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Struggling with contentment?

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Moth
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PostPosted: 17:57 - 01 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Easy-X wrote:
The only testable aspect of a person is IQ everything else can be talked about but is very hard to accurately quantify.


Utter bollox.
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 20:14 - 01 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moth wrote:
Easy-X wrote:
The only testable aspect of a person is IQ everything else can be talked about but is very hard to accurately quantify.


Utter bollox.


Okay, put a number on how conscientious a given person is and you'll be the richest physiologist in history!
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notabikeranym...
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PostPosted: 22:18 - 08 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Appreciate all the interesting persepctives on this. I think I have high functioning depression but I'm not motivated to go to the doctors about it. I'll be alright anyway, but was good to read some of these perspectives.
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The Artist
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PostPosted: 22:43 - 08 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meef wrote:
Appreciate all the interesting persepctives on this. I think I have high functioning depression but I'm not motivated to go to the doctors about it. I'll be alright anyway, but was good to read some of these perspectives.


I suspect there are quite a lot of us like this. Depression seems to be an all encompassing diagnosis from people who don't know what they want in life to people who can barely function.

I have considered therapy but I am not sure there is anything in my past that they could unlock to give me some new sense of worth or meaning, so it would just be me paying to talk to someone about my problems and wanting answers that don't require effort on my part to improve my life.

I did have a discussion with a friend recently about life. Some people have goals and relentlessly push themselves to reach them but are they truly happy? Probably not as they will always be jumping on the next project/mission/adventure to fill that void in their life.

The other end of the spectrum is a kind of Buddhist style feeling of being content with life, abandon all material possessions and as Jules Winfield once said, "walk the earth". Are these people truly happy? Not a clue. Probably the most likely to give an honest answer of "yes".

No easy answers, no easy solutions.

Do what most people seem to end up doing and squeeze out some kids. Seems to give something to live for.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 17:11 - 09 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's strange, isn't it? Advances in science, medicine, technology etc are supposed to be making all our lives better, and yet depression and mental health problems are massively on the rise Confused
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Moth
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PostPosted: 17:55 - 09 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

chickenstrip wrote:
It's strange, isn't it? Advances in science, medicine, technology etc are supposed to be making all our lives better, and yet depression and mental health problems are massively on the rise Confused


I think that somewhere along the way, we lost track of exactly what is normal.

I was once struck dumb when a close friend uttered the words "We're breeding a nation of weaklings". It took me a long time of thinking to work that one out.

My life is fookin' fantastic, yet sometimes I still feel sad, I feel lonely & angry & all of the possible range of emotions.

I need some kind of drug to level out my mental health.
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MarJay
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PostPosted: 18:16 - 09 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

chickenstrip wrote:
It's strange, isn't it? Advances in science, medicine, technology etc are supposed to be making all our lives better, and yet depression and mental health problems are massively on the rise Confused


I'm not 100% convinced this is true. I think that it's just more acceptable to talk about it. In the 1950s it was common for housewives to take tranquilisers, described as 'mummy's little helper' to cope with the day to day grind. Men and women commonly self medicated with alcohol but the GP was not the person to go to if an individual found themselves in a dark place.

There might be a small rise in mental health issues because of social media and stuff, but a lot of it was always there, it's just people talk about it more. That's not weakness, that's strength.

What proportion of soldiers returning from World War 2 had PTSD for example? I reckon in terms of those who saw combat... a LOT. Even in World War 1 they used to call it 'shell shock' for pity's sake.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 18:19 - 09 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moth wrote:


My life is fookin' fantastic, yet sometimes I still feel sad, I feel lonely & angry & all of the possible range of emotions.

I need some kind of drug to level out my mental health.


Hmmm, should I say it? I think I know what the answer is. But it's not cool to talk about it these days. But thinking I know means I'm no longer chasing around for answers, and that's a start Smile
I don't think I'll solve it for myself though, probably a bit late in the day for that Sad
And anyway, we're human. We'll always feel the full range of emotions if we're generally healthy in mind and body. Trick is to get things in perspective I think.

And don't rely on bloody science! Or bloody politics! Or bloody consumerism! Or drugs, for that matter. We're looking in all the wrong places imo.

