trying not to upset MIL... childcare woes

[ocatoro]

realistically, I'm thinking of the safety of my 19 month old son, so I know I'm just being a pussy about it and should just tell her straight.

so... the mother in law is currently looking after him a couple of days a week (through her own insistence), which obviously financially does us quite a favour. Although we've just moved and his nursery even at full time would be £550 cheaper per month than his previous one, so we don't neeeeed the help, as such.

problem is, she's pushing 70 and absolutely refuses to take her phone with her when taking him out and about during the day.

I know she's perfectly capable, fit and healthy, but if she were to trip and hurt herself, or the boy fall off a slide or whatever, she's got no means of contacting me to come help. I only work 2.5 miles away, so I can be there in a flash if needed. but she literally takes her phone out of her handbag specifically to not take it out with her, which I find irresponsible and reckless.

she gets aggressive when you suggest she needs the phone, and I'm not exactly tactful when I don't think she has anything remotely reasonable to offer in terms of argument for not carrying the phone in her handbag...

can auntie bcf help with ways I can get the old dear to behave like an adult without ripping her a new one and making her feel unwelcome?
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CBT - 17/09/12 * Theory - 23/10/12 * Mod1 - 05/03/13 * Mod2 - 25/03/13 * BOSH!
Current - None but shed project H100 (first bike )
Past - ER5, '93 ZZR600, '92 CB400 SF, ZZR600 (again), yellow Monster 620, Blackbird - black Monster 620ie - '96 ZZR600

[Sapolsky]

Ah, I wouldn't worry too much... there was a time in the not too distant past when we didn't have mobiles

Since pretty much everyone else in the world has one, unless she's going into extremely remote places, there'll always be help available, just make sure she (and your little one) knows your number (you'd be amazed how early they can remember a number in the form of a little tune). Can always put a little ID bracelet thingy on your son for extra peace of mind.

I very much doubt you'll change her mind so it's probably best to just work with it.

Btw, most kids bounce, we only stop bouncing around 25... (no scientific evidence to corroborate this whatsoever, but I'm 99.95% convinced that it is 100% true)

[Tracer1234]

F**king In-laws.

Sorry, nothing to ad really, just; F**king In-laws.


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Riding: Yamaha MT-09 Tracer Occasionally Riding: 08 Suzuki SV650, Potato: 2011 Yamaha YBR Custom.
Used to ride: 2015 Yamaha MT-09 Tracer (smidsy) 09 Triumph Street Triple (P/X'd) 08 Yamaha YBR (Sold)
CBT 04/14. A: Mod 1 & 2 13/04/15

[Rogerborg]

It's her way of demonstrating her virility to deter predators.

Push her into a ditch and leave here there with a shattered hip: it's the only way her sort will learn.


Alternatively, speak to your missus about it? If she's not onboard with you, then you've got a Sisyphean task ahead.
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[ocatoro]

the mrs has had a chat with her twice about it, met with similar aggression and lines about it not working and it turning itself off when it feels like etc.. (I offered to buy her a new one, she declined).


I get the whole, didn't used to have phones, but it's also not 1963 anymore... i grew up in a time where if I gave a "grown up" 3 towns away reason to smack me round the head... not only would my parents know about it before I got home, but they'd give me another clout for causing someone else to "have to"... society just isn't that small and easy anymore.

she doesn't know her own phone number, let alone ours... I just don't understand the point of taking it out of her handbag, if she's carrying that, what's an extra 35 grams of phone in there?

I almost feel like she's starting to feel her age and limitations and in denial about it, so is just rebelling with the phone and won't admit it to anyone. you know, she's at the age where you'd not be shocked to hear from the hospital that she's done her hip or something.

ack.. as said, f***ing inlaws. think it's just a man up and think whats really important and never mind hurting her feelings if have to
____________________
CBT - 17/09/12 * Theory - 23/10/12 * Mod1 - 05/03/13 * Mod2 - 25/03/13 * BOSH!
Current - None but shed project H100 (first bike )
Past - ER5, '93 ZZR600, '92 CB400 SF, ZZR600 (again), yellow Monster 620, Blackbird - black Monster 620ie - '96 ZZR600

[almostthere]

stop fucking bullying her and let her enjoy her time with her grandchild, you say she's fit and healthy then leave her alone and stop worrying about nothing you snowflake.
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Beer, It's the reason I get up every afternoon
www.mfairco.uk

[ocatoro]

[Tracey Suntan-King]

Sorry, but you are bullying her and using your righteous indignation at her audacity to make her own decisions. No wonder she's dug her heels in!

You have two choices, either stop leaving the child with her or live with her decisions about whether she puts her phone in her handbag.

