What stereotype are you?

[White Noise]

Shamelessly stolen from MCN Ninjas, though it was funny enough to share!

BCF only allows 10 poll entries though

#1 "The Tail End Charlie"

There are two types of back marker in today's sports biking packs, the slow and considerate, and the gung-ho Tail End Charlie. It is he who we shall concentrate on.
Back of the group not through choice, but through slower riding, Charlie is no less dangerous than the nutters at the front. Always aboard one of the fastest bikes in the pack, he's just as capable of opening the throttle as the front runners - he may even open it further and more often. Just not in the right places. Treats the central division as a guideline, because he once heard a fast bloke describe "using all the road". Unwittingly relies on the oncoming traffic to avoid his out-of-control mid-corner wobbles or suicidal on-the-rev-limiter 120mph overtakes.
There's no disguising his fear of the 150bhp rocket he bought at the start of summer. Alternately scaring himself then complimenting himself, he's acutely aware of his own weaknesses and fears - hence the impenetrable bluster whenever matters of speed or safety enter the conversation. Thinks advanced training is for 'pooftahs'. Always full of improbable tales, none of which can be ascertained as truthful because he's always been left on his own. Loves telling tales of defeating rep-mobiles like Imprezas, Golf GTis and Civic Type-Rs. Incapable of passing a shop-window without looking at his own reflection.

#2 "Mid-Pack Man"

Mid-Pack Man can be found in the middle of any fast sportsbike 'rideout'. He makes up the rank and file of any of these mass excursions, generally riding a mid-to-late machine well within its capabilities, and mostly his own.
Occasionally keeps up with the Nutter at the Front, but has learned to both fear and cherish those fleeting moments of Mach 3 riding. Has some idea of his own mortality, and a good idea of his own ability. Declares most slow riders to be "happy at their own pace", despite the fact he's quite obviously not happy with his. Secretly attends advanced riding courses in an effort to pick up a few places mid-pack. But the only thing the white-haired ex-copper (booted off the force for a misdemeanor involving three lbs of raspberry jelly, a cigar and the Chief Constable's Mrs) actually teaches him is to expect danger around every corner and to always be able to stop within his line-of-sight. This makes him slower at first, then more scared than ever when he keeps up with the Nutter at the Front. Has got the hang of using all of the road. Prefers not to overtake on double white lines, but will do so if riding in a group. Somehow it seems 'safer'. More than happy to shut the loud valve after 100mph, he still likes the odd blast up to 140-ish, but unlike Tail-End Charlie prefers to do it when nobody's watching. Incapable of passing a shop-window without looking at his own reflection.

#3 "The Nutter at the Front"

Wearing his scarred leathers with a vague sense of pride, The Nutter at the Front thinks nothing of riding a bike held together with lockwire, gaffa tape and spit.
Always found near the front of the pack, he's never quite sure why the other folk can't keep up. Is acutely colour-blind and as self-centred as a gyroscope. Incapable of slowing down at an amber light, he can never quite spot those pesky double white lines either.
Generally rides fast enough so that he doesn't need mirrors. When somebody does overtake him, he treats it as a blood insult. Half because of the surprise, half because of his well-hidden, yet capacious, ego. Is always the first bloke to recommend you fit sensible tyres, yet always the first bloke in the queue for a set of Supercorsas. Is vaguely aware that he could die on a bike. Prefers not to think that way. He's also scared about 150mph. Not because he finds it too fast, or even upsetting: he's worried because it feels so slow.
Occasionally gets overtaken by a Mid-Pack Man when mentally compiling his ebay shopping lists. He's got a Saved Search for body panels for his bike, emailed to him every week. Incapable of passing a shop-window without looking at his own reflection.

