Negotiating Divorce.. Oh joy..

[A100man]

Ok, so Decree Nisi applied for following 2 years separation, now comes the tricky bit...

Family home was split 45/55 in her favour almost 2 years ago and with my 45% I was able to buy a do-er upper (house) while she is living in a house provided by new boyfriend. We have some other shared assets that will be OK to split, although a lot was stuff I bought pre-marriage. I have suggested a mediator to get a consent form sorted but she is insisting on using a solicitor - we have 3 kids that I see 2 nights/week.

I believe all her needs are being met through her part-time work, money she gets from investments plus her rent-free accomm. She also has her 55% of my house earning interest. I expect though that her lawyer will advise to come after a share of my modest private pension.

Is it possible for me to negotiate direct with her lawyer - assuming we both complete form E or would that be foolhardy? At the moment she's been wrong-footed by me saying no I don't have a solicitor I'll sort it myself.

PS I have though received some legal advice and I've read quite a bit too.
PPS This is proving a fascinating albeit scary'project'
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[Sister Sledge]

21 years since mine but a few things will not have changed.

Children ALWAYS come first over the adults 'needs'.
Your wife will have become accustomed to living at a certain level of comfort with you - anything you'd purchased before meeting her will now become half hers because it was normal at home.
Mediation is a recommended route by courts now and any person refusing that route first is on wobbly ground in the courts eyes - they really do have better things to be doing than dealing with childish huffy wives and they'll tell her so.

Often solicitors don't need a solicitor to write back to them but at times it helps. If you have friends or contacts within the legal profession you could pass things by them or perhaps look for a free 20 minutes with an actual solicitor?

For me I had a ranting ex-wife who 3 years after a final court decision over custody of a child (I'd won..) decided that I wasn't giving her enough time with child, was withholding money from her (she was supposed to pay me haha!) and was being a proper cnut.
I wrote back to her solicitor (ALWAYS recorded and signed for delivery with a retained copy at your end) reminding them of what my court order actually stated and that I'd happily see them in court if they fancied it and that I'd be seeking loss of earnings at the same time. I never heard back.

Obviously I'm a crazy bloke from the North East (it's that top right corner of England and not Sheffield) and so you shouldn't take my words as legally correct.

Oh and things are about to get very dirty for you - seriously expect the unexpected.

Don't do what others have done and saw everything in half!
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CCM 404 DS

[Polarbear]

It's many years since mine as well.

All I can say is I agree with Sister Sledge it can (will) get dirty.

My ex and I split amicably as she couldn't hack me being away for 6 months at a time at sea.

Then she got the shysters involved and by the time it was final I would have happily throttled her. I'm sure the bloody solicitor got more out of it than she did.

Luckily for me there were no kids involved.

Good luck. I don't think divorce has implemented the equality laws yet.
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Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[Sister Sledge]

Expect the unexpected. Expect the dirtiest tricks possible and more. You'll get some sound legal advice coming along soon from members here.

I don't envy your situation at all.
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CCM 404 DS

[A100man]

Thank guys. I have had a couple of appointments with a 'family lawyer' but she basically took notes and said there wasn't much she could do until the financials were laid out on the table.. fair enough.

Wife seems keen to get it sorted (maybe to move in with boyfriend (an ex-mate) with a clean sheet?). I'm thinking a delaying arguing tactic might frustrate things and get her to settle more reasonably (one can but hope). As I say she already has more than 50% of our property assets in her name. She is lazy though and I think want's easy street - a steady reliable income from me for which she can sit on her arse..

There are other financial commitments that she will be keen for me to pay for but I won't be able to if she pushes too hard.. She has been living comfortably for the past two years under our current arrangements so there could be an argument not to disturb the status quo too much..

PS Am I right in thinking if we cannot agree an arrangement (between me/my legal and her legal) the court will insist on us seeing a mediator? Yesterday she said she wouldn't be in a room with me and a mediator..
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[hellkat]

Pay a solicitor.

They know the score and they know how to tell the other side to stop trying to take the piss when they "try it on" (because they will, once her solicitor knows you're DIYing it).

It will be less painful in the long run.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Sister Sledge]

I'm not sure how much courts push for mediation these days but do remember that following my own divorce it was being pushed lots in news articles. As I'd mentioned earlier, the courts really do get annoyed and frustrated when people bicker like little children.
It will not look good for your wife if she refuses to take on board any type of mediation.
It's interesting though: Why? Why is she not happy to see a mediation person? Either she's hiding something or (heaven forbids..) she's about to play the 'abusive husband' card on you and that not wishing to be in the same room is the start of it. Seriously - cover your backside with everything during the whole divorce process. Copies of everything and even keep a record of where you were and at what time.

