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You prepare yourself for THAT phone call....

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andym
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PostPosted: 09:56 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: You prepare yourself for THAT phone call.... Reply with quote

... but it still hits you like a ton of bricks.

Sadly, my mum passed away a few hours ago after a short illness.
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Polarbear
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PostPosted: 11:03 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

My commiserations.

There is nothing to say that will help. When mine died I went through all the grief, the self accusations of not being there enough for her.

Mums are special and nothing but time dulls the pain.
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Tracey Suntan-King
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PostPosted: 11:10 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry Andy.
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Tankie
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PostPosted: 11:17 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for your loss
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Ste
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PostPosted: 11:20 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Crying or Very sad Sorry for your loss.

[manly no-homo hugs and kisses]
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pepperami
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PostPosted: 13:28 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

My condolences.
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Islander
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PostPosted: 13:38 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sincere condolences, Andy. Sad
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MCN
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PostPosted: 13:53 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear that sad news Andy.

Remember all the laughs you all shared.

Your mum never leaves you really.
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DJS
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PostPosted: 13:59 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don’t know you Andy but I have some idea of what you’re going through and it is shit.
Words at this time are so inadequate but I send you my sincere condolences.
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Clanger
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PostPosted: 14:12 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polarbear wrote:
Mums are special


Not mine.

Condolences to those that have lost people special to them. Karma
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Fisty
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PostPosted: 14:25 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

*hug*
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 15:11 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Clanger wrote:
Polarbear wrote:
Mums are special


Not mine.

Condolences to those that have lost people special to them. Karma


Ditto
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ThatDippyTwat
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PostPosted: 15:11 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shit mate, I'm sorry, it hits hard.

I got mine as a text message on a Sunday morning. You know it'll happen at some point, but it doesn't make it any easier when it does. Time brings a grudging acceptance.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 16:00 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aw, sweetie, sending super big hellkat hugs.
If you find yourself wandering around in a daze for a bit, that's okay.
Right now, just try to keep yourself fed and watered.
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stinkwheel
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PostPosted: 16:39 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

She's not gone while you're still here.
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JackButler
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PostPosted: 17:41 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

stinkwheel wrote:
She's not gone while you're still here.


What was that song . . . I'm sure I heard his voice echo in my babys newborn tears" ?
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JackButler
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PostPosted: 18:42 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

If I ever get to write down my life story I'll call it "Me Mam Sez . . ."

They say that "behind every great man there's a great woman", this is evidenced in rich old men with stunning blonde teen wife's & fugly but famous folk who can mysteriously command very many groupies.

My initial success came way before the scarlet whores & one of the happiest days of my life was driving 'me mam' in a Rolls Royce to her new bungalow in my early 20's.

Everything I did, I did it to impress her.

I've negotiated multi £million deals with some of the hardest bastards in business, I've closed down factories & thrown 100's on the dole & from scratch I have helped build enterprises that employ 1000's out of nothing but a bright idea & a green field.

I've had people spit in my face & I've had people turn their backs on me. None of that matters to me 'cos none of that ever mattered to her.

Me old man died a few years before her, he never liked me & never liked or understood what I'd become. She died shortly after her first great grandchild was born, they say there's often such a benchmark involved, she died peacefully in her bed with her family surrounding her.

I can say this with the understanding that at least some of you will understand. I know how you feel & I know that SFYL means fuck all really. The hardest thing I have ever done so far in my life is carrying the coffin of my grandchild into church, before that it was burying 'ME Mam'.
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Polo
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PostPosted: 21:03 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very sorry for your loss. Much love.
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 21:06 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like Back Scuttlers mum was thatcher.
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Kawasaki Jimbo
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PostPosted: 21:50 - 05 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

My condolences to you and yours, andym.

hellkat wrote:
If you find yourself wandering around in a daze for a bit, that's okay.

When my parents died it took a while to sink in, in fact I thought there must be something wrong with me, I wasn’t grieving like I felt I should have. Where was the aforementioned ton of bricks? Was I callous, unfeeling, some sort of psychopath? I was dazed. The funerals brought it home big time but also helped in starting to accept and move on.
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kawakid
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PostPosted: 11:20 - 07 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel so sorry for your loss, I have been there with my dad and it was sudden.

It took years to get over it.
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Polo
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PostPosted: 16:52 - 07 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

OP, I obviously don't know the circumstances or your mum's age but when my dad died 2 weeks after a cancer diagnosis, I drew on the thought that if we had said 10 years ago "this is how it is going to play out", he would have absolutely signed up to it. He hated the thought of a long drawn out illness.

Remember to talk, always talk. To anyone that is offering an ear, take it.
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andym
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PostPosted: 03:13 - 08 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I keep trying to reply, but can't really think of what to say.... First off, thank you for all your kind words.

At the moment everything has been put on hold becasue we have to wait for an autopsy to be done on the 27th of this month, (the police contacted me and asked me to make the decision on whether one would be done or not, I didn't want to take that responsibility so it was passed to the procurator fiscal to make the decision), the doctor refused to issue a death certificate because they hadn't seen her since February.

There's a lot of things I hadn't been told about leading up to my mums death. I did manage to bring my little brother to my flat for a night and got to speak to him, (without my dad trying to shut him up constantly), on the Saturday she fell over (again), and told my dad that she couldn't move her leg, my dad just got her in to bed and basically left her there, she was refusing to eat etc. On Monday morning at around 6am she tried to get out of bed, (either memory or muscle spasms), when my dad went to help her back in to bed he found she wasn't breathing.

I know people say it all the time, "she's at peace now, no longer in pain", having seen her health decrease over the last few years and the life she was forced to live, in a way I'm glad she's gone as she really isn't suffering any more.
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 19:30 - 08 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

You always think [when people are still alive] , "Oh, well I'd *never* say/do something like that!"

But in fact, after the event, when you do find yourself saying it, there's a kind of comfort cos you felt that it actually was the right thing to say or feel.

Weird!
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andym
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PostPosted: 19:40 - 08 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
...But in fact, after the event, when you do find yourself saying it, there's a kind of comfort cos you felt that it actually was the right thing to say or feel....


Maybe that's why, (other than struggling to speak on the day), I haven't really been upset about it.... the only time I get a little choked up is when I think of how peaceful she looked after she had gone compared to the constant suffering she endured when she was alive.
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