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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 11:57 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Slap in the face. Reply with quote

Can I offload to the Bike Chat community please? There's no-one here and so you lot will get it. Please don't read if you get upset or are struggling

It's not nice. I know I'm not alone in seeing some bad shit over the years (seriously bad shit) and know it affected me and shaped me forever. I'm here, alive (just) and still bumbling along. I'll admit now that sometimes my past affects me in difficult ways. I have PTSD and it can't be fixed (tried for decades).

Yesterday I got chatting to someone on a professional level. It was meant to be short but I sensed some nerves from her. We had spare time and I steered the conversation to try calming her. I casually mentioned that I recognised her face which I did.
Her words floored me. She was only working in an attempt to distract her from recent events. Her teenage daughter died last year in a car crash outside her house. Her daughter had died in her arms.
Her words devastated me. I had to sit down from the shock. I knew my life was full of shit but there in front of me was a woman offloading her grief and despair. There was little I could do to help. I know by listening and allowing her to talk was good, I sat there devastated though.
My shit is historic. In front of me was a woman still raw from the events. I recognised her face from TV interviews and attempts to get uninsured drivers off the roads.
Like I said I knew I wasn't alone but by f*ck there are people out there with far greater problems than our own.

Thank you.
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piazza
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PostPosted: 12:31 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

But was she cute? Thinking
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 13:16 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sometimes, reminding myself of exactly that fact is the only way I can get through the day.

Not enough people think about it often enough.
We're all about the Poor Me or the Me-Too.

There really always is someone worse off.
Good on you for mentioning it.
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Pete.
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PostPosted: 13:32 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Re: Slap in the face. Reply with quote

Sister Sledge wrote:
Can I offload to the Bike Chat community please? There's no-one here and so you lot will get it. Please don't read if you get upset or are struggling

It's not nice. I know I'm not alone in seeing some bad shit over the years (seriously bad shit) and know it affected me and shaped me forever. I'm here, alive (just) and still bumbling along. I'll admit now that sometimes my past affects me in difficult ways. I have PTSD and it can't be fixed (tried for decades).

Yesterday I got chatting to someone on a professional level. It was meant to be short but I sensed some nerves from her. We had spare time and I steered the conversation to try calming her. I casually mentioned that I recognised her face which I did.
Her words floored me. She was only working in an attempt to distract her from recent events. Her teenage daughter died last year in a car crash outside her house. Her daughter had died in her arms.
Her words devastated me. I had to sit down from the shock. I knew my life was full of shit but there in front of me was a woman offloading her grief and despair. There was little I could do to help. I know by listening and allowing her to talk was good, I sat there devastated though.
My shit is historic. In front of me was a woman still raw from the events. I recognised her face from TV interviews and attempts to get uninsured drivers off the roads.
Like I said I knew I wasn't alone but by f*ck there are people out there with far greater problems than our own.

Thank you.


EMDR worked wonders for me and my therapist told me that I might be able to help or at least recognise PTSD or other symptoms in people where before I might not. Obviously you can too. Fair play to you for having the empathy to want to do help her.

Find out if the lady has had any counselling. I don't think it's possible to stress how important it can be and how useful it is. One of my workmates suggested it to me back when I suffered this major traumatic event and he really tried to talk me into seeking counselling but I passed it off until 6 years later I had to man-up and seek it out or risk becoming useless later in life. Best thing I ever did.
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mpd72
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PostPosted: 15:31 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I presume this is similar to why people watch shite like Eastenders. Looking at someone else's life which is shitter than your own, somehow makes you feel better about yourself and puts things into perspective.
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-.
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PostPosted: 16:26 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

mpd72 CPT wrote:
Looking at someone else's life which is shitter than your own, somehow makes you feel better about yourself and puts things into perspective.

It doesn't work for me, I wish it did as it would be easy to look at most of the world who are in a worse situation. Most of us here have a roof over our head, and enough food, and maybe even a motorbike to ride Thinking
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 18:03 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

mpd72 CPT wrote:
I presume this is similar to why people watch shite like Eastenders. Looking at someone else's life which is shitter than your own, somehow makes you feel better about yourself and puts things into perspective.


See, no matter how shit my life is, I would never find solace in comparing myself to people in Eastenders Laughing
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 18:12 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

M.C wrote:
mpd72 CPT wrote:
Looking at someone else's life which is shitter than your own, somehow makes you feel better about yourself and puts things into perspective.

It doesn't work for me, I wish it did as it would be easy to look at most of the world who are in a worse situation.


Unfortunately, recognising others have it worse than you doesn't make your own problems go away. Wish it were that easy.
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 18:22 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get where people are coming from with regards to viewing others misfortune and struggles in life to help them feel better with their own lives.

But I'm with MC to a degree, in that seeing too much struggling, devastation and heart break just leaves me sad and depressed that there's so much shit in the world and often to un-deserving people.

