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How is the nicest way to tell someone ........you smell bad

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WreckTangle
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PostPosted: 20:36 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: How is the nicest way to tell someone ........you smell bad Reply with quote

Here is one of these questions that you might be familiar, if you work in an office.

I work in a bank (yes, everyone love those banks, especially after the financial crash...............look.......please don't kill me Confused ) and at the start of the year (as every year) we get the normal influx of new staff.............that last bout 3 months then they all get fired or quit because they have the motivation of a dead cat

One of the new people that has started who is strangely one of my neighbors who lives down my street. He is about 26-30 years old. Long hair, looks a bit weird.

people seem to say he is very intelligent, but seems to be socially awkward, I suspect he has that autism/aspergers thing.



Now, here is the big issue, there is no way to put this nicely......I have been near him a few times.............he smells like a dead prostitute, no really, the odor can be smelt from about 50 metres away, and people are complaining.

I would go up to him and tell him that he is a stinking (insert random word here) but I am scared that I will 'offend him' or he might go awol.

Does anyone know how to advise someone autie like 'sorry mate you smell, have a bath or something' ......safely?

Only I don't want to see him murdered because of the smell by someone
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Last edited by WreckTangle on 09:17 - 07 Jan 2020; edited 1 time in total
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FretGrinder
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PostPosted: 20:44 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bar of soap through his letterbox Thumbs Up
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 20:50 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Put this as wallpaper on his computer?

https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/he-needs-a-shower-picture-id534473381?s=2048x2048

If you are good with photoshopping, put his head on the smelly body.
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Islander
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PostPosted: 21:13 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unless you're his line manager, then it's not your problem. Ask his manager to sort it out.
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Ste
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PostPosted: 21:30 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Assert dominance by farting near him as many times as possible every day.
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MarJay
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PostPosted: 21:37 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a problem like this a few years ago with a guy I worked with. Turns out he was allergic to washing powder and had severe psoriasis and excema. The reason you didn't ever see it manifest was because he just wore the same clothes day after day. To be honest after I found that out, I was happy to put up with the smell. I realised that it affected his entire life. He was aware of it and was prepared to handle the negative social consequences to avoid the pain and discomfort of the condition that he was unlucky enough to have. This was an articulate, intelligent clever guy who actually became a good friend of mine who would otherwise have been a knockout with the ladies if it weren't for this issue. I felt for him. Imagine having to choose between one ill or another. The smell was the lesser of two evils.

The problem is that trying to legitimately tell someone about a problem like that can easily descend into the realms of bullying. In fact, as others have mentioned, unless you are their line manager that's basically what it is.

What it's doing is making people mildly uncomfortable. It's not injuring them, it's not preventing them from working. If there is a real problem then as mentioned a line manager ought to try to broach the subject.
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 21:39 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Islander wrote:
Unless you're his line manager, then it's not your problem. Ask his manager to sort it out.


Definitely this^^^

And, there is no "nice" way.

I know this because I was the line manager this task got given to.

I agonised on how to tell this woman she ponged and decided the best way was to tell her straight and I was tempted to let her think that it was only me, not her colleagues who had noticed the whiff off her. To spare her feelings, you see. Coz I used to be nice Very Happy

Then I realised I was opening myself to allegations of bullying or singling her out so I told her the whole truth.

"Hi Jean* just to say your work seems to be going well and your colleagues say you've fitted in well. Theres just one thing, frankly Jean, your personal hygiene is letting you down, you smell. People have commented on it. Do you think you could do something about it? Deodorant? Wash your clothes more often?

She looked sheepish, left the room.......and resigned the next day! Apparently she preferred unemployment to having a bath Shocked


*Hi Jean! See what I did there?
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WD Forte
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PostPosted: 21:51 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I never thought I 'd ever have to say this but I need Nobby.

I know, but he's the only one I can think of that could tell me what a dead prostitute smells like.

