A quick goodbye (for a while anyways)

[AbiJ]

Just a quick message to say bye to everyone for a little while.

I've decided that I need to take a little time off from my regular interrests, computers, internet, etc. (just the site though, not giving up on the bikes) since I've just been told about an hour ago that my OH has met someone new and would like a divorce. Not really unexpected since the relationship has kinda slowed to a snails pace in the last year or so, but even so it's made me realise how crappy my life is right now and that I need some time to think the future through.

Many thanks to everyone on here that has made me feel like a part of a great group of people, I appreciate it. Like I said, I'm not hanging up the leathers, just unplugging the phone line for a while, so the bike world is not losing another rider. More a case of an extended holiday but without taking time from work etc.

On a good note though, I guess there's nothing stopping me from putting the deposit down on that shiny new speed triple I've been eyeing!

Take care all, if I return to find you've gone and killed yourselves on the bikes then I'm never gonna talk to you again, you have been warned!

Keep those round rubber things on the black stuff (well, the rear one at least, I'll let the wheelie fanatics still have their fun).

Abi.
____________________
'81 Yammi XJ750 Seca, oldie but a goodie.

[veeeffarr]

All the best Abi.

T

[Kickstart]

Good luck.

All the best

Keith
____________________
Traxpics, track day and racing photographs - Bimota Forum - Bike performance / thrust graphs for choosing gearing

[konsoli]

Look forward to your return.
You've always been pleasant and helpful.

See you soon!

[killa]

Hope the complications roll out smoothly.....and hope that you can part as peacefully as possible.

Good luck with stuff and see you on here when you come back.



K
____________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[Dazbo666]

All the best
____________________
1st bike (Sept'06 - May'10) : 1991 GPZ500S / Current bike (since Nov 2009) : 2003 Suzuki Bandit 600N
Word of the day : DILLIGAF

[lozzypop1]

Good Luck Abi...

And everything happens for a reason, and the reason always is good, no matter how long it takes to show it's face!

[ken]

see you 2moro abi...


As posted take care... and I hope you sort out where you want to go from here.
stay safe

Kc
____________________
latest bike 03 R1 in zee red and black

[thegubner]

Dunno if this will help, but I have always thought we aint meant to be with JUST one person anyway, life has stages for me, and this is one stage closing for you, but another is opening.


Just my thoughts

Andy.

[powelly]

Best Wishes

Andy
____________________
Yamaha RXS 100 > Gilera Runner 50 > Suzuki SV650SY

[st3v3]

Hope you get it all sorted.
____________________
Roger wrote: Women don't get damp for clingy puppies. Get some better happy pills, hit the gym & buy a medallion the size of a dinner plate. Job done

[Fisty]

*huge group hug from all on BCF*
____________________
Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
Fatter and faster than Fret

[Jull]

All the best

[AbiJ]

well, I'm kind of back, I scared the crap out of my family in England this weekend that they are all here now so I'll be spending some much needed quality time with them.

Long story short, I've been in a Mental ward of the local hospital since Fri. morning, got released today (Mon. evening).

Friday was honestly the worst day of my life, after thrusday night being told about the divorce and spending all night trying to find a way to convince my OH that they should reconsider etc.

Friday morning I was begging with tears flowing for hours and being refused each time, thinking how they were more than part of my life but actually were my life and that without them I had nothing I needed I decided to end my life, locked garage, truck, bike, lawnmowers, snowmobile and snowblower running.

I was dragged still crying with my wedding band pressed to my lips and taken to the hospital and admitted to the mental health ward. spend most of the day balling my eyes out, shaking and pleading for my OH to stay.

Sedatives got me to sleep that night, woke up in the morning, again pleading to the OH but with less energy than the day before since I was exhausted physically and mentally. During Sat. I eventually started to give up hope of a change of mind, by the end of the day I was pretty much resigned to the fact that it was not going to be as I hoped.

Out of all the doctors, councellers and other people that talked with me, there were two people, neither of them professional pshrinks that gave me the kick that I needed to see things in a different light, the first being another patient named Eric who just sat next to me and in the most cheerful tone I've ever heard said "OK, I know everyone else here, spill, who the hell are you?" and forced me to talk about the problems that I had, finally letting me get my feelings out in the open so I had more confidence to talk with the doctors and therapists. The second being a nurse who sat in on a group therapy session one evening (9pm) ready for any patients that have a breakdown, I spoke with the therapist for a few minutes and then the rest of the group talked, but once the session was over I just continued to sit in the chair and try to figure out my feelings. That nurse sat next to me, and over the next 5 1/2 hours just talked, making me go through in detail the events, how I was thinking, and feeling. The nurse reassured me at every point that she know those feelings as she had been in the ward as a patient when she divorced and she showed me hope of a future life.

Those two people, neither of which were trained pshyciatrists helped me more through this whole ordeal than all the other people I spoke with combined, I hope they can understand how much I appreciate their time and words and that they have probably just saved my life.

Yesterday as I'd been very down while talking with my OH, saying how I love them completely and how I'll forever be there waiting for them to com back and make my house a home again and how I was not going to be persuing any other relations with anyone and that they were still the person I believed to be my soul mate.

During the talks I'd fully realised how my actions were the most idiotic thing I could possibly do, it wouldn't help anything, it would just cause pain to the other people that I love dearly, my family and close friends. and I was finally beginning to believe that no matter how bad things got I had to be alive to be happy, whether it is with my partner or not. Yesterday was the day I started to plan my life.

