Help i need some advice....

Trip · Brolly Dolly Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Karma :

Guys help ive just found out that my GF is Bullemic. Ive had my suspitions for a while now but she came clean today, I really need some help/advice on how to help her.
Does anyone have any experiance with this? How to help her through it?
She has had it before and split her Osophegous (spelling?) and i dont want it to happen again.
She refuses to see a doctor and i dont know what to do Sad

Any help or advice would be greatly apreciated.

What a great supject for a first post eh? Confused

veeeffarr · Super Spammer Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Karma :

She needs help, and she needs to go of her own will.

I'd do a fucking runner, but I'm a bastard.

Flip · Super Spammer Joined: 28 Feb 2004 Karma :

I'd force feed her while her hands were tied behind her back and then dump her for getting fat.

Trip · Brolly Dolly Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Karma :

We've been together for over 2 years now and she's having problems with self harm too. I love her more than anything else in the world but its hard to love someone when they hate themselves.
She knows its a problem but doesnt seem to be able to stop it.

Kwaks · I'm not a fast rider Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Karma :

Your gonnae have to convince her to seek help, but in the meantime you have to reassure her and support her. Not much experiance in this myself but I certainly would watch her very closely. Make sure she drinks plenty of fluids and talk to her in a non judgemental way. There is some websites which can give good advice,but PROOF READ them yourself first as equally there are websites which support this behaviour. Shocked

Tearing of the oesophagus is relatively common due to the continual retching. Longer term damage shows in the teeth rotting due to the stomach acids and of course damage to the vital organs.
Have you tried to make sure she keeps the food down for a minimum set period of time,gradually increasing this time on a daily basis. The longer she keeps it down the better.

Long term she needs specialist pyschiatric help with this problem.

Stick in there mate,she needs you Karma

flat spot · World Chat Champion Joined: 29 Aug 2003 Karma :

Flip · Super Spammer Joined: 28 Feb 2004 Karma :

biker-dj · Spanner Monkey Joined: 10 Apr 2005 Karma :

Toby R's advice is best - not the running away bit - but she's needs to realise and more importantly admit she has a problem, only then will she consider seeking advice, the best advice I can give is be strong for her and hope that she will admit her problem. Good luck mate I hope it all works out for you and her Thumbs Up

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Whosthedaddy · Super Spammer Joined: 11 Dec 2005 Karma :

At the end of the day, there is nothing YOU can do, its all down to how much your GF wants to do for herself.

The problem has probably be going on since childhood, so a quick fix aint gonna be round the next corner

People with eating disorders that I have nursed, typically have some form of self harming trait or habit, they can be very persuasive to get what they want, ie to hide the continuing eating related problem.

How did you find out, did she tell you? didn't you realise something was wrong beforehand?
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Katie · Spanner Monkey Joined: 17 Apr 2005 Karma :

Jesus. Definitely stick with her, at the risk of sounding really cheesy, your love for her could be the thing that pulls her through. She is going to have to go to her GP at some point, or she will end up very ill. Both psychically and mentally.

Take small steps together, and see if you can work up to going to the doctor. Try asking her about why she feels bad about herself, and reassure her. Tell her how much you love her and how happy you are being with her. If when you try discussing why she feels the way she does and she completely closes up, don't push the subject. Give it time and try again. Trying to force answers out of her will only make the situation worse, no matter how scared you are for her. There are lots of confidential call centres she can get in contact with, if she feels she wants to talk to someone but isn't ready for a face to face discussion. All the best. Karma

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Trip · Brolly Dolly Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Karma :

She admitted to me she'd done it before but it had stopped. But ive known something was up for a while and i just forced it out of her today.
I think she's been dropping hints for ages but not admiting it to me. Whenever i accused her of it she'd say i didnt care about her and that i didnt love her.
We had a fight last night about trust which ran over to today and thats when she told me. She seems to think that she's protecting me from something but thats not how i see it at all.

killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

No doctors, no pills, unless you want a girl who doesn’t resemble your missus currently with a brain made of mash potato.

I’m sure now you know about it, you’ll sort it out, and you know her best.
Ask her what she wants….
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yambabe · World Chat Champion Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :

veeeffarr · Super Spammer Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Karma :

How long have you been going out for? This'd be a major factor as to what I'd do next.

map · Mr Calendar Joined: 14 Jun 2004 Karma :

As said above, first thing is to get her to realise she needs help.
By telling you about it she's already opened the door on this so pushing it open a bit more shouldn't be hard.
BabyYam's advice is spot on.

She needs to get to a GP where she can get a referral to an eating disorder unit. They do out (day) patients. They also do in-patients and if it's bad they can section (mental health act) patients to force them to be there and can force them to have feeding tubes. However, your GF doesn't sound that far gone yet.

If the GP can't do anything there may be other routes via mental health. The self harm is a good reason to look into these.

If she gets to an eating disorder unit then they will teach her how to cope. It is a mental illness but it can be managed. It's a bit like alcoholism. That also is something that is lifelong, has no definitive cure and must be lived with on a day to day basis. If you can't cope with that then I would advise that in your own best interests walk away. However, if you want to stay with said GF do a little research of your own. That way you'll know what to expect. You may need a support system of your own to help you cope.

The people will bulimia / anorexia normally have a lot of emotional baggage. It's not uncommon for them to have been abused.

FWIW the missus is a qualified mental nurse and works on an eating disorder unit. I have counselling qualifications. So I have picked up a little of what goes on.

HTH Thumbs Up

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byke95 · World Chat Champion Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Karma :

Hi,

In the first instance you need to find out what she thinks about the problem, people with eating disorders are can be very difficult to treat as the presentation of behaviour can be rewarding (she's getting something from it). How have you addressed the problem?

How bad is the problem (this is not meant as an understatement), if her BMI is incredibly low (major implications) then is may be in her interests be be sectioned.

Is there any comorbidity i.e.are here any other mental health problems?

There is plenty of help out there but she needs to recognise her problem and want to deal with it or else she'll be caught in a cycle treatment followed by relapse for a long while.

In the first instance the GP will be a good place to start, they will refer her for assessment (psychologist) and then she can receive treatment as either an out-patient or in-patient depending on the severity of the problem.

Also consider what you want from the situaion, I undersand you are wanting/needing advice but why come on a bike forum to find it?

Good luck

biker-dj · Spanner Monkey Joined: 10 Apr 2005 Karma :

You say you think she has been dropping little hints for ages, that to me sounds like it was a cry for help, go with it slowly and gently and again, best of luck mate Thumbs Up

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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

She's going to have serious mental & physical health problems for the rest of her life. Ditch the crazy bitch. Rolling Eyes

killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

colin1 · Captain Safety Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :

unfortunately zxr6 may have a point but on the up side she is unlikely to become a fat bloater
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Irezumi aka Reuben · Carrot Top Joined: 28 Sep 2004 Karma :

colin1 · Captain Safety Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :

its not that bad yet

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulimia

at the bottom of this page are some links to potentially useful organisations
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killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

colin1 · Captain Safety Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :

yeah true
zxr6 was a bit blunt in what he said but theres a bit of truth there
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