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Problems with Stepson

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R1stu
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PostPosted: 12:29 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Problems with Stepson Reply with quote

Right. where do we start?

We are going on holiday in May, and have brought one of these money tins that you require a can opener to get the money out.

Well a few months back we noticed the top was a little chewed and we looked in and saw the notes had gone, IT turns out the oldest took £80 out.

When we found out he just said, oh I was hoping you wouldn't notice before I put it back.

It took a few months to get the money back. Today I checked the tin, and once again its empty, this time over £100 has been taken from it.

The holiday is in a few months, and at this rate, we will have no money. The tin is now screwed, the whole top has been broken apart and all notes removed.

Now last time it happened all the other half said was no point in shouting won't do anything, It's his ADHD causing it, It makes matters worse if we say anything,

or the other excuses, I'll sort it in my own time, We don't know it was him.

Now the youngest is a manager at McDonald's and has just paid for and been for a week to Boston with money, the oldest quite his 20k a year job in August because he was fed up, before even getting a new job.

He hasn't paid for his bike (In finance in my name) since then, and getting any money for rent is a chore,

Yet he will blow £400 on his GF for flowers, presents, and chocs, taking her away and stuff.

He now works part-time as a builder only getting paid once jobs complete which could be 2 months, and then it's only a few hundred.

I Want to kick him out, but she says that won't happen, because of his ADHD. He will be 22 in 2 weeks,

I also got a letter from DVLA saying The bike needs to be sorned or will get a 1k fine When spoke to him, said he already done it twice, despite us having the log book, and then asked again last week after giving him the paperwork its still showing as taxed, yet he said he sent it by post.

I'm at the end of my tether, he owes us over £1k now, and is not pulling his weight, but will waste £100s on his GF.
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Bubbs
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PostPosted: 12:41 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

So are you paying for his bike? Just sell it and keep the £1k. He needs to learn that there are consquences to his actions.. sounds like your missus is pandering to his bullshit and he's now seeing how much he can get away with.

He's acting like a child that is boundaryless... put boundaries in place and stick to them. If your missus doesn't like it then kill her and hide the body in a graveyard.
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 12:42 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Re: Problems with Stepson Reply with quote

R1stu wrote:
have brought one of these money tins that you require a can opener to get the money out.

Dump it and open a savings account online. Don't tell him the password. Cool
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R1stu
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PostPosted: 12:45 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Re: Problems with Stepson Reply with quote

Freddyfruitbat wrote:
R1stu wrote:
have brought one of these money tins that you require a can opener to get the money out.

Dump it and open a savings account online. Don't tell him the password. Cool


I'm now ordering one of them money cards from the post office and going to top that up every month now until we go.

I am also going to take the coins to one of them exchange machines and then use that to put on the card.
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 13:00 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Re: Problems with Stepson Reply with quote

R1stu wrote:

I'm now ordering one of them money cards from the post office and going to top that up every month now until we go.

I am also going to take the coins to one of them exchange machines and then use that to put on the card.


Those coin machines charge something like 20% fee.

Metrobank have free ones but I'm not sure if they issue cash or it has to go into an account.

Or go get a lot of money bags and get the little sh1t to sort out all the coins for you, then take them into the bank in batches of however many your bank will take at a time.
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DRZ4Hunned
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PostPosted: 13:10 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

ADHD is way over diagnosed for kids that are just brats. ADHD doesn't make you steal from your parents. Get the police involved for theft and kick the prick out. I was a little shit when I was a kid but the last thing I would ever do is steal from my parents. He knows there's no consequences so taking advantage of you imo.
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 13:19 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Re: Problems with Stepson Reply with quote

Polarbear wrote:
Those coin machines charge something like 20% fee

Christ, those bloody machines grind my gears almost as much as the National Lottery in terms of the cynical way they extract money from those who can least afford it.
Polarbear wrote:
go get a lot of money bags and get the little sh1t to sort out all the coins for you, then take them into the bank

This this this this. So this. Banks won't accept sacksfulls of unsorted change obviously, but they have no problem with money bags - they just weigh them to check the contents. I've got one here - fill them with 1p/2p (to £1); 5p/10p (to £5); 20p/50p (to £10); £1/£2 (to £20) (all unmixed coins, obvs).

