The I fell because excuse..

[MarJay]

[SirFallalot]

[Yorkshire Geek]

[Johnnythefox]

I fell off my then XL250 in the early 1980s because a fox ran across the country lane in front of me on a bend, i fell off the same bike by falling to land suitably after getting airbourne on a humped back bridge, i've not fallen off the past three years since DAS but a few days ago the back wheel did get all funny in the wet on a large manhole cover thingy, i would have used it as an excuse if the worst had happened, didn't half shit me up.
Non of the above are excuses, i am just such a rubbish bike rider.

[Teflon-Mike]

IoM '98, was the wettest TT on record for 50 years or someything of that order. They closed the course on Mad Sunday cos of fog and wet after the ubiqueteouse Gerrys went Kamakaze on the Mountain. Picture the scene then, at 4am Monday morning, when the skies cleared..... and I was awoken in my tent by some Mad charioteers buzzing the hedge at silly speed.

I had one of the Oy-De-Uz, as I lay in the ooze; it went something like this; "Hmm... this ere film (you may have to google what that particular photographic essential is if you are under about thirty...) but this ere film says its 36 frames... but I usually get one or two more. Thes ere TT course is supposed to be 37 miles long.... I WONDER!!! If I ride into Douglas, park up in the grand-stand, and take one photo per mile.....

Well, THAT, was sort of the Oy-Dee-Ah.....

So I set out; camera in the tank bag; got to Douglas, parked up at the grand stand, took a photo of what was infront of me.... lit by something I didn't recognise but aparently called... The Guardian.. sorry, no, the Times.. no that's not it either; aparently it has the same name as 'some' news-paper or other....

Amyway I made it about a dozen frames; sorry, MILES, and some-where before Ginger hall..... I Fell off.

Now I could offer my exxuses, BUT, the dang AA man that eventually came to get me, wouldn't let me get a word in edge-wise, and it would spoil the suspenders in that news-paper to tell you the reasons straight away, BUT, imagine the one sided conversation, with the AA Man in the cab of Ford Cargo...

>"So how fast were you going whan you cane off then?"
< Stammer; "Well...."
> "I've had to come out and sweep up, just LOADS of BMW's and even more Germans and not a couple of mad-Wops {I think that that is tautology, 'MAD' wops.. but still} this morning; CARNAGE it's been!"

A-N-D so it went on for the best part of twenty minutes, eith stammered replies cut off with further questions and descriptions od BMW's and Ducatis, in multiple chunks being swept off the asthfelt under the blue strobes of ambulances.

Eventually I summoned my currage to explain; "Well, I was almost stationary! I puled to the side of the road to take a photo, and my leg went from under me on the gravel... dr4op cut the radiator hose ans broke the clutch kever; ~ tried limping it back to the petrol station, but the temp guage just skyrocketed to the red, and that was that. I called recovery."

It was, and felt, a most disapointing let down to admit that there were no high speed antics, diesel spills or turning tractors involved, but that was it. Morning, and 1/3 a roll of film wasted, and by the time the garage had repolaced the clutch lever and jury rigged a radiator hose.... yup... the heavens opened, and I stood in the pouring raid watching one of Yer Maun's last ever races, from a MxDonald's car-park.

In 40 years MOST of my 'offs' have been like that.. pretty unspectacular, unremarkeable little kerbside fumbles... at least on the road they have. Off-Road they have been a bit more spectacular like falling of an effing cliff, when a spectator jumnoed onto the course infront of me.... the most memorable part of which was the now ex-missus, very unsympathetically saying "Well! You better be OK to drive 'Cos EYE'm not driving the car home with that bludy rack on the back!" Yeah, ta fopr that; dont mind any broken ribs or nuffink will yer!

OTR, there are in fact only about three propper 'offs' to remark on. The first was on my DT50, when a twit in a triumph decided they couldn't wait in a queue of traffic up to a set of traffoc lights and decided to do a U-Turn without looking properly, resulting in me doing a Super-Man impression over the triumph's bonet, before being brought to a halt by a cast iron litter bin, and promptyly run over by my own chuffing bike... that had taken the long way round the trumpet!!!!

