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The BCF Top Ten...

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Steve H
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PostPosted: 12:52 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: The BCF Top Ten... Reply with quote

As none of you will know I irreglarly have submissions of Top Tens on my website they can be found here, however here's something which is more BCF orientated...

The Top Ten BCFers...

10. Ste

What happened in that crash then? Once a calm, peaceful, mild mannered, kid. Ste came out of hospital, made a prompt recovery and is now attempting to redefine the phrase ‘online perv’. Won’t be happy until the aforementioned phrase is googled and his face appears as result number 1 of 47 billion million. You can sponsor him in his quest at www.ste-bagging.com

9. Marjay

Inch High Private Eye for the BCF Masses. Contributes technological knowledge and Red Dwarf trivia (he’d call it data) in equal proportions. Recently moved in with his girlfriend who lost him during the move but thankfully found him underneath an upturned Craig Charles teacup.

8. Babyam/Sadie

Can you tell the difference? Neither can the editor of the TEN. After investigation I can reveal that they are one and the same person. Our BCF schizophrenic is the only person allowed to register multiple accounts on the same email address after Korns’ outreach programme to his local care in the community hospice. You never see them in the same place and after Mr and Mrs Kickstart’s repeated coffee purchases for them both (subsidised by the NHS – he’s not that generous) during the BMF show Babyam/Sadie spent all of Sunday weeing behind the Federation stand.

7. McGee

Ex Pat living somewhere in America (allegedly) seems to be online ALL of the time and we can reveal this is due to spending 24/7 on a 15 x 20 foot mattress after a dramatic weight increase due to his penchant for midnight burritos and Dunkin Donuts. Recently appeared as a guest on Jerry Springer but was banned from the show and delivered back to his bed by artic lorry after eating the sofa in the green room. Has owned numerous bikes but unfortunately lost his most recent acquisition after it disappeared up his own arse.

6. Killa

What don’t we know about this loveable MC? Well, as he tells us when he’s off to buy a packet of Polo’s at lunchtime the answer is very little. However in another TENexclusive we can reveal the following scoop... In an attempt to beef up his online persona Killa (real name Stephanie La Bouche) chose his threatening moniker, however after a few days his true colours came through and although he’s retained his BCF handle I’d much rather know him by the name he uses on www.cuddlytoyforum.com - Munchkin.

5. Kickstart

The Mod that you don’t want to upset, beneath Keith’s affluent persona lurks an animal of a man, more beast than person. His hands are dirtier than Fred Dibnah’s and his mind is even worse. Keith is a serial Bike fetishist and thinks nothing of taking the Bandit out to dinner while his missus baby-sits the Mini Twins. His oft used tag line is a two finger salute to us all, ‘All the Best’ which if repeated backwards over and over translates to ‘Balls to You’.

4. G

Resident Club Racer and pilot of the BCF Orange Meanie. Rarely waves his moderating status in your face however has been known to use it when trying to get out of speeding ticket. Last time he utilised his rank was on the M1 and his announcement that he was ‘…a BCF Mod’ was met with short shrift by the fuzz who replied ‘Why the fuck aren’t you riding a lambretta and wearing Ben Sherman then sonny jim. Get in the back of the wagon you lying twat’

3. Shaun

If Finbar Saunders had an online personality then this is it. Mixes double entendres with potty mouthed expletives to the extent that he’s been diagnosed as having Typographical Tourettes – if he were Stephen Hawkin then you’d take the keyboard away from the foul mouthed Cock.

2. Silver

BCF track day expert and widely considered to be the richest bloke on BCF. Prefers knee down to eider down and consequently freezes his nuts off when kipping in the paddocks hence his foray into warmer climes for track time in Spain. The rumour that he won’t do Donnington until they put under soil heating in has been doing the rounds recently and when asked to put the record straight for the benefit of the BCF readership this author couldn’t understand his reply due to his chattering teeth.