Unless there's anybody else?
Answers in confidence of course.....
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P.
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PostPosted: 21:52 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is no real nice way... but I'm very open and if it bugs me, I tell them that they hum a little and could do with a wash. They won't come near you again...
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notabikeranym...
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PostPosted: 22:24 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Speak to the line manager about it directly. I'm a line manager and had to deal with this with a member of my team in the past. The manager needs to step up and do their job.

The way I dealt with it was to directly confront the issue (in a meeting room at random) and explain that we've had some reports of a personal hygiene concern and to ask if everything was OK or if there was any kind of personal concerns they were having outside of work (You never know what people are dealing with outside of work). You start to learn some things about people, but at the end of the day work is work and you have to come up with a solution to the issue, I.e. use deodorant or take a shower "if you're unsure" <- Yes some people are really that unaware of themselves.
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 23:16 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Would the ideal tactful perfect response be:
'' You dirty, fat, stinking, sweaty, skanky bastard! Go and have a fucking wash in a hot tub full of bleach and burn your flea ridden manky clothes, or we'll all take turns to punch you in the face for the rest of the day''?

Either that, or just say ''your too clever, too skilled and too good for this job, and everyone is jealous of you and wants to stab you in the back as your the man, and they are seething with insecurities and inadequacy. And it'd be best if you leave before they snap or you break them and everyone leaves overnight''
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stinkwheel
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PostPosted: 23:18 - 06 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

If he is on the spectrum, he maybe just needs telling. My experience of aspbergers people is usually, by the time they are an adult in full time employment, they are fully aware there are things they don't pick up on. They will take direct but non-confrontational advice and run with it without the degree of hand-wringing you might expect if the same happened to you. Maybe even thank you for it.

As above though, it's not your job to do the telling.

I have already appologised to my co-workers for me stinking out the office. I am pretty sensitive to deodourants. I shower every day and wear a clean t-shirt but I have explained that as long as they provide me with polyester polo shirts as my work uniform, I will be honking like a rugby club changing room by lunchtime. I never wear synthetic fabrics for this exact reason.

That said, large animal vets consider stinky armpits to be among the least offensive odours they are subjected to..
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Riejufixing
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PostPosted: 00:35 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Re: How is the nicest way to tell someone ........you smell Reply with quote

WreckTangle wrote:
One of the new people that has started on my neighbors


Neighbours?

WreckTangle wrote:
he smells like a dead prostitute, no really, the odor can be smelt from about 50 metres away, and people are complaining.

Approach, preferably in a social situation, not in the office unless it's near the bogs/kitchen.

Talk about whatever for as long as is necessary.

Say "(Sniff, sniff...) What's that funny smell? (thoughtful) It smells like a dead prostitute (sniff, sniff) Pwoar, poo, what a stink", and either ladle on more no-finger-pointing stuff like that, references to the drains, etc, or ask (if there aren't a lot of people about) whether he's stepped in a dead prostitute).
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Sister Sledge
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PostPosted: 09:12 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a line manager thing.

In the meantime buy everyone a small tub of Night Nurse and get them to wipe a little into each of their nostrils.

Yes one Xmas I bought a bar of soap for a co-worker and yes I put my name to it. Yes he was offended and yes he started a fight (or did I?). Was a long time ago.
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 10:07 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

HR are paid loads to sort this type of thing out.
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Hawkeye1250FA
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PostPosted: 10:26 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tracey Suntan-King wrote:
Islander wrote:
Unless you're his line manager, then it's not your problem. Ask his manager to sort it out.


Definitely this^^^

And, there is no "nice" way.

I know this because I was the line manager this task got given to.

I agonised on how to tell this woman she ponged and decided the best way was to tell her straight and I was tempted to let her think that it was only me, not her colleagues who had noticed the whiff off her. To spare her feelings, you see. Coz I used to be nice Very Happy

Then I realised I was opening myself to allegations of bullying or singling her out so I told her the whole truth.

"Hi Jean* just to say your work seems to be going well and your colleagues say you've fitted in well. Theres just one thing, frankly Jean, your personal hygiene is letting you down, you smell. People have commented on it. Do you think you could do something about it? Deodorant? Wash your clothes more often?

