Most embarrassing moment on a bike

[Howling Terror]

This one came to mind.

I'm on the duke riding with a bunch of BCF'ers...obviously like something out of mad max film with race-rep hooligans..wet behind the ear new(ish)_ riders..turbo bikes...plodders and generally a bunch of wonderful odd-bods.
Chance of crashing - moderate.
Chance of bike failures - v high.
Chance of people getting lost - no-brainer.

Few of the more spirited riders have lost some of the pack and pull to the kerbside.
They find us and we're ready again. I'm about to set off when I feel a tap on the rear wheel and some ginger lad is pissing around with me. He's tapping the rear wheel with his front...ta-tap-tap... I lean forward and proceed to do a big smelly burnout.
Indicate to set off and the tapping becomes more earnest.
Shoulder check and he's pointing down...At my side stand still down.

I was old enough to know better and thanks again Chris as the side stand is bolted to the engine on that bike.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Fat Angry Scotsman]

[ZebraDriver]

A mate took off at a vast rate of knots (two up), having forgotten to remove his disc lock. Said disc lock then removed one of his front calipers.

[Nobby the Bastard]

How about bringing the whole of the M5 to a standstill by binning your bike in the fast lane by touching the front brake....
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Sprint ST 1050

[Kawasaki Jimbo]

I’d taken my recently-acquired, used but lovely R1 in for a service and it seemed to have turned the mechanic’s head. He'd even jet-washed it, which was never part of a service before or since. The bike looked good parked at the end of a row of bikes. After answering his questions I paid, got kitted-up while the engine warmed, and then rolled the bike back out of the line, all witnessed by watching schoolboys.

Unfortunately the mechanic had left the jet wash out and I tripped over the hose. The bike fell away from me and crashed to the floor. Amazingly nothing broke and there were only light scratches on a small part of the fairing. The school kids helped me pick it up and I disappeared as quick as I could. I never went back.

[P.]

Being chased by a dog with his penis ready to enter once I inevitably stopped.

[hellkat]

I attended the funeral of my (then) best bikery mate Tigger Alldus, who had died in an accident some weeks earlier. We had agreed to meet up at Reading Services (I think) before heading down the M4/M5 to some burial site.

As I arrived on (I think) my XT660 with my boyf on the Super Tenere, for some reason known only to myself (and even then ... not really) I proceeded to stop and just let go of the handlebars, causing myself to drop the bike and fall off in front of more than half of the members of the Vincent Owners Club

I was inordinately embarrassed, to say the least.

It must certainly have been that I was "of a disordered mind" due to my mate's death.

But not *that* disordered as I managed to do my first ever ton in his remembrance, mainly whilst trying to catch up with his sidecar hearse halfway down the M5

He's the only person I know who has ever actually been late for their own funeral, as his friends had made him a customised coffin rather than buy one off the shelf - but the people who made it had been provided with the wrong measurements, basically only allowing for his actual height rather than adding a few extra inches at each end, so he had to be decanted into a non-customised coffin at the last minute
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[lingeringstin...]

OK this wasn't actually ON the bike, but sort of.

I walked from my flat to the garage just down the street where my bike was one night and got on it and rode to the store. Did a bit of shopping and when I went out to get back on my bike the smell hit me. There was dogshit all over my bike seat and the ass of my trousers was covered in it.

Turns out I'd stepped in a fresh dogbomb on the way to my bike, then when I was throwing my leg over to get onboard I'd unwittingly scraped it all over the bike seat in the dark, then I rode in it to the store and walked around doing my shopping not knowing my arse was covered in dogshit right in front of everybody.

Then when I went outside to get back on my bike to go home I saw that there was smeared mongrel poo all over my bike seat, which made me suddenly and instinctively put my hand on my arse to check, only to be met with the clinging detritus of Rover's wrongdoings all over my butt, which was all over my hand now.

[Easy-X]

[Howling Terror]

[Tarmacsurfer]

Walk out of the kiosk at the petrol station having just paid, see attractive woman in a convertible watching me as I climb onto the bike.

Feeling good, looking good. Custom ZZR1100, leathers , black helmet and iridium visor. I'm 6'5 and pretty imposing so all told I'm cutting a dashing figure. At least that's in my head...

Throw my leg over the bike, nonchalantly zipping my jacket with my left hand as I start the bike with my right. Kicking the stand up I look over my shoulder and promptly realise I've zipped my beard into the jacket, grab my face with both hands and fall over with the bike on top of me.

Not my finest moment.
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I'm immortal. Well, so far.

[P.]

[BanditsHigh]

Just out of hospital after two weeks with cellulitis in both legs, kidneys failing etc ... anyway, legs were very weak, so even had difficulty in walking!

A few days later I had to go to another hospital for another issue I have and of course out came the bike (GSX1400) ... was difficult to move her and had to lift my legs onto pegs by hand ... eventually was on my way and it felt good to be back on the bike.

