What to do with elderly parents

[Easy-X]

Finally back from Cornwall! All my mum's worldly goods are nicely packed away in a storage unit and all her plants are scattered across my back garden until she can move to her new place in a few weeks. So far so good, unfortunately...

Driving

My wife sat in the passenger seat to give her a few directions around our area and apparently she was all over the place: wrong side of the road, clipping curbs... the wife suggested going the local garden centre "I need a wee" but actually it was to find a quiet corner to hyperventilate

Loss of a car means a serious loss of independence, I suppose I shall be a taxi service for the next decade or so. I'm wondering how to approach this "How about a refresher course with a local driving school?" I'm thinking it might come a little bit better from a professional than me.
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Husqvarna Vitpilen 401, Yamaha XSR700, Honda Rebel, Yamaha DT175, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter

[Fat Angry Scotsman]

[MCN]

[Nobby the Bastard]

Quiet word to the doc about how you don't think they are able to drive safely anymore is in order.

If necessary a word to the local constabulary and contrive for her to be stopped.

Everyone took the piss out of Smiler and his riding abilities but when someone poleaxed him the police actually gave the driver concerned the choice of either giving up their license or be done for dangerous driving.

I wouldn't have given them the choice.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Sprint ST 1050

[stinkwheel]

It's a tricky one. My folks are approaching that age too. My mums fine, she's just slowed the fuck down and doesn't do long journeys. I'm totally happy going in the car with her.

My Dad hasn't slowed down and also thinks it's my mum that's the bad driver because she drives cautiously. Anything that happens isn't his fault too. He reversed into a lamppost and it was the fault of the car because it was showing a warning across the reversing camera telling him to take care while manouvering (which is triggered when you're getting close to something) that obstructed his view of said lamp post. He kept reversing when he couldn't see in the camera and didn't look in the mirrors but it was the cars fault

He also changed lane into the side of a car because he couldn't see properly because the street lights were making his replacement eye lenses post cataract surgery flare. Admittedly the other car was passing on the left so that also wasn't his fault. However it was there to see in the nearside mirror and avoid, I got a real close-up view because I was in the passenger seat.

I'm hoping his next car will be a Tesla which should largely prevent him doing anything too fuckwitted in terms of veering out of his lane or running into anything, even if he trys to.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[Nobby the Bastard]

With my Dad it was literally a case of 'if he doesn't die or stop driving soon I'll be having words with DVLA' because he drove like a BMW driver (i.e. indicators were something that other people did.)

Admittedly he had suffered in the region of 12 strokes (a combination of TIAs and MIAs) at that point and it was something of a miracle he was still going, let alone getting in a car.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Sprint ST 1050

[MCN]

[Easy-X]

[Easy-X]

[Nobby the Bastard]

The doctor is probably the only one that DVLA will listen to, especially if the doctor has advised the individual they shouldn't drive.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/assessing-fitness-to-drive-a-guide-for-medical-professionals
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Sprint ST 1050

[MCN]

[grr666]

My dad has always been a shockingly bad driver, at 72 he's absolutely terrible. Prangs his car (usually on something
static like a kerb or a width restriction) on the regular. The only reason my Mum hasn't kicked off about it is that it
would mean she has to drive him places and they can't sit in a car together like that without him screaming his
head off at her. Remember the A Team? When you saw Mr T driving the A Team van he was always moving the steering
from side to side slightly in order to act like he was driving a moving vehicle. My dad is like that, constant unnecessary
little corrections and he grips the wheel he's trying to pull it off the boss. My Mum is much better at driving, until it gets dark.....
Then shes down right ruddy dangerous, she drives a sodding great big black 4x4 diesel Nissan Xtrail (god knows why)
and she's a liability in it after dark, that said she drives so rarely now anyway and most of the time it's in the daytime.
She maybe drives in low light twice a year, last time I was in the car with her after dark it was to and from the Christmas
do at the little hall in my sisters village. Mum doesn't drink at all so ends up being designated driver for that one.
My sister is a copper so I'm leaving it up to her to decide when enough is enough.
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Currently enjoying products from Ford, Mazda and Yamaha
Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off.