Thinking Am I saying anything everybody doesn't already know? Deep down when alone with their thoughts? Are we just so...'socialised', dependant on mainstream opinion that we daren't face up to it? In some ways I even count myself lucky to not be involved much in 'society'. And I know that there are people out there who have it sussed, just fewer and fewer as we go along.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 18:21 - 09 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

MarJay wrote:
chickenstrip wrote:
It's strange, isn't it? Advances in science, medicine, technology etc are supposed to be making all our lives better, and yet depression and mental health problems are massively on the rise Confused


I'm not 100% convinced this is true. I think that it's just more acceptable to talk about it. In the 1950s it was common for housewives to take tranquilisers, described as 'mummy's little helper' to cope with the day to day grind. Men and women commonly self medicated with alcohol but the GP was not the person to go to if an individual found themselves in a dark place.

There might be a small rise in mental health issues because of social media and stuff, but a lot of it was always there, it's just people talk about it more. That's not weakness, that's strength.

What proportion of soldiers returning from World War 2 had PTSD for example? I reckon in terms of those who saw combat... a LOT. Even in World War 1 they used to call it 'shell shock' for pity's sake.


You could be right MarJay. Maybe it's just that although more people are willing to open up about it, we don't have any better answers for them than we used to.
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Moth
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PostPosted: 01:47 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

MarJay wrote:


What proportion of soldiers returning from World War 2 had PTSD for example? I reckon in terms of those who saw combat... a LOT. Even in World War 1 they used to call it 'shell shock' for pity's sake.


Looking back, one of the defining points of my life was a chat we had with a tail gun charlie.

We were 2x 15yr olds, me & my bestest mate were tasked with being up all night patrolling a pony club campsite.

He broke out a bottle of whisky & sat us down to tell us his tales. Those tales were in my head for many years & those tales are still in my head today.

I reckon I have PTSD from the few bad experiences that life has thrown my way. I must have, that bestest mate died in my arms on the roadside a few years later & 40yrs later I still wake at night with him in my arms.
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Diggs
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PostPosted: 10:20 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meef wrote:
Appreciate all the interesting persepctives on this. I think I have high functioning depression but I'm not motivated to go to the doctors about it. I'll be alright anyway, but was good to read some of these perspectives.


I understand this. I had this for years, unknowingly. It took my Mrs to threaten to leave before I got my butt to the quack and some happy pills. A year on the pills and I came out the other side ok.

Interesting that you say you aren't motivated to go to the doctors. Lack of motivation is symptomatic of the condition... but I'm sure you know this already! Smile
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A100man
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PostPosted: 13:56 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Similar to OP perhaps..

I get down in the dumps over the lack of 'fun things' that happen in my 50s compared to my 20s, 30s.. . I am however able to triumph hope over expectation and that sees me through most days.

I don't think it's possible to be happy all the time - a few more episodes wouldn't go amiss however.
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notabikeranym...
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meef



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PostPosted: 22:52 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Diggs wrote:
Meef wrote:
Appreciate all the interesting persepctives on this. I think I have high functioning depression but I'm not motivated to go to the doctors about it. I'll be alright anyway, but was good to read some of these perspectives.


I understand this. I had this for years, unknowingly. It took my Mrs to threaten to leave before I got my butt to the quack and some happy pills. A year on the pills and I came out the other side ok.

Interesting that you say you aren't motivated to go to the doctors. Lack of motivation is symptomatic of the condition... but I'm sure you know this already! Smile


Haha the irony. There's a lot of stuff I want to do, but never find the motivation to do even though I practically have all the time in the world.

I even have bouts of wondering why I ever spent so much on bikes and don't even feel like riding them, but that's when I'm already having a really shitty mood kind of day.

It's funny because I feel like I have a lot more I want to say and a lot more people I want to reply to in this thread, but I also clicked off this thread twice and didn't reply, find it hard to even reply at all most of the time or post.

Consciously followed through this time though lol Thumbs Up
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 23:09 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meef wrote:

It's funny because I feel like I have a lot more I want to say and a lot more people I want to reply to in this thread, but I also clicked off this thread twice and didn't reply, find it hard to even reply at all most of the time or post.


