Child abuse

[Rookie]

My best friend called me this morning, she'd been kicked off the computer last night midway through a conversation with me, and she called this morning and said her dad had knocked her around and she had a black eye.

She told her mum this morning, and her mum said she didn't care and she didn't want her coming back. I know they have a pretty turbulent relationship, but now I don't know what to do. I wanted to get her from school this morning but she's staying there, but I will try and collect her at the end of the day.

I've obviously offered up my place to stay or take her to her grans, until things get better, if ever.

I'm asking advice on what to do. I've told my mum but she wasn't to clear cut on things, because she knows her well as well and was pretty shocked. I want some points of view from outside the box, because frankly I can't think straight, I've been crying all morning.

[NSR Mick]

Get her round yours or at least somewhere else whilst everyone cools down and if it's not likely to be an improving situation get the police involved, although that will stretch the relationship further with her parents so I would think very carefully about that one.
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[Hex]

How old is she first mate.

Is there a history of violence in the home?
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[Rookie]

She's 16, and I just got off the phone to her again. The shocking thing is, she's less upset about it than me. She said her dad did it to her brother when he was living at home; he's now just graduated from university. And she said he's done it before, but that he only hit her twice this time.

It's only the prospect of what will happen to her that's stopping me going round her house and kicking his head in, the astonishing thing is he seemed to be a fairly nice bloke.

[Katie]

How old is your friend? You can report it to Social Services and they would make a visit to her home. Or you can call Childline for further advice.

Has this sort of thing happened before with her Father? I would say it is best to get her out of that house, especially considering her Mum's attitude. Her Dad may go further next time and seriously injure her. If her Gran is supportive and understanding, then I would say it is best for her to stay there, at least until the situation is resolved, if that's possible. My dad was violent and the thing your friend needs most right now is someone around her who cares, listens and shows her love.

I knows it's hard but try not to get yourself distressed over it. You're doing all you can to help her and that's great. She will need you and is lucky to have you. I had a friend who was my rock through my hardest times involving my Dad. She was always calm, listened when I needed her to, and also took me out, made me laugh and helped me forget the whole thing when I needed to. That's the best thing you can offer her right now.

It is an extremely awful situation to be in for everyone involved. The main thing is making sure that your friend knows she is loved, and cared about. Good luck.
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Never have a row with an Idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

[Katie]

[Hex]

Hmm mate tbh unless she's wanting help getting out of there I would do nothing more than be there for her.

The official route of police and social services is a nasty way for it all to go. Being involved in such circles from a young age I know only too well that it will destroy families.

Does he drink? Is that the cause of his flare ups?

You can help her go to her grans for the weekend if thats what she wants, but don't let on to teh parents that you know anything, it could just make things a lot worse.

You my friend are in a shitty place. and I only wish I could help you.
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[Katie]

Sometimes the break up of the family is what is needed. I know that's awful but we had the police round so many times when he kicked off I was desperate for him to leave.

If this girl's Father can get help and control the problem, and re build a relationship with her then that would be great. But people have to want to get help. My Dad didn't, I haven't seen him in 4 years and although these years have been extremely diffcult, my life is so much better without him.

I hope for this girls sake that it can be resolved, but what worries me is her Mum's attitude. That is going to cause serious resentment.
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Never have a row with an Idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

[Rookie]

Thanks for the replies so far, they've helped me calm down a bit.

The social service route is one I don't want to take either, and by the sounds of things neither does she. I want to get her away tonight but she says she wants to go home, or they'll get more angry. I'm definitely not happy about that though.

[killa]

Best friend for how long?

If she had been my best friend for long enough I’d go round there.
I’d go round and ask him politely how she got the black eye…..if he flares up, drop him.
If he denies it then leave him in the knowledge you’re onto him, if something arises again then either call the police and destroy the family, or beat the fuck up.
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[beatnck]

dont know if its the right advice from killa, but its what i would do...

[McGee]

No one ever punchs a women let alone a 16 year old no amount of words can say how bad this is.

George your not stupid if it happens again involve the police/social. This type of thing can get out of hand to the point where one day the bloke gets a bit to slap happy.

Or sh*t do it now.
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Its pronounced Jixxer!