#4 "The Reporter in our Midst"

Always wants to lead the pack (fancies himself as The Nutter at the Front {TNATF}).
Doesn’t know the route, but blasts ahead as soon as he sees there are no turn-offs, then waits impatiently for TNATF to resume the lead and show which direction to go next.
Always turns up on some brand new top of the range hooligan bike, NEVER on his own lowly middle of the range 5 year old model (just in case).
Pops wheelies and stoppies and KDs as often as possible, to show off his superior skills. This often upsets the Mid Pack Man {MPM}, but TRIOM regards him as a lesser being and expects him to move out of the way/slow down for his skilful displays. TNATF often gets pissed off at this as TRIOM is messing with the members of HIS pack and will:
a) Pull even bigger stunts to put TRIOM back in his place.
b) Back off thinking that this bugger is just dangerous and is looking for a new story of his courageous exploits for later publication.
TRIOM Burns out rear tyres as soon as the majority of the group can see (he’s not paying for the new rubber, is he?).
TRIOM uses ‘artistic license’ to embellish the events of the ride to turn an average~good rideout into a full-on hooligan meet (well, a man of his skills wouldn’t attend anything less – would he?).
IS capable of passing a shop-window without looking at his own reflection as his favourite lensman is guaranteed to get his ‘best side’ into at least one of the shots to be used in future publication.

#5 "The Internet Biker"

The Internet Biker spends more time on web bike forums than he does actually riding a bike, and has at least 10 different forums in his Favourites list. Bounces from site to site to check he hasn't missed any posts and more imprtantly to speak as an expert about something he learnt ten minutes ago on one of the other forums. TIB regularly talks about ride-outs and trackdays but never manages to attend one just in case he misses a really interesting thread about riding motorbikes. Doesn't need to look in shop windows because he has a thousand photos of his bike stored on his PC. Will rabidly attack a specific brand/bike/dealer/tuner having never been witihin 200 yards of one and going entirely on what some other bloke on a forum said that got lots of posts....

#6 “The biking journalist”

The main motorcycle he rides has probably be loaned to him by one of the major manufactures provided his write-up on aforementioned machine is positive. His freebie ride is also adorned with freebie extra's kindly donated to him on the proviso that he shamelessly plugs them in his magazine article (read the same for leathers/helmets/etc). Gets to go to new motorcycle launches (or should that be lunches?) given lots of other free stuff at the launch (usually in Spain/USA/OZ) again a positive spin on the new machine is a must if he expects to receive a new loan motorcycle or be invited to future launches. Has absolutely no need to look at himself in shop windows, he got a pile of magazines with knee-down/wheelie pictures of himself. He also like to places riders into 'boxes' (preferably 3).

#7 “The Wannabe Racer”

Found only at the track, this biker is easy to spot. The bike has to be a litre lump, preferably a late model one. Usually without any damage (as they ride too slow to crash), ridden by any age who can afford it. The leathers are the latest model, picked up at the NEC the year before,as are the lid and boots. Found mostly in the Novice group, or occasionally holding people up in the Inters. After a session on track, they tend not to mention how many 600's and 400's overtook them... on the straights... but focus on the "monster slide out of the hairpin" and the "tankslapper over the crest" that they "experienced". Review of video footage and eye witnesses suggest otherwise.
They are tolerated by other track users due to the ego buzz they get from overtaking them on a lesser machine.
The reason you don't find them on the road is they never go out on it, and trailer their road legal bike to the track. They still look at the reflection of the bike on the trailer in the shop window, and may even have a full length mirror in the garage to practise the "racing crouch" and "knee down seat positioning".

#8 “The Trans Continental Tourer”

Miles, miles and more miles
Thinks the only true bikers are those who cover at least 20,000 miles per year (excluding commuting). This rider considers 400miles in a day just a quick run out and has the piles to prove it.
Deep down would rather be enjoying the comfort of a car - comfy seat, stereo, storage for 3 weeks shopping. So buys a bike of the same size and weight as a family saloon - Honda Goldwing being the ultimate pinnacle.
Is not in a hurry to get anywhere but just enjoys the ride. Lucky really as their bike is so wide it cannot filter and is too slow to overtake anything other than hgv's and caravans. They like to share this philosophy with other bikers so always hog the white line whilst taking in the view.
Has a good married relationship. Why else would they want rider to pillion communication systems, when most others would be taking advantage of the peace and quiet. Also tend to wear his and hers flip-up helmets and matching cordura outfits for the complete happy couple look.