It can be a difficult thing to talk about openly.
Don't you have a close friend or family member to discuss it with? Someone you feel more comfortable opening up to? I think most of us here would have limits on how far we'd go on this forum. It can be VERY personal, once you start getting down deep into it.
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notabikeranym...
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meef



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PostPosted: 23:13 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

chickenstrip wrote:
It can be a difficult thing to talk about openly.
Don't you have a close friend or family member to discuss it with? Someone you feel more comfortable opening up to? I think most of us here would have limits on how far we'd go on this forum. It can be VERY personal, once you start getting down deep into it.


Nah I have no shame in it tbh, I'm just very apathetic because I feel like nobody can help and I feel a little ungrateful. For all the things I have in life right now I should feel inherently quite happy.

I know there are things missing that I think will make me feel more fulfilled, I just don't know what they are. They aren't material things though, they can't be, I've tried that a hundred times over already.

Excitement is so temporary and sometimes it can feel like a complete chore trying to muster up the effort to do things in order to feel happy, if that makes any sense at all. It did in my head.
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chickenstrip
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PostPosted: 23:25 - 10 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meef wrote:


I know there are things missing that I think will make me feel more fulfilled, I just don't know what they are. They aren't material things though, they can't be, I've tried that a hundred times over already.


No, they are not. I mean, they can help, but they're not going to solve it for you, as you are finding. I would reiterate that the answer most likely lies in human relationships. It's 'simply' a matter of finding the right ones. That's what I think anyhow Smile

And no, of course there's no reason to feel shame about it!
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Diggs
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PostPosted: 11:33 - 12 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

In the olden days this would be explained by the medical profession as a 'mid-life crisis', thus explaining and excusing the purchase of a Harley and an affair with someone younger than one's wife... Not sure that washes nowadays. Laughing
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B5234FT
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PostPosted: 15:41 - 12 Jan 2022    Post subject: Re: Struggling with contentment? Reply with quote

Meef wrote:
I've never been content with anything in my life since I can remember.

In the eyes of pretty much everyone, I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about, yet the fact that I can never feel 'satisfied' by what I'm doing or what I've achieved constantly hangs over me.

Every time I fill in a missing gap in my life or achieve a goal, I'm still not satisfied to the point where I can relax and go "yep, that's it, you've done it & you'll feel good from now on."

The goalposts always move, and when I reach a milestone I struggle to look at things positively & with a relative perspective.

I have bursts of short-term happiness, but I've never achieved long-term happiness.

Does anyone struggle with this too?

What makes you happy and is it only ever temporary?

Has anyone else actually found long-term happiness?


Absolutely, this feels like something I could have written myself. There is always scope for further improvement with everything and therefore nothing is ever good enough....
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Old Git Racing
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PostPosted: 23:49 - 12 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think with the rise of social media people judge themselves against others. However, it isnt the real world. Bet people on here have posted and been unhappy by the comments or are constantly checking their Karma.

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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 00:18 - 16 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

In older people boredom can be mistaken for depression. Actual depression is what, chemical or psychological? One or the other and a mix of both. And what do all those words (labels) mean or define? In many cases over-lapping states.

Even more fundamentally, are we thinking something is wrong and that there is thus a 'cure' or solution? What is this automatic expectation? I think it's wholly natural...you get older, shit becomes boring, you die.

If you're younger and bored/depressed, than you probably have a problem.

I've been fucking around with Tramadol these last few years (prescribed for 'depression'). I've lost count of the ways I've used them (combos of quantity and regularity) so I know exactly how they affect me with all my varied states of mind. It is a conclusive fact that the serotonin fuckery in them causes a significant change in my perception/experience of life and one I'm conscious of (it's not a back-ground state I don't notice). Happy chemical vs no happy chemical...shitty shit looks meh vs shitty shit looks shit (kind of thing). But resistance builds and it doesn't last so it's a yo-yo gig.
I can't be arsed with them now and had got to the point of only using them as occasional treats anyway (the broken sleep on them is very pleasant).

So, ennui...boredom, depression, loss of joie de vivre...it's part of the natural process, give or take. If you're one of the lucky ones who has lots of natural dopamine/serotonin etc, lucky you, you'll buck the trend for longer. If you lack it (below average), it sucks. Even an average amount, I think it'll still suck. So you either go down or find a mental technique/tactic/strategy for coping with it. Mine is not giving a fuck. It "is what it is". Probably ameliorated somewhat by the next and last big adventure still to come (in this world, I'm not talking about The Big Reveal).

