Resend my activation email : Register : Log in 
BCF: Bike Chat Forums


Drinking yourself to death

Reply to topic
Bike Chat Forums Index -> Dear Auntie BCF... Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
View previous topic : View next topic  
Author Message

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 11:50 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Drinking yourself to death Reply with quote

As those of you who have been paying attention will know, my stress levels lately have been as a result of my ex husband being in hospital, having had a stroke. He's mostly recovered now and got released from hospital yesterday.

I picked up the copy of his discharge letter whilst going through the new medications he has to take, and according to the details he's apparently had another one before (the wording being something like "note was taken of an old infarct") ... I was like, wait, what?

So I now have some concerns about just how many strokes a person can sustain before they kark it.

But the point of this post is to see if anyone has experience of people literally "drinking themselves to death".

Because pretty much, that's what I think he is doing.
Maybe not intentionally.

But they have prescribed him some mega doses of Thiamine and other B vitamins, which is the thing they give to problem drinkers who are on the verge of fucking themselves up very badly with the amount of boozing they do.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

MarJay
But it's British!



Joined: 15 Sep 2003
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:02 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can tell if someones liver is on the way out, pretty easily. They smell of ammonia.

You know, the 'Old man that smells of wee' smell? Apparently once you have that you've got a couple of years max - or at least so I was told in my Chemistry 101 at University.
____________________
British beauty: Triumph Street Triple R; Loony stroker: KR1S; Track fun: GSXR750 L1; Commuter Missile: GSX-S1000F
Remember kids, bikes aren't like lego. You can't easily take a part from one bike and then fit it to another.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Nobby the Bastard
Harley Gaydar



Joined: 16 Aug 2013
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:30 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

My old man had in the region of 15 strokes before he finally carked it, a mixture of tias and mias.

He didn't die of a stroke in the end, heart gave out due to the effort of pumping blood like treacle.
____________________
trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Sprint ST 1050
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Bhud
World Chat Champion



Joined: 11 Oct 2018
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:54 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can't help him, sorry. Only he can do that.

I knew a guy who drank himself to death in the Far East. He was an Aussie who lived in one of those countries for the usual reasons... It took him 4 or 5 years of heavy boozing to pop his clogs. I think it may have followed the death of his mother, but I'm not sure about that (it happened a few years ago). Actually yes, I think it was that. He was always a boozer but that event took it to another level.

He used to look much older than his years (he aged super-fast in the space of about 5 years) - was bloated, grey-haired and had bad skin with liver spots. Used to apply every effort he could to stay in drink - every bit of money he got his hands on, he squandered in that way. He told me to keep it a secret how much he owed these very high-end bars that only seem to exist in the Asian orbit. I was shocked - it ran into thousands, let's leave it at that. Used to tell different people different stories so he could just keep drinking and they would trust him. Before I realised he had this problem, he had borrowed a considerable sum from me. After I lent it to him and discovered from himself and people around him about the booze, I was seriously disappointed and didn't expect to get my money back. But he did pay it back - this really took me by surprise. He had friends around him who kept tabs/monitored him in that very softly-softly way that Asians seem to do. While under this "surveillance" he once asked me to run out and secretly buy and hide a bottle of Smirnoff for him. That stuff is incredibly expensive out there, and I know he used to get through a lot more than that on a typical day.

With some knowledge of drugs (everything is available OTC there) he was able to mask his symptoms and remain fully functioning until one day he was admitted to hospital (not for the first time) with acute liver failure. He went completely jaundiced and died within a couple of days of being admitted. No information about brain damage or anything - it may have happened. But, in any case, it was one of those cases where the friends might have done things differently (been a bit tougher with him) had he been in an Anglo country. I can't rule out the possibility that he was brought booze or his self-prescribed tranquilizer cocktail while in hospital.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

bhinso
World Chat Champion



Joined: 21 Jun 2008
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:58 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm currently struggling seriously with alcohol. I've always been a nervous person but the anxiety over the last few years boiled over (work, etc.) and alcohol (straight whisky) was the only coping mechanism.
It wasn't until last year I started having physcial effects, namely shaking. Blood tests showed my liver was 'complaining' a bit but nothing serious (yet). Went into 2 weeks of detox which was hell but came out without shakes and liver function eventually back to normal.
What followed was 2.5 months without a drink which was fucking awful quite frankly. Couldn't stop thinking about it all the time. Tried AA and NA (and still am) but I can't say it's helping.
Had my first drink end of Jan, and it's (gradually) gotten more often. But didn't touch any last night so try again Thumbs Up
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

MCN
Super Spammer



Joined: 22 Jul 2015
Karma :

PostPosted: 13:50 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've worked in the oil industry for about 20 yrs.
First three were difficult as there was no drink in the country I worked in.
Since then I don't miss it.
Alcohol is a habit that can be broken.
It kills too many people and hurts those around them even more.

