The most harrowing thing i've ever witnessed...

plugger147 · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Mar 2005 Karma :

very sorry to hear about your mam dark, I'll agree with kong on this as time goes by you will start remembering all the things you loved doing with her and the final moments will go to the back of your memories. Don't worry to much about being strong and if you feel the need to fall apart for a while just do it, bottling all the grief up will just put it off until a later date and as much as you want to be there for your dad he wants to be there for you too.
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JonB · Afraid of Mileage Joined: 03 Jun 2004 Karma :

Condolonces to your Mum, at least she was with the people that she loved the most and vice versa. Smile

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Lone-Wolf · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Jul 2004 Karma :

Resurrection · Ballast Boy Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Karma :

Very Very sorry to hear of your loss

I recently lost my auntie, i know it isnt the same but she was more like my sister/mum. I know it isnt the same but hurts like hell anyway

Be strong and remember the good times or it will rip you apart

Try not to bottle it up talk to your friends/ family

My thoughts and sympathies are with you!

Resurrection
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DucatiEVO · Could Be A Chat Bot Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Karma :

Sorry to hear about your loss fella, you have my thoughts.

Time is the greatest of all healers, but a person never really passes on as long as the memory of them is kept alive. Thumbs Up

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the grim reaper · World Chat Champion Joined: 29 Jun 2005 Karma :

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I lost my Dad in 2002, he was the biggest person in my life and I'd always just thought he would be there.

I don't think the pain ever goes away as such but it does hurt less and less as time goes by. As others have said, remember the good times and don't try to hide your feelings.

This will probably make you and your Dad closer than ever.

Cheers

Grim
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Slickfish · Crazy Courier Joined: 24 May 2005 Karma :

Sorry to hear this mate.

@17500rpm · Borekit Bruiser Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Karma :

must have been harrowing.

sorry to hear this chap

BanditBitch · World Chat Champion Joined: 03 Sep 2005 Karma :

My sympathy goes out to you and your Dad..... it must all be very raw for you both at the moment and your heartache must be immense.

Its true that the pain does get easier with time and eventually you will be able to put the harrowing images of the last few days to one side , and bring forward all the nice memories you have of your Mum.

Take Care and look after yourself.

BBx

Dragonfly · Super Spammer Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Karma :

i am sorry to hear that. i never know what to say to people at times like this, but i heart goes out to you and your family. keep strong, thinkng of you and sending loveing thoughts. xxxxx
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TheDonUK · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Karma :

My sympathies... Take Care

JodieWodie · Reflective Banana Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Karma :

My thoughts are with you xxx

Time does help, it IS true..I know it sounds petty now, but it is true.
Remember all that was good and rejoice in her and what she was, and always will be to you both

It must be very difficult to see someone you love pass in your arms... I was not physically there in the room when my Parents passed, and so cannot imagine how you both must be feeling Sad

Jo x
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Flip · Super Spammer Joined: 28 Feb 2004 Karma :

That certainly put my problems into perspective. Neutral

Marcg868 · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Karma :

john2 · Brolly Dolly Joined: 25 Mar 2006 Karma :

My sympathies to you.

Dark · World Chat Champion Joined: 02 Jun 2004 Karma :

Thank you all SO much, i guess i was reaching out in anguish at a time in need when my i originally posted and the replies i have recieved have been of great support and very touching.

My mum, in my eyes was an incedible woman, a perfect mother and at 53 years of age didn't deserve any of this. She was diagnosed with cancer in July last year and 11 months later it killed her.

Within a month she was showing symptoms, a tumour had developed that was crushing her spine and she was wrongly diagnosed as having spinal cancer and given a month to live. That was a crushing moment and i spent a week getting all the close family together to say goodbye.

But later we found out that the primary site was in her lungs and she had secondary sites in her liver and various places in her bones. She immediately started treatment, radiotherapy for the tumour in her back and chemotherapy to tackle the other sites, which she responded very well to. By January of this year she was back to her normal self, a bit tired but ok.

If we'd known then what we know now things would have been different, we would have done a few things that she wanted to do whike she had the strength.

Around March she showed signs of back pain again, so she had another dose of radiotherapy, which by all accounts is as much as a human can withstand without experiencing serious side effects. Unfortunately it all went down hill from then on.

