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Scarinish |
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Scarinish L Plate Warrior
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Evil Hans |
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Evil Hans World Chat Champion
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doggone |
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doggone World Chat Champion
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arry |
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arry Super Spammer
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Kawasaki Jimbo |
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Kawasaki Jimbo World Chat Champion
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Posted: 13:34 - 21 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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NJD |
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NJD World Chat Champion
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Posted: 13:42 - 21 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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Get rid of the wife, enjoy bike and have happy life? Sorted.
Sod dancing around other people. You want something that makes you happy just get on with it.
There's probably an endless number of ways you can die, rather have lived than spent it attempting to prevent it happening.
____________________ The do it all, T̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶k̶e̶n̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶,̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶g̶ ̶l̶u̶m̶p̶,̶ ̶C̶h̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶N̶o̶o̶d̶l̶e̶ |
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Nobby the Bastard |
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Nobby the Bastard Harley Gaydar
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Ayrton |
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Ayrton World Chat Champion
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pepperami |
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pepperami Super Spammer
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UncleFester |
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UncleFester World Chat Champion
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Fat Angry Scotsman |
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Fat Angry Scotsman World Chat Champion
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Posted: 14:42 - 21 Apr 2021 Post subject: Re: Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly |
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Scarinish wrote: | Hi folks,
I’m approaching 50 and I wanted to get into motorcycling. I’ve always liked them, and even had one for a brief period when I was very young.
I wanted to take lessons, and the kind of bike I was thinking of in the longer term, wouldn’t be anything particularly powerful or fast, but something like a 500cc beginner cruiser, like a Honda Rebel.
Anyway that aside .... I’ve hit a big brick wall as my wife has said absolutely no....bikes are death machines.
This is something that I’ve a feeling is quite common!
Does anyone have any advice, such as stats, that might help reduce the anxiety a partner might have about their other half taking up the hobby?
Not sure if you can help, but thought I’d ask! |
Mate, you need to get out from under her thumb: you are a grown ass man. You only live one life and with the greatest of respect at 50 years old you're more than likely over the half-way point. If you want to ride a motorcycle then go do it before you die some point in the future having never experienced it.
Carpe diem! ____________________ PRESENT: 2018 BMW S1000XR SE Sport.
PAST: 2009 Kawasaki ER-6F. 2021 Zontes ZT-125U. |
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FretGrinder |
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FretGrinder World Chat Champion
Joined: 29 Jul 2010 Karma :
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Posted: 15:49 - 21 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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Get a woman that also rides a bike
I'm lucky in that my other half rides too, so she understands perfectly if I just want to go out for a hoon for a couple of hours.
It's also great that you can both go out together if you want to, or just go our for yourself. We often have days together on the bikes but we also go out by ourselves too.
We don't really think about the dangers of being on a bike in respect of how dangerous it is for each other, we just enjoy it.
Its also great for gift ideas. ____________________ Yamaha MT-09
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Recluso |
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Recluso Brolly Dolly
Joined: 16 Mar 2011 Karma :
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Posted: 16:18 - 21 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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Well now, jokes aside about ditching the wife.
First off, ask her why she has such a strong opinion on their danger. It could be that she knew someone who was involved in an accident. Acknowledge how she feels, yes but at the same time there is indeed the element that it's not wholly fair that she declare an absolute veto on something that she likely knows that you've had an interest in for more than the past 5 minutes.
Regarding stats. Eh. Because stats only paint a numeric picture but give no qualitative variables which are all to be taken into account when it comes to looking at fatality statistics which is what was the cause of the collision? Anyone can pick up numbers that said 500 people died on the same road in 1 year but that could be down to a wide variety of factors which still don't attribute causality.
So. Consider a sit down. Ask her what would make her feel more comfortable about the idea but emphasise that this is something that does feel important to you as something you achieve and obtain for yourself. Discuss whether she might feel more comfortable if you arranged facets like a message to know you're still okay when you stop - little updates. Point out that you're planning on wearing appropriate gear (which was my mum's compromise when she, as someone who wasn't COMPLETELY a fan of the idea, let me get on my first scoot). Address that you're not looking for the newest R1 to do wheelies and find vehicles that your ideal bike would be comparable to. People tend to think of ALL bikes as being the next McLaren that will do 0-9000 in half a blink. Show her that 500cc doesn't actually mean lots of power if it's only got 33bhp and a rubbish power to weight ratio because it weighs as much as a small tank.
