Worst ( or best ) Pull.

[steve the grease]

Just one to get us started.
Once when I was an apprentice, riding to work, I got pulled over by a copper
" Right then sonny, where's your mirrors?"
"You don't need mirrors on a bike, look, you can look over your shoulder, (twists head round) and see perfectly well. Look the brake light works ( flash, flash), the horn works (beep , beep), it all works. Listen mate you're going to make me be late for work, unless you have got anything better than no mirrors, I need to be going."
" (Muttering) Hmm, no mirrors. Right then, off you go, but don't let me see you again."

I guess this is what happens when you have only attended the first lesson of ' Vehicle law 101- checking a vehicle over, visual inspection.'
your turn....
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All the above is my personal opinion, you can see my lips move, but I'm talking out of my arse.
I've been riding, and fixing , bikes for 50 years, in that time the more I learn, the less I am absolutely sure of.....

[Nobby the Bastard]

Not a pull as such but...

Maundy thursday in about 91. Decided to ride to Glastonbury with the girly.

Got to Wells and the fucking place was crawling with filth. How was I supposed to know that Lizzie and Phil the Greek was down the giving out the maundy money....
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Triumph Sprint ST 1050

[Easy-X]

Not bike related but a friend of mine was an old skool punk rocker: mohican hair, "national health" glasses, bovver boots, long trench coat...

"Where are you going, sunshine?" (before the era of stop and search when coppers just accosted people for no reason.)

To work (opens trench coat to reveal McDonald's uniform)

"Oh, err... okay, on ya way then."
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Royal Enfield Continental GT 535, Husqvarna Vitpilen 401, Yamaha XSR700, Honda Rebel, Yamaha DT175, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter

[A100man]

Early 80s..

My mate gets pulled on his ragged BSA C15, it was such an old nail he had to carry a gallon of 20W50 with him on the pillion everywhere it went. Got pulled and the copper gives his heap the once over, but it was just about serviceable..

Copper: 'It's not really for me to say but you don't really look after this bike do you?'

Mate: 'No, but then it's not really for you to say is it?'

Copper: 'RIGHT.... !'
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[pepperami]

West London: going along a long straight road at the same speed as all the other traffic.
I didn’t need to filter as I wasn’t in a hurry and the traffic was moving.

Out steps plod with his arm raised and pointing to the very small lay-by.
I pull in and remove my bash hat.

“Hello sonny, is this your bike then?”
I’d only bought the bike brand new three months earlier.
“Yes of course it’s mine! What do you think I nicked it then” says I.
With a smug look on his face, he says “you can prove that then can you”.
As it happened that day I had needed to prove my address at college and had used my log book, insurance certificate and bill-of-sale receipt.
So I produce my paperwork much to his surprise.
“You’re a little smart arse aren’t you “
“Can I go now please” I asked.

No sonny you can’t , I haven’t finished with you yet.
He spent a good five minutes going over my bike, but all was good and no issues.
He finally got a tape measure and measured my L-plates.
“Oh dear! You’ve lost half an inch off the bottom of your number plate”
“I’m going to report you for failure to display the correct size L-plates”
“Off you go sonny “ he said smiling in my face.
Three months later I got a court summons and was fined ten pounds and given two penalty points on my license.

No I wasn’t rude or have any attitude, so it was his bad attitude not mine.
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I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!

[Nobby the Bastard]

Ah yes, the personality test.

For some bizarre reason, despite my height I manage to pass it every time.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Triumph Sprint ST 1050

[xX-Alex-Xx]

Go past a load of cops sat on the side of the highway going when I was leading about 10 bikes about 10kph over the limit, I get pulled over, everyone else keeps going (rightly so). Me in full leathers on a K5 Gixxer thou, everyone else on assorted bikes in "normal" gear. I'm the obvious target I guess.....

