|
|
| Author |
Message |
| McGee |
This post is not being displayed .
|
McGee
O RLY?
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
Karma :  
|
|
| Back to top |
   |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
 |
| Shaun |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Shaun
Likes 'em bent
Joined: 17 May 2003
Karma :  
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| niff5855 |
This post is not being displayed .
|
niff5855
Sausage Boy
Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Karma :
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| niff5855 |
This post is not being displayed .
|
niff5855
Sausage Boy
Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Karma :
|
 Posted: 23:38 - 14 Jul 2006  Post subject: |
 |
|
hehe only jokin. 
____________________
Live fast - die....erm...well...old !!! |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| McGee |
This post is not being displayed .
|
McGee
O RLY?
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
Karma :
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| yambabe |
This post is not being displayed .
|
yambabe
World Chat Champion
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma : 
|
Posted: 01:33 - 15 Jul 2006  Post subject: |
|
|
| MementoMori wrote: | I'm going out in 20 minutes to see my BF and his mates.
I'm absolutely shitting myself, my heart's going, my legs are wobbly and I feel like I'm about to throw up.
I've known these people for 2 years, some I've grown up with.
WTF is up with me?
  |
You are obviously under a lot of stress from a lot of directions. This can exhibit itself in lots of wierd ways, don't panic about it cos that will only make it worse!
I don't know if I can give you any constructive advice on how to raise your self-esteem and self-confidence.
I can tell you that consciously trying not to be so obsessed (maybe not the right word but bear with me) with what other people think of you is a good first step.
Other people's opinions aren't worth shit. We all stress and obsess about how we appear to our peers, our friends, strangers, and it takes a long time to realise that at the end of the day it really doesn't matter.
Try this. Next time you go out to meet your bf and his mates, try and picture them all in your mind naked. On a cold day. Not so scary now are they? 
It's really hard to put into words how I feel about this. I am not beautiful, I never have been and I never will be. The kindest way you could describe me would be plain. I'm overweight. I can be a snappy, miserable bitch at times. I can also be great fun, good company and a damn good and loyal mate. So overall, I like myself. And the people who really matter, my family, my partner, my friends, well they know the real me and they like me too. So I don't worry too much about what strangers think, they can take me or leave me. Most of them tend to take me once they get to know me, which sometimes surprises me if I'm honest.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you will have good points and bad points, and if you focus too hard on the bad points eveyone else will tend to notice them too because they will be what you are all about. If, however, you focus on your good points, your strengths, then that is how others will percieve you because that is what you want them to see.
It's not easy to learn to love yourself. I'm not even sure if that's the right term. Accept yourself maybe? But it's worth it if you can. I've met you, you seem like a lovely person. But the weight of the world will push heavily on your shoulders if you let it, so don't.
____________________
Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate.  |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| karen_moomin |
This post is not being displayed .
|
karen_moomin
World Chat Champion
Joined: 11 Apr 2004
Karma : 
|
Posted: 05:47 - 15 Jul 2006  Post subject: |
|
|
| babyyam wrote: | Other people's opinions aren't worth shit. We all stress and obsess about how we appear to our peers, our friends, strangers, and it takes a long time to realise that at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. |
Well said babyyam. I agree with this, it is something which comes with age. Not that I am old, at the grand age of 25, but over the last couple of years I have realised exactly this. Your confidence will increase no end when you realise it.
Be the best person you can, but be true to yourself. Think "I am me, I'm not perfect, like it or lump it."
In the mean time, my advise is to try to stop analysing things so much (difficult isn't it - I need to take my own advise here!!) and to try to accept yourself for who you are, as you're all you've got! |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| Itchy |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Itchy
Super Spammer
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
Karma : 
|
| Posted: 10:16 - 15 Jul 2006 Post subject: |
|
|
Babyyam I disagree,
some peoples opinions matter most don't , your bosses opinion of you for example,
You sure don't want to piss off your boss by making him/her thinktheir opinions don't matter.
And this is from a guy who scored multiple wickets against his bosses yesterday at an company outting, but then babs you are self employed...
____________________
Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching. |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| yambabe |
This post is not being displayed .
|
yambabe
World Chat Champion
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Karma :
|
| Posted: 11:06 - 15 Jul 2006 Post subject: |
|
|
Depends Itchy. Why do you think I'm self-employed now?