Another aspect. I assume you're a car driver. Reassure her that you have road experience and are familiar with how the road works. Got a good history with few/no accidents or tickets? Point that out as well and remind her that you are already a safe driver. These skills can and do cross over. By the sounds of it she's worried that you're wanting to zoom zoom everywhere. Point out that's not the case and what you're wanting out of this is just a different driving experience at a steady pace where you can just actually... experience driving outside of a metal box. Because yes, being on a bike is a whole different experience to a car.
Ultimately, I do not think it is fair that she has an absolute veto. You're not a 19yr old with no driving experience drooling over whatever goes as fast as possible. But at the same time, I can appreciate her worry. The reality is that bikers are classed a vulnerable road user but that doesn't immediately necessitate danger. But if she's using tactics such as 'you have family' and 'that's irresponsible, think of the kids/grandkids' that's also a bit unfair as that's quite manipulative because at the end of the day, you are also an adult and an absolute veto 'because I said so' isn't respecting you as one, or as an equal member of the partnership that you're in where BOTH sides need to be heard, considered and then ultimately, deliberated into an agreement that is favourable for all.
As Fret has pointed out, I do indeed let him go off and about. I know he rides a bit more aggressively than me and will have a hoon. I also know that is HIS decision to do so. But I also trust that he is sensible enough to be as safe as he can and isn't an idiot for the sake of it. End of the day, a lot of this isn't just about one person's opinion of bikes being dangerous but of the trust she has in you to try and ensure your safety as best you can. You can be killed just as gruesomely in a car, on a pushbike or even just walking down the road minding your own business. Remember, correlation doesn't necessitate causality. Riding a bike doesn't mean you ARE going to faceplant a tree.
P.S. Show her this if you want. I am indeed also a girly biker. ____________________ 'Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.'
Honda PS125i > Yamaha YBR125 > Yamaha XJ6 Diversion > Yamaha Tracer 900 |
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JustinW |
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JustinW Two Stroke Sniffer
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ThatDippyTwat |
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ThatDippyTwat World Chat Champion
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Kawasaki Jimbo |
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Kawasaki Jimbo World Chat Champion
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Easy-X |
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Easy-X Super Spammer
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Irezumi |
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Irezumi Nitrous Nuisance
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Weisse Schlange |
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Weisse Schlange Spanner Monkey
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Keithy |
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Keithy Spanner Monkey
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Posted: 21:14 - 21 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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Excellent advice from Recluso.
My OH is not a fan, knocked off a bike at 17, fractured femur, lifetime of pain since.
At 54 I started learning and made it clear to her that as soon as I got my CBT it would not be enough. I needed a full licence ‘to be as safe and as qualified as possible’. Accidents relate a lot to habits, ability to read the road etc, all of which you hopefully do.
Push comes to shove double your life insurance. |
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stinkwheel |
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stinkwheel Bovine Proctologist
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to v or not to v |
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to v or not to v World Chat Champion
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Posted: 07:05 - 22 Apr 2021 Post subject: |
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BCF should require forum donations for such sound relationship advice |
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wr6133 |
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wr6133 World Chat Champion
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JackButler |
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JackButler Traffic Copper
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CorriganJ |
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CorriganJ Scooby Slapper
Joined: 04 Apr 2019 Karma :
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Posted: 08:24 - 22 Apr 2021 Post subject: Re: Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly |
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Scarinish wrote: | Hi folks,
I’m approaching 50 and I wanted to get into motorcycling. I’ve always liked them, and even had one for a brief period when I was very young.
I wanted to take lessons, and the kind of bike I was thinking of in the longer term, wouldn’t be anything particularly powerful or fast, but something like a 500cc beginner cruiser, like a Honda Rebel.
Anyway that aside .... I’ve hit a big brick wall as my wife has said absolutely no....bikes are death machines.
This is something that I’ve a feeling is quite common!
Does anyone have any advice, such as stats, that might help reduce the anxiety a partner might have about their other half taking up the hobby?
Not sure if you can help, but thought I’d ask! |
My therapist said that, although someone telling you what to do comes from a good place, it's controlling behaviour and not healthy. You aren't responsible for anyone elses emotions apart from your own, so if you want the bike, buy the bike, and it is her responsability to work through whatever emotions that comes with for her - namely probably fear of loss. But, life is a constant adjustment to loss, and life is fundamentally unpredictable and will surprise us with bad news when we least expect it. How we learn to deal with that is up to us but navigating tragedy is just the human experience.
EDIT: Just because you aren't responsible for her emotions doesn't mean they aren't valid. So acknowledge you understand how she feels and she can feel that way BUT that you respectfully disagree and this is something you want to do. You can respect someone's emotions without being responsible for them. ____________________ 1991 RD04 |
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 3 years, 5 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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