She's not decrepit and in public spaces there are always other people with phones. Just give her a card with your and your wife's numbers on it to keep with her at all times, ICE, not just when she's with your son.

You can't change her behaviour especially by imposing your anxieties onto her.

She obviously doesn't share your anxiety so let her get on with it.
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Sapolsky]

if she is being aggressive etc about the thing then it's entirely possible that she either a) doesn't know how to use it properly or b) gets flustered by it, both of which leave her feeling inadequate in someway which leads to her lashing out when you give her crap about it.

Put yourself in her shoes, she's getting older and she is *fully aware* of it. She's trying to enjoy her time and she keeps getting nagged by younger people that she shouldn't be doing such things because "she's old". It doesn't matter how you phrase it, she's not stupid, she'll know exactly what the deal is - you don't fully trust her to be out on her own with your son without her "leash" (phone). She's successfully raised kids, she knows what she's doing, now she's getting to relive some of that happiness without the stress.

btw, knocking on 70 isn't *really* old any more. Christ, the govt are now saying we'll need to keep working until 68. People drop dead of heart attacks at all sorts of ages.

Think about it this way... you're out on your bike having a blast, then some 17 yr old comes up to you, fresh from their test and starts telling you how dangerously you are riding and you shouldn't be doing that because your reactions aren't as good as his, nor is your eyesight, and btw you should be wearing hi-viz, and it's probably best that you have find-my-phone enabled all the time so that your missus knows that you aren't smooshed under the front wheel of a bus, and how can you be so wreckless now that you're a father? You'd tell him where to shove his opinions, right? You are the newbie with a shiny bike trying to tell the experienced biker what they should be doing.

[mentalboy]

[MCN]

In the ground with them all.

In had an Ex-MIL who refused to use auto-tellers as she said she was quite capable of going into a bank if she needed money.

Weirdos...

She still frequently used a washing machine and Hoover though.

Doue.Standards.
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[BTTD]

[Ted]

[Rogerborg]

[Feasty]

My (nearly 80) father-in-law recently told me he can't use his iphone anymore - "because it won't let him use it without him accepting the 'terms and conditions' after an update". And he refuses to accept the terms and conditions because he already has terms and conditions in his contract with the provider....
We've all given up with him and mobiles by now anyway, he never takes it anywhere with him and if he does it's always turned off.

We also have similar issues with the in-laws looking after our daughter - but mainly because the mother-in-law seems to have dementia, but not medically confirmed. She forgets so many things, times/dates/names... I worry one day they'll forget to pick her up from school or something. My daughter is 9 but we've already given her a mobile phone since she's more adept at using it than either of the in-laws. And she's memorized my and my wife's mobile numbers.
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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).

[Sapolsky]

[ScaredyCat]

[Islander]

[Rogerborg]

[The Shaggy D.A.]

It all depends on how far you want to take things. If you go down the route of "you can't take the child unless you are contactable", what are you going to do about it, in reality?

OTOH, buy your kid one of these and teach them to use it :-

https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/products/channel/truly-simple-mobile-phone.jpg

Or...

https://skyguard.co.uk/so-simple-even-a-two-year-old-can-raise-the-alarm/
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Chances are quite high you are not in my Monkeysphere, and I don't care about you. Don't take it personally.
Currently : Royal Enfield 350 Meteor
Previously : CB100N > CB250RS > XJ900F > GT550 > GPZ750R/1000RX > AJS M16 > R100RT > Bullet 500 > CB500 > LS650P > Bullet Electra X & YBR125 > Bullet 350 "Superstar" & YBR125 Custom > Royal Enfield Classic 500 Despatch Limited Edition (28 of 200) & CB Two-Fifty Nighthawk > ER5

[Polarbear]

I hate this 'got to be in contact all the time society we have now'

Phone me when you get to....

Are you in Asda, get me a.....

What are you doing.....

Why didn't you answer my test?

Where are you?

I'm in between you fucking sisters legs, did you really want to know that?
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Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[Rogerborg]

[Sapolsky]

[BTTD]

[Feasty]

Continuing on what I said about my FIL above...

Wasn't going to mention, but my brother in law died 7 years ago this year. He was only 40 something and became really ill whilst on a business trip to China and ended up on high dependency there for a week before dying. We (wife and I) got the call through from utterly distraught MIL and since she couldn't contact FIL as he refuses to carry his mobile and have it on, we had to spent the next 2 hours searching nearly 18 holes of a golf course trying to find him.

Eventually we did find him, and the family bar me (had to stay behind looking after our 1 yr old) flew out and spent his last couple of days with him.
FIL hasn't really been forgiven for that yet I don't think, but he still refuses to have his mobile with him.
____________________
Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).