I've done my share of the bowing and scraping to someone else's rules, I've had my fill of seeing others who weren't as good at the job as me go further because of who the were prepared to suck up to (or in one particular case, sleep with  )
Funnily enough, it was only when I stopped trying to be the perfect employee and thought "bollocks" that things started to get better! I was trying so hard to please anyone and everyone that I was losing sight of myself. Eight years at the Revenue in the same lowly grade, no sight of a promotion. Top of the salary range, weighted job that meant I was doing the work of someone 2 grades higher than me and nada. My boss even told me once (couched in very vague terms naturally) that I wasn't suitable for promotion cos I was too scruffy and had the wrong attitude! So, I walked. It got to the stage where I'd rather have been back on the dole than pretending to be what I wasn't in that office. Gave them a months notice, and told them why (went straight to the Regional Manager and looked him in the eye, instead of farting about with supervisors etc) then lined up another job to go to. 2 weeks into it they offered me a promotion that would have taken me a grade higher than the bloke who told me I wasn't smart enough. I turned it down. According to people I stayed in touch with, it took 3.5 people to replace me and cover my workload after I left, and they still talk about me now many years later...... 
So personally I would say there is only so far you can go to be a "good" employee if you are the round peg in the square hole. Be true to yourself and move on, have the confidence in your own ability to know that you deserve better, and go and get it. 
____________________
Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate. |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| G |
This post is not being displayed .
|
G
The Voice of Reason
Joined: 02 Feb 2002
Karma :
|
| Posted: 12:12 - 15 Jul 2006 Post subject: |
|
|
| MementoMori wrote: |
Alot of things have gone wrong over the past two years within my erm... 'social network' and now that I'm finally out of college I've had a chance to sit back and look at my life and it was a bit of a slap in the face to see how bad things are.
|
Were these thing your 'fault' or not?
First off, regardless, the past is gone, so should not be worried about, only considered as an indication of the future.
However, the future can be changed.
So, if some of these problems are ones that you caused (hell, I know most of my problems are caused by me ) then you need to concentrate on how you will work this situations out in the future to lead to a happier ending  .
If they were not to do with you, then hell, stop worrying.
You mention you're emigrating? Where too?
Rather than worrying, how about looking forward to a new start and plan how you are going to make things good from the beggining?
Present situations mean not much, past less, look to the future. |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| Clanger |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Clanger
Stirrer
Joined: 27 May 2004
Karma : 
|
| Posted: 22:13 - 15 Jul 2006 Post subject: |
|
|
Firstly I'd like to say, what you have been experiencing is normal, it sounds like you have a lot of changes happening and these things are likely to set you on edge.
Hey, if you want to help raise your self esteem in the physical sense then there are self development courses out there, lots of places like your adult education centre/local community hall will have things like this. Or speak to your doctor and see if he/she can arrange for you to speak to a Humanistic counsellor. Often talking to a stranger (away from family, friends etc) can be a huge help. They wont get bored of listening to you over and over, often friends say they'll listen but they dont often listen in the best way for you to release what you need to.
You say you worry about meeting your bf and his friends, well arrange to do this in smaller steps. Arrange to meet your bf and one friend, get to know that one person in different social situations (not always at the pub), and on your chosen territory. When you start feeling comfortable with one friend at a time, when you eventually get into the situation where you see them altogether it wont be so daunting.
I would also say, dont run off to emigrate until you sort these issues out, they wont get better because you've moved.
Trust me on this one, I know sooo many people who move then regret it because their problems re-emerged in a foreign land.
Sort yourself out first, find out who you are, learn to like yourself and your life...and then go seeking pastures new.
Good luck!
____________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| Mary Jane |
This post is not being displayed .
|
Mary Jane
Traffic Copper
Joined: 11 Jul 2005
Karma : 
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| colin1 |
This post is not being displayed .
|
colin1
Captain Safety
Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Karma : 
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| WavyGravy |
This post is not being displayed .
|
WavyGravy
Scooby Slapper
Joined: 10 Mar 2006
Karma : 
|
Posted: 23:34 - 15 Jul 2006  Post subject: |
|
|
When I was a kid, there were these heavy wrought iron things in parks called roundabouts, sometimes when I was on one, my 'friends' would spin it beyond its normal sedate speed, as my hands slowly lost grip I thought I had 2 options, fall off now onto the concrete resulting in scraped knees/sore head and wounded pride or wait until it got so fast it threw me off, ..... it sounds like you are in a bit of a spin at the moment, .... i just want to tell you there were 2 other options on my roundabout, crawl to the centre where the forces werent so great, or hope friends got bored and it slowed down ......
