Anybody else got a kid with an ex?

[Resurrection]

As the title suggests i have a little boy who is coming up on 4 years old and me and his mother have been seperated for about 2-3 years now.

Now before anyone thinks bad of me or judges me to be whatever i'd like to point a few things out. Such as

Before she got pregnant the relationship was getting abit rocky and going wayward but then she told me she was pregnant and i decided being the man i am and the way i've been brought up to do the honourable thing and step up to the plate. Fuck all the petty things/insecurites etc etc and be a man. Be a dad and a good partner.

This was all going well for quite abit until the inevitable happened and things started going back to the way they were before the pregnancy. I'd put up with her jealousy and insecurities and sometimes shouting as she'd had a few bad relationships (haven't we all) and try and be caring and understanding but there is a time where enough is enough.

I basically sat her down and with as much tact and sensitivity as i could muster told her things wern't working out and i think we should seperate, atleast for abit.

Abit turned into awhile and awhile turned into an age. My reasoning was this:

Life is hard enough and can only get harder for future generations like my son and i didn't want him growing up seeing his parents grow to hate each other and argue all the time effectivly screwing him up. So i decided it would be better if we remain friends and still speak to each other and our son see's we get on but was never old enough to know us being together yet still knowing that we love him.

As i said that was some years ago now and my ex tried over the months to get back together with me. I sometimes was stupid enough once drunk to phone up or give in and have abit of fun with her which even though we both agreed it would stay as that turned into her telling me she still has all these feelings for me etc

Now my problem is(and i'm under no illusion that some of the blame lies with me) that she still pesters me and tells me she loves me all the time, now going back to the drunken booty calls i called time on that about 18 months ago and haven't done it since therefore not encouraging her feelings or misleading her.

Any of you in a similar position?

Just wondering how you deal with it or have any suggestions?

Im not moaning before anyone starts just asking for advice from people i consider to be quite rational, intelligent good people

Res

P.s sorry if i bored you
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ZX9r

[Mary Jane]

my ex only started leaving me alone once I made it clear I was with someone else. There weren't any booty calls, but he was sure he could convince me to get back together with him, after two years of separation!

It's amazing how quickly he got over me: he was married within a few months to someone else.

[Dazbo666]

Had a similar relationship situation with my previous g/f (although no children involved).
We were dealing with some problems at the time and eventually decided on a trial separation. The separation was about a month or so IIRC, until we met up again at one of our regular haunts - so "booty" meetings and booty calls restarted again...

However in my experience I've found that separations will rarely solve the problem that existed in the relationship in the 1st place.
Basically, if you aren't able to work thru a problem when you're together, you're unlikely to be able to solve it my separating ?!

As for your concern about your son I think your choice of an amicable separation is probably the best of a potentially bad situation for him, and it's certainly preferable to you and his mum shouting and arguing with each other.


Overall tho' it sounds like you're doing your utmost to sort things out as best you can. Keep up the good work mate
HTH
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1st bike (Sept'06 - May'10) : 1991 GPZ500S / Current bike (since Nov 2009) : 2003 Suzuki Bandit 600N
Word of the day : DILLIGAF

[tribal_tiger]

Sorry, it's early and it thought this thread said something about a kid with an axe.

I need to go back to bed.
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

All of it.

[Shaun]

Tell the police she's smoking crack then take custody of the child, job jobbed, plus she'll fucking hate you after that so it all works out.

[msgander]

Having a kid with an ex is hellish...

Personally I always tried to be reasonable, remain civil for sake of the kid etc etc, but its like banging head on brick wall. Finally got pissed off with making adjustments my end all the time to suit him.....he doesnt give a shit about kids welfare deep down, yeh he pays his maintenance, yeh he declares undying love but when it comes down to common sense, the guy has not an ounce....

He continually screws her head up, its like four steps forward with us then 5 steps back after a day with him.

It confuses hell out of the child unless you are singing from the same hymn sheet, I was better off myself, having just my mum and my dad fucking off, and I think my daughter would be the same, much better off.

I am not saying by this that dads shouldnt bother if not in the relationship anymore, but if they dont have the kid full time, then they should consider the effect their contact has on the kid, and not act like a cock for one day a week....

Sorry for this post, felt the urge to vent....a little off topic actually!!

As far as booty calls etc, didnt do any of that, we have no care, respect or liking of each other so not an issue!!

Most dads are cool, my ex however isnt....
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Always believe that your guardian angel flies a bit faster than you...............

[ZRX61]

I got custody of my kid, that made the ex sit up & take notice....

[Paddy Blake]

xxxxxx

[msgander]

I dont know how any mother could turn their back on their kid, but to be honest, good for you those fathers that actually bothered to bring your kids up, full respect!!!

Now you know what I am moaning about!!!
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Always believe that your guardian angel flies a bit faster than you...............