Helmet off etc right away as this cop walks up who obviously spends half his life in the gym - definitely not messing with him Get my licence out, on the back is a sticker labelled "ICE" with a phone number. He asks suspiciously what ICE means (assuming it's my dealer's number probably), and I tell him it's In Case of Emergency and it's girlfriend's number. "Feel free to call it, she's a corporal on the same force as you - she'll verify)". He goes off to check my licence and insurance, comes back, talks about the bike for a couple of minutes, and off we go. Sorted

Was so tempting to bust a massive wheelie up the highway going past him after that, but as he already had all my details it was a better decision not to
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DILLIGAF

[bhinso]

I got pulled over back in '96 on my old KMX125.
I had a bag of golf clubs on my back.

Thought I'd get done for that, but they just thought I had nicked the bike and golf clubs.

[yen_powell]

Three of us riding between trails near the Cat and Fiddle, so we are covered in mud and sweat. I am the middle bike and have snapped both rear indicators off in the last hour or so through various drops and spills, just some wires hanging out.

We pass a police car, I have no mirrors and I don't want to keep looking behind in case I look guilty. Sure enough there is a siren bleep and we all get pulled over.

The copper checks over the front bike and issues a ticket for no road tax and no insurance (later turned out the insurance was okay).

He then issues a ticket for the back bike's tiny Letraset number plate.

As I stand nervously waiting for my turn, the copper puts his clip board on my back seat covering up the hanging wires. He points at my proper sized number plate (which faces up to the sky due to the removal of the mudguard mount) and says to the rear rider, 'That is how your number plate should be!'.

He then sent us on our way. I am ticketless. I head back to the B&B whilst my luck is still holding.
____________________
Blackmail is a nasty word........but not as nasty as phlegm!
XT1200Z and a DR350 in bits

[Polarbear]

Many moons ago when I was in a backpatch club and drove a trike with my two GSD's in the back - this one

https://i.postimg.cc/9FmXyjFG/GWtrike.jpg

The box was made of plywood and smoked perspex so you couldn't see in and had a folding sun roof.

Anyway was pulled on the M! heading towards London and the young copper got out (blue band meaning he was a trainee, do they still do have them?) he came up to the trike, slammed his hand on the roof and said 'What do you call this then?' which rather pissed off one of the dogs so that he stuck his nose out of the sunroof and bit said coppers finger.

The other copper, an old geezer had just got to us and he was wetting himself with laughter, as was I. Young copper was not happy especially when old copper told him to learn his lesson and look at the situation before being an arse. I got told to fuck off which I did very quickly as my road tax was well out of date. Obviously years before ANPR.

Another picture of said dog trike. I went all over the country with those pooches.

https://i.postimg.cc/y6ftrqyh/Dogbox.jpg
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Triumph Trophy Launch Edition

[stinkwheel]

My local is half a mile out of the village. Literally tyhe only thing out that way with a footpath leading out to it.

Was walking home with the Mrs. after having had a few (so on the footpath between a pub in the middle of nowhere and the village it serves, just after closing time) when a copper pulled up alongside us and got out of his car.

"What are you doing then?"

"Not driving."

"Where you been?"

*looks at the pub. Looks at the copper. Looks back at the pub again*

"Well, you're the detective, you tell meee..." *Crash* (sound of the Mrs shoving me into the hedge).
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[pepperami]

Getting away with it also.
I’d not long bought my wonderful Yamaha RD 250lc.

Compared to what I had been riding, this thing flew (well to me it did).

A bright dry clear morning on the A12 going out of London the opposite way to the rush hour traffic.
All of a sudden I’m Phil Read, Freddie Spencer, and Eddy Lawson all rolled into one !!
There I am zooming along at a right old lick, literally passing everything.
I’m giving all the beans I had and out of the corner of my eye I see a cop car (Ford Granada) sat at the junction.
To late for me to slow down, I been seen.
As I go passed I roll off the throttle but don’t brake.
By the time they catch up, I’m only doing 70mph.
They pull alongside and give me the slow down sign.
I put my thumb up and they disappear into the distance.

I guess they couldn’t time me or they had something more important to do.
Happy days in the early 80s
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I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!