By April breathing difficulties were starting to become apparent, we suspect that lymph nodes near her lungs had become cancerous and were effecting nerves that made it diificult to get a breath.

She struggled on at home with my dad caring for her. It is becoming apparent that the NHS Oncology consultant she was under had been giving instructions to cease treatment on her, but that we were never told, in fact we were awaiting news on what was going to happen next when in actual fact she was slownly dieing.

It became evident she was in a bad way two weeks ago and my dad couldn't cope, so she was admitted to a hospice, the St Barnabos hospice in Lincoln. This was arranged by a McMillan nurse who was amazing, she recognised a need and acted upon it without hesitation, to which we are forever in her debt.

Once in the hospice it became apparent that mum didn't in fact have long left. The very nice man that ran the hospice informed us that she ad days, weeks or months left with us, but probaly weeks. In actual fact she had 10 days.

The staff at the hospice were incredible, those people are heroes, they deserve a medal for what they did for us. Nothing was too much trouble and they have told us thay are there for us for as long as we live, day or night. Amazing people!

But i would like to mention a particular member of staff and thats Oliver, as soon as my mum got there he was waiting outside at the patio door. Oliver is a cat, and a respected member of the team at the hospice, Oliver seems to only visit the inhabitants in need.

Anyway Oliver spent 9 of the 10 days with all of us and was a great help. My mum fell in love with him over the last few days of her life. I have been back since and have had the opportunity to thank him.

The nurses tell me that Oliver only goes to the patients with breathing difficulties and sticks around for as long as he can be of help, which e always is. On the day my mum died, he made an appearance, said hello to me but moved on to the lady in the bed opposite and wouldn't go near my mum, now i know why.

The nurses are convinced that a spirit from a former patient has come back as Oliver to help the people in need and i am inclined to believe them, it was a surreal experience.

My dad immediately through himself into all the arrangents and the funeral is next Tuesday. But he is getting close to breaking point now. I will certainly be there for him when it does hit him, he is my only parent now and i love him.

But anyway, thanks again for your support, you all helped in a time of need and i will be forever grateful.

Dark
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killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

See, as I have said many times before on here, cats are wicked….

A touching read Dark, reading it has made me think a lot about my family.
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kawakid · World Chat Champion Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Karma :

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My neighbour died of cancer and my dad died suddenly, I always remember my neighbours daughter saying she wished her dad could have gone quickly like mine and not had all the suffering.
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king kong · Nearly there... Joined: 05 Mar 2006 Karma :

Keep in there Dark, my thoughts are with you. Things will be better after the funeral and take advantage of CRUSE bereavement councilling.

Take Care Thumbs Up

mdiver · L Plate Warrior Joined: 19 Jun 2006 Karma :

Sorry man, my thoughts and prayers to you and your family

queen of string · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Karma :

So sorry for your loss dark. Went through this with my ex's mum just before xmas, she was only 54, diagnosed in september, gone by xmas. Its a horrendous thing to happen, she and her husband had been together since she was 13 and he was 14. I'm always available to listen if you need an outside ear. Dont worry about being strong, just be, just talk and tell those you love that you love them, often. The only possible response as I see it , is seize the f ing day ( by the bollox preferably) life's just too short.
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XS1954 · Spanner Monkey Joined: 22 Nov 2003 Karma :

Very sorry for your loss. Just think of the better times to help you get through it.
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niff5855 · Sausage Boy Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Karma :

Intense read that mate.

Take it easy.

I know its a clique (apologies), but time really is a healer.

Try and remember the good times mate. Karma

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ram_doom · World Chat Champion Joined: 25 Mar 2006 Karma :

Thats awful Dark Sad

look after you and your dad. I remember when I was very young, seeing my dad after he lost his mum, and he spoke barely anything for a few weeks, it devestated him.
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Crash125 · Trackday Trickster Joined: 29 Oct 2005 Karma :

You have got every right to reach out in times like these, so dont EVER say your sorry. You and your dad need all the help and support you can get right now so anytime you know there are alot of shoulders to lean on right here. I am realy sorry for your loss and hope you and your dad come through this as best you can.
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