Confessions

[Jesus_Christ]

Now you've al asked Jesus any outstanding questions on life, it time to confess those sins.

So repeat after me, Bless me jesus for I have sinned........

Chances are I'll forgive you, but some of you have probably done some real crazy shit, so we'll see!

If it's really bad, PM me and I'll post it!!
____________________
If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?

[beatnck]

bless me jesus for i have sinned.....
a long time ago i was seeing this girl who had pet chinchillas, and at the time we had a couple of dogs too. (can you see where this is going? )
anyway, after a night out at the pub we got home, i was pissed as a fart and fell into the chair in a drunken stupour. As i was contemplating wether i needed to puke or not i noticed the bottom door to the chinchilla cage was slightly open, but luckily none had escaped. I remember thinking that i should get up and shut it, when i felt the overwhelming urge to visit the bathroom, after which i went to bed and passed out........
Next morning i get up and jump in the shower. As im brushing my teeth i heard my girlfriend shout something.
"what?" i shout back
"they killed kenny, the bloody dogs killed kenny!" is the reply.
now the first thing i think of is southpark, but when i go into the front room the poor little furry dude is stiff lying on the sofa.
he got a good burial, and i have never told anyone about this before.
im not proud of it, and i still feel guilty.

[Shaun]

[Jesus_Christ]

Sorry, that's now changed! See, even Jesus sins!

Well Beatnck,

You are forgiven for sure. You didn't open the door you just noticed that it may have been a little open. It's not your fault, the mighty beer is to blame!

Besides, the dogs will now love you forever!

No punishment required!
____________________
If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?

[beatnck]

cheers jesus, i feel much better now!

[john2]

Bless me jesus for I have sinned........

Last night i killed a man . . .at least i think it was a man

[Jesus_Christ]

[john2]

I dont know i just had the sudden urge to kill?? I dont know what was wrong i saw a man/thing outside my house and just went and battered him with my computer mouse! It was all so quick! I looked out my window this morning and his/things body is still there! So i turn myself in or hide it up?? shall i go have a look? oh please forgive me!

[Jesus_Christ]

Photos!

Now killing a man is pretty much a no no. However I am impressed with the method and style. Killing a man with a computer mouse takes a fair bit of effort and skill, the forgiveness all lies in one question, did you strangle him with the lead, hit him with the mouse end, or feed it to him, making him chocke to death.
____________________
If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?

[john2]

I did them all!!
I ran outside screaming and shouting!!
smacked him over the head with it, and he didnt move! he must have been strong!" i then strangled hima and again he remained standing! so i shoved it in his mout this is when he nfell down, i then continually smacked him with the mouse a few hudred times! im so ashamed.

p.s im still using the mouse now.

[Jesus_Christ]

OK, you get forgiven for pure skill at killing with usb instruments.

You also become an honarary pirate!

Now to get rid of the body...

Put it in a large cage with the door slightly open, take it round to beatnck's house and take him down the pub. Get him very drunk and let the dogs do the rest. From the sound of it Beatnck will then provide a nice burial for the gent!

PS. for the future, get a wireless mouse. It adds to the challenge!
____________________
If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?

[john2]

Ok i will go do that now . . . . .brb . . . .

[Jesus_Christ]

It may help to dress the man in a large chinchilla outfit!
____________________
If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?

[Dragonfly]

pmsl i wish i hate ratings left lol

john where did you get your mouse? sounds good, did you get a cover plan with it?

Bless me jesus for i have sinned.
This one is embarassing wheni ws at school i went to the loo and i had my moons on, there was no bin so i put the thingy in the cistern (idont know why) i later came back and the halls where flooded and no one could use the loo's, when i asked Sister "satan" Regina she said some dirty hallion had put a thinyg in one of the cistern and blocked the loos hence the flooding. i never told a sole (not the fish sole, i cant spell )
____________________
All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[john2]

I purchased my mouse from poundland . . . . it was a pound (no shit) there are a few scratches on it now . . . . im going to go and take it back and explain to them what happned and try to get a new one. Do you think they will understand??

[Dragonfly]

[Jesus_Christ]

[Jesus_Christ]

[Kam]

This thread is f*cking mint!

If only I had something to confess
____________________
Proud owner of a Honda CG 2005 model with 1005 Miles on the clock - Bought on 19/12/2005

[Jesus_Christ]

[Dragonfly]

Well you have forgien me inthe last thread for throwing said nun down loo on another occasion when she didnt believe i was doing the buisness instead she thoughti was smoking, i went outside for that like i told her.
____________________
All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[Jesus_Christ]

[Dragonfly]

Funny enough they did after meeting me
____________________
All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[lozzypop1]

Bless me Jesus for I have sinned....

I have a nephew who is 21 months younger than me and when we were little I showed him how to cook toast on the gas fire. (With the aid of a knife through the bread.)After taking the toast off the knife I asked him If the knife was hot.... Promptly sticking the tip of it onto his foot. Well of course, Said Nephew yelped in pain and danced round the room a fair bit.... To this day he bears the scar and it still makes me chuckle. But I cannot bring myself to apologise to him!
____________________
Funny, I used to hate being spanked as a child!
Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.

[Jesus_Christ]