#9 “The Cynical Old Bastard”

He's been riding for nearly 30 years, done the sportsbike thing and given them up cos old injuries make them unbearable, can't understand why you don't do the same. Has no time for anyone that can't handle a bike and takes the piss out of anyone with chicken strips. Has no patience for schools especially wheelie ones because if you wanted to do them you already would be doing. Has tried virtually every bike out there and may have even took up racing to get away from the bullshit and elevate himself above mere trackdayers, the type of riders who obviously daren't enter a real race.
Secretly yearns for a ZX10 too I guess

#10 “The Born Again Biker”

Usually in his late 40's, early 50's and gave up biking when he started to raise a family, now the kids have grown up he wants to relive his youth once more. Money is no object for BAB and will happily wander round all the show rooms looking at brand new bikes figuring that the most expensive is probably the best or it wouldn't cost more. BAB is not stupid though, he has taken note of the advancement of motorcycling while he has been away and is fully aware in his own head of how the 'naming system' works with regards to bikes.......... the more letters and the higher the numbers it has, the faster it is! So after a tour of each showroom, he buys an R1.
All is good during the running in period but after the first service is finally carried out he leaves the dealers only to come back half an hour later with a small concern about the speedo....... BAB is now a responsible member of society you see and is somewhat alarmed by the fact the speedo keeps 'over reading' and he hasn't got out of first gear yet! After a long chat with the salesman BAB is given a full refund and goes home with the opinion that all bikers these days are hooligans, has no idea why a bike that does 90mph in 1st gear needs 6 gears and instantly condems anyone that rides a sports bike with more letters and numbers than an R1.
Spends next 20 years browsing vintage bike mags and restoring triumphs and bsa's

#11 “The showroom condition biker”

Spends more time tinkering and polishing his pride and joy, which is often found parked in the house or has an entire garage devoted to it. The layers of polish applied to the bodywork mean that shades are a must when he shows his PAJ off to you. Just watching a rider pass him in his car [whilst its raining] causes him to have panic attacks until he applies another layer of autoglym to the bike. Rarely if ever rides the bike unless there isn't a cloud in the sky and the weather forecast for the next two weeks is for bright sunshine, the bike isn't used during the winter. His bike will never rust/furr and after 5yrs of ownership will have apporx 1200miles on it. Often drives to motorcycle showrooms to browse for the latest motorcycle accessories to adorn his PAJ. Has been seen arriving to motorcycle events in a car with other showroom condition riders, upon arrival the riders quickly huddle by the boot of the car whilst they get changed into their brand spanking new 1-piece leathers. Often looks at himself on the bike in the mirror positioned in the garage/kitchen.

#12 “The Newbie MkI”

Does a DAS course at 24 because he's finally earning half-decent money, but the insurance company hung up when he asked about insurance on an EVO VI. Saw a bloke do a wheelie on a GSXR a few days later and formed a plan.
Spends £500 riding a CB500 for a week, gets his licence and buys a sports middleweight, with his decision based entirely on The Internet Biker's latest ranting which he believes like he believes the word of God. Cheerfully signs up with The Internet Biker's forum and proceeds to tell people with 20 years experience all about biking. His 2nd post wil be along the lines of 'How do you ride round corners fast'? Becomes righteously indignant at the suggestion that some people ride without wearing the 'correct' protective gear, and then get's mortally horrified when he finds out people still actually die wearing all the protective gear too. Generally graduates to Tail-end Charlie or Mid-pack Man, unless he finds that elusive cheap insurance on a fast car and pronounces that bikes are for pooves in leather.



WN
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Buy my wife: 96' Yam XJ600s (Diversion)
Wing Commander White Noise - SE Clique
Riding Tip #86: See God, then back off a bit: Problem is i haven't seen god yet, just a close up of tarmac on revett straight

[TheShaggyDA]

Mid pack man, with odd flashes of tail end Charlie
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Current: CB500 Previous: CB100N, CB250RS, XJ900F, GT550, GPZ750R/1000RX, AJS M16, R100RT, Enfield Bullet

[i:6e3bfc7581]But still I fear and still I dare not laugh at the madman...[/i:6e3bfc7581]

[Wave2k]

nutter at the front will do me

bikes held together with duct tape and have ridden it with no fork oil and no front brakes.