The advice of a good solicitor is essential. It's not for fighting anything, it's for your own protection.

Finally - ex friend? What is he like as a person? How has he behaved in life? Criminal record? (to gauge his experience of legal situations)
Obviously he doesn't give a monkeys about you (sorry!) and again I'd be very wary of him. How does he work as a team? Often people are mice when alone but if paired with a certain person can become absolute c*nts. Just saying.

Get that proper legal advice.
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CCM 404 DS

[Polarbear]

Not that us divorcees are bitter or anything....

Sister Sledge is right. Get a good family solicitor or you could find yourself screwed down and raped.
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Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[A100man]

Thanks all. I do have a good (I hope) solicitor. She recommended we do mediation if possible, so I'll be pressing for that in the first instance.

If my wife won't budge then I guess I will have to get the lawyer to take a look at all the proposals. I have a shrewd idea of what I'm in for..

PS The ex-mate is a reasonable sort but has been hood-winked by her. If he hasn't already he will soon regret his decision to take her on. Naturally though I now think he's a cnut.
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[Polarbear]

How come your house has been split but nothing else? In my divorce everything was agreed at the same time.

Edited to clarify, no it wasn't agreed, I was told what I had to give her all at the same time.
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Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[A100man]

[Sister Sledge]

I know it should be the end of the thread but I just can't help myself!

Your ex friend took your wife and he's now going to take your money.

(I was also going to suggest a sharp filleting knife and two large cable ties. Cable tie tightly at each of ex friends wrists, slice off hands carefully and then microwave them for 20 minutes so that re-attachment cannot be done. That'd teach the tw*t for doing a sh*tter to a friend..)
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CCM 404 DS

[MCN]

Lawyer Up man.

Its going to cost a couple of big ones for hire services but you wouldn't try to build a hoose yersel. And a divorce can be more worry than bricks and plumbing.
You don't need a QC but there are requirements the lawyer will be well familiar with.
t' Internet is not how to do a divorce.
It's not the best place to begin a relationship there's no quid quo pro in divorce it seems.

I'm sure you already suspect that much. 😉

And best of luck to you and the kids. 👍
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[Sister Sledge]

My final words..

A solicitor will know all of the tricks that can be pulled by the other party. They will both protect you and also come out with a few of their own.

Good luck!
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CCM 404 DS

[A100man]

Thanks again - I expect this thread will live for a while yet as the process progresses.

Her lot have just requested 'Form E' - as suspected.. My lawyer is being kept abreast of things but from what I gather it's only when bother 'Es' are on the table that the bickering starts..
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[woo]

now im definitely put off ever getting married and feel sorry for my mates that are married cos if their wifes know the shit i know they will be suffering a bitchfest of a divorce.
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Elen sila lummen omentielvo!

[Sister Sledge]

I had to Google it.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-e-financial-statement-for-a-financial-order-matrimonial-causes-act-1973-civil-partnership-act-2004-for-financial-relief-after-an-overseas

I would have done similar during my split but honestly my head was spinning so much at the time that I can't remember. Horrible times and we all feel for you.
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CCM 404 DS

[A100man]

[Polarbear]

[MCN]

[Polarbear]

[JackButler]

I hope you don't go through it so many times that you begin to realise this, but both sides solicitors will quickly work out just how much money is in the pot, then create the turmoil between the 2 parties to bump up their fee's . . . No money = quick & easy, lots of money = messy. This is why your solicitor drives a Range Rover & you don't.

A good hitman costs approx £100k & you are only 3x good friends away from one. They are very cost effective if the settlement is in the £million+ area but sadly they are not tax deductable. I suggest everyone facing the prospect of a divorce at least considers the option.

Shoot one of the solicitors & the other will 'get' the message.
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I clean my guns with the tears of the snivelling, left wing scum.

[Ste]

You don't need to kill anybody.

Modern problems require modern solutions.

All you need to do is arrange for her to visit all the big Christmas markets around the country because if she visits enough of them it's impossible for her to not be snackbarred.

[struan80]

Personally you should do what I have done, kill her, cremate her then bury the ashes. Where to bury them can be a problem.

[A100man]

Difficult day today.. I wanted to take the kids to youth hostel at half-term, but when I put in my request she announce she's taking my kids to Tenerife.. with her boyfriend. Apparently the kids think he's great and they are looking forward to it and there's not a thing in the world I can do about it.

If I try to persuade them not to go because he's a cunt, that does me no favours either.. So I have to wish them to have a good time and suck it up..

Happy fucking New Year.
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600