1. Bendy

Defies the laws of online sexuality to the extent that instead of saying ‘Hi pleased to meet you Bendy’ as a greeting most BCFers exclaim ‘Fuck me you’re a bird, I mean, you’re not a bloke I mean…erm… um… Fuck Me!!!’ when they first introduce themselves to the closet sexpot. Don’t believe a word she says, underneath the size 12 shitkickers that she wears are perfectly manicured toenails painted in No7 ‘babydoll pink’, an ankle chain from Tiffany and a floral tattoo ending at her big toe with the words suck me in Oriental format.
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Mr.Everready
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PostPosted: 12:59 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why did you put McGee in there, we'll never hear the bloody end of it now Rolling Eyes
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Mister James
I want to believe!



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PostPosted: 13:00 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr. Green

Of course, now the rest of us will be jealous that we haven't been fondly lampooned!
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veeeffarr
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PostPosted: 13:02 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha,

Quality Thumbs Up

T
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Icey
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PostPosted: 13:09 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love your Wacky Racers one Thumbs Up (I'm a big D&M fan Smile )
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Rookie
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PostPosted: 13:13 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Great stuff, especially Bendys. Mr. Green
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Shaun
Likes 'em bent



Joined: 17 May 2003
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PostPosted: 13:14 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent! Laughing

Steve, you never fail to make me quite literally laugh out loud, so much so I'm getting funny looks for sitting at my desk giggling to myself.
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McGee
O RLY?



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PostPosted: 14:18 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry the sofa was just to good to leave alone.

Embarassed

Made me laugh Thumbs Up
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Its pronounced Jixxer!
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mr jamez
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PostPosted: 15:12 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thumbs Up Laughing

Lampowned.
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distortion
Nearly there...



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PostPosted: 16:34 - 24 May 2006    Post subject: Re: The BCF Top Ten... Reply with quote

Steve H wrote:


3. Shaun

If Finbar Saunders had an online personality then this is it. Mixes double entendres with potty mouthed expletives to the extent that he’s been diagnosed as having Typographical Tourettes – if he were Stephen Hawkin then you’d take the keyboard away from the foul mouthed Cock.


I'd fully agree with your view on shaun. He does actually hate having the keyboard taken off him, does shout random words out which are always foul words.

Im going to get him some medication from the psychiatric hospital i work at and have some fun testing out different combinations on him Laughing
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colin1
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PostPosted: 07:25 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Re: The BCF Top Ten... Reply with quote

Steve H wrote:

beneath Keith’s affluent persona lurks an animal of a man,.


i think you meant affable, as that contrasts more nicely with the animal, rather than affluent which means having lots of money
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Steve H
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PostPosted: 10:33 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

11. colin1

'For the benefit of those watching in Black and White the Blue TT600 is next to the Yellow R1'C. Wall, Pot Black, 1984

Has had more name changes than a Witness Protection Programme affiliate and is the first BCFer to have an application for his most recent one ‘Bungalow’ (not much up top) refused point blank by BCF Admin. Having comprehensively studied Enid Blyton’s back catalogue, numerous copies of Readers Wives and the Yamaha R1 Haynes workshop manual colin has recently appointed himself as BCF’s literary critic. Quick to point out the obvious and glaringly obvious with the demise of Ted Lowe and following his recent blackballing by the BCF Mods a career in snooker commentary surely beckons for this loveable Jilly Cooper fan.

Affluent Persona – Rich in moral fibre in Steve H TEN jargon
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Mellow Yellow
The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original.
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Mister James
I want to believe!



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PostPosted: 11:03 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing

More!
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colin1
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PostPosted: 11:23 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

its true, i read all the famous fives

whats more, there is currently a 98 r1 with only 7000 miles on ebay in wolverhampton(near me) for less than £3k. As I am soon to become an affluent chap (only partly due to my efforts) I could get it. Im tempted, but Im far too sensible to do it.

by yellow r1, i think you meant red and white r1. I hope i never see a yellow r1 although pink or brown would be worse.
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Last edited by colin1 on 11:24 - 25 May 2006; edited 1 time in total
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FreshAL
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PostPosted: 11:23 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mister James wrote:
Laughing

More!