[stinkwheel]

I was riding back into town from college on a dual carriageway. As far as I'm concerned, it's a dual carriageway outside the ring road and should be NSL, not 40 like it was.

Even then, I'd have been going a tad faster than the posted limit

I saw a flash of yellow in a laybye up ahead (good obs) thought "Speed trap" and threw out the anchor. Almost literally standing my GPZ500 on its nose.

By the time he had his hairdrier up, I was well below the required 40 and I knew it but he pulled me over anyway.

"How fast were you going there?"

"40mph officer."

"WERE YOU FUCK! WERE YOU FUCK! I've never seen anyone brake so hard in my fucking life. What speed were you really doing!?"

"40mph officer."

The bike wasn't helping matters at this point because the front brake was going *dink, dink, dink* as it cooled down.

There then followed what I can only describe as a tantrum. He didn't actually throw himself on the floor and drum his hands and feet but it wasn't far off it. He was stomping about and going purple and shouting. I was all .

After a bit, he realised i wasn't going to rise to him or just tell him how fast I was going. He admitted that he hadn't even got a reading on me with his hairdrier (tracking a target under G is a bitch) and told me to fuck off.
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[stinkwheel]

My best one, which I have recounted before, was on hartside pass.

I'd just got a new MZ supermoto and was riding up to the (now burned down) cafe.

On the way up, there were a few sheep on the side of the road, including one of those mental looking ones with its fleece half hanging off. I know what those things are like so I slowed right down to walking pace. Sure as hell, it ran out as I passed and actually ran into my leg, fell over, shook itself and disappeared off up the fell.

So I went into the cafe for bacon roll and cup of tea. There were a couple of bike cops there who were looking over my bike. I assumed because they'd never seen one before. It was brand new so no possability of anything wrong with it but i'm fucked if I'm going up and talking to a busy so I waited until they'd gone to check tax discs/measure numberplates or something elsewhere before I set off.

No sooner was I on my way but both bikes pulled out behind me. ffs, that spoils the run down. Next news one flies past me and puts the blue lights on. So I have one behind, one in front. After a bit, there's a dirt laybye and we pull in, as we do so, a traffic car screeches to a halt alongside me too.

So three vehicles, three constables and a sergeant. "I suppose you know why we've stopped you?".

"No idea. Did I rob a bank or something?"

"You were involved in a collision earlier today."

"Umm. No. I'm pretty sure I'd remember being involved in a collision."

"A member of the public reported you as being in collision with some livestock."

"Oh, that sheep. Yah, good job I spotted it and slowed down, it would have had me off."

"That's failure to stop and report which is an offence under *blah blah blah*. You are required to report it within *blah blah* and you had ample opportunity to report it to the officers up at the cafe."

"Hang on a minute. My understanding is I only have to stop and report if property is damaged or the animal is injured. It wasn't so there is no need to stop and report."

"Well for all you know, the animal could have been injured or suffering from stress. You had a legal duty to report it to us."

At this point he seemed to become aware that all was not going as intended with this stop. I think my broad shit-eating grin may have had something to do with it.

"Well officer. In my professional oppinion, it wasn't.".

He's starting to get that sinking feeling.

"Can I ask what you do for a living Sir?"

"I'm a veterinary surgeon, specialising in farm animals."

They still turned it into a document check and give me a producer (despite it having a 3-day old tax disc on) because they are egotistical cocks who don't know when they are beaten.
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[hellkat]

On my way to work, few years ago now, probably on the GPZ500 - and I was coming down the Mall (my usual route, back then) at a fair old trot.

I used to like caning it down there until this stupid ULEZ thing kept my smelly bike out of central London. On the Mall, "caning it" is really only 35-40 - and that's not even including this stupid new 20mph speed limit

So I got to the Palace at the bottom (?top) and had just swung off round to the right but I got stuck having to stop at those lights at the bottom before you head up to Hyde Park Corner.

And a copper pulled up beside me.

He: "You were going a bit fast back there, weren't you."