She looked sheepish, left the room.......and resigned the next day! Apparently she preferred unemployment to having a bath Shocked


*Hi Jean! See what I did there?


Same situation / same outcome a few years back.

Poor guy was allergic to normal deodorant / soap (no excuse though as there are allergen specific brands that just cost a bit more)

Left at lunchtime never came back - but did send a letter in apologising to anyone he put out Crying or Very sad
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WreckTangle
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PostPosted: 11:14 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

FretGrinder wrote:
Bar of soap through his letterbox


I suggested this to someone in my team, they are going to literally buy a soap bar and leave it on his desk, I wonder if he will get the point Twisted Evil

Islander wrote:
Unless you're his line manager, then it's not your problem. Ask his manager to sort it out.



Sister Sledge wrote:
It's a line manager thing.


Meef wrote:
Speak to the line manager about it directly. I'm a line manager and had to deal with this with a member of my team in the past. The manager needs to step up and do their job.


yeah, I did this about 10 mins ago. The problem with this it that his manager ..........is a psychopath (to work here you have to be) , and will literally speak his mind. I can guarantee that there will be tears later in the day........will be funny to watch, but whats left of my soul (the remaining bit that I have not sold off to satan) will be a bit.....concerned


Ste wrote:
Assert dominance by farting near him as many times as possible every day.


Christ, this means that I have to go on a pure diet of brussel sprouts and beans? don't think my anus can take this sort of pressure captain! she'll blow Shocked

MarJay wrote:
The problem is that trying to legitimately tell someone about a problem like that can easily descend into the realms of bullying. In fact, as others have mentioned, unless you are their line manager that's basically what it is.


That's the problem. trying to avoid office 'conflict , but the stink is becoming worse than a dead racist cat. You smell him, before you see/hear him. Everyone in this area is now aware of this problem, but handing issues like this is always a cause for concern as you rightfully state Thinking

Tracey Suntan-King wrote:
She looked sheepish, left the room.......and resigned the next day! Apparently she preferred unemployment to having a bath


Hopefully this guy is not part of this 'generation snowflake'

WD Forte wrote:
I never thought I 'd ever have to say this but I need Nobby.

I know, but he's the only one I can think of that could tell me what a dead prostitute smells like.

Unless there's anybody else?
Answers in confidence of course.....


It smells grim, really, when you live in southend for many years you will understand....NO wait what am I saying? I mean I have no idea what it smells like........LA LA LA...... Shifty

Paddy wrote:
There is no real nice way... but I'm very open and if it bugs me, I tell them that they hum a little and could do with a wash. They won't come near you again...


I am like that too, but the problem is that I will literally speak my mind.
" hi there, my name is Dave, pleased to meet you, you must be the guy that smells worse than a badly abused prostitutes welcome mat, .......whats that, why is my manager giving me my p45"

This is the case that you always suffer from 'the fear of offence' issue, which in a office environment leads to a 'documented discussion' about 'office dignity' and inclusion in the work place, god, I can't stand all this p.c nonsense, might just go over to him, blurt out what needs to be said and just hope to see if he comes in to work the next day, when he complaints, I should just play the ignorance card

stevo as b4 wrote:
Would the ideal tactful perfect response be:


Lol, but My name is not jeremy clarkson/john prescott/eric cantona Mr. Green

Stinkwheel wrote:
If he is on the spectrum, he maybe just needs telling. My experience of aspbergers people is usually, by the time they are an adult in full time employment, they are fully aware there are things they don't pick up on. They will take direct but non-confrontational advice and run with it without the degree of hand-wringing you might expect if the same happened to you. Maybe even thank you for it.

I have already appologised to my co-workers for me stinking out the office. I am pretty sensitive to deodourants. I shower every day and wear a clean t-shirt but I have explained that as long as they provide me with polyester polo shirts as my work uniform, I will be honking like a rugby club changing room by lunchtime. I never wear synthetic fabrics for this exact reason.


