|
Author |
Message |
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
Posted: 12:29 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: Problems with Stepson |
|
|
Right. where do we start?
We are going on holiday in May, and have brought one of these money tins that you require a can opener to get the money out.
Well a few months back we noticed the top was a little chewed and we looked in and saw the notes had gone, IT turns out the oldest took £80 out.
When we found out he just said, oh I was hoping you wouldn't notice before I put it back.
It took a few months to get the money back. Today I checked the tin, and once again its empty, this time over £100 has been taken from it.
The holiday is in a few months, and at this rate, we will have no money. The tin is now screwed, the whole top has been broken apart and all notes removed.
Now last time it happened all the other half said was no point in shouting won't do anything, It's his ADHD causing it, It makes matters worse if we say anything,
or the other excuses, I'll sort it in my own time, We don't know it was him.
Now the youngest is a manager at McDonald's and has just paid for and been for a week to Boston with money, the oldest quite his 20k a year job in August because he was fed up, before even getting a new job.
He hasn't paid for his bike (In finance in my name) since then, and getting any money for rent is a chore,
Yet he will blow £400 on his GF for flowers, presents, and chocs, taking her away and stuff.
He now works part-time as a builder only getting paid once jobs complete which could be 2 months, and then it's only a few hundred.
I Want to kick him out, but she says that won't happen, because of his ADHD. He will be 22 in 2 weeks,
I also got a letter from DVLA saying The bike needs to be sorned or will get a 1k fine When spoke to him, said he already done it twice, despite us having the log book, and then asked again last week after giving him the paperwork its still showing as taxed, yet he said he sent it by post.
I'm at the end of my tether, he owes us over £1k now, and is not pulling his weight, but will waste £100s on his GF. ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished) |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Bubbs |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Bubbs World Chat Champion
Joined: 28 May 2009 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Freddyfruitba... |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Freddyfruitba... World Chat Champion
Joined: 20 May 2016 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Polarbear |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Polarbear Super Spammer
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
DRZ4Hunned |
This post is not being displayed .
|
DRZ4Hunned World Chat Champion
Joined: 15 Apr 2014 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Freddyfruitba... |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Freddyfruitba... World Chat Champion
Joined: 20 May 2016 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
Posted: 13:32 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: Re: Problems with Stepson |
|
|
[quote="Freddyfruitbat Not sure I'd risk letting Little Sh1t loose on the task though - he'll probably just nick the high-value coins [/quote]
He may have already done that! I put a lot of £1 and £2 coins in there, and not sure what's left when I looked in it was mainly coppers and 5ps 10ps etc. ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished)
Last edited by R1stu on 14:13 - 18 Jan 2019; edited 1 time in total |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
MCN |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MCN Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Jul 2015 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
P. |
This post is not being displayed .
|
P. Red Rocket
Joined: 14 Feb 2008 Karma :
|
Posted: 13:40 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Some people have some issues.
Some are cunts.
He falls into the latter. You need to stop using cash and placing it in the house. Get a Revolut/Monzo card, put money in bank and top it up on that. Keep in wallet.
Lose card, get a replacement card from the app in days.
I haven't actually had cash on me since... well when I last paid someone in cash a long time ago. I haven't had my wallet on me for over a year. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
Posted: 14:21 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Bikes on facebay now.
GF said I need to remove it, as it's not my bike to sell, and he's been paying for it.
Technically its mine, as the finance and log book are in my name, he hasn't paid a penny since August roughly £75 pm payments are.
Last payment is due in 2 weeks time. Selling it will clear what he owes for the bike he's not paid.
Ill keep anything left over the £600 outstanding on payments and give the GF the £600 (she pays the money to my bank as he doesn't have my bank details)
She wants to take her test this year, so pays for that, or gives us £600 spending.
I love her to bits, but it's taking the pee, everything he refuses to do anything to help, she buries her head. Anytime he does something like this or won't pay his rent, she changes the subject.
I know they are not my kids, but we have been together 8 years now, so I think I can have some input. ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished) |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
BTTD |
This post is not being displayed .
|
BTTD World Chat Champion
Joined: 22 Nov 2012 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
- |
This post is not being displayed because the poster has bad karma. Unhide this post / all posts.
|
- Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Oct 2013 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Tracey Suntan-King |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Tracey Suntan-King World Chat Champion
Joined: 10 Nov 2012 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
Posted: 15:03 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Tracey Suntan-King wrote: | Looking at this from his mother's perspective, she's caught between a rock and a hard place.
