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Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly

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Scarinish
L Plate Warrior



Joined: 21 Apr 2021
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PostPosted: 13:02 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly Reply with quote

Hi folks,

I’m approaching 50 and I wanted to get into motorcycling. I’ve always liked them, and even had one for a brief period when I was very young.

I wanted to take lessons, and the kind of bike I was thinking of in the longer term, wouldn’t be anything particularly powerful or fast, but something like a 500cc beginner cruiser, like a Honda Rebel.

Anyway that aside .... I’ve hit a big brick wall as my wife has said absolutely no....bikes are death machines.

This is something that I’ve a feeling is quite common!

Does anyone have any advice, such as stats, that might help reduce the anxiety a partner might have about their other half taking up the hobby?

Not sure if you can help, but thought I’d ask!
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Evil Hans
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PostPosted: 13:08 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can guarantee that everyone who replies to your question has not (yet) been killed by a motorcycle.
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doggone
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PostPosted: 13:20 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Best not look at too many stats but living is generally quite hazardous unless you sit in an armchair and that's risky too.

Realistically she may have a point it's not easy when you first start to be a perfectly safe accomplished rider and being older is not necessarily helpful at developing that muscle memory reaction where you hardly think about technical aspects of riding.
But there will always be a lot of mitigations especially where you live, and how experienced you are on the road driving other stuff.
You might not get on with it at all but no good wishing you did it five years ago until you're 90.

Just go for it look for a small capacity used bike you can give it a try without spending over £2k easily.
There are examples where wives come round to it, get a bike themselves and lives are transformed.
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arry
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PostPosted: 13:21 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

They are deadly and riding on UK roads especially near cities is sketchy at best.

She's right.

So, what are you going to do about it?
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Kawasaki Jimbo
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PostPosted: 13:34 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stolen from Rogerborg’s sig:

"We cheerfully teach our kids to ride and buy them ponies. Yet many parents wouldn't dream of encouraging them to take up motorcycling."

And Inside Out reveals a report by a leading spinal consultant which concluded that riding a horse is 20 times more dangerous than riding a motorbike.

While you can expect to have a serious motorbike accident once in every 7,000 hours, a serious riding accident happens once in every 350 hours.
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NJD
World Chat Champion



Joined: 11 Mar 2015
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PostPosted: 13:42 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get rid of the wife, enjoy bike and have happy life? Sorted.

Sod dancing around other people. You want something that makes you happy just get on with it.

There's probably an endless number of ways you can die, rather have lived than spent it attempting to prevent it happening.

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Nobby the Bastard
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Joined: 16 Aug 2013
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PostPosted: 14:08 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get a divorce.

(Wifie thinks she runs our lives, but I agree with her and then do my own thing anyway.....)
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Ayrton
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PostPosted: 14:15 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Re: Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly Reply with quote

Scarinish wrote:

Anyway that aside .... I’ve hit a big brick wall as my wife has said absolutely no....bikes are death machines.

Stop letting your wife control your life and do what you want Laughing

She is right to be concerned anyway, biking and deadly and people die all the time. You can mitigate it with training, gear etc but don't fool yourself into thinking its super safe.
I had the same issue when I was 17 when my parents wouldn't let me have a bike. I did some research (like asking on here) and convinced my parents by agreeing to do some extra training and by showing I understood the dangers and would wear the proper gear. I could only ride a 125 too, so doing that for a year might make her less worried. You could still do the DAS for the extra training and the option to upgrade when you quickly realise how little power it has.
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pepperami
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PostPosted: 14:20 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Grow a pair and TELL her you’re going to get a bike.
Just because she doesn’t like bike, doesn’t mean she should force her opinion/will onto you.

Get training and show her you are getting training on how to be a potentially safer rider.
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UncleFester
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PostPosted: 14:24 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go and do your CBT together.
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Fat Angry Scotsman
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PostPosted: 14:42 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Re: Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly Reply with quote

Scarinish wrote:
Hi folks,

I’m approaching 50 and I wanted to get into motorcycling. I’ve always liked them, and even had one for a brief period when I was very young.

I wanted to take lessons, and the kind of bike I was thinking of in the longer term, wouldn’t be anything particularly powerful or fast, but something like a 500cc beginner cruiser, like a Honda Rebel.

Anyway that aside .... I’ve hit a big brick wall as my wife has said absolutely no....bikes are death machines.

This is something that I’ve a feeling is quite common!

Does anyone have any advice, such as stats, that might help reduce the anxiety a partner might have about their other half taking up the hobby?

