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Battling demons, an apology.

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Fisty
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PostPosted: 21:20 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Battling demons, an apology. Reply with quote

Dear BCF,
I am sorry I lied. A lot.

Ever since I can remember I have been a compulsive liar, it has mostly been under control but in the last 3 years for reasons I am not too sure about it has got out of control. Badly.
I would lie about stupid things from like what I had for lunch to huge things like where I had been on holiday.
I had no reason to and had no Idea why I was doing this.
To the point I have lost freinds and the one person that means the most to me in the world.
I don't know why I did it, it was like my mouth opened before my brain engaged, rather than admit it I would cover the lies with more lies until things got out of control.
I am truly ashamed of myself for this. It was never a conscious thing, and each and every time it happened I would hate myself a little more to the point I was so unhappy I found myself stood on the side of the Severn Bridge staring down at the water.

For the last 14 months I have been going to behavioural/hypnotherapy as this really needed to stop. I was making mine and other peoples lives miserable. Luckily I have found an excellent therapist and had the support of someone very special.
I have now learned to control the urge and suppress the thoughts that make me want to make stuff up. It has been hard and upsetting for myself and people around me who knew what I was doing.
I will never say I am 100% fixed but I am 99.9% there. Everybody lies. I just never will again like I used to.

I guess the reason I am writing this is an open apology to everyone I have ever lied to or hurt. I truly from the bottom of my heart am sorry. It has stopped and can not happen any more.

And my best friend. I know you can never forget what I have done or trust me but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

x
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Last edited by Fisty on 21:25 - 27 May 2017; edited 1 time in total
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 21:23 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
Thinking

If true:

Don't fret.
Learn and live.
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ScaredyCat
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PostPosted: 21:32 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Re: Battling demons, an apology. Reply with quote

Fisty wrote:
Ever since I can remember I have been a compulsive liar.. <snip>


So.... is this all a lie or not then?

Confused
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Fisty
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PostPosted: 21:34 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Re: Battling demons, an apology. Reply with quote

ScaredyCat wrote:


So.... is this all a lie or not then?

Confused


Everything I have just written is the truth.
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 21:38 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you lied to anyone on this forum specifically, that they know about, or that has caused any issues?
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Copycat73
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PostPosted: 21:41 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah i know what you mean ...
now fcuk off and die ...

my therapist says i do know what empathy is ...

i just don`t do it ...
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 21:47 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fisty, your a proper bloke with big modified fuck off 1000cc V-twins that sound the utter donkeys dong , and set off car alarms for fun!

I really don't think you need to worry about upsetting people and with the above in mind I very rightly and agreeablely think you don't give two shits, and quite rightly so! Thumbs Up

Your post resonates with me though, as I lie like fuck to everyone I know too, and to complete strangers. I've told people I've never met stuff I've done, that I've been engaged/divorced, places I've been, qualifications I've got, and that I once owned a V8 Ford Capri. Total Bullshit all of it.

It started off very small lies years ago, and now it's easier to lie about at least 50% of my life. I think the reason I did/do it is two fold.

Firstly, Im a private person and wanted to keep alot of stuff about my life/interests/relationships/views secret and not give much away about me to others.

Secondly and probably the biggest reason is that I like the person I make myself out to be far more than my real self, who has fucked up many times, missed lots of opportunities, and given up on things that really meant something to me.

The fictional person is better, more friendly, and far more likely to fit in and get on with others than the real Stevo IMO.

Hope your feeling sorted with stuff now, but my point was I lie and I quite like it as I can be who I think would be a cool person not the waster/or introverted confidence lacking shy weird guy I'm closer to.
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Jewlio Rides Again LLB
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PostPosted: 21:52 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I think you're a top e-lad. Thumbs Up
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Pete.
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PostPosted: 21:52 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

stevo as b4 wrote:
Fisty, your a proper bloke with big modified fuck off 1000cc V-twins that sound the utter donkeys dong , and set off car alarms for fun!

