One for the girls

[andrea]

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!

ALL ARE WELCOME - OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:



DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYSStep by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOORPracticing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITYLosing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGSStarting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTHPowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOSTReal life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNEROnline class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANIONRelaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATEBring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIMEIndividual counsellors available

[biker-dj]

Whats this dig at men day What with you and Island Girl - me thinks you got it in for us blokes
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Ride with the music!

[hellkat]

From what I understand, this is how men see it :


HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
"Women's things."

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
"Women's things."

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
"Its just like playing basketball/Women's things."

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? "DEFINITELY Women's things."

LOSS OF VIRILITY Losing the remote control to your significant other
"They don't understand the technology"

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS"If women didn't move them in the first place, they'd be where they belong, and I'd know where they are all the time (that's why I am angry)."

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
"I have a five quid bet with Jimbob down the road to see how long I can get away with leaving it there till the Mrs goes blue in the face".

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
"I bring her flowers. On her birthday. Isn't that proof that I love her?"

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
"Its not LOST, its just going a different way."

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
See remark above regarding technology.

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
"There's a difference? They both do my washing, don't they?"

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
"Women's things."

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
"I had other more important things to do."

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
"I'm not wrong, I'm a bloke."

Guess you just got to accept some stuff.
Men ain't bothered the way we are about some stuff.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Visitor Q]

I wont rant. I promised myself i wouldnt rant...

Dammit

*sits on hands and hums*
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China traffic/travel bike vid - When I make a sweeping statement, please add the word 'statistically' in to the sentence before you bitch...
From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[Walloper]

Time for a scatter of bad krama votes
I got most of the things correct tho.
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W-ireless A-rtificial L-ifeform L-imited to O-bservation P-eacekeeping and E-fficient R-epair

[IronMaiden]

So you think you could hold their attention for two straight days? Don't make me laugh!

Here's one to add to the course:

HOW TO USE A TOILET

With emphasis on :
The Differences of a toilet and a library explained.
How to better your aim.
How to put the toilet lid down when done.
How to operate air freshener can.

[cqueen]

How about we write a 70 page dialouge about how fucking annoying women are.

Example 1: ''men always leave the seat up''

For fuck sake, does it really matter?

Sometimes when I go for a shit the seat is up and you know what I think to myself?....

I think..'oh, the seat is up, i'll put it down'.

[Suzuki]

Some more for the women....

HOW TO USE A REAR VIEW MIRROR.
Nope, it's not there for makeup or to do your hair in.

HOW TO USE A TOILET
Put the seat down before use, and put back in the upright position afterwards. It's really annoying for us men to have to move the seat everytime we need the loo!

HOW TO GO SHOPPING
Amazingly, you don't have to look at every possible option when shopping. Like men, you can learn to just buy the first item that fits your shopping criteria.
Soon you will be able to walk into a shoe shop, pick up a pair of black shoes, and buy them immediately, without looking at all the other black shoes in town!

I could go on ...
____________________
<Simple> no I'm shaven Jon
<Simple> it is a big enough hole.. I'll leave it now
Ride: 1999 Suzuki GSXR600 (yellow/black) IRC: Stats - Relationship Map

[carlnicholson...]

Women, chauvenist pigs the lot of 'em.

I piss on the seat because it is fun. I can't be quiet when she parks because I have a genuine fear for my safety and if she got off her arse and got the laundry done sharpish, then it wouldn't be on the floor for long would it!

Women, you just don't get it do you!


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"THOSE WHO RISK NOTHING, DO NOTHING, ACHIEVE NOTHING, BECOME NOTHING."

[IronMaiden]

[andrea]

Oooooohhh sorry did i forget to mention present company excluded?! Damnit

I live with my friend emma, she is a typical girl EXCEPT - doesnt leave the toilet seat up but doesnt know how to change the loo roll bless her; I leave my dirty washing on the floor however and she picks it up for me So between us, i guess we are guilty of almost all of the complaints mentioned above!! So no offence eh guys [/b]

[carlnicholson...]

Don't worry, you can make it up to us by linking a web up from your house! Anyone seen American Pie? Two girls living together! GRRRR!



Sorry!
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"THOSE WHO RISK NOTHING, DO NOTHING, ACHIEVE NOTHING, BECOME NOTHING."

[lozzypop1]

[Silver]

*Ahem* Just to redress the balance...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not a sport.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to respond to it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the wardrobe.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

[Adam.I]

[Katie]

Silver dogs are better than cats. I'm a woman and I'll never change my mind on that one.

I have to say though, I don't get why Women moan about men leaving the toilet seat up. I don't. What's the big deal? To be fair, you guys don't moan because we've left it down do you?
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Never have a row with an Idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

[Shaun]

No, but then we won't bother to lift it up either!

[Visitor Q]

[lozzypop1]

[ISLAND GIRL]

[colin1]

ok i'll let all of those pass but no man in his right mind would go shopping with a women.

as for training them to leave the toilet seat up, well its hopeless. they think it shd be down even if its your house and they are just visiting !
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[Dragonfly]

i gotto to sign my man up for a few of them lol.

the toilet seat target practise does my head in! wet arse, i am convinced he is trying to scent mark me
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[JonB]

Special Class for women: -

How to differentiate how many hours a DAY is and how many hours you can fit in an EVENING class.
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Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth.

[ISLAND GIRL]

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
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Live on the Isle of Wight and ride a CBR600F

[biker-dj]