what that giant box of flashing lights on your desk is..." Well I could, but the fact is I have to deal with ignorant people who can't sing or play an instrument and have no idea what's involved in mixing and mastering music and it's kind of handy to have the tools of the trade available.
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Bandit. does. everything.

[MarJay]

[dodsi]

[chris-red]

[owl]

[hellkat]

Nosy neighbourhood child:
How do you tell that time with that funny looking clock?
hellkat:
It's a barometer, it measures air pressure and tells you the weather, not the time. Go and look it up on Wikipedia.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[waffles]

I live in a cul de sac which is clearly labelled on the road signs at the end on the main road. Both sides have the blue and red T which is still pretty bright and made of reflective stuff so it shows up quite nicely. Well, I thought it did.

My house is at the end and faces down the road. The road was built 15+ years ago and is now on maps shown as a dead end.

Yet we still get through traffic coming up onto the drive and looking confused that the road stops. I have followed someone all the way down the road who then turned around (on my garden) and yelled through the window at me as I was parking up. Best one was having a police chase rapidly come to a halt on my drive and the crim take a flying leap out of the car and over the fence followed by a flock of police.
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Theory test - 19/8/09, CBT - 11/10/09, MOD 1 - 16/8/10, MOD 2 - 27/10/10
Past rides Yamaha XT125X, Triumph TT600, Honda XR250
Current rides Suzuki GSXR 600, Honda MSX125