[gbrand42]

I never thought I would be able to get my dad to give up driving, but we had a chat one day about the cost of driving and we did some sums together. Considering it was an older larger car with high RFL, plus old-git insurance premiums and petrol prices on a steep climb I quickly added everything up to a figure per week that I knew would cover taxi fares door to door for anything my parents would need. Admittedly my maths was a little overstated but it actually worked. He asked me to get rid of his old car for him (I scrapped it as it had 2 weeks MOT remaining) and he sent his licence back a couple of weeks later.

6 years down the line he is 86 and is unfortunately fast approaching the end but he has never once said he regretted stopping driving.
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Yamaha RD50M, Honda C90, Yamaha RS100, Yamaha RD125LC, Honda XL125 V9 Varadero, Honda NT700VA, Honda VFR800X, Honda CRF1000L, Honda ST1300 Pan European

[hellkat]

Well ...
I plan to run my mother over with her own car, if I can manage it.

She reckons she's left it to me in her will, although now I'm out of favour again I imagine she might have changed that ...

Shame really, it would have been fun to drive her car around in the full knowledge that it had her claret spattered all over the mudguards. In an ideal world I might have bundled her broken and bleeding body into the boot and pushed it over a cliff.

At least, that's my latest Hitchcockian fantasy movie plot.

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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Robby]

I assume she's moving somewhere near to you, and therefore to somewhere approaching civilisation.

Teach her how to use Uber. This will include getting a wallet-type phone case with handwritten instructions on how to use the app inside the fold.

Also, does she need to do self-cert that she is still medically OK to drive on some kind of online portal every few years? I'm assuming this is something you have to do for her, seeing as it's online. You can insist on her seeing a doctor before you do anything, and using that as a reason to not renew the licence.

[Feasty]

We're in a similar situation, my father-in-law is in his 80's now and has had 2 strokes. He can barely walk and his reactions and eyesight are a real concern. He drives a huge Insignia estate and refuses to get rid of it believing his driving is fine.
Every time we see him the car has more scrapes down the sides or back, or is in a garage getting patched up again. The kerb is considered part of the road whilst driving!

It's really hard though, do you shop them in and take away their last chances of independence, and ruin any remaining relationship you might have with them? There's no way he can walk to a bus stop living in a small, hilly village.
He's an arse anyway, turned his back on family to marry a woman less than 5 months after his wife of 65yrs passed away. And now his new wife says if he has to stop driving they're moving to where her family is 300miles away.
Personally I'm quite happy for that to happen, but my wife is the one being affected by it all.
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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).

[Ste]

[Ribenapigeon]

My old man has just slowed down but otherwise ok. My worry is that being so slow he will end up getting hit by another driver and my mum will kick off big time as she has Alzheimer's and cant cope with even the slightest stress. He is becoming more infirm though and if he really can't drive thats a real problem as he takes mum on a daily drive and she's become habituated to it. It gives him a break as well because the car calms my mum. They've done 130k miles doing this in a Renault Captur and just ditched it for nearly new one after the first ones stop/start alternator starter charging bollocks went kaput to the tune of over two grand to fix. Still the previous 130k miles were entirely trouble free. So I can see why you only see oldies driving them.

[Ribenapigeon]

I just had a thought. Imagine in the future with all the self driving cars, how long before there's an incident where some car has just been driving around and around with a dead old person in it. .

Reminds me of an Ian M Banks book where theres this powered exoskeleton AI space suit just wandering around a wasteland for years with a corpse inside.

The future is creepy.

[Ribenapigeon]

[A100man]

Did she drive her car from Cornwall?
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Now: A100, GT250A, XJ598, FZ750

Then: Fizz, RS200, KL250, XJ550, Laverda Alpina, XJ600, FZS600

[MCN]

[Ribenapigeon]

[Nobby the Bastard]

Defeats the object of it being self driving if you have to hang onto a handle or press a button all the time.

Anyway I've been looking forward to the day when Musk gets loads of.bad press because granny turned up dead on Christmas morning for several years now.
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trevor saxe-coburg-gotha:"Remember this simple rule - scooters are for men who like to feel the breeze on their huge, flapping cunt lips."
Sprint ST 1050

[Easy-X]