Negotiating Divorce.. Oh joy..

[Howling Terror]

You'll have loads of opportunities to make great memories with your children.
Keep things in perspective. Better to have 2 stable homes.
Kids will remember if you snipe about this new fella. One day they'll remind you of how well you handled things...or not.

Your job is to see the children through this transition and whatever happens with the ex you'll always be their Dad.

Try not to spoil them but always have something planned to do with them. I tried lots of different activities with mine and only a few cost me extra money.

You'll be all reet.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[JackButler]

[A100man]

Thanks both for the encouraging words - often difficult to see through the red mist. This will be the first time in over 2 years she's taken then them anywhere with him - he will be organizing no doubt as she is too crap. You're both making good sense but I will still despise him to my dying day. Brave face for the kids though eh? Got it.

I remain hopeful that one day her mask slips and she will be revealed as the needy, greedy, conniving, stroppy, wind-up, bitch that a few of us have already encountered..
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[Howling Terror]

The interesting part will come if you meet someone new.

Oh and before you give it 'Never ever again...I like masturbating'.
Life, as we know loves to throw a curve-ball when you least expect it.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Tracey Suntan-King]

You've had some good advice here.

All I'd add, as a child of a broken home is that I remember my Dad (who was the cheater) being absolutely vile about my Mum. Telling us things we didnt even understand and generally being a right bastard about her when she was the innocent party!

Conversely, she never said a bad word about him despite the destruction his cheating wrought on her and us 4 kids, the eldest of which (me) was 12, the youngest , 4. Only once we were all well into adult hood, did she give her true opinions an airing*.

I have always admired her for this, it must have been so hard to button her lip for all those years.

So, yes to keeping a dignified silence, you can tell them more when they're grown up, then you'll have their eternal love and respect.






*I'll admit it was quite shocking, but at the same time thrilling, hearing my mother say the words "that c*nt"
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[Sister Sledge]

Bide your time. This is a long war though not a war as such - you must never (I mean it) rise to what sh*t is put before you. Smile and walk. Never ever feed what they want to start at you.
There are enemies that I have where the silence and non-reaction to what they start is quite literally destroying them.

Stay calm. It's almost impossible I know when those you hold so dear are embroiled in it. You actually have the upper hand here and let me explain..
The children know you. They know your routines. They know how you tick. Children are clever - far more intelligent than many realise.
The childrens world right now might seem to many as exciting and a new start - it is in a way but I know of few people who like change and enjoy watching stability vanish. Being stable, regular and trustworthy is what your children want from you. That is your first strength. When your children do visit after this they will chatter on about aeroplanes and other exciting things and I know it will eat at you. There will also be times when they're with you when they're almost silent - you'll think they're unhappy and perhaps they are but that silence is them realising that they miss the stability you give them. They'll often be wanting to stay longer with you but will not have the strength to ask. Be calm, be who you are for those children because one day they will ask to stay longer. Don't ever push the children into this but do let them know that they can stay with you any time they want. Tell them that they decide.

Over the years (if mums new relationship lasts that long..) your children will change. They will enjoy the stability you give them and will start seeing the cracks and faults that new bloke has. Like I said - children are not stupid. Gradually they will start reporting back on 'events' about new bloke. Bide your time and when reports start flowing back, you yourself will begin forming a picture of new blokes life - happens every time. Remember too that your children trust you and when they realise it's OK to tell you of even more faults with new bloke a new type of bond will be forming between your children and yourself.

Being with the children doesn't have to cost as others are saying too. They want fun and interesting. They want that local park, the local bakers, the local trips. They want things that can be had often and not yearly. They want interaction with you so be prepared to join in and play football, be that Dad who can't do everything well but is still great fun.

A final word: Suppose this routine continues for two decades and your children grow up and move out of mums. You will be far more interesting to them. You will be the cool Dad who never showed violence and you're that person away from everything who they will confide in. They will trust you far more than new bloke and more than mum too. They grew up with you part time but for them it was quality time.

Never rise to a fight. Be strong and conserve strength. It will be needed one day just not yet and probably not for this struggle either.
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CCM 404 DS

[A100man]

Thanks again all. Who knew there was so much sound advice on here. I'll admit i find it hard not you make the occasional snipe (nothing vile though!) but I will redouble my efforts to be squeaky clean..

As mentioned earlier in the thread new bloke is a known quantity and a former friend of mine. It is clear she is pulling his strings and he is responding as she wants.. for the moment.

Thanks again -it means a lot to get this support form people who don't even know me (well).

Cheers
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[steve the grease]

A lots of kids don't want stuff , we all have lots of stuff, what ( it seems to) me they crave is love and stability . Those two ingredients can add together to make that mystical thing "Quality time". An example might be: you all make homemade popcorn together, then eat it whilst all of you watch terrible Disney type film on TV on the sofa.
It cost buttons, it's 'fun' and when the popcorn climbs out of the pan and goes on the floor you have the sort of memory that lasts a lifetime.
Sort of thing

[will901]

It is kinda sad story if honestly. But if you want a professional oppinion, you should ask for help here https://onlinedivorcer.com/helpcenter. because all negotiations with her lawyer can lead to a dead end. Since he knows his job and will be able to turn the negotiations in the direction he needs.

[linuxyeti]