Got any good text jokes?

[Delvard]

Just got sent this one....

A man gets up one morning to find his wife cooking. He looks in the pan and sees 1 off his socks "what are you doing?" he asks "Exactly what you asked me to do whenyou came to bed drunk last night" Puzzled the man walks away, thinking to himself " I don't remember askin her to cook my sock.
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A thing of beauty is a joy for ever: Its loveliness increases; it will never Pass into nothingness; but still will keep A bower quiet for us, and a sleep Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

[mrchips]

Seen one the other day...

A man was out on the town and ended up coming back to a girls flat. She asked him to show her what a real man does. So he farted, burped, scratched his balls and shagged her best mate.
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Northern Irish? www.nibikers.com

[JodieWodie]

A bear, a lion and a chicken sitting talking about who is the hardest.

The bear says “when I roar the whole forest trembles”.

The lion says “when I roar the whole jungle shakes with fear.

The chicken says “all I have to do is cough and the whole fucking world shits itself” !
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"

[Flip]

[dodsi]

What do you call a sheep teathered to a pole in wales?

A leisure centre.

[lozzypop1]

A new postage stamp shaped like a clitoris was introduced yesterday. It's not selling very well because only about 5% of men know how to lick it properly!

ooo and....

Theres a new craze in the clubs, Men are pouring beer into women's fannies and slurping it out. The government are worried about the effects of 'Minge Drinking'
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Funny, I used to hate being spanked as a child!
Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.

[freestyler_onli]

I got a txt off a girl i liked which read 'Come round-theres no-one in.' So i went round and there was no-one in........

[Walloper]

I got a txt:
Is the coast clear?

I txt back: How the hell should I know? Txt the coast guard ya phanny.
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W-ireless A-rtificial L-ifeform L-imited to O-bservation P-eacekeeping and E-fficient R-epair

[AcIdBuRnZ]

[Katie]

Got this one at the weekend ...

Knock knock?

Who's there?

Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson ... who?

"Great!! You're on the Jury!"
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Never have a row with an Idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

[Walloper]

[debdimps]

For some reason i've been getting loads of Joke texts just lately

It was the happiest day of my life. Arrived at church. Wife waiting at alter, Walked up the aisle, kissed her on the cheek, smiled. And closed the f**kin lid!

All the women in Iraq have shaved their fannys in protest of the war...Their message to the world is...Read our lips....No more BUSH!

I have loads of em most of em too rude for here
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CBR 600Fi (PGM) in BRIGHT YELLA! (sold)

[Walloper]

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