I think its normal for anyone to go through what you're going through, but i think you need to look outside the obvious solutions. The nervousness at meeting people in pub i'd get around by taking one of your own friends with you, someone with whom you feel 100% at ease with.
I also think youre lack of confidence is being heightened by the lack of control you have over your life, moving overseas, away from boyfriend, ........ something you have little influence over, my suggestion would be to look at alternatives and talk them over with parents and boyfriend, how about agreeing to join your parents overseas 6 months after they go ........ it gives you an element of control over your own life, even 2 months, can you stay with boyfriend for a short time like that? or even better one of your friends. I agree with what has been said about improving your confidence before emigrating, you want a fresh start 'over there' and not be living in the past.
You need to move towards the centre of the roundabout so that you can be in control........ once you're in control the confidence will follow
____________________
1975 CB125s, 1991 GN250, 1990 Ducati Paso 906
"Don't wake him up - He's got insomnia - He's trying to sleep it off" |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| colin1 |
This post is not being displayed .
|
colin1
Captain Safety
Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Karma :
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| mrchips |
This post is not being displayed .
|
mrchips
World Chat Champion
Joined: 05 Mar 2004
Karma : 
|
| Posted: 12:08 - 16 Jul 2006 Post subject: |
|
|
I'm a bit of a cool bastard anyway so I don't have much self esteem worries.
____________________
Northern Irish? www.nibikers.com |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| MementoMori |
This post is not being displayed .
|
MementoMori
World Chat Champion
Joined: 22 Aug 2004
Karma : 
|
| Posted: 17:11 - 17 Jul 2006 Post subject: |
|
|
| babyyam wrote: | I can tell you that consciously trying not to be so obsessed (maybe not the right word but bear with me) with what other people think of you is a good first step.
Other people's opinions aren't worth shit. We all stress and obsess about how we appear to our peers, our friends, strangers, and it takes a long time to realise that at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. |
Yeah, that's hit the nail on the head. I realised the other day that I'm constantly thinking of other people and what they'd think of whatever it is I'd just done. Shit example but I found my GameBoy that I lost about 5 years ago but I wasn't happy untill I texted my BF to tell him, but I didn't wanna text cos it was a stupid thing to text someone so I just sat around wondering what he'd think about me finding an old toy rather than be happy that I'd found it.
| babyyam wrote: | According to people I stayed in touch with, it took 3.5 people to replace me and cover my workload after I left, and they still talk about me now many years later...... |
That's really cool.
| G wrote: |
So, if some of these problems are ones that you caused (hell, I know most of my problems are caused by me ) then you need to concentrate on how you will work this situations out in the future to lead to a happier ending .
If they were not to do with you, then hell, stop worrying.
You mention you're emigrating? Where too?
Rather than worrying, how about looking forward to a new start and plan how you are going to make things good from the beggining?
Present situations mean not much, past less, look to the future. |
That's excellent. Yeah I do definately need to sort everything out before I go. Most of it is my fault because I managed to get into circles that made me more unhappy than anything. One side being my BF's mates and the other being mine who... were just not loyal friends which is something I strive for.
I don't know how I'm going to sort that out. I don't spend much time with them at all as it is. So as someone said, I have too much time to think.
WavyGravy, your entire post was awesome as ever. I agree with your post though I don't really have the means to take control over what's happening. I can't stay with my BF cos he'll be in Uni and he won't really want me hanging about when he's trying to make new friends and I don't have any mates lol so nowhere to stay here.
I'm moving to New Zealand so I can't just fly back and I'm gonna be as far away from my BF who is the only person I really have and he's... not the best influence in my life. I think I need to have a serious talk with him but he's just left for Colombia for 3 weeks so I'll just mope and post boring threads on here for the time being. 
____________________
The tiger who came for a pint |
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
|
| McGee |
This post is not being displayed .
|
McGee
O RLY?
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
Karma :
|
|
| Back to top |
| |
You must be logged in to rate posts |
|
 |
Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 20 years, 43 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
 |
|
|
Help & FAQs
Search BCF
Members
Groups
Events Calendar
rating
rating