Me: "Yeah, sorry about that, but I slowed down when I saw you in my mirrors, though, eh?."
*cheesy grin*

He (slight frown): "Take it easy from now on."
*rides off*


Woot!
I like to think it might have been the red lipstick.

But it was probably nearly morning teatime and he didn't want to miss his donut.
____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[TbirdX]

Driving home from a...er...liason, I'm on a dual carriage way, just bowling along in my Marina van, so not going fast when I notice another car right up my chuff.

I go a little faster, he stays with me. We come to a set of lights, the first of many in a short ish distance and he pulls alongside.

Lights change, he guns it, gets ahead and changes into my lane abruptly.

We hit the next set of lights. I pull alongside him this time and return the favour.

This goes on for a few sets of lights.

Eventually, I've had enough of this and at the next set I know there is a peel off left lane. The lights change to red as we are approaching and I get myself in the left lane.
He comes to a stop at the lights, I peel off down the left lane, cross two lanes of traffic and up the entry slip the other side, neatly by passing the lights.
I give it all the little Marina can muster.

Matey is no where to be seen in my rear view...but...whats that flashing light.


Oh bugger. In my desire to get in front I hadn't noticed the copper sitting at the lights as I pulled my manoeuvre.

I pulled over and waited for them, they gave me a ticking off and sent me on my way.
As I was in a company van I decided to front the Boss in case he got a call.

He just laughed and said he'd tell them I was on an emergency call

Nothing ever came of it.
____________________
VFR800X - CFMoto 450MT - TTR250

[notbike]

Pulled for cruising at less than 30mph in a 30 with 1 hand on the tank just about to slow down and pull into work. Officer ran some checks and then told me to keep both hands on the steering wheel at all times when driving a motorbike. His reasoning was that "at any speed, it's just a matter of hitting a stone in the road and the front is gone." Okay, Mr Expert.

This other time, I briefly hit 120 in a 40 cause I wanted to get home quickly and the dual carriageway was completely empty. Pulled up to the lights.

Very angry looking copper pulled round the front of me with his lights on leaving me nowhere to go, (not that I was going to run lol). I was fully co-operative with them, provided licence/insurance and whatever, explained that I was aware that I had no excuse for hitting those speeds. I sort of accepted my fate at this point.

Then the plod goes "What do you work as?" and I explain my role is vaguely IT related, and he goes "Any chance you can fix these Dell tablets? They're not turning on." so I said I suppose I can have a go.

Obviously I pretended to press buttons and fuck about with it before telling them nope, really sorry Officer, but I can't figure out what's wrong with them. (Clearly I wasn't going to provide them with the tools to secure a prosecution against me for dangerous riding).

After some awkward waiting while they both tried to figure out the tablets, the radio comes on with something urgent nearby (I forget what), so instead they gave me a warning and told me not to do it again, sent me on my way.

Other times included being boxed in by 3 motorbike officers for "pulling off the lights too fast" on my R6 despite me knowing fully well that I didn't. Probably saw a young guy on a super in London and wanted to check everything was legit. I don't speed in London because 1. There's no fucking room for that, and 2. That's just asking to crash and die very quickly. 3. Pedestrians are complete retards and you can be going 10mph and still have someone jump out in front of you.

[Nobby the Bastard]

Back in the day I used to do voluntary work with disadvantaged kids in Bath.

We;d been on a trip to a climbing centre in St Werbergs and, to go back to Bath, you head out of there up to the M32 and then turn round at the roundabout back to the centre of Bristol.

Anyway, as we swing round the roundabout I saw a rozzer and knew immediately we'd get pulled (dreadlocked mohican and loads of piercings....)

As i drove over the flyover by the Showcase cinema, all these fucking filth came from nowhere.

One behind, one in front forcing me to the side of the road and one alongside.

So I just get out, walk to the nearest* and ask what the problem was.

Explained that I'm a mentor for one of the kids in the car, and my front seat passanger was a mentor for another and we were giveing a lift to the third back whOse mentor wasn't attending today. Where we'd been, where we were going etc.

