Help needed, I can't stop farting !

MalcolmT · Nova Slayer Joined: 23 Mar 2005 Karma :

This isn't a joke.

I've never had a problem producing wind on demand and always managed to control it when needed.

But over the last few months things have got out of control, I can't stop my bum from bubbling. Its more of a noise problem than bad odour.

I've banned cabbage, beans, and boiled eggs from my diet but it seems to be getting worse.

Does anyone have any suggestions what else to try to ease my problem.

I know this is funny, the lads in the office think its a great laugh. I'm going through agony trying to control it in meetings or when we have women around. Embarassed

Kam · Crazy Courier Joined: 03 Sep 2005 Karma :

see your doctor, you could have some some of bacterial infection in your colonic tract or intestines that release gas as a waste product of respiration (most likely the case if it's odorless). Do you have any problem with bowel movements or feel hungry or bloated all the time? Its just a wild theory but i'd definatly see your doctor or a pharmacist. Good luck! Thumbs Up

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Kayz · Scooby Slapper Joined: 29 May 2006 Karma :

Very basic advice would be to make sure you're eating regular,well balanced meals and chewing your food properly to prevent a build up of gas.

Also found this which may be of some use (i'm studying health so things like this are useful to know - i'm not just some sad internet geek!!) Rolling Eyes

bazza · World Chat Champion Joined: 27 Aug 2004 Karma :

https://www.1stlingerie.co.uk/catalog/images/pics/0244-06-CD.jpg

HTH. HAND.
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Itchy · Super Spammer Joined: 07 Apr 2005 Karma :

not talking while eating apparently helps
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Minky_monkey · Traffic Copper Joined: 01 Aug 2004 Karma :

Just don`t follow through........

Wink

Charcoal tablets?

Lawnie · Nearly there... Joined: 23 Apr 2006 Karma :

As it's been said before, make sure you're eating the right balance of foods.

stinkwheel · Bovine Proctologist Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :

Maybe try some of those probiotic yoghurt drinks?
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anders · Banned Joined: 17 Sep 2005 Karma :

As the fat kid from Simpsoms would say: "HA HA"
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Kayz · Scooby Slapper Joined: 29 May 2006 Karma :

Paul@125power · Could Be A Chat Bot Joined: 01 Mar 2006 Karma :

Probiotic drinks seem to be the best way to go for your situation. Excess wind can be a side effect of poor digestion.

But! It can also be caused by a significant increase in commensals (friendly bacteria). Many commensals and other bacteria have different methods of respiration and breaking down the nutrients supplied to them, one byproduct: methane gas.

So go to you Doctor or Pharmacist and they will be able to give you a thorough examination and determine which of these 2 problems it is.
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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

Lawnie · Nearly there... Joined: 23 Apr 2006 Karma :

Kayz · Scooby Slapper Joined: 29 May 2006 Karma :

Wasn't suggesting cut them all out.... just thought that maybe if Malcom ate a large amount of one thing he could try reducing it to see if it had any effect.

I don't know.... we don't study farting in acupuncture and chinese medicine. Maybe the chinese didn't fart centuries ago?! Confused

yambabe · World Chat Champion Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :

Charcoal biscuits, ask at your local health food shop.
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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

stinkwheel · Bovine Proctologist Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :

MalcolmT · Nova Slayer Joined: 23 Mar 2005 Karma :

Progress Report

Hey guys thanks for the info and suggestions.
I'm currently at work in darkest africa so some of our kack food is partly to blame for the condition.

Bazza's but plug is not an option, someone could get injured here.
Looking at the list of stuff to avoid dosent leave me with a lot to eat.

Itchy comment about not talking while i'm eating is out, there's not much let to do at meal times but talk about nosh rather than stuck in.

The drinks and charcoal biscuits are not available out here, however charcoal is. Is regular charcoal edible ??

I've wangled some alliminium Hydroxide from a buddy, this seems to be calming things a little. Hopefully the situation eases before the 15th when I leave for home. Its a four hour flight, enough said.

Stinkwheel , sorry to hear about your screen.

On a positive note, I'm able to clear the other guys from the office when the wife call's and have a private conversation.

LewisD · Crazy Courier Joined: 30 Oct 2005 Karma :

It might be an idea to cut down on your red meat.

Red meat can take an awfully long time to digest, and this can cause terrible wind.

I'm ok usually, but as soon as i eat a steak, or a lamb stew, then i get really bad gas in my intestines, feels like it's running around in my guts. (Also i find it worse when the meat is blue/rare)

And also cutting down on red meat means less chance of bowel cancer apparently.

Trouble is, i love steak too much Sad

So looks like it's bowel cancer for me, at least i'll go down swinging with 100kg of sirloin in me! Very Happy

xlizx · Scooby Slapper Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Karma :

Aw, MalcolmT, I knwo how you feel Embarassed

Must just be something in the air at the moment Wink

ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

veeeffarr · Super Spammer Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Karma :

"Arse particles" has been replaced with the more technical term of "Pooh atoms"

Hotdog · Nearly there... Joined: 28 Sep 2005 Karma :

All you need to do is get a short piece of plastic tubing and insert it into your sphincter.

This will allow the gasses to escape silently.

Hotdog.
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senna_f4 · Scooby Slapper Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Karma :

ncjma · L Plate Warrior Joined: 05 Jun 2006 Karma :

Dear Farting Friend,
I hope you do not work near an open flare or natural gas outlet! That can be a disaster. And nobody likes a fart ass.