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sunflower35
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Ste
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 Posted: 20:16 - 30 May 2017  Post subject: Re: How to deal with anxiety when dating a motorcyclist |
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Quote before any editing.
| sunflower35 wrote: | For the past few months, I've been dating the most amazing man. I'm twenty-four years old, and my current partner, who is four years older than me, is the first real boyfriend I've ever had, and I've never loved anyone quite so much in my life. He's very traditionally masculine in a number of ways- he loves exercise, weightlifting, fighting, and is generally a daredevil and unafraid of danger, so we he informed me a couple of weeks ago that he was planning to purchase a motorcycle, I wasn't surprised in the least.
What has surprised me, however, is the crippling anxiety that overtook me as the day that we were to retrieve his motorcycle from a dealer about three hours away drew closer. Though my boyfriend had the option of having the bike delivered, he insisted on driving down to pick it up, instead, so that he could drive it back- despite the fact that the roads were wet from rain, we'd be hitting the busiest stretch of highway during rush-hour traffic, and, to top it off, this was his first real ride on a bike: the only other time he'd had any experience riding at all was during the classes he took over a weekend course to get his motorcycle licence. To the course's credit, my boyfriend made it back from the dealer on his new Triumph Bonneville with relatively little incident; he said that riding felt natural to him, and grinned like a child on Christmas morning, and talked constantly about how much he loved his new bike every time we stopped for gas. I, however, was an absolute nervous wreck as I drove the car we'd taken back home. I have never been so terrified in my life as I was during that awful three hours I spent glancing back in the rearview mirror constantly to make sure he hadn't crashed or fallen or been hit, and praying that somehow, he'd make it home safely. The anxiety has only gotten worse, ever since; he's taken the bike on a few trips to friends' places, in much less dicey conditions than the day we brought it home, but more and more, I find myself going to pieces at the thought that he could be hurt or killed.
It really doesn't help that all our friends keep making comments about how dangerous this is, how he's increased his odds of death by 600%, how he's "too important" to be taking the risks associated with riding a motorcycle- I don't understand why they bother making these comments, as they all know he's a typical bad boy, who won't take instruction from anyone other than himself, at the end of the day, and all they do is serve to frighten me more. I had nightmares about him dying yesterday evening, but didn't have the courage to tell him about it this morning, as I've already expressed so much worry to him, and don't want to spoil all his fun, as he's wanted this bike for so long, and has been saving for it for months.
I think it might be easier once he finally lets me ride with him. He's being really reluctant about taking me out on the bike for now, because apparently it's quite a trick to learn to ride with the extra weight, and he really doesn't want to put me in danger, but honestly, being in danger together, and assuming the risk of riding with him, would be infinitely better for me psychologically than having nothing to do but watch him behind me while I drive, and play out all these horrific scenarios in my head, or sit at home and fretfully watch the clock and pray that he hasn't been struck down and maimed or killed somewhere. I've tried explaining this to my boyfriend, but at this point, he's refusing to budge, and is likely going to make me either drive alone, or ride down with a friend, on an upcoming trip two weekends from now. I'm already working myself into a panic thinking of having to endure watching him ride, and being powerless to help him if something goes wrong, on another long car trip.
I love this man more than life itself, and I'm afraid that I'll end up driving him away with my fear. I know that my anxiety will wear thin eventually, if it hasn't already, and I really, really don't want this to end up being a dealbreaker. The fact that he's so brave and willing to take risks is generally something I admire about him, and I want to support him in everything he does, so I don't know why this bike purchase is proving so uniquey hard for me to come to terms with. To close friends, loved ones, spouses and family members of motorcyclists- is this kind of anxiety normal at the beginning? Does it subside eventually, provided that one is patient, or, if not, do you have any good advice to offer, or perspectives you might suggest I adopt, for getting used to this aspect of my boyfriend's life more quickly? I really just need some help; I feel completely alone in trying to reconcile this change, and while my boyfriend is being incredibly patient and kind, for now, I know that this anxiety will grate on him eventually if I don't get it under control soon.
Any advice, insight, or ideas that you have at all are greatly appreciated. I know that there are many of you in this forum who are motorcyclists yourselves, or have been with partners who ride for years, and have seen the works. I could really use some of your wisdom right now, as I honestly just feel so lost.
Thanks for listening.
Sunflower |
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| iooi |
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iooi
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Posted: 20:30 - 30 May 2017  Post subject: |
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sunflower35
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M.C
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Howling Terror
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| grr666 |
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grr666
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| Posted: 20:46 - 30 May 2017 Post subject: |
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OP is a septic sunflower.
I saw highway and gas in there somewhere amongst all the touchy feely self help bullshit.
You'd be a lot more worried if you lived here OP, we have roads that aren't straight. They're positively deadly.
Tell him to get an FZ10 if he's such a thrill seeker. That will probably do the trick.
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| Rogerborg |
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Rogerborg
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| Posted: 21:33 - 30 May 2017 Post subject: Re: How to deal with anxiety when dating a motorcyclist |
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Well, we had a good run. See you at The Rev Counter.