On the other hand, I like talking to people and hearing about others who's lives are possibly much better and fuller than mine or ones with big families, lovely kids and people who are socially happier and more content.

Its hard to explain, but as someone who is unable to have kids and though I don't feel saddened by this, it's nice to see friends and people I know who have amazing kids, wives, husbands etc and get so much more out of life from the little things and all the moments and experiences of raising a family and making lifelong memories from days out, or doing stuff with their children, or just seeing the happy faces and reaction of their kids to stuff like watching animals at the zoo or cars at race track etc etc. It makes me happier in my life and relationships that there are other people living really happy enriched family lives and by and large loving every minute.

Hope that's not make everyone puke their Sunday roast out though? Laughing
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 19:09 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I absolutely agree that it is better in general to be spirited and positive, and I spend a great deal of my time being exactly that sort of person, nauseatingly so Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing I quite often think my personal brand of infuriatingly cheerful does most people's heads in Laughing

But sometimes life even gets to me.

In general I prefer being a happy-hippy-chirpybirdy type than to be a mizog.
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pepperami
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PostPosted: 19:44 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like all/many I’ve had my share of shit and that makes me no different from most other people.
In a perverse sort of way my jobs have helped me cope with my own little dramas.
Having worked in mental health & post compulsory education, I have seen the darker side of life for others.
It puts my crappy little problems into perspective and shows me how small my personal problems are.
They’re still shit for me in my life, but pale into insignificance with what is out there for other poor sods.

“There but for the grace of God go I “
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 20:21 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

pepperami wrote:
“There but for the grace of God go I “

You would think that most people would be capable of thinking like that, given the insight, that they are better off than most.

And as you say, sometimes working in the mental health field gives you the wherewithal to look at other people's "bad hair days" as being much worse than your own. I've seen some people in both private and NHS practice that I am just really fucking glad that I don't have their mental health problems.

Nonetheless, its quite disconcerting to overhear in a private clinic that a patient - whose extremely famous father is not likely to go bust any time in the foreseeable (invokes confidentiality clause) - wishes out loud that sometimes it would surely have been easier to have been born poor, instead. Mad

No that's alright luv, we'll all just sit here in front of you with our clothes from George and our cheap plastic shoes, tugging our forelocks and pretending we didn't just hear you whilst you bemoaned your misfortune at being born ridiculously rich Rolling Eyes
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-.
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PostPosted: 21:23 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
I absolutely agree that it is better in general to be spirited and positive, and I spend a great deal of my time being exactly that sort of person, nauseatingly so Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing I quite often think my personal brand of infuriatingly cheerful does most people's heads in Laughing

I worked with a guy who was always happy/positive about everything, even shit stuff. It started off as a novelty then quickly turned into this: https://youtu.be/F98RfRWcLPg?t=79

hellkat wrote:
Nonetheless, its quite disconcerting to overhear in a private clinic that a patient - whose extremely famous father is not likely to go bust any time in the foreseeable (invokes confidentiality clause) - wishes out loud that sometimes it would surely have been easier to have been born poor, instead. Mad

No that's alright luv, we'll all just sit here in front of you with our clothes from George and our cheap plastic shoes, tugging our forelocks and pretending we didn't just hear you whilst you bemoaned your misfortune at being born ridiculously rich Rolling Eyes

Tell her I'm willing to swap Thumbs Up
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RhynoCZ
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PostPosted: 22:58 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Re: Slap in the face. Reply with quote

Sister Sledge wrote:
I have PTSD and it can't be fixed (tried for decades).

I'm curious, what's your trigger?
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PostPosted: 23:09 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Balloon popping.

sorry
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Pete.
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PostPosted: 23:55 - 24 Feb 2019    Post subject: Re: Slap in the face. Reply with quote

RhynoCZ wrote:

I'm curious,


That's true

Quote:
what's your trigger?


Who says there needs to be one?
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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 11:44 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for the delay: Me offloading and I honestly didn't know how the Bike Chat community would react - I stayed away for things to settle.

OK the first one: cute yeah I suppose but what I find attractive in people is when they have their feet on the ground and have 'fight' in them. I like people who live a real life and have compassion in them.
Yes this woman was oozing with those but to be fair she was still raw and I doubt would need a relationship right now. What I would offer is to provide distractions - I'm a master at that. I had to do it for myself when times were tough and I know I could help her if needed.

Next one is therapy and help: She explained when offloading to me that the driver was uninsured etc. The car he was driving was a Focus ST - yeah young lad, where did the money come from etc..
Fortunately though She's being helped by the Motor Insurers Bureau that helps people when a driver is uninsured. She explained that she was about to have her first big meeting with shrinks and it was all to be paid for by that bureau.
EMDR is awesome but unfortunately for me my problems are too 'rooted' for it to help me much. My own problem was misdiagnosis for decades and doctors only too willing to 'go along the optics' with pills because the previous ones were not working - yeah that's because I'm not needing them!