[Harley Godzisz]

[Dragonfly]

do not go round there you could make the situation worse for her. sounds like my ex to be ghonest everyone thouht he was a nice man and never thought he would have done what he done. if he found out his daughter where to tell anyone he may well go mental and make things worse for her.

childline is a good idea, watch with the social as they willbe round at the door and the same will happen to her and your trust could be broken with her and she may not tell or speak to you again.

be there for her support her. i know you wanna kick her dads shit in as all of us would but handle with care. urge her to stay at someone else house to, that would be best.
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Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[Rookie]

Just dropped her home. Her eye is back to normal at least; this morning it was swollen up so she couldn't see through it. Her mother told her she had o come home or she'd kill her - not in the literal sense.

I still feel horrendous about this, and I did not want to take her home, but the fact of the matter is she is better informed to make a decision than I am, so I'm not going to make it for her. If it happens again and she turns up with bruises, I will have to take action for her sake, but the way she describes it it's just how things work in their family.

[G]

Threats of violence I definitely wouldn't be trying if she's still living there.
Someone who is happy to punch his 16 year old daughter probably isn't going to think 'oh I might get beaten up by some random bloke' when he goes to do it again, maybe a lot worse because she 'grassed'.

It might work, but not a risk I'd want hanging over my head.

Not suggesting this is the case, but:
Do you know/are you sure you know the whole situation? For instance something that could sound terrible from one end, could be her being a bit drunk and 'starting' the whole thing when he'd had a few pints as well.

Though if it all gets sorted with her moving out, could be tempted to pay him a visit. Won't make him or her feel any better or solve anything probably, but will make you feel better .

[Handsome]

[G]

[Handsome]

[hellkat]

If she feels she can't continue to live at home with her parents, as she is 16, she may be entitled to go to the Homeless Department of her local council and request to be rehomed.

She might only be given a hostel, temporarily, which is no great shakes ... but its a place where she can be without the pressure from her parents. As priority is given to 16/17 year olds (providing they meet the council's criteria) and ALSO to people who are "threatened or actual victims of domestic violence*" (in which case she needs to get up there when she still has bruising), she may have some chance of getting a place eventually.

Might be a bit of a long haul till she gets her own place, but if she takes herself off to the Homeless Dept, they will put her on to people who can help in terms of coping with the domestic violence or some counselling to help her through it.

*its not just about husbands and boyfriends: it can be family members as well, brothers, fathers, etc.
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[Dragonfly]

poor girl with have pschology problems or as some people refer to it as "baggage" now. low self esteem. etc. i hope for her sake she can get over this and not let her dad put her down and knock her about. you know maybe she will start to stick up for herself and this situation will make her a stronger and better person.
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[EllioTT_GiXXeR]

Go round there and pin her dad up against the wall

Hitting a girl, what a woman he is, be different if she hit him first but even then.
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[Clanger]

Have you got any youth services in your area? Or Connexions? They are your best bet, they will be able to ensure your friend has somewhere safe to go...and give her all the help and advice she needs.

They will possibly need to, by law, tell the Social - but that doesnt mean that they will get involved in a negative sense that you guys are highlighting, they usually leave the bones of the case down to the Youth Leader...its mainly for housing and benefits and getting the teen through her education.

Please do her a huge favour and contact them, looking out for teens is their role in life, giving all the best support and advice and help they can. Its all free and its there especially for cases like your friend.

(ex youth worker - I know what Im talking about!)
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[Visitor Q]

Shitty situation, but the one small thing is you dont know the full story. 16 year old girls have a habit of making things up.

The knight in shining armour routine can get you in ALOT of trouble.

And my dad used to be abit slap happy, and believe me hes not someone you'd want to assume was a coward. Theres such things as anger management issues + stree too.

Just because he vents on the weak doesnt mean he wouldnt rather vent on someone a bit tougher.

Just a word of warning.
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[Rookie]

I wasn't seriously contemplating going over there and laying into him, partially because I'm not like that, partially because it would almost definitely make things worse for her, and partially because I'd most likely not be allowed near her again.

Basically she's still being shunned by both her parents, they're just ignoring her. I still don't know the full story, so I plan on interrogating her tomorrow.