Steve H's Biking History (Pt. I)...

[Steve H]

With the current trend for Biking History threads I thought I’d publish mine for all to see…

I was 4 years old when the urge to own a bike hit me like Timmy Mallet's Lump Hammer between the eyes. I badgered my Mum and Dad for ages going on a Farley’s Rusk related hunger strike and regularly wetting my bed (a trait that incidentally continues to this day) ‘til they stumped up the cash to by me a second hand trike.

Here I can be seen proudly showing off my new mode of transport acquired by my Nan during a Poker Game during the summer of 1974…

https://www.kl5.us/imagesv3/tricycle.jpg

Fortunately my superior sense of balance addled with my urge to attain more street cred than Huggy Bear meant that I didn’t stay trike bound for long. Remus Harding the backward kid up the road was a bit older than me (he was 26) and he owned a bright red Raleigh Chopper.

At one point I nearly pulled off a swap of Noel Edmonds type proportions when it was agreed that in exchange for said Chopper I would give him my collection of Bazooka Joe comics to satisfy his bubble gum fetish - unfortunately Remus’ Stepfather foiled my plan and and told me to ‘Bugger Off with that shite’ not before I hasten to add he’d stolen enough of my comics to apply for the Joe X-Ray Specs the conniving Bastard.

I pleaded once again to my parents for a new bike, specifically a Chopper. However as I was only 2 foot 6 at the age of 6 (Oxford Scentists had branded me 'The Tricycling Tom Thumb') at Christmas my trike was part exchanged for a brand spanking new Raleigh Budgie - ‘The Baby Chopper’ was how Raleigh described it in their merchandise catalogue however this moniker was later revised after complaints from Jewish circumcision specialists.

I was 6 years old and, for a few seconds on that fateful day I was the happiest kid in the world…

https://www.rcoc.co.uk/johnBUDGIE.jpg

The story of the Budgie is ever so slightly tainted in view of the fact that my relationship with my Parents suffered as a direct result of the purchase. You see dear reader, as I descended the stairs on that crisp Christmas Morning of 1976 I saw it there, sat on its’ stand in the middle of the lounge lovingly wrapped in a bright red bow, a small tag with the inscription ‘from your ever loving Mummy and Daddy’ tied around the handlebars.

My parents watched on as I stood in front of the two wheeled work of art dumbfounded, slowly admiring the lines of the Bike which had been hand crafted by Nottinghamshire peasants. ‘Budgie’ I softly whispered, reading the words emblazoned over the crossbar.

The shiny tyres black as coal untainted by tarmac. The brakes burly and butch, not a hint of wear on them. The chain, sparkling silver, and...

‘FOCKIN STABLEIZERS!’ I shrieked ‘WHAT THE FOCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?’ I bellowed as the bike crashed to the ground following a swift right foot from my Rupert the Bear Slippers.

I turned to my parents aghast, the colour running from their faces as I stormed past them...

'PATRONISING BASTARDS!' I shouted slamming my door shut. I consoled myself in my bedroom with Hungry Hungry Hippo’s and Esther Rantzen’s Child Line.

I never spoke to my parents again, my turkey and cranberry sauce remained on the table that Christmas, my cracker unpulled. I clandestinely wheeled the Budgie (the bike not the disabled family bird) down the road and vowed never to return. That was until the Raleigh Burner episode…

To be continued…
____________________
Mellow Yellow
The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original.

[killa]

Awww Steve that's so boring, why do you........

lol, only joking, i'm not a twat.

Brilliant read Steve, although i think your parents were a little relaxed with your language.

Waiting for part two....
____________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[tony532]

a raleigh chopper

that takes me back i had a yellow one way back in about 77

my mother bought me what looked like a car speedometer for it and my dad plumbed it in.

i went down a rather big hill on it.. robins lane in bramhall cheshire for any fellow stopfordians reading this.

i was determind to break the 30mph barrier and was staring intently at the speedo as i smashed into a parked car nearly breaking my nuts on the gearstick.

the crash also broke the speedo.

good post steve .

the 70's.. when i were a lad e.t.c
____________________
bikes owned :-

aprilia rs125 - suzuki gsxr400rrsp 1990 - yamaha yzf600r thundercat - honda hornet 6

[colin1]

i think killa has started something which is rapidly catching on.
____________________
colin1 is officially faster than god

[Luke_Retrofly]

is some of that true or just a piss take

Luke
____________________
Flounced - Long overdue
Fuck you bitch I'm in the top 10 list I can do the what the fuck I want!

[EuropeanNC30R...]

Awesome.

[killa]

[Annabella]

I had to just stuff my fist in my mouth to stop me laughing out loudly in an office that is in crisis!

Quality entertainment as always mister H
____________________
Avast! Pirates ahoy!
I did Cadwell!
www.bikepics.com/members/bella

[Gazdaman]

[hmmmnz]

very good, i havn't laughed like that for ages
____________________
the humans are dead
I kick arse for the lord
Wiring Diagrams BIDNIP it bitches

[Dark]

Hilarious!
____________________
My Bikes in order:- Yamaha RXS100 / Suzuki X7 250 / Yamaha RD350LC / Kawasaki
KR1S 250 / Kawasaki ZXR750 H2 / Honda C50 / Kawasaki ZX7R P5 / Kawasaki ZX10R / Suzuki GSXR 400 / Honda CBR1100 Blackbird & Yamaha FZR 600

[Tom_N]

Great read. I havnt laughed like that in ages.