You just want him to keep going till you're in it don't you?
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yambabe
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PostPosted: 11:33 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Re: The BCF Top Ten... Reply with quote

Steve H wrote:

8. Babyam/Sadie

Can you tell the difference? Neither can the editor of the TEN. After investigation I can reveal that they are one and the same person. Our BCF schizophrenic is the only person allowed to register multiple accounts on the same email address after Korns’ outreach programme to his local care in the community hospice. You never see them in the same place and after Mr and Mrs Kickstart’s repeated coffee purchases for them both (subsidised by the NHS – he’s not that generous) during the BMF show Babyam/Sadie spent all of Sunday weeing behind the Federation stand.



Erm, bugger, sussed........ except that Babyyam doesn't drink coffee so when I am in this guise the supply needs to be chocolate (hint hint)! Razz
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Sadie
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PostPosted: 11:43 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

And Sadie doesn't eat chocolate, so while I'm in this guise, the requirement is coffee! Mr. Green
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Mister James
I want to believe!



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PostPosted: 11:50 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

FreshAL wrote:
Mister James wrote:
Laughing

More!


You just want him to keep going till you're in it don't you?


Embarassed Embarassed

Damn straight!

I've already got some cracking desktop wallpaper of me from BCF, an epitaph for my gravestone would be useful too!
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Steve H
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PostPosted: 12:24 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

12. Mister James

Contender for the most pretentious moniker on BCF – his mates (we’d call them in-mates) call him Jim-Jam, Jimmy and in most cases Tosser. This jailbird derision has left him with a Supersized Style portion of insecurity which has manifested itself into an online (micro) chip that lays heavily on his slumped shoulders. The ostentacious ‘Mister’ preceding his rather common (it has to be said) christian name is the glue that holds his fragile senility together. Don’t expect a response to any thread directed at him unless you use his full signature or call him Sir, Chief or Boss. The only reason that he’s so high up the list is that to exclude him after his ‘me, me, me’ requests at inclusion in the TEN could be the straw that breaks this mentalists back.
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The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original.
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veeeffarr
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PostPosted: 12:31 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do me! Do me!

Not in an up the arse sense though
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dodsi
Dirty Carny



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PostPosted: 12:44 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Steve H

Shamed column writer for "gay times" fired after the revalations that the only traits of a gay man he posesses are the wit and not the tendancy to bugger other men. Now residing on motorcycle forum, often cropping up after a lengththy period of time after stalking members to gather intellegence on the latest "scoop" involving them and or farm animals. The police do not class him as dangerous but young children must be accompanied by an adult.
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Steve H
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PostPosted: 12:48 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

13. Toby R

‘How white are your whites Toby me old china?’ Danny Baker, Daz Doorstep Challenge, Liverpool, 2006

Number 13 is historically unlucky for some, however we need not worry about foisting this position in the TEN (?) on Tobes as he’ll never take his full test so the negative fortune imposed on him has only a 0.000456 % chance of materializing whilst he’s riding a real motorbike. Has uttered the phrase ‘I’m saving for DAS’ so many times he recently had a lorry load of washing powder delivered to his doorstep by Danny Baker as even he was getting fed up of hearing it. If he saved himself sexually in the same way he saved for his Direct Access then the canine population of Merseyside could sleep safe at night.
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MarJay
But it's British!



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PostPosted: 12:50 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Steve H. I love you too. Very Happy
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killa
Won't Shut Up



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PostPosted: 12:55 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought mine was crap and unaccurate......i dont eat polo's Neutral Middle Finger
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ram_doom
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PostPosted: 13:00 - 25 May 2006    Post subject: Reply with quote

Steve H you are a legend!! Laughing but not in the same sense as i Wink
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