Should I break up with my boyfriend?

[bindy]

I don't know why I cant make my own decisions when it comes to breaking up with people but I really need advice. I have been with my boy for 3.5 years and its been up and down but we generally love each other I can say that, we are pretty affectionate, and generally hes a nice guy but he never buys me flowers just because, im not ugly, most guys say im gorgeous, im not fat, im nice, (nurse), I ride a cool bike but he just acts like im in the way of his life all the time. He lives with a mate and I have to live with my parents to afford uni. It probably too hard for anyone to know what I should do but I just needed to vent! He never comes out with me, i just go with my friends, we dont do anything exciting together, He says he loves me a lot but if its so shit then why is he so happy and Im so sad?

[Sparky]

could just be a phase or it could be deeper. Sounds like your getting more frustrated because he hasnt noticed your unhappy!
You not getting pampered and you want to feel wanted and he isnt giving you that.
If you dont sit down and have a proper feelings type chat you will slowly start going in opposite directions and then you will end it and he will be so surprised because you never said anything.

have a chat and TELL HIM how your feeling, see how it goes.
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Previous zxr400 - Current ZXR636 late'03
*Who ever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door!*

[bindy]

Thanks spanner but thats just the thing. I have had like 50 conversations with him about this. I get upset and tell him exactly how I feel and he just either dosent get it, or hes really mean. Hes not a mean person. Maybe hes just taking me for granted like all my other boyfriends have in the past. Im just too nice or something! I dont understand men. Its like even if I explain things really simply he still dosent get it.

[JonB]

He probably just loves you unconditionally. If you really want this relationship to change talk to him about it because if you split up with him you will probably break his heart and by the sounds of it, it's not what you want either.
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Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth.

[Sparky]

ah right!

tell him its driving you away! that it might end the relationship then see what he says, sounds like he is just settled, and doesnt want to realise the truth.

oh and its Sparky not Spanner only my dad calls me a spanner!
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Previous zxr400 - Current ZXR636 late'03
*Who ever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door!*

[killa]

[colin1]

This sounds a bit like the vague complaints of my ex.

it sounds like you want excitement rather than comfy.

If you say to him that unless he starts making it exciting, you will find someone who does make things exciting, he may object to it (as I did) but at least it will give him an opportunity to accept your demands if he wants to. He may see this as you wanting to have things your way (I did), so be ready to do a few things his way in return (not something my ex wanted to do).

Im a bit nervous that he actually uses this forum, in which case I think its a shame you have voiced this publicly.

I think its normal for relationships to become comfy rather than exciting after a while. Maybe you should have a bit more excitement of new relationships before you settle down to have kids as then there will be more reason to just accept comfy.

If you think you can do better, fair enough but if not then accept that the honeymoon period in any relationship doesnt last for ever and comfy can be quite nice. Chances are you have lots of male biker buddies so getting a replacement wont be hard i guess.

It could also be that you just need to find someone who likes wasting money on flowers and generally doing silly pampering things for you. Although flowers can be a sign of guilt so maybe its good he doesnt buy you them.
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[Sparky]

[colin1]

I used to work with a girl who used to work in a flower shop.
After seeing all the guilty men buying flowers, she decided that if she was ever going out with someone and they bought her flowers for no apparent reason, she would dump them.
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[Hex]

[stinkwheel]

Just remember that blokes are very simple creatures. You say you have discussed this with him, but did he understand what you were saying?

All this subtle body language and little nuances of speech that women employ are largely lost on your average bloke. Chances are that if you tell him you are unhappy and want to break it off, it will come as a total surprise to him.

Many blokes are also afraid to push too hard with a relationship for fear they will scare you off and so leave the woman to set the pace. You may want him to pick you up after work out of the blue, take you out for dinner then back to his place and carry you up to the bedroom over his shoulder. He wont in case you freak out though.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[Hex]

[BigChris]

[daz|n00by]

[Silver]

[bindy]

Firstly to Collinwall, he does not at all use this forum
a. because he dosent ride
b. because he does not even know it exists

So dont worry about him reading it. I have come to the conclusion that he is just not very clued in when it comes to being romantic etc. I feel comfortable around him and if I broke up with him now I would be so miserable and wouldnt last more than two days. I just want him to understand that when I am asking for something like more attention or a bit more romance, or for him to at least to invite me to parties! I know its because every time I do go to parties I get into arguments with people but thats because the ones he invited me to were full of wanker types. I am always extra nice to everyone, but If there is someone being a wanker ill shout at them, just because they annoy everyone. Ok maybe im getting off the point a bit. Hes just a very stable, relaxed, non dramatic, unromantic type, and I am very extreme and intense and need excitement. I will tell him that. Since you are all boys ( i think) how do I tell him that without making him sound boring?

byefrombindyifyoudontwritebackandtellmewhattosayiwill

[veeeffarr]

Sorry to appear rude, but isn't this better said to your boyfriend? Just say what you mean to him.

[lozzypop1]

print this off and show it to him?
I've noticed blokes dont tend to listen to 'conversations' so sometimes you're better off putting what you are feeling down in words... maybe a letter (if you dont want him to know about this forum?)
in any case, a letter would help you get it all off your chest even if you never show it to him (alternatively dont 'give' it to him but leave it somewhere where he will find it!)
you havent mentioned your sex life. (do you think he see's your relationship as being 'sex on tap'?)
sorry if i'm way off mark here but... you gotta do something or else pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again!
snuggles
Loz xXx
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Funny, I used to hate being spanked as a child!
Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.

[daz|n00by]

[craigie b]

[bindy]

Ok. Thanks for all the advice. I have written him several letters on the subject. I have also spoken to him about it. I dont nag i just tell him how I feel and leave it. He is one of those super smart people who is missing the emotional intelligence bit a bit. We dont have sex that much but when we do its grate! It varies how much I suppose. Hes only really had one long term girl before me and that was only 7 months whereas I have had two two year relationships and a few scattered shorter ones. I think he just needed to have a really awful girlfriend for ages before me so he could actually appreciate me and maybe he would have learned a few things too. I just dont think I know how to get through to the male species, or he just dosent bloody listen or just thinks im ranting on about nothing. Dont worry Ill figure something out.

[numark1]

[colin1]

[WR450_geezer]

Get another girl on the scene, that'll sproosh things up abit.

WR
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Siggi, ''Fack, having Daz around is like living next door to PC-World, with a hole in the wall.''

[beast rider]