____________________
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GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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Ste
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| SophR so good |
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SophR so good
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| ScaredyCat |
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ScaredyCat
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| Posted: 21:46 - 30 May 2017 Post subject: Re: How to deal with anxiety when dating a motorcyclist |
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| Ste wrote: | Quote before any editing.
| sunflower35 wrote: | For the past few months, I've been dating the most amazing man. I'm twenty-four years old, and my current partner, who is four years older than me, is the first real boyfriend I've ever had, and I've never loved anyone quite so much in my life. He's very traditionally masculine in a number of ways- he loves exercise, weightlifting, fighting, and is generally a daredevil and unafraid of danger, so we he informed me a couple of weeks ago that he was planning to purchase a motorcycle, I wasn't surprised in the least.
What has surprised me, however, is the crippling anxiety that overtook me as the day that we were to retrieve his motorcycle from a dealer about three hours away drew closer. Though my boyfriend had the option of having the bike delivered, he insisted on driving down to pick it up, instead, so that he could drive it back- despite the fact that the roads were wet from rain, we'd be hitting the busiest stretch of highway during rush-hour traffic, and, to top it off, this was his first real ride on a bike: the only other time he'd had any experience riding at all was during the classes he took over a weekend course to get his motorcycle licence. To the course's credit, my boyfriend made it back from the dealer on his new Triumph Bonneville with relatively little incident; he said that riding felt natural to him, and grinned like a child on Christmas morning, and talked constantly about how much he loved his new bike every time we stopped for gas. I, however, was an absolute nervous wreck as I drove the car we'd taken back home. I have never been so terrified in my life as I was during that awful three hours I spent glancing back in the rearview mirror constantly to make sure he hadn't crashed or fallen or been hit, and praying that somehow, he'd make it home safely. The anxiety has only gotten worse, ever since; he's taken the bike on a few trips to friends' places, in much less dicey conditions than the day we brought it home, but more and more, I find myself going to pieces at the thought that he could be hurt or killed.
It really doesn't help that all our friends keep making comments about how dangerous this is, how he's increased his odds of death by 600%, how he's "too important" to be taking the risks associated with riding a motorcycle- I don't understand why they bother making these comments, as they all know he's a typical bad boy, who won't take instruction from anyone other than himself, at the end of the day, and all they do is serve to frighten me more. I had nightmares about him dying yesterday evening, but didn't have the courage to tell him about it this morning, as I've already expressed so much worry to him, and don't want to spoil all his fun, as he's wanted this bike for so long, and has been saving for it for months.
I think it might be easier once he finally lets me ride with him. He's being really reluctant about taking me out on the bike for now, because apparently it's quite a trick to learn to ride with the extra weight, and he really doesn't want to put me in danger, but honestly, being in danger together, and assuming the risk of riding with him, would be infinitely better for me psychologically than having nothing to do but watch him behind me while I drive, and play out all these horrific scenarios in my head, or sit at home and fretfully watch the clock and pray that he hasn't been struck down and maimed or killed somewhere. I've tried explaining this to my boyfriend, but at this point, he's refusing to budge, and is likely going to make me either drive alone, or ride down with a friend, on an upcoming trip two weekends from now. I'm already working myself into a panic thinking of having to endure watching him ride, and being powerless to help him if something goes wrong, on another long car trip.
I love this man more than life itself, and I'm afraid that I'll end up driving him away with my fear. I know that my anxiety will wear thin eventually, if it hasn't already, and I really, really don't want this to end up being a dealbreaker. The fact that he's so brave and willing to take risks is generally something I admire about him, and I want to support him in everything he does, so I don't know why this bike purchase is proving so uniquey hard for me to come to terms with. To close friends, loved ones, spouses and family members of motorcyclists- is this kind of anxiety normal at the beginning? Does it subside eventually, provided that one is patient, or, if not, do you have any good advice to offer, or perspectives you might suggest I adopt, for getting used to this aspect of my boyfriend's life more quickly? I really just need some help; I feel completely alone in trying to reconcile this change, and while my boyfriend is being incredibly patient and kind, for now, I know that this anxiety will grate on him eventually if I don't get it under control soon.
Any advice, insight, or ideas that you have at all are greatly appreciated. I know that there are many of you in this forum who are motorcyclists yourselves, or have been with partners who ride for years, and have seen the works. I could really use some of your wisdom right now, as I honestly just feel so lost.
Thanks for listening.
Sunflower |
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Fucksake, even Tef has a sock account now 
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M.C
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Posted: 22:00 - 30 May 2017  Post subject: |
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I can't believe a new member would post in the correct section  |
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duhawkz
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Rogerborg
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| Posted: 22:40 - 30 May 2017 Post subject: |
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Oh, BCF, the answer is obviously: tits and Gary.
What was the question?
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike |
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notabikeranym...
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Ste
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| Posted: 01:16 - 31 May 2017 Post subject: Re: How to deal with anxiety when dating a motorcyclist |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 6 years, 325 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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