You can make it almost a zen state but that's not to put a positive spin on it, it still sucks shit. Suck it up, it's normal and natural (in my opinion).
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 00:11 - 18 Jan 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

I, on the other hand, am extremely grateful not to suffer unduly from depression.
There's definitely a tinge of mental health issues ... Shifty
But I like to keep myself on the straight and narrow by reminding myself just how crazy some of my close relatives have been Laughing
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PostPosted: 13:21 - 04 Feb 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellkat wrote:
Somehow or another, I managed to instil a MASSIVE amount of self-belief at a very early age, and its kept me on-course in terms of coping with life and staying reasonably cheerful.


Self belief is probably very helpful, but if beaten out of you then pretty hard to ever build it up.

We are all a mess of our basic "design" and our experiences through life. Some of those experiences are bad, some are good. The good ones might paper over the bad ones, but the bad ones are still there.

Like decorating a wall over the top of the previous paint / wallpaper and badly laid brickwork. And god help you trying to paper over woodchip.

As we experience things they colour our responses, colouring future experiences. Difficult to reverse such a build up.

Medicines may help. Possibly overall, possibly just to stop things spiralling too far out of control (which would otherwise affect future responses). Wrong ones may make things far worse. If you struggle to concentrate, then taking something that helps you concentrate can help - but if you land up concentrating on just how sh!t you are then the results are not going to be pretty.

Is mental health worse now? I doubt it, just that there is probably more concern over it these days. I would suggest that the ultimate way people deal with serious mental health issues is suicide, and more to the point that there is active suicide (where someone sets out to kill themselves) and passive suicide (where someone just gives up putting anything like as much effort into avoiding getting killed). While actively killing yourself is probably not much harder these days, passively doing so is a lot less effective.

All the best

Katy
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PostPosted: 17:58 - 04 Feb 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

I kept on being told that I was depressed and given tablets to sort it all out. The tablets didn't work so I stopped taking them. I then realised that I was just normal and was sad for real reasons and it was natural to be sad. Having a reason is the main thing, be it kids, grandkids, pets or not wanting to leave a mess. If you haven't a reason, then there isn't a point with suicide being the final option. If you have a goal, even if it is as minor as clearing the dishes from the draining board, then you have a reason. Today's goal was changing the tyre pressure sensor on the bike, tomorrow's goal is nipping to the shops to get a Bowie CD. Sunday's goal is to go for a ride and have a Full English or try the new Chicken Big Mac. It can be hard to find the goal, so don't set goals too high. I should decorate the hall, but I don't NEED to, just would like to. Yes the ceiling is bare plaster, the walls are half stripped and the woodwork, but the goal is too high at the moment, so it's cast aside and the goal is to mop the floor instead.
My big goal for this year is to ride from home to St Ives Cornwall, have an icecream, send some post cards and ride home all in the same day and within 13 hours. Only just over 700 miles and two tanks of fuel. If I do that this year I will be happy and contented.
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Easy-X
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PostPosted: 19:15 - 04 Feb 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Skudd wrote:
My big goal for this year is to ride from home to St Ives Cornwall, have an icecream, send some post cards and ride home all in the same day and within 13 hours. Only just over 700 miles and two tanks of fuel. If I do that this year I will be happy and contented.


Feck! I've done that run a couple of times now (~500 miles round trip, only as far as Bodmin) wouldn't fancy doing that in a day without at least a Goldwing Laughing
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 20:27 - 04 Feb 2022    Post subject: Reply with quote

Easy-X wrote:
Skudd wrote:
My big goal for this year is to ride from home to St Ives Cornwall, have an icecream, send some post cards and ride home all in the same day and within 13 hours. Only just over 700 miles and two tanks of fuel. If I do that this year I will be happy and contented.


Feck! I've done that run a couple of times now (~500 miles round trip, only as far as Bodmin) wouldn't fancy doing that in a day without at least a Goldwing Laughing


GS Adventure for the win. Very Happy
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