Not sure I'd risk letting Little Sh1t loose on the task though - he'll probably just nick the high-value coins Rolling Eyes
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R1stu
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PostPosted: 13:32 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Re: Problems with Stepson Reply with quote

[quote="Freddyfruitbat Not sure I'd risk letting Little Sh1t loose on the task though - he'll probably just nick the high-value coins Rolling Eyes[/quote]

He may have already done that! I put a lot of £1 and £2 coins in there, and not sure what's left when I looked in it was mainly coppers and 5ps 10ps etc.
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Last edited by R1stu on 14:13 - 18 Jan 2019; edited 1 time in total
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MCN
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PostPosted: 13:33 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Put a big fuck-off spring-loaded boxing brick in the tin for next time his AHDH gets the better of his senses.
Flog the bike.
Clear your debt and if Her in doors doth protesteth too much then sling your hook.
Life is much too short to be a support system for wasters.
If she doesn't man-up and see what her boy is up to then you will never win.
I hope you don't have kids with her.
If so.... then as advised, call the police.
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P.
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PostPosted: 13:40 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some people have some issues.

Some are cunts.

He falls into the latter. You need to stop using cash and placing it in the house. Get a Revolut/Monzo card, put money in bank and top it up on that. Keep in wallet.

Lose card, get a replacement card from the app in days.

I haven't actually had cash on me since... well when I last paid someone in cash a long time ago. I haven't had my wallet on me for over a year. Laughing
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R1stu
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PostPosted: 14:21 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bikes on facebay now.

GF said I need to remove it, as it's not my bike to sell, and he's been paying for it.

Technically its mine, as the finance and log book are in my name, he hasn't paid a penny since August roughly £75 pm payments are.

Last payment is due in 2 weeks time. Selling it will clear what he owes for the bike he's not paid.

Ill keep anything left over the £600 outstanding on payments and give the GF the £600 (she pays the money to my bank as he doesn't have my bank details)

She wants to take her test this year, so pays for that, or gives us £600 spending.

I love her to bits, but it's taking the pee, everything he refuses to do anything to help, she buries her head. Anytime he does something like this or won't pay his rent, she changes the subject.

I know they are not my kids, but we have been together 8 years now, so I think I can have some input.
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BTTD
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PostPosted: 14:26 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

More interesting will be what happens while you're away on holiday (i am assuming you're not taking him with you) and he needs some cash for food, booze and going out. Do you trust him not to pawn stuff?
Life really too short to live with thieving freeloaders.
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R1stu
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PostPosted: 14:46 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just got this reply from him.

It wasn't £100 anyway chill out man!
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 14:51 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looking at this from his mother's perspective, she's caught between a rock and a hard place.

She's almost certainly as upset as you about his actions but she will never throw him out. She loves you but should not be asked to choose between you.

You are cleverer than him. You need to stay one step ahead of him and your actions so far have been the right ones.

Remove any opportunities he might use to steal from or exploit you and his Mum. Dont leave stuff where he can find it. Continue with the sale of the bike, because it was you who put your credit rating at risk for him. You had no choice but to pay when he didn't. Don't do anything like that for him again.

However, there's no quick solution, he's not going anywhere else until he decides to of his own volition.

You're in this for the long haul if you love his Mum and want to stay in the relationship. He's part of that deal.
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R1stu
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PostPosted: 15:03 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tracey Suntan-King wrote:
Looking at this from his mother's perspective, she's caught between a rock and a hard place.

She's almost certainly as upset as you about his actions but she will never throw him out. She loves you but should not be asked to choose between you.

You are cleverer than him. You need to stay one step ahead of him and your actions so far have been the right ones.

Remove any opportunities he might use to steal from or exploit you and his Mum. Dont leave stuff where he can find it. Continue with the sale of the bike, because it was you who put your credit rating at risk for him. You had no choice but to pay when he didn't. Don't do anything like that for him again.


However, there's no quick solution, he's not going anywhere else until he decides to of his own volition.