There's some news: Remember this was professional? Yesterday my son visited with his partner and mid-afternoon my phone rang - it was this woman. Her words - "I'm just checking to see that you're OK today following from what I'd said". Yup she was overstepping the mark but also knew her words might have affected me. She didn't want me upset. Tells me loads that. We couldn't chat long because my son was there.
I do have her number and will follow this gently - I do actually think I can help her, even if it's just a bit then it's worth it.
Life is truly strange how it connects strangers. Sure it's over bad things but that's the connection. I can think of worse ways that people connect.

Finally, triggers for me? It's OK to ask and I don't mind telling - me with this can help others understand. Personally I fully understand how my ways formed from historic events. It's been fully explained and I've read through heaps of medical journals detailing the processes. It's fascinating!
Dark curly hair.
Mustaches.
Hormonal smells in some meats such as bacon.
Shouting in relationships.
Arguing in relationships.
Obviously me being where I'm from fighting is normal (see Biffa Bacon) but raised voices when in a relationship will see me walk away - it's a fight or flight thing.
I'm hard as nails, I'm intimidating and I actually take no shit, but, sometimes things are just too much. I have no TV set at home because of the unpredictability of images and one might show a trigger. Saves the rip-off fees too and to be honest I'd rather go out and do something and not melt my brain.

I suppose for me I could well have turned out fucking evil. I could have become one of those famous Newcastle thugs.. but I didn't. My attitude is that anything bad which happened to me will never happen to another. I've lived by that rule from day one.
*Trigger time for some*
The first words I remember from my mother? "You're just like your Dad". I was only little and I would think 'oh big and strong like Dad'. Nope - change mothers voice to a snarl and you get the idea. If she said that you could guarantee I'd be beaten for being just like Dad.
That's just the mild stuff. I've lived what we only read pieces of in news stories. I've experienced things that sicken people.

Anyway, end of doom and gloom. Cheers for letting me offload with the original shout.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 13:46 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's good that you have an ability to release facts about your life, with honesty to yourself.

And I am sure it FEELS LIKE this lady has been sent to you at the right time.
BUT speaking from my own (lengthy and tiresome) experience...

She's probably very nice.
But right now you don't need to take on someone else's problems.

I have a tendency to do similar,
I call it "taking on lame ducks" - not in any pejorative sense, but in the sense that my natural mien is to care for people needing help - which I usually feel buoyant enough to offer.

But what I realised what that caring for people who seem to have a bigger problem than your own, means you don't look at AND DEAL WITH your own problems.
You end up concentrating on the wrong big picture: theirs, not yours.

So put this lady back on a back burner, and stick with looking after number 1.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 13:51 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sister Sledge wrote:
"You're just like your Dad" ... - change mothers voice to a snarl and you get the idea.

Oddly enough, this really resonates with me, cos I too have always been [a female version of] "just like my dad" in so many senses of the expression.

So maybe it now starts to make sense to me why my mum has always behaved like such a cunt towards me Laughing The pennies fall from my eyes! Laughing
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bhinso
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PostPosted: 15:38 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

She's right though. Too many young people are driving without insurance because it's ridiculously expensive, and if you're caught the punishment doesn't really fit the crime (like you can be fined about 10% of what your premium would have been anyway).
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-.
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PostPosted: 17:18 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Focus ST Thinking It's likely the lad bought a nice(r) car and thought to hell with insurance. I don't have much sympathy as I drive an old mans car specifically for this reason... also I waited until I was nearly 30 to get it.

Maybe if I lived in the middle of nowhere and a car was the difference between getting a job or not then it would be different.
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bhinso
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PostPosted: 17:25 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Focus ST

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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 19:00 - 25 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat you're absolutely right and I'm avoiding. This was just what it was - slap in the face stuff. It's also meant to be professional too.
She's a good person yes but as you say nah not for me. I'll just what I normally do and set fire to things for a laugh.
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Jmoan
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PostPosted: 16:49 - 28 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sister Sledge wrote:

My shit is historic. In front of me was a woman still raw from the events. I recognised her face from TV interviews and attempts to get uninsured drivers off the roads.


Well the vast majority of crashes are from insured drivers so maybe that's where she should start instead. Rolling Eyes
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Pete.
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PostPosted: 17:22 - 28 Feb 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jmoan wrote:
Sister Sledge wrote:

My shit is historic. In front of me was a woman still raw from the events. I recognised her face from TV interviews and attempts to get uninsured drivers off the roads.


Well the vast majority of crashes are from insured drivers so maybe that's where she should start instead. Rolling Eyes


Vast majority?

https://www.churchill.com/press-office/releases/2016/uninsured-driving-hotspots-in-the-uk
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