Not sure if you can help, but thought I’d ask!


Mate, you need to get out from under her thumb: you are a grown ass man. You only live one life and with the greatest of respect at 50 years old you're more than likely over the half-way point. If you want to ride a motorcycle then go do it before you die some point in the future having never experienced it.

Carpe diem!
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FretGrinder
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PostPosted: 15:49 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get a woman that also rides a bike Thumbs Up

I'm lucky in that my other half rides too, so she understands perfectly if I just want to go out for a hoon for a couple of hours.

It's also great that you can both go out together if you want to, or just go our for yourself. We often have days together on the bikes but we also go out by ourselves too.

We don't really think about the dangers of being on a bike in respect of how dangerous it is for each other, we just enjoy it.

Its also great for gift ideas.
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Recluso
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PostPosted: 16:18 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well now, jokes aside about ditching the wife.

First off, ask her why she has such a strong opinion on their danger. It could be that she knew someone who was involved in an accident. Acknowledge how she feels, yes but at the same time there is indeed the element that it's not wholly fair that she declare an absolute veto on something that she likely knows that you've had an interest in for more than the past 5 minutes.

Regarding stats. Eh. Because stats only paint a numeric picture but give no qualitative variables which are all to be taken into account when it comes to looking at fatality statistics which is what was the cause of the collision? Anyone can pick up numbers that said 500 people died on the same road in 1 year but that could be down to a wide variety of factors which still don't attribute causality.

So. Consider a sit down. Ask her what would make her feel more comfortable about the idea but emphasise that this is something that does feel important to you as something you achieve and obtain for yourself. Discuss whether she might feel more comfortable if you arranged facets like a message to know you're still okay when you stop - little updates. Point out that you're planning on wearing appropriate gear (which was my mum's compromise when she, as someone who wasn't COMPLETELY a fan of the idea, let me get on my first scoot). Address that you're not looking for the newest R1 to do wheelies and find vehicles that your ideal bike would be comparable to. People tend to think of ALL bikes as being the next McLaren that will do 0-9000 in half a blink. Show her that 500cc doesn't actually mean lots of power if it's only got 33bhp and a rubbish power to weight ratio because it weighs as much as a small tank.

Another aspect. I assume you're a car driver. Reassure her that you have road experience and are familiar with how the road works. Got a good history with few/no accidents or tickets? Point that out as well and remind her that you are already a safe driver. These skills can and do cross over. By the sounds of it she's worried that you're wanting to zoom zoom everywhere. Point out that's not the case and what you're wanting out of this is just a different driving experience at a steady pace where you can just actually... experience driving outside of a metal box. Because yes, being on a bike is a whole different experience to a car.

Ultimately, I do not think it is fair that she has an absolute veto. You're not a 19yr old with no driving experience drooling over whatever goes as fast as possible. But at the same time, I can appreciate her worry. The reality is that bikers are classed a vulnerable road user but that doesn't immediately necessitate danger. But if she's using tactics such as 'you have family' and 'that's irresponsible, think of the kids/grandkids' that's also a bit unfair as that's quite manipulative because at the end of the day, you are also an adult and an absolute veto 'because I said so' isn't respecting you as one, or as an equal member of the partnership that you're in where BOTH sides need to be heard, considered and then ultimately, deliberated into an agreement that is favourable for all.

As Fret has pointed out, I do indeed let him go off and about. I know he rides a bit more aggressively than me and will have a hoon. I also know that is HIS decision to do so. But I also trust that he is sensible enough to be as safe as he can and isn't an idiot for the sake of it. End of the day, a lot of this isn't just about one person's opinion of bikes being dangerous but of the trust she has in you to try and ensure your safety as best you can. You can be killed just as gruesomely in a car, on a pushbike or even just walking down the road minding your own business. Remember, correlation doesn't necessitate causality. Riding a bike doesn't mean you ARE going to faceplant a tree.

P.S. Show her this if you want. I am indeed also a girly biker.
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JustinW
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Joined: 21 Jul 2020
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PostPosted: 19:33 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was in the same situation. Here's how I did it...

Restored an old BSA Bantam during lockdown as something to do.
Did CBT. Pottered about country lanes for a while. As safe as a bicycle I tell her, look at it, tiny little thing.
Wifey starts getting used to it.
Told her the brakes are shit, there's no indicators, and I can't keep up with traffic.
Got a jap 125 to potter about on, as it's safer. She gets more used to it.
Told her I didn't want to keep L plates so did training.
Passed full test.
Sold 125 and got a 500cc, as it has ABS and better able to keep up with traffic.
Rode it regularly and came back home in one piece regularly.
Wife very used to it now. She now fancies having a go on the back.
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ThatDippyTwat
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PostPosted: 20:08 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

My OH was told that if she ever gave me an ultimatum, me or the bike(s), she would lose. Not because of my undying love for bikes etc, but because of the ultimatum itself.