Who's fault? Well, I probably should have waited in line like a car, rather than try filtering, B-U-T, twit in trumpet was a twitr!!! they shouldn't heve tried an instan you-ey, without indicataing or pausing or doing a shoulder check!

Next up, and the more speculiar, I hit a chuffing road intruder on Woprld Cup night; It had only been put in the day befors and they hadn't put a streret lamp or bollard on it yet... they DID very vert soon after!!! But it was brand new, unlit, and a car load of soccerr yobs came round the corner just ahead shanting out the windows 'cos we hadd apparently just 'lost' to the Germansss or something... Dazled and Distracted I hit the kerb, and went down.... I was 'possibly' going a little faster than the 30 speed limit for the road, but still....

Last up, Mia-Culpa, woth a little mittigation. I had ridden down to Plymouth for the weekend. Brilliant and balmy Summer's weekend it hadn't rained for at LEAST a week... or at least... not on ME!

I got as far as Glaucester, and found myself in a hedge!

It had apparently rained above the Severn, and the balmy roads I had become accustomed to had just become barmy. Tipping into a bend, a sumers worth of road crud had been lifted by the rain, and a tunnel of trees and wiered light filtering through them meant I neither saw bor predited the change in surface.... and the bike just went out from under me at something like six3ty per.... "So why didn'r you slow for the corner?" I was asked... "yers well,, so you may" fact is that on a two-stroke 125 you DONT tend to slow much if at all for bends, and to admit that I had would have been admission that I was in excess of the limit before hand!!!

Inexperiance, unseen summer shower and road slime, we live and learn.... hopefuly! I still have a patch of missing frackles on my left elbow from that one.. another lesson... leather is only anyt gwood IF it's covering skin; and a loose fit3 you can get a jumper under in the more usual UK climate rided up when you come off!!

So there you go.

Experience and exhuberance plays a VERY big part, and there are very very few real 'accidents'. Certainly ~On the Road.

But diesel spills are a pet hate cop out. I have to say with umpety decades of being daft enough to try riding a motorbike where mountain goats fear to tread, I am NOT all that phased when a bike is wriggling around beneath me; in fact, when I got the Seven-Fifty it came with a paid of R&R street shocks. that had seeen better days; probably on a CB250 Super-Dream, and a pair of 'Koncord' remould tyres that had about as much grip on the road, as I have on reality. Err... I found this 'FUN' sliding around like trying to walk up a ski-slope in sandals! B-U-T.. roads is made by Micks, and are pretty dire at the best of times, IF a patch of derv is enough to cock thing up for you, you either aren't paying atrtension, or dont know what you are doing! Its a public ROAD FFS not a race track; you shouldn't expect a 'perfect' surface fir crissiks!

So yeah, so often the excuses are no more than that; and No1-Son has tried then all, I think! NO you dont need a pair of effin tyre warmers for a C50 F..F... EFF'sAke!!! My NOT buying you a pair for your birthday WAS NOT what made you fall off!!! What made you falkl off, was STUPID! You being!

But, who likes to admitr that they iz that, eh?
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Current Bikes:'Honda VF1000F' ;'CB750F2N' ;'CB125TD ( 6 3 of em!)'; 'Montesa Cota 248'. Learner FAQ's:= 'U want to Ride a Motorbike! Where Do U start?'

[grr666]

Some of my reasons include...

Stamping a C90 into first when revving the nuts off of it.

Mistaking long grass for short grass and riding the Spacker straight into a ditch while attempting a U-turn.
I didn't fall off of it though and the bike remained upright even after my scheduled dismount.

Riding at night, delivering a pizza, reading a map on the move, using the speedo light to illuminate it but failing to see a parked car.

Putting to bed once and for all the theory that riding a Mobylette X7S down a playground slide is an accomplishable task.

Having my ankle trapped between my bike and a u-turning taxi at Wanstead tube station.

Having an unfortunate meeting of vehicles in Dagenham CG125J vs 4 teenagers in a stolen Fiesta.

Learning how clicking down to first then releasing clutch on approach to a roundabout is a terrible idea.

Embedding the centre stand stirrup into the tarmac while taking a pizza bike round a left hand bend at an
entirely inappropriate speed and lean angle. First and only highside that was.


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