But there is not much anyone can do to stop it.
Support when the person needs it hurts too as you know you are just marking time until they get back into their swing.
It's better to walk away if you can.
Really.
Drinking oneself to death is not a simple thing to calculate as some people metabolize differently from others.
I'd say two three years full on drunk every day would do it.
The drink also weakens immunity to other opportunistic issues.
Being hit by a bus, falling down stairs and disease.

My sister is a nurse and worked in Glasgow years ago.
The paraffin lamps who were the homeless of the day sometimes dropped in to A&E but only for a year or two as the winters killed them off before the drink.
____________________
Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

myvision
Scooby Slapper



Joined: 26 May 2016
Karma :

PostPosted: 14:25 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

My dad drank himself to death he was a 6'3 well built builder that always liked a drink which turned into an addiction.
In the space of three years he was dead. Nothing would stop him drinking sold everything and the amount of drink he could put away was astonishing.

He list all the weight and was a mess.
____________________
VFR800FI, YZF600R Thundercat and FZS 1000
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Andy_Pagin
World Chat Champion



Joined: 08 Nov 2010
Karma :

PostPosted: 14:36 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

As a layman who's unfortunately had reason to read up on the subject, I second everything said so far in this discussion. Common symptoms of a failing liver (de-compensated alcoholic liver disease) are an acrid ammonia like smell on the breath, jaundice and ascites, a build up of fluid in the abdomen. However many never have these visible symptoms. Life expectancy after ten years of chronic heavy boozing had knackered the liver varies wildly, anything from two to ten years IIRC. Strangely bona-fide alcoholics seem to have a genetic resistance to the damaging effects of drink that regular piss-heads don't.

The best you can do is read up on the subject, there's a vast number of articles on the internet so go as superficial or as deep as you like.
____________________
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa, hey-hey,
the men in white coats are coming to take me away.
Yamaha Vity -> YBR125 -> FZS600 Fazer -> FZ1-S Fazer
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Howling Terror
Super Spammer



Joined: 05 Dec 2008
Karma :

PostPosted: 16:08 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
there's a vast number of articles on the internet so go as superficial or as deep as you like
I'll drink to that.
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website You must be logged in to rate posts

chickenstrip
Super Spammer



Joined: 06 Dec 2013
Karma :

PostPosted: 17:40 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've tried it. It's harder than you might think. Bloody expensive too.
____________________
Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

ThatDippyTwat
World Chat Champion



Joined: 07 Aug 2016
Karma :

PostPosted: 19:16 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Re: Drinking yourself to death Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
But the point of this post is to see if anyone has experience of people literally "drinking themselves to death".


2 of my Uncles did this. Hardcore, Scottish "You can pry my drink out of my dead hands" type. In one case, that almost literally happened. One Whisky, the other lager & beers. If your average person tried to match the daily intake of one of them, we would be in hospital in short order. It's amazing what the body can deal with, but it has limits.

No amount of talking can help, if they don't want to stop, you're pissing in the wind. Sorry. We tried for over 2 decades with one of them.
____________________
'98 VFR800 (touring) - '12 VFR800 Crosrunner (Commuting) - '01 KDX220 (Big Green Antisocial Machine)
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Grubscrew
Scooby Slapper



Joined: 23 Dec 2018
Karma :

PostPosted: 19:25 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

The liver is an incredible organ in the body, the stuff we throw down our throats, some of which is not conducive to a healthy life if done to excess.
Primarily it’s function is to filter the blood before it can continue around the body to the rest of the organs. Long term drinking causes the liver to develop liver hepatitis, fibrosis, and cirrhosis.
Whilst effects on the bodily organs go unnoticed for a while, the damage is usually on the inside, then the damage is done, as treatment is prolonging the patient eventual but early demise.
____________________
FJR1300/CBR1000F
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

ThatDippyTwat
World Chat Champion



Joined: 07 Aug 2016
Karma :

PostPosted: 19:29 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not just your liver though. Constant drinking reduces your bodies ability to deal with things that most of us would be able to deal with. A decent cold/infection might keep one of us out of work for a few days, but it is a huge deal to someone that's been drinking solidly for years, possibly fatal.
____________________
'98 VFR800 (touring) - '12 VFR800 Crosrunner (Commuting) - '01 KDX220 (Big Green Antisocial Machine)
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

leolion
Scooby Slapper



Joined: 14 Feb 2019
Karma :

