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Struggling with contentment?

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notabikeranym...
Formerly known as
meef



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PostPosted: 21:28 - 23 Dec 2021    Post subject: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

I've never been content with anything in my life since I can remember.

In the eyes of pretty much everyone, I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about, yet the fact that I can never feel 'satisfied' by what I'm doing or what I've achieved constantly hangs over me.

Every time I fill in a missing gap in my life or achieve a goal, I'm still not satisfied to the point where I can relax and go "yep, that's it, you've done it & you'll feel good from now on."

The goalposts always move, and when I reach a milestone I struggle to look at things positively & with a relative perspective.

I have bursts of short-term happiness, but I've never achieved long-term happiness.

Does anyone struggle with this too?

What makes you happy and is it only ever temporary?

Has anyone else actually found long-term happiness?
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Pete.
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PostPosted: 21:54 - 23 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have all-bar-one-itis. Not the worst ailment TBH.
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MarJay
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PostPosted: 22:38 - 23 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

You need to tell yourself to be content. It's hard, it's not always possible, but you need to accept what you have.
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Howling Terror
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PostPosted: 22:46 - 23 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://youtu.be/R3cbp4IGfDo
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Nobby the Bastard
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PostPosted: 22:53 - 23 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's nothing wrong with just enjoying the status quo.

You just have to stop looking for the next hit.
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Ste
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PostPosted: 23:29 - 23 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you use facebook?
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gbrand42
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PostPosted: 00:09 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

You could call it ambition, it can be a positive thing for some people. Why does Elon Musk / Bill Gates / that Amazon twat still strive for the next $billion? They will never spend it but they still have the drive to push onto the next thing.

How old are you? I used to be very much like this, but when I hit 50 I kind of mellowed out and became at peace with where my life was. It may happen to you.
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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 00:39 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brain chemistry mostly.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha
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PostPosted: 07:16 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Re: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

Meef wrote:
I've never been content with anything in my life since I can remember.

In the eyes of pretty much everyone, I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about, yet the fact that I can never feel 'satisfied' by what I'm doing or what I've achieved constantly hangs over me.

Every time I fill in a missing gap in my life or achieve a goal, I'm still not satisfied to the point where I can relax and go "yep, that's it, you've done it & you'll feel good from now on."

The goalposts always move, and when I reach a milestone I struggle to look at things positively & with a relative perspective.

I have bursts of short-term happiness, but I've never achieved long-term happiness.

Does anyone struggle with this too?

What makes you happy and is it only ever temporary?

Has anyone else actually found long-term happiness?


The opposite could be worse. Imagine if you achieved something and you suddenly felt like you'd done everything. You'd slump into a morass of apathy.

But yeah - thinking back, I suppose I did have this. I'd set a goal - and it might be a five, perhaps even a ten year goal - and work at it, get there, and think now what. The end result felt hollow and sometimes not even worth having. But as bad as that was, it wasn't as shit as doing nothing and having no motivation.

It seems your question is how do you dial it down, this ambition - the striving tendency. Not sure. Perhaps it's about the goals you set yourself rather than the fact that you relentlessly pursue them. Let the objectives solidify in a relaxed way. Don't select or create them via an overly self-conscious process.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 12:58 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

What are your relationships with other people like? Friends, family? Anyone special in your life?
I think it's in these things that 'happiness' comes from. Doing things for yourself all the time I think rarely achieves happiness, contentment. You need some of that, but it isn't the most important thing.

Btw, happy Christmas, or holiday, or whatever you do in this holiday period, including to all those I usually get into arguments with here on BCF Smile
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 14:26 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another thing to think about is having an activity or enterprise where although there may be goals along the way, there is no ultimate one. Something like learning to play an instrument would be an example of this, or maybe a sport where you can keep improving. Each time you achieve something, there is always more to go for.
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The Shaggy D.A.
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PostPosted: 15:40 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Could always restart the game.

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Diggs
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PostPosted: 15:51 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

A great man once said that the key to happiness is to be happy - you choose whether to be happy or not in this life.

That may sound like trite bollocks, but to me it makes a lot of sense.
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Freddyfruitba...
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PostPosted: 16:37 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hetzer wrote:
Brain chemistry mostly.

Agreed - OP - this sounds like symptoms of straightforward depression to me (insofar as depression can be straightforward; but you know what i mean). Have you seen a medic about this? If not - please do
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 19:06 - 24 Dec 2021    Post subject: Re: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

Meef wrote:
Does anyone not struggle with this too?


Maybe ask different question?

Instead of happiness try looking for meaning.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 14:12 - 26 Dec 2021    Post subject: Re: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

Easy-X wrote:


Maybe ask different question?

Instead of happiness try looking for meaning.


And where will he find that?
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Copycat73
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PostPosted: 20:06 - 26 Dec 2021    Post subject: Re: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

chickenstrip wrote:


And where will he find that?


And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"

an enigmatic reply to a rhetorical question ..
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The Artist
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PostPosted: 21:35 - 26 Dec 2021    Post subject: Re: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

Copycat73 wrote:
chickenstrip wrote:


And where will he find that?


And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"

an enigmatic reply to a rhetorical question ..


Wasn't expecting Nickelback lyrics in this thread nor them being apt but here we are.
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Peanut_Butter
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PostPosted: 23:00 - 26 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was always like this, now I'm a bit older I'm slowly learning that to a certain degree ambition is for the lonely.
Much rather be spending my time taking it easy with family and friends. Don't get me wrong it's not all plain sailing. Some days I think what's the point in this. Just ride the rollercoaster and try to not throw up
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struan80
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PostPosted: 02:36 - 29 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you thought about doing an OU course? How old are you? Do you have a girlfriend or wife?

Probably out of order saying this but small amount of cannabis can provide contentment as long as it doesn't become a habit. Maybe have some on a Friday night after work or something to relax you and let your mind wander to a nice place. Maybe put a bit of THC oil in yogurt if you don't smoke. Be warned that too much is NOT good for your mental health.

I use prescribed Fluoxetine, Olanzipine, Lamotrigine and cannabis to keep my head in order. It's just about in order most of the time. Go and see a doctor for a referral to a Psychiatrist. It took me 30 years to get help.
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UncleFester
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PostPosted: 10:17 - 29 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

As i've got older I've cared less and less about what others are up to.

I've quit Facebook and social media generally - it's not healthy. All you get is filtered versions of peoples best lives for you to compare yourself to. If they were that interesting, they'd have far less time to tell the world about it. It also removes the focus on the real relationships that matter.

1500 friends? Feck right off. All that generates is a wall of noise. I know a lot of people but in terms of real friends, people I would actively choose to seek the company of, probably less than 20. - on a good day.

Those are the people whose opinions i'd listen to - no interest in the rest over and above entertainment and a bit of light banter if there's some time to pass.

To be happy, you need to be at peace and at ease with yourself and no one else. Once you get your head around that, the rest will follow.

No magic formula for that, everyone takes a different path.
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Moth
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PostPosted: 17:27 - 30 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm never more happy & content than when I get the odd chance to ponder infinity.
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to v or not to v
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PostPosted: 19:53 - 30 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moth wrote:
I'm never more happy & content than when I get the odd chance to ponder infinity.


you need an orb.
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 23:13 - 30 Dec 2021    Post subject: Reply with quote

Walking the tightrope between infinity and oblivion...
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