I really don't think you need to worry about upsetting people


Except the neighbours...
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 21:53 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

My name isn't really chickenstrip. Sorry.
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 22:03 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Re: Battling demons, an apology. Reply with quote

Fisty wrote:
I guess the reason I am writing this is an open apology to everyone I have ever lied to or hurt.

Nothing says sorry like posting a video of your cock.

You can't move on until you've made good on all your promises.
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Ste
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PostPosted: 22:04 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are Tritey and Dagmar? Thinking
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 22:07 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Re: Battling demons, an apology. Reply with quote

Fisty wrote:
ScaredyCat wrote:


So.... is this all a lie or not then?

Confused


Everything I have just written is the truth.


So you claim, I see. Thinking
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 22:12 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tun up late for your therapist and swear blind they told you the wrong time. Wink

There was probably no need to fess-up here.
Deal with those affected mano a mano. As a youth I'd been a reet twat towards some family members and friends. Apologised and made good my apology by my subsequent actions.

My twat-ness was probably low esteem and I can attribute that to a thousand things from DNA makeup to family splits when little.
Life is short and complicated enough so I haven't dwelled on the reasons, neither have I beaten myself up about it. I apologised and thankfully it was accepted..

There is a chance you may not get admonished so to speak...Breathe in and carry on. You can only offer a sincere apology.

Chin-up lad. You're allreet at heart. Wub
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Commuter_Tim
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PostPosted: 22:33 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey on the brightside, at least you never promised to flash your penis or anything. Shifty
That would have been really embarassing.
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Sload
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PostPosted: 22:53 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't really know you so cannot comment if you are full of BS.

What I will say is it takes brass bawws to lay that out.

Unless you are pulling our collective legs.... Dance!
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 23:09 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sload wrote:
What I will say is it takes brass bawws to lay that out.


Not quite, on the internet, no one knows you're a dog. Cool
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wr6133
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PostPosted: 23:18 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look on the bright side you can't possibly have ever reached the depths of jizzbunny/bodytard.
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ScaredyCat
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PostPosted: 23:22 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

RhynoCZ wrote:
Sload wrote:
What I will say is it takes brass bawws to lay that out.


Not quite, on the internet, no one knows you're a dog. Cool


Potato... it's potato not dog...

https://www.dropbox.com/s/our0m6pacq0de4u/potato.jpg?raw=1
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 23:27 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unless this is some sort of passive apology to someone / some people on this forum that your lies have directly affected, I am not sure why the need to splurge like this.

We absolutely all have our own demons that we are dealing with, without the need to randomly divulge such detail to pretty much strangers.
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 23:31 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

ScaredyCat wrote:
RhynoCZ wrote:
Not quite, on the internet, no one knows you're a dog. Cool


Potato... it's potato not dog...

https://www.dropbox.com/s/our0m6pacq0de4u/potato.jpg?raw=1


https://media.giphy.com/media/32b3S2YQbby2A/giphy.gif
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Fisty
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PostPosted: 23:47 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nathan0834 wrote:
Unless this is some sort of passive apology to someone / some people on this forum that your lies have directly affected, I am not sure why the need to splurge like this.

We absolutely all have our own demons that we are dealing with, without the need to randomly divulge such detail to pretty much strangers.


Because sometimes it helps to get something off your chest.

I have been a member of this forum for a decade and have made some very good friends. I have lied to them. This is my way of coming to terms with things and dealing with it.
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Tracer1234
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PostPosted: 23:50 - 27 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fisty wrote:


I have been a member of this forum for a decade and have made some very good friends. I have lied to them. This is my way of coming to terms with things and dealing with it.


That's fair enough then. As you were. Thumbs Up
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 00:10 - 28 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's alright Fisty. Talking about it helps and sometimes there is a place for a slight untruth/leaving out a crucial detail, to protect our own or someone else's interests.

Don't stare down off a bridge unless you want to spit at someone. Razz
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duhawkz
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PostPosted: 00:16 - 28 May 2017    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fisty wrote:

I have been a member of this forum for a decade and have made some very good friends. I have lied to them. This is my way of coming to terms with things and dealing with it.


Like telling smiler it won't hurt or you won't come in his mouth
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