PostPosted: 19:30 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

my uncle did it, his stomach bloated like a starving african and he turned yellow, it wasnt pretty.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Andy_Pagin
World Chat Champion



Joined: 08 Nov 2010
Karma :

PostPosted: 20:26 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

ThatDippyTwat wrote:
It's not just your liver though. Constant drinking reduces your bodies ability to deal with things that most of us would be able to deal with. A decent cold/infection might keep one of us out of work for a few days, but it is a huge deal to someone that's been drinking solidly for years, possibly fatal.
Plus the effects of portal vein hypertension tends to knacker your spleen, kidneys and just about everything else.
____________________
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa, hey-hey,
the men in white coats are coming to take me away.
Yamaha Vity -> YBR125 -> FZS600 Fazer -> FZ1-S Fazer
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Diggs
World Chat Champion



Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Karma :

PostPosted: 21:20 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woman I knew drank herself to death a few years ago. She ended up back at her parents on our street with her son because she couldn't look after herself and him.

From the outside she seemed to be getting better after a year, so the parents took the lad abroad for a holiday. A neighbour looked in on her after 3 days and found her dead next to two empty vodka bottles.

She hid her alcoholism from her parents by blaming the more obvious effects upon diabetes...
____________________
Now - Speed Triple, old ratty GS550, GSXR750M
Gone (in order of ownership) - Raleigh Runabout, AP50, KH125, GP125, KH250, CBX550, Z400, CB750FII, 250LC, GS550, ZXR750H1, Guzzi Targa, GSX750F, KH250 x2, Bimota SB6R and counting...
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

recman
World Chat Champion



Joined: 26 Mar 2012
Karma :

PostPosted: 21:42 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

My brother in law did it. He got a large wedge of redundancy money from his old employers and spooged the lot.
Dead in a surprisingly short time, he left behind a wife and kids.
I had no sympathy because he didn't have to do it.

My mates mrs is currently in the process of doing it.
He's detached himself from the emotional side of it now because she's a horrible piece of shit when hammered. She's seriously attacked him on more than one occasion.
He's more concerned now about the financial impact its having on the household.
It's got to a stage on more than one occasion where he's had to visit his local food bank.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

chickenstrip
Super Spammer



Joined: 06 Dec 2013
Karma :

PostPosted: 22:31 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

But weed is bad for you, m'kay? Rolling Eyes
____________________
Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 23:38 - 13 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

My main concern is the brain damage, things such as general cognitive function. There's already a definite struggle to remember words, and its documented by the neurologists as well.

When I converse with him, he is often at first quite disjointed and forgetful but after a few minutes he gets into the rhythm of how we talk to one another and he reverts to almost normal conversations. Its clear that when I talk to him, he comprehends most of what I say and seems able to process and recall it.

But there are very few people around him in terms of friends or family because he is so unutterably grumpy , I walked away from the marriage over 20 years ago, because of the behaviour I was experiencing. So am inclined to distance myself. self preservation and all that.

For the most part those of us who do care even a little bit are distanced from the emotional, physical or financial aspects. Myself and his sister are the only ones close enough to co ordinate his social housing and care arrangements.

He's unlikely to stop drinking, even if our daughter asked him to, I doubt it would make any difference.

I think the dementia is going to be the thing that gets him, and I've not experienced that side of it.

A friend who goes to AA has mentioned "wet brain" as a thing they all dread.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

King29
World Chat Champion



Joined: 18 Oct 2017
Karma :

PostPosted: 00:52 - 14 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

A friend drank himself to death. Had a leg injury and pain killers would not work for him but alcohol would. Injury happened in January 2001 and he was dead by August. His 'poison' (literally) was Vodka. He would drink a litre everyday. He also got addicted to paracetamol and ended up dying of alcoholic hepatitis. He went down hill fast, he was 24, left a daughter without a father and wife without a husband.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

pepperami
Super Spammer



Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Karma :

PostPosted: 07:53 - 14 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
My main concern is the brain damage, things such as general cognitive function.
When I converse with him, he is often quite disjointed and forgetful
He's unlikely to stop drinking, even if our daughter asked him to, I doubt it would make any difference.

I think the dementia is going to be the thing that gets him, and I've not experienced that side of it.
.


I’m working in a roundabout sort of way with both alcoholics and dementia people at the moment.
I can’t tell you anything I’m sure you don’t know already other than remind you that when their ailments are at there most prominent, they are not the person you once knew.

Your words and actions are that of a stranger.
They will become selfish and demanding and give you less and less thanks for your kindness .
The person you knew will be long gone before their heart stops beating.