You need to grow a pair. Someone laying down the law like that does not make for a healthy relationship. If you want to ride, and you judge the risk to be acceptable, then you should ride.
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Last edited by ThatDippyTwat on 18:23 - 23 Apr 2021; edited 1 time in total
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Kawasaki Jimbo
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PostPosted: 20:29 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I recall my instructor, a young fella called Tucker at the Enfield training centre, saying his girlfriend had been drawn to his cool motorcycling persona but then wanted to change him into something else when they became engaged. I don’t know if they married.

I didn’t tell my parents I had an interest in motorcycling until I passed the test and pitched up on a Yamaha XJR400, and I was an independent man aged 37!
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 20:52 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some stats on UK motorcycle deaths:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/447673/motorcyclist-casualties-2013-data.pdf

tl;dr A third of all deaths are under 25s - pretty much the same story with any activity really. Anyone born in the '70s would be quite right in considering motorcycles dangerous but deaths have plummeted since 1979, bikes are safer, training is better.
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Irezumi
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PostPosted: 21:09 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Evil Hans wrote:
I can guarantee that everyone who replies to your question has not (yet) been killed by a motorcycle.

We can also guarantee that everyone reading your question will eventually die, motorcycle or not.
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Weisse Schlange
Spanner Monkey



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PostPosted: 21:11 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm in the "I'd be more worried about being controlled by my missus" camp.
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Keithy
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PostPosted: 21:14 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent advice from Recluso.

My OH is not a fan, knocked off a bike at 17, fractured femur, lifetime of pain since.

At 54 I started learning and made it clear to her that as soon as I got my CBT it would not be enough. I needed a full licence ‘to be as safe and as qualified as possible’. Accidents relate a lot to habits, ability to read the road etc, all of which you hopefully do.

Push comes to shove double your life insurance. Wink
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stinkwheel
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PostPosted: 23:29 - 21 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you considered a scooter so you can feel the wind in your vagina?
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to v or not to v
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PostPosted: 07:05 - 22 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

BCF should require forum donations for such sound relationship advice Laughing
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wr6133
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PostPosted: 07:47 - 22 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take your testicles out of her handbag and give them a decent burial.

Then buy a bike
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JackButler
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PostPosted: 08:15 - 22 Apr 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, approaching 50 yet the testicles not yet fully developed.

You don't really want a bike do you? Those of us who do have usually always had one.

What Sir really wants is to satisfy the hormonal change of a mid life crisis & to combat the rapidly increasing loss of your sense of masculinity.

Have you considered wearing your shirts open to the naval, some form of large & shiny plate to wear around your neck, a toupe' plus a nice little 2 seat sportscar???
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CorriganJ
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PostPosted: 08:24 - 22 Apr 2021    Post subject: Re: Convincing partners that Motorcycling isn’t deadly Reply with quote

Scarinish wrote:
Hi folks,

I’m approaching 50 and I wanted to get into motorcycling. I’ve always liked them, and even had one for a brief period when I was very young.

I wanted to take lessons, and the kind of bike I was thinking of in the longer term, wouldn’t be anything particularly powerful or fast, but something like a 500cc beginner cruiser, like a Honda Rebel.

Anyway that aside .... I’ve hit a big brick wall as my wife has said absolutely no....bikes are death machines.

This is something that I’ve a feeling is quite common!

Does anyone have any advice, such as stats, that might help reduce the anxiety a partner might have about their other half taking up the hobby?

Not sure if you can help, but thought I’d ask!


My therapist said that, although someone telling you what to do comes from a good place, it's controlling behaviour and not healthy. You aren't responsible for anyone elses emotions apart from your own, so if you want the bike, buy the bike, and it is her responsability to work through whatever emotions that comes with for her - namely probably fear of loss. But, life is a constant adjustment to loss, and life is fundamentally unpredictable and will surprise us with bad news when we least expect it. How we learn to deal with that is up to us but navigating tragedy is just the human experience.

EDIT: Just because you aren't responsible for her emotions doesn't mean they aren't valid. So acknowledge you understand how she feels and she can feel that way BUT that you respectfully disagree and this is something you want to do. You can respect someone's emotions without being responsible for them.
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