Is this the reason why you are named Stinkwheel Mr. Green
yeah, I did not think of that. weirdly, I have just noticed that he is wearing the same shirt today as he did yesterday, maybe if we strike a conversation about office wear, he might get the point. I might ask him to shave as well, as he looks like someone about to transition into hoboman

With people with these sort of conditions, there is always the fear that they will take this the wrong way, the term 'discriminatory' normally gets thrown around alot and bad things occur because of this. If the bosses message does not get across, will try and tell him straightly (as you suggest) but fingers crossed hopefully bad things won't happen. With these sort of conditions , you can never tell how someone will react to your advice, so there is always this element of fear involved in this (I SMELL a conflict comming on Wink )

I hope what you say is true through, as I have no experience in situations like this with people with these sort of 'conditions'


I can now only hope that his psycho manager gives him the 'telling' that he needs, as I suspect tears will be extracted at some point.

Riejufixing wrote:
Neighbours?


yeah, sorry, I wrote "One of the new people that has started on my neighbors" that should have been "one of the people that has started in this area is one of my neighbours down my street"
Christ my grammar is about as effective as a ejector seat on a helicopter Doh!
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ride_to_die
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PostPosted: 12:36 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Had a similar situation at work a few years ago. It was the line manager that stank. At christmas someone got him a deodarant gift thing with a note on it telling him he stank. He got the message.

You'll have to wait for christmas for this to work for you and also instigate a secret santa thing if you don't have one.
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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 12:52 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a mate who's feet stank, which became an issue when he slept over on the couch one night. I simply told him his feet stank, he got offended, I asked him what he thought a real friend should do, he agreed, problem solved (he took better care of his feet and stopped wearing trainers).
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Diggs
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PostPosted: 13:29 - 07 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to work in an office where we had the same issue. The lady was large and in summer her pits used to sing like a Welsh rugby crowd. No amount of hints did it, so we ended up having to tape air-fresheners to the underside of her desk and chair...

Thank feck she didn't suffer with asthma, as the stench of summer breezes and Nordic pine would have killed her!!!
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Ribenapigeon
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PostPosted: 02:21 - 08 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is it a fishy smell? There's a condition called Fish odor syndrome. its because the nody cant process certain sunbstances in food. If the person cuts out the food responsible thent he odor stops. For real.
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MCN
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PostPosted: 04:13 - 08 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hetzer wrote:
I had a mate who's feet stank, which became an issue when he slept over on the couch one night. I simply told him his feet stank, he got offended, I asked him what he thought a real friend should do, he agreed, problem solved (he took better care of his feet and stopped wearing trainers).


Wash. Dry. Apply.

Soap, towel, Anti-fungal.

Some people must believe, 'They are feet, they stink'. 😳

And any item that pongs should be binned.
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MCN
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PostPosted: 04:19 - 08 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

There should be no big deal.

Society demands certain respects for its success.
No profanities, Dress modestly (for most work places),
Maintaining a degree of personal hygiene for your benefit and for others should not be a taboo area.

If you smell you should be told. (But you really shouldn't have to be unless you have an olfactory condition that affects sense 0f smell)
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MarJay
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PostPosted: 10:54 - 08 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ribenapigeon wrote:
Is it a fishy smell? There's a condition called Fish odor syndrome. its because the nody cant process certain sunbstances in food. If the person cuts out the food responsible thent he odor stops. For real.


I heard a story that because the Chinese don't eat dairy products very often, that when they encounter a westerner or westerners who do, they can smell a very strong 'off milk' type smell. Obviously we don't notice it as we generate it, but it's an interesting thing to think about.
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WreckTangle
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PostPosted: 15:12 - 09 Jan 2020    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since this thread was created, the culprits smell has 'subsided' for now, I suspect the soap on the desk did the trick, but I smell it returning any time soon.


To be fair, he did have a 'glum' look on his face the whole of yesterday afternoon
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