Don’t let his ailments destroy you, look after your own well-being.
____________________
I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

Sister Sledge
World Chat Champion



Joined: 17 Aug 2018
Karma :

PostPosted: 08:33 - 14 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go make a cup of tea hellkat and then come read this. I'm afraid it isn't pleasant reading for you..
I'll cite two cases (I have dozens) and they should help you and others here.

My ex-step dad. A typical red headed fiery tempered North Eastern 'club drinker'. Those working mens social clubs and discounted beer? They've ruined many a life.
He's ex-army and came out with one qualification: HGV licence. He drove multi drop for decades. He was away all week and returned for weekends.
He wasn't too stupid and knew all about timings/alcohol release rates etc. He'd arrive home on the Friday evening a drink copious amounts of anything alcoholic. He'd stop drinking by a certain time on the Sunday - I still say he was bladdered and driving 42 tons recklessly on the Monday but hey - he knew better right?
I've mentioned his fiery temper. Combine that with childish stubbornness (recognise that?) and shouting denials or that they know better. Even holidays abroad - his second hobby after drinking - saw him in trouble every time he went away.
Now? Mother has died and I don't have to go near him. He's also retired now. I hear he's far worse with drink. His driving licence was taken away but not because of drink driving. He had his licence revoked because of a form of dementia. It's reckoned that the alcohol destroyed his rational thinking. Him being always right was a recipe for disaster when driving. I suppose removing the driving licence will now give him more chance to drink..

The second person is a female friend I grew up with. She was a lush person - a good friend (not many get such praise from me).
After leaving school we all had families and about 8 years ago I bumped back into her - still the same lush person and living not too far away. We chatted and discovered our lives had taken on similar twists and turns and slowly we began meeting up more often.
It was one day when picking her up from her home that she invited me in. I was sat in her living room and looked around me - bare minimum of anything but clean. He coffee table though - hints of cannabis use (which is fine by me) but stood right in the middle was a huge bottle of White Lightning cider. It was odd because she just didn't give any hints of alcohol use: no staggering, no slurring of words, routine around normal hours, no glazed eyes, no mood swings etc etc. When she walked into the room she picked that bottle up and drunk half in one long slug. I was shocked - literally speechless.
I questioned it and she told me she enjoyed to drink it and she was fine. I was wary though.
Over the coming weeks and months I'd call by regularly. A better picture of her life was possible. She lived a lonely life and family (had two daughters with their own kids) basically avoided her. She had a sister who was just as bad. She had that bare minimum house and it was clean but that was it - she had nothing else - she was skint. Rolled cigarettes were smoked at a minimum but enough to enjoy at least but the alcohol?? Fuck she drunk that 'cider' like it was water on a hot day. I couldn't keep up with the amount she drunk but it was a lot. No spirits, just cheap and nasty cider.
The last time I saw her was on a day we'd been out. I was in her house and chatting like usual but she seemed very nervous. She wouldn't say why and I never push people. She was hitting that cider hard. Eventually I had to go (work etc) and as I was leaving she begged me not to leave. I explained I had to and she knew I had to. (The following piece will haunt me for the rest of my life - I need counselling for it.}
I left anyway. She knew I'd be back the next day - even for just a coffee. She was a mate. I honestly didn't see any problems in leaving but I do remember her words: "Don't go. Please don't go".
I returned the following evening. I was greeted by police at her door. She was dead. Obviously I had to give statements and that. At the inquest we were told that her liver had failed among other things - all related to alcohol abuse. She was a thin woman and sure her tummy was a little rounded but I put that down to the shape of women - they all mostly have it.
Aside from those obvious displays of heavy drinking, there were no other signs of serious problems.
She's a huge miss for me. I kick myself for not staying and for half laughing and telling her I'd be back and not to panic. Am I mourning? I don't know. It's still with me though and needs to be dealt with.

What I'm trying to say is that you could well be pissing into the wind. You're straightening out their lives but they're doing nothing to help themselves hellkat. They will only help themselves if they want to. Best you can do is be supportive if they do decide to make that decision.
____________________
CCM 404 DS
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message You must be logged in to rate posts

recman
World Chat Champion



Joined: 26 Mar 2012
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:01 - 14 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

pepperami wrote:
Your words and actions are that of a stranger.
They will become selfish and demanding and give you less and less thanks for your kindness .
The person you knew will be long gone before their heart stops beating.

Don’t let his ailments destroy you, look after your own well-being.


I know this is a bike forum but this is undoubtedly the best piece of advice I've ever seen on here.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts

Howling Terror
Super Spammer



Joined: 05 Dec 2008
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:39 - 14 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
They will only help themselves if they want to. Best you can do is be supportive if they do decide to make that decision.