Was told to go on my way.

The looks on the kids were a picture when I got back in the car and just drove away. I had to explain that I wasn't doing anything wrong so I had nothing to worry about.

I'm sure having 'Reverend' on my license helped but passing thepersonality test always works.

I did say to the kids that I'd been given a £60 penalty because one wasn't wearing a seatbelt just for shits and giggles....

* always walk to the cop car/bike and don't wait for them to approach you. They hate it because you are taking charge of the situation and are automatically in the dominant position.
____________________
trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Triumph Sprint ST 1050

[Pete.]

Not me, but my brother. When he was 16 he had a right bag of shit moped with an open pipe that sounded like a thousand watt bumble bee fart.

Copper pulled him up and whilst the cop was walking over he un-zipped his jacket, grabbed his docs and held out at arm's length for the copper.

Copper said "Happens often does it, son?"
____________________
a.k.a 'Geri'

132.9mph off and walked away. Gear is good, gear is good, gear is very very good

[stinkwheel]

[Nobby the Bastard]

I watched a mate who'd just been pulled lean on the roof whilst talking to them and pick most of the number off the roof.


The rozzer kept asking him why we were laughing....
____________________
trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Triumph Sprint ST 1050

[Nobby the Bastard]

Never discount the power of the personality test.

The last time I got a tug was after being chaserd about 4 miles round Bristol. I'd never exceeded the speed limit because I knew he was there, but FZR 1000RR....

Passed the test and then proceeded to take the piss.

'I could see you leaning out the side of the bike to see if you if could overtake'

'No, I can't see fuck all apart from my elbows in the mirror and I stick my head out to see in the mirror to see if you'd caught up yet' (He came up behind so fast he nearly rear ended me and promptly shat himself)


'What are you listening to on the headphones?'

'oh, just easy listening. Motorhead'

And the classic one is when in court for 95 in a 50 which is a 'Do not pass go, do not collect £200, insta ban'.

6 points.

Edit: He also invented the crime of 'overtaking in a built up area' and accused me of 'overbraking' and 'overaccelerating'. I just laughed at him.

He also suggested that my 'boss' wouldn't be impressed with me. When I looked confused he just pointed upwards. The reverend bit can be trying sometimes.
____________________
trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Triumph Sprint ST 1050

[Fizzer Thou]

I have had quite a few interactions with plod in my 45 years of riding on the road.I will not bore everyone and nobody with all of them so I shall only relate to one particular experience whilst out on the dirt bike one evening after work on a hot summers day.

I had got to the end of one green lane (a road with no tarmac) and directly across a tarmacced road was the continuation of that particular stretch of the Pilgrims Way in Kent.There was Mr and Mrs Plod standing there by their Pandaplod mobile and joy of joys,they beckoned me to stop.Mr Plod states that I am not allowed to ride along that track,to which I replied

"Do you know where I am allowed to ride?" to which his reply was to the negative.

"Then how do you know where I am not allowed to ride?" says I.His jaw dropped and he spluttered something along the lines of 'on your way...'
____________________
Just talk bikes.What else is there?

Always have a 'Plan B'

[hellkat]

[Kentol750]

Once got home from work to be told the police had rung to speak to me. (Was staying with my parents and my mum was blowing up!).

Call came and a nice polite officer told me I'd been reported for riding up along a pavement to pass traffic at 2.45 that day.

I confirmed it was 2.45pm that day, he said yes. I pointed out I had 50 witnesses to prove I was lifeguarding their pool party at 2.45pm and what would he like me to do to collect statements?

As I said, he was very polite. He said it was a member of the public that had reported me. And no, no need for anything else.

I then explained that 2 days prior to that, I'd been visiting my mum in work and had parked on that pavement car bay to do so. At around 2.45 I rode off at the drop kerb and went to work.

I think he said, 'oh, some people! Sorry to bother you.'
____________________
Some bikes.