You're in this for the long haul if you love his Mum and want to stay in the relationship. He's part of that deal.


Most of the time he friendly enough, the only times we argue is over the lack of respect the kids have for both of us, I don't like how they run all over her, and she just cowers back.

I'm not asking her to choose, I would just like her to respect herself enough to follow through on her threats.

It's not ok for me to sale his PS4, for example, to recoup bike and money stolen, but its ok for him to take the money and just say "your getting it back, chill"

My mother used to beat the shit out of me until my 20s even when I moved out, I'm too scared of authority and getting into trouble because of that.

The lack of discipline in today society is creating issues like these!
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owl
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PostPosted: 15:12 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

so the mum will be single soon right?

pics or gtfo
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R1stu
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PostPosted: 15:16 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

owl wrote:
so the mum will be single soon, right?

pics or gtfo


Being selfish here, I have nowhere to go, and can't afford to move

I've been homeless 3 times before because of women. and spent 18m in a tent.

I'm not doing that again. My share of the rent is £200 and I pay £130 for the council tax so works out about half each we pay.
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grr666
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PostPosted: 15:19 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shame you can't whack 'em anymore innit Laughing Closest I can get to this is my dog (who still has puppy moments) stole a
sock out of my dirty laundry basket. About a minute later she felt guilty about what she had done and brought me the
(by now slightly damp) sock back because she knew she hadn't done the right thing. How have I instilled better
manners in my two year old dog, with just two years of input and a distinct language barrier to contend with? Sorry
but your OH is making excuses and more worryingly taking sides with her exes kids out of blind loyalty despite being
faced with facts about their conduct. Honestly, I'd be keeping one eye on the door here. You joined their tribe, not
the other way round and now you've sussed out what's going on they have closed ranks.
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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 15:59 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn you're a bit stuffed here. Personally I'd have 'keepybacks' going for just in case. You need to prepare for it should it happen - you do not need a tent again.

I'm sorry but regardless of the childrens actions, she'll choose family over you every time. It's a hard and horrible fact but it's life.

You've been given some wise and great tips here. Yes sell the bike etc because after all it's on you that lot. If he complains just say "Chill. It's only a bike".

The disorder has a massive spectrum.
I know one woman who had a teenage son with ADHD and he caused total chaos within the family unit (she also had kids younger and older).
If that son of hers kicked off (was often violent) she would grab some scissors and cut plugs off his beloved electrical gear. The effect was instant on him. He'd go from violent shouty to a wimpering baby.
Obviously his stereo had a 12" flex etc but it worked. Cut out their pleasure and it hits them hard - you're better placed to see what would hit him most.
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 17:00 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Move bike to friends garage, along with bed, bedding etc.

Explain that you're just borrowing it and will return it when you've finished with it.
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Riejufixing
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PostPosted: 18:16 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

R1stu wrote:
I love her to bits, but it's taking the pee, everything he refuses to do anything to help, she buries her head. Anytime he does something like this or won't pay his rent, she changes the subject.

I know they are not my kids, but we have been together 8 years now, so I think I can have some input.


I was going to ask what support you have, it seems tacit rather than overt, you have to just work with that. You need to walk a bit of a tightrope between the hard points of "chucking yourself out" and having a life of arguments and stress. If you are happy to sell the bike, perhaps you ought to give him at least some of whatever he has paid for it to soften the blow (yes, I know....). Not sure what amounts might have been paid by who, but you will have to work that out. Perhaps you pay for things other than basic living expenses? Maybe some leeway to recoup by reducing such spending.

Re tins of money, who puts in? A rehetorical question for your consideration. Perhaps some alternative savings vehicle might be possible. You might be able to have a special bank account (ask your bank). The main thing to do is put actual cash out of temptation's way.
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P.
Red Rocket



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PostPosted: 22:27 - 18 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

What bike is it Laughing

Also, just tell him to leave. Or tell her you'll have to. He needs sorting out, this whole autism ADHD see poor kids thing these days is dog shit.
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 00:48 - 19 Jan 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Proper ADHD is treated by....Amphetamine.
dexies, sulphate

I know a proper sufferer. Shame I gave it up years ago....
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