She's almost certainly as upset as you about his actions but she will never throw him out. She loves you but should not be asked to choose between you.
You are cleverer than him. You need to stay one step ahead of him and your actions so far have been the right ones.
Remove any opportunities he might use to steal from or exploit you and his Mum. Dont leave stuff where he can find it. Continue with the sale of the bike, because it was you who put your credit rating at risk for him. You had no choice but to pay when he didn't. Don't do anything like that for him again.
However, there's no quick solution, he's not going anywhere else until he decides to of his own volition.
You're in this for the long haul if you love his Mum and want to stay in the relationship. He's part of that deal. |
Most of the time he friendly enough, the only times we argue is over the lack of respect the kids have for both of us, I don't like how they run all over her, and she just cowers back.
I'm not asking her to choose, I would just like her to respect herself enough to follow through on her threats.
It's not ok for me to sale his PS4, for example, to recoup bike and money stolen, but its ok for him to take the money and just say "your getting it back, chill"
My mother used to beat the shit out of me until my 20s even when I moved out, I'm too scared of authority and getting into trouble because of that.
The lack of discipline in today society is creating issues like these! ____________________ Carbon closet tart! https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/02r6/
Stolen bike. 2000 R1: https://www.bikepics.com/members/r6stuk/00r1/
Current bike 1991 Honda ST1100 Pan European, 1986 Honda cb350sg (Finished) |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
owl |
This post is not being displayed .
|
owl World Chat Champion
Joined: 21 Oct 2016 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
R1stu |
This post is not being displayed .
|
R1stu Shrek!
Joined: 12 Mar 2003 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
grr666 |
This post is not being displayed .
|
grr666 Super Spammer
Joined: 16 Jun 2014 Karma :
|
Posted: 15:19 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
Shame you can't whack 'em anymore innit Closest I can get to this is my dog (who still has puppy moments) stole a
sock out of my dirty laundry basket. About a minute later she felt guilty about what she had done and brought me the
(by now slightly damp) sock back because she knew she hadn't done the right thing. How have I instilled better
manners in my two year old dog, with just two years of input and a distinct language barrier to contend with? Sorry
but your OH is making excuses and more worryingly taking sides with her exes kids out of blind loyalty despite being
faced with facts about their conduct. Honestly, I'd be keeping one eye on the door here. You joined their tribe, not
the other way round and now you've sussed out what's going on they have closed ranks. ____________________ Currently enjoying products from Ford, Mazda and Yamaha
Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Sister Sledge |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Sister Sledge World Chat Champion
Joined: 17 Aug 2018 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
- |
This post is not being displayed because the poster has bad karma. Unhide this post / all posts.
|
- Super Spammer
Joined: 22 Oct 2013 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Nobby the Bastard |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Nobby the Bastard Harley Gaydar
Joined: 16 Aug 2013 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Riejufixing |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Riejufixing World Chat Champion
Joined: 24 Jun 2018 Karma :
|
Posted: 18:16 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
R1stu wrote: | I love her to bits, but it's taking the pee, everything he refuses to do anything to help, she buries her head. Anytime he does something like this or won't pay his rent, she changes the subject.
I know they are not my kids, but we have been together 8 years now, so I think I can have some input. |
I was going to ask what support you have, it seems tacit rather than overt, you have to just work with that. You need to walk a bit of a tightrope between the hard points of "chucking yourself out" and having a life of arguments and stress. If you are happy to sell the bike, perhaps you ought to give him at least some of whatever he has paid for it to soften the blow (yes, I know....). Not sure what amounts might have been paid by who, but you will have to work that out. Perhaps you pay for things other than basic living expenses? Maybe some leeway to recoup by reducing such spending.
Re tins of money, who puts in? A rehetorical question for your consideration. Perhaps some alternative savings vehicle might be possible. You might be able to have a special bank account (ask your bank). The main thing to do is put actual cash out of temptation's way. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
P. |
This post is not being displayed .
|
P. Red Rocket
Joined: 14 Feb 2008 Karma :
|
Posted: 22:27 - 18 Jan 2019 Post subject: |
|
|
What bike is it
Also, just tell him to leave. Or tell her you'll have to. He needs sorting out, this whole autism ADHD see poor kids thing these days is dog shit. |
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Nobby the Bastard |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Nobby the Bastard Harley Gaydar
Joined: 16 Aug 2013 Karma :
|
|
Back to top |
|
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 5 years, 98 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
|
|
|