I'll drink to that.




























Lost loved ones to booze, currently watching my oldest and dearest friend battle with it. He's recently fallen off the wagon again and like most boozers he knows the score regarding health/happiness.

I'm pretty good when he's pissed, no need to preach but when a drunk starts telling you how important x y and z are to them that's when I ask them to tell me again when they're sober. They don't like that. Laughing Rolling Eyes

He's so much nicer when he's sober, tells me how he doesn't booze in the day and how when driving back home the voice starts …and before he knows it he pulls over and returns with a fistful of cans.

Thing is …it's weird how I don't want a drink when we meet up these days. I hide the whiskey. Good booze is wasted on drunks. Wink Smile

Intoxicants, and addictions in general are clever buggers. They appear to pick their prey's personalities and circumstances perfectly.
Alcohol is a depressant yet I always have a laugh..cannae work that one out.


[more ramble]
I know it does nothing for my creativity. Yesterday I'd spent the afternoon setting up for recording a song...early evening with juices flowing I laid down a moody feeling..brooding electronic instrumental.

Happy with my performance I setup for another and had a drink (dropped a big glug of whiskey in my brew....then another to take upstairs).
Could feel it working...mojo gone.
Had a wank.
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website You must be logged in to rate posts

hellkat
Super Spammer



Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :

PostPosted: 12:51 - 14 Apr 2019    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am not planning to get stuck in a situation that I will regret or find difficult.

As a bit of background ... I was married to him for nearly 10 years, through all of which he drank, smoked weed and did coke (and other stuff, e.g. speedballs) with various of his friends, but I wasn't really that kind of a party animal back then (I was a late bloomer, haha) - and I stayed indoors mostly, held down a job, paid the mortgage as best I could, and looked after our kid.

Eventually for various reasons I wasn't up for taking any more of his shit, and I left him. It was fairly dramatic, had reverberations for many years but eventually he got over my leaving, and we moved on to a friendship of sorts which has now lasted over 30 years. I'm probably the only person he accepts being bossed around/told off by Laughing

So now that our daughter is moved away, she asked me to keep an eye on him. In fact, he supposedly has a girlfriend but she's a boozer too, apparently. I don't know much of their history, but our daughter's best friend from primary school is her daughter-in-law, so I get to hear various bits and pieces.

I have affection for him, but nothing more; our daughter is very aware that he still drinks.

My point here is that I have *already* gone through a lot of shit on account of this man, dealt with it, and I live my own life nowadays.
I have agreed to be designated as next of kin because I am geographically the closest - the so-called girlfriend is actually closer but appears to be not [interested] enough to even have bothered to visit him in hospital.

But for the most part, his care will be handled by social workers, with input from me, and from his sister who lives on the south coast.

Sometimes I think that he would be better off dying now rather than living through what his body and his brain is about to put him through. Because I wasn't there to catch him when he fell - on several occasions - (probably almost certain to be cerebellar ataxia, part of the Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome* that boozers end up getting) ... and the most I have done for him is clean his flat the kitchen of which was in the most disgusting state I have ever experienced, and speak to the hospital and care staff.

All I want to be able to do is to reassure our daughter that I did the most I could for him.

If he goes ga-ga, he will just have to do it without my immediate help, with just guidance and overseeing by me on a supervisory basis.
I would certainly value and support any person who manages to get him to go to AA and to help himself, but I doubt that will ever happen, and I know it won't be me.

I've expended enough devotion throughout the years, in various dilutions, because amongst all the mess of our lives, we will always have our daughter, whom we both absolutely adore.

Whatever I do, I am doing it for her. She knows how much I have put into being with her father, and how much I put into NOT being with him. She trusts me to do the right thing by him on account of myself and herself as well.

So that's what I will be doing.
Close supervision, but from a distance.



*Hereinafter known as the Rimsky-Korsakoff Syndrome because I can't be bothered remembering the Wernicke bit, and R-K is much more familiar to me (Flight of the Bumblebee/Sheherezade)
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.
 Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail You must be logged in to rate posts
Old Thread Alert!

The last post was made 4 years, 350 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful?
  Display posts from previous:   
This page may contain affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission if a visitor clicks through and makes a purchase. By clicking on an affiliate link, you accept that third-party cookies will be set.

Post new topic   Reply to topic    Bike Chat Forums Index -> Dear Auntie BCF... All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
Page 1 of 3

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum

Read the Terms of Use! - Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group
 

Debug Mode: ON - Server: birks (www) - Page Generation Time: 0.17 Sec - Server Load: 0.17 - MySQL Queries: 17 - Page Size: 153.4 Kb