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Ducati 1299 Panigale
2009 Corvette C6 z51
RS125->CBR400->RXS100->GSXR750K2->Ducati749S->CBR600RR5->TL1000R->DRz400->RSVR1000->Honda VTR SP1->CBR400->GSXR1000K6->Honda H100->CBR600RR3->Ducati1299

[tatters]

"Nutter at the Front"


oh yer
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Past:NRG50,AF1125(x2),NSR125RR,ZZR250,CX500,VFR400,KR1S,ZZR600(x2),CB400N,YZF1000(x2),KH125,Z200,FX400R,CBR954RR(x2)GPZ500S,GT550,VFR750F(x2),RD350N,XR650R,CBR600F,CB250,KDX250,YZF750R,CRM250,400EXC,KLR650,TTR600RE,DR350S,R100GSPD,RGV250,VMAX1200,DL650,KZ750 Present:G650XC,C12,CRF450X,1190ADV

[Zoffo]

You missed one

The non-MCN reader

The guy who's been around long enough to Know that MCN is a fookin comic and is writen by half-witted public school boys who's main job is to mislead the general biking public into thinking they know WFT they are on about
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https://hyperbikes.forumsplace.com/

[White Noise]

[Zoffo]

You'll learn. Fantasy and fiction mate
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https://hyperbikes.forumsplace.com/

[tatters]

its also bloody expensive for a newpaper with only 4-5 pages of reading material.
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Past:NRG50,AF1125(x2),NSR125RR,ZZR250,CX500,VFR400,KR1S,ZZR600(x2),CB400N,YZF1000(x2),KH125,Z200,FX400R,CBR954RR(x2)GPZ500S,GT550,VFR750F(x2),RD350N,XR650R,CBR600F,CB250,KDX250,YZF750R,CRM250,400EXC,KLR650,TTR600RE,DR350S,R100GSPD,RGV250,VMAX1200,DL650,KZ750 Present:G650XC,C12,CRF450X,1190ADV

[Two Stroke Bliss]

O come on the majority of people on this forum come under 'Internet biker'. And theirs no votes for it yet!


(* Copies and pastes to another forum, saves in file containing 1000’s of bike pics, goes to another forum to preach)

[Dru2000d]

#12 The newbie MK1

Not because I come in and tell you guys how it is, just the fact that I put posts like:

"Whats the round thing thats next to that long pipe thing that makes the other thing move up and down?"

[yambabe]

Non of the above, with hints of all of them.

Old & came to biking late, likes to be at the back or in the lead on rideoiuts, still a bit wobbly round corners, registered on loads of internet forums, lives with a cynical old bastard..........
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Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate.

[bish777]

1, 2 and 3 in varying degrees dependant on mood lol.
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GSXR1100J

[owenieboy]

I'd be #12 too, but only had 2 days on the old CB500

*goes to cancel post about how to go round corners faster*
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Look before you lean!

[WildGoose]

internet biker at the moment

amusing post


where is the option for the 40-something, 20 year old
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So in other words, he stopped you for being flagrantly in posession of a motorcycle in direct contravention of the Hippies, Darkies and People Whose Face I Don't Like The Look of (Police Powers) Act. 1976

[---NC23---]

nutter at the front,

i rekon we have 'nutters at the front' meet up /ride out

would be interesting

[Visitor Q]

[craigs23]

The Underdog.

[ZaphodBeeble]

I would usually be mid pack man but I like to be the nutter at the front sometimes too. My bikes always have something wrong with them.
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Current bike: VTR1000F Firestorm. Previous: Firestorm (written off) - XJ600 Divvy - NSR125 - DT125 and a load of offroaders.

[---NC23---]

i tried to follow 4 TNATF s down the m6 once they wer all on 1000 v twins and im on my 400,

that did invole a scarly large amount of tripple figure filtering, i was the nutter at the back then!

[Shaun]

It all depends who I'm riding with really, so either 2 or 3, also depends whether I'm in the mood.

[jayluvmito]

tnatf.....if i can be that on a moped.

[steveh]

"nutter in front"
but some times i just pootle along at the back depending on my mood, but seen as tho ive only ever met a couple of people from here i could also be an "internet biker"


Steve.
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Current : 06 Zx10r, 07 Wr450f SM, 74 850 norton commando, 63 bsa b40, 1962 Triton 650, 67 Triumph Tr6r, 1955 Triton 750, 1978 TY250E.

[v4forlife]

jack of all trades, master of none
i dont look at me self in the shop window, cause i know i look good, but i sometimes make stupid overtakes.
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www.wilcollinsphoto.co.uk

[Fruit'n'nut]

[colin1]

i'm 12 and 5- newbie internet biker
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colin1 is officially faster than god