A couple of miles before the hospital I came up to a roundabout and hard to brake sharply, I'd mis-judged the speed of the car on the roundabout. I stopped without issue but lost my balance, so bike started going over.

Managed to catch it at about 45 degrees and held it, but not enough strength in my legs to get it back up, 30 seconds later my leg gave out and I smacked into the ground

Luckily a few drivers had been waiting behind me and rushed to my aid, picked me up and then the bike, after a few thanks I was back on my way ... got there safely and back in the end

All the best ... Barry

[doggone]

[A100man]

[Diggs]

Got lost in Spain once on my old GSX750F, full leathers, 'er indoors on the back, camping gear etc. Rode down a small street to turn around, tried a feet-up U turn and promptly dropped it at slow walking pace in front of a cafe full of old Spanish blokes. How they laughed as the silly gringo struggled to lift his bike plus gear, sweating like a fat lass at the disco, with wifey sat at the kerb offering a continual stream of 'helpful' advice....

Bastards.
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Now - Speed Triple, old ratty GS550, GSXR750M
Gone (in order of ownership) - Raleigh Runabout, AP50, KH125, GP125, KH250, CBX550, Z400, CB750FII, 250LC, GS550, ZXR750H1, Guzzi Targa, GSX750F, KH250 x2, Bimota SB6R and counting...

[stinkwheel]

Didn't involve me directly but probably being on my one and only BCF rideout because other people might think I was with them. It was like a bunch of clowns at the circus.

Started the rideout with one rider not paying attention, running into the back of a stationary bike, shunting it out into traffic and them both going down on a roundabout.

Finished with someone literally getting off his bike at about 60mph right in front of me (not falling off, he legit just threw his leg over the seat, got off the bike and they both slid down the road and into a dirt laybye) because he didn't think he'd make it round the next corner.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[MarJay]

1999, Honda NS125R. I used to work in a little photo development shop in Reading. I used to ride into town and park on the bike parking on the main shopping street. After a long day I got back on the bike ready to go home. It was a warm summers day, and the street was teeming with people, and there were bikes parked opposite the parking space as well as in it. There were a few other motorcyclists milling about. I felt good, I had a beautiful red sportsbike I had a black helmet with a black leather jacket and the sun was shining.

I kickstarted the bike and it started first kick. I then clicked it into gear and let the clutch out.

*Bang!*

I had left the disc lock on, and everyone in the street turned to look at me. Well, maybe not everyone, but it definitely felt like it.
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British beauty: Triumph Street Triple R; Loony stroker: KR1S; Track fun: GSXR750 L1; Commuter Missile: GSX-S1000F
Remember kids, bikes aren't like lego. You can't easily take a part from one bike and then fit it to another.

[blurredman]

At university.
Started my GPZ500 on side stand with it in gear (clutch pulled in). Once it was started that way (which often I would have to push start it as couldn't afford a new battery), I inadvertantly let go of the clutch lever not thinking what I was doing and it jumped forward and landed on a 125 City Fly and broke their front mudguard. Just as it happened the owner was on his way so he saw it all. Anyway, I gave him the money for a brand new mudguard at a later date- but we were friends for the rest of the University period, going on ride outs etc. So- if you want to make friends (even if you don't it seems), then just let your bike drop onto someone elses...
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CBT: 12/06/10, Theory: 22/09/10, Module 1: 09/11/10, Module 2: 19/01/11
Past: 1991 Honda CG125BR-J, 1992 (1980) Honda XL125S, 1996 Kawasaki GPZ500S.
Current: 1973 MZ ES250/2 - 17k. , 1979 Suzuki TS185ER - 9k, 1981 Honda CX500B - 91k, 1987 MZ ETZ250 (295cc) - 38k, 1989 MZ ETZ251 - 49k

[Feasty]

Couple of years ago took my daughter out on my Caponord ETV1000 I had at the time, big heavy bike. It was an evening ride into the Peaks, lovely ride in the dry with sun setting.
Got to about 9pm and decided to turn round and head home, arrived at Hassop station cafe entrance and did a U-turn, my foot slipped on a bit of gravel, off balanced and both of us did a slow motion roll off the bike. Thankfully no injuries and with my daughters help (bystanders just watched - probably laughing) managed to pick the bike up.

But that wasn't the embarrassment of the journey. That happened after I picked the bike up, saw it had chucked some oil and the front brake was binding so I could hardly move the bike. My wife drove out in the car and took my daughter home and I called the breakdown and waited 5 hours till 2am in the morning for them to arrive and take me back home.
Got home and later that morning realised I'd only lost a small amount of oil, and the brake was binding because the hand guard had been bent and was pushing against the brake lever - so all in all, I could have just picked the bike up, bent the guard back and ridden home slowly saving myself 5 hours standing in the rain freezing my arse off!
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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).

[Moxey]

[virus]

[doggone]

[MarJay]