Today I was given more hope when again Eric made me realise that my even if I think my OH is 'the one', it doesn't mean that someone will not show up sometime in my life. Funnily enough it was bikes that help me there too when I told Eric that at least I could buy a speed triple without getting into an argument now he responded by saying "wow, your single, attractive and you want a speed triple, i'm glad your getting divorced cause I want you!".

Hearing that made me laugh for the first time in 4 days and the flirting during the rest of the day has made me realise that just beacuse i love my OH, it does not mean that I cannot onjoy the company of other people, I how have Erics phone number and we will be getting together to enjoy each others company later in the week, what do I want to happen there? no idea, I just want to have a good time with a very good friend, whatever happens, happens.

I'm not planning on going out to find another partner to share my life with, I still love my (soon to be ex) hubby and although I feel that I would be there if they returned, at the same time I've realised that I can't just live my life waiting for that miniscule possibilty to happen, if someone else comes along, then well, who knows!?

The reasons I am telling this is because, firstly, it is an outlet for me, I don't feel like I should have to hide what I've been through just because many people could have dealt with the situation in a much safer way, typing this is helping me to not feel ashamed of my actions, I know it was stupid, I know it was wrong, and I have truly learned how important life is.

Secondly, this weekend has been the most awakening time of my life, it took me an attempted suicide to show me all the things I have to live for. If someone reading this can benefit from my experience then I hope they find for themselves that death is not the best option, if me typing this can help to persuade even one person not to take the supposedly easy way out of a painful, difficult situation then my experience is worth the pain I felt.


It's been such a rollercoaster ride with my emotions the last few days, but as I came to realise and I sincerely hope that everyone reading this knows...

In the end, A life is there to be lived, it's too precious to be thrown away.

Many many thanks for all the affection shown above, it's another thing that helps me feel good about being alive, that even perfect strangers can care.

Love to you all,
Abi.

Edit: Just realised this post isn't as "long story short" as I said, is it? hehe
____________________
'81 Yammi XJ750 Seca, oldie but a goodie.

[yzf750r]

God..... sounds like youve been through the mill.

I know its hard to move on, but you have your family. Dont bottle things up, talk to anyone. Have you got a councillor now your out?

There is NO need to feel ashamed for what you did, at the time it felt the best, luckily it didn't go as far as was intended!

Eric sounds like he could of saved you! Good on him!

Well the sun is shining so keep on smiling!


____________________
04 zx10r with mods - 187.4bhp at the wheel! :o

[Weedy]

Good to have you back Abi

/hugs
____________________
<CBT passed 16th Sept 2007><Theory Test passed 11th Oct 2007><Practical Test passed 19th Apr 2008>
OWNED: 2008 Aprilia Pegaso Strada CURRENT: Bikeless :'(

[killa]

I'd think you'd be a bit weird if you didn't react like that TBH....if you think that person is 'the one then' what can you do?!

I can't imagine what that feels like yet, but i wasn't happy my girlfriend of 4.5 years wanted to leave the country and teach english elsewhere. I was happy with her, and in the last few months i haven't had anything near the feeling i got when i was with Liz, or even when i met her for that matter.
She really is the soundest girl i've ever met, and i've got to say goodbye to her this month.

It's a shock to the system because there are parts of you that surface when this sort of thing happens that you rarely deal with.

Good luck with rebuilding yourself. Quite exciting thinking of the possibilties, no time table, no routine, no holds barred!


____________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[distortion]

Am glad you got yourself sorted Abi

I work in a mental health and have talked for hours like the nurse did with you. Some people wont talk, some say a little and others talk and talk. Is alwys best to talk about things ive found.

Get the triple and go have some fun

[AbiJ]

YZF, it has been one hell of an experience, before I used to bottle things up, I've now learnt to be more open about how I feel, I had a talk with my mum last night and it felt so good to be able to talk, I honestly don't know how I managed to get through life for so long without being open.

Weedy, thanks buddy /hugs returned.

Killa, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, just please don't go the route I chose, however things turn out you have to continue, there is always something to live for, family, friends, and mainly yourself. I hope things turn out weel for you.

Distort, I honestly believe that the Nurse and Eric both played a mojor part in saving a life this weekend, if I was not forced to open up and talk then who knows what would be happening now, i appreciate so much what other people have done for me and I appreiciate the help you have given to others, it shows that there is hope.

damn it's good to be back, I honestly have missed this place, I told my therapist yesterday afternoon about my plan for after I was discharged, it went...

Get out of this building, have a smoke (no caffine or nicotine allowed in the ward), go home, laugh and chat with my family, check my emails, get on BCF, then sleep.

Glad to be back, now I may have to go and look at that Triumph agian...

Abi.
____________________
'81 Yammi XJ750 Seca, oldie but a goodie.

[Rookie]

Sounds like a horrendous ordeal, it's great you've made it through to the other side more aware of what got you in that situation, and by the sounds of things you've really come to terms with everything well.

And everyone knows bikes soothe the soul, the Triumph has got to be the top of your list.

Hope you're on the up and up.

[AbiJ]

[ken]

Just picked back up on this abi... just gone back and re-read you're post's and I can feel the sunshine rising within you.. you will have great days you will have shite day's that's normal life abi. don't let anyone/anything grind you down. you have one shot at life. it's not a dream so take it ... I sincerely hope everything works out well for you abi.
(you want British made bike, go get it)

all the very best
Kc
____________________
latest bike 03 R1 in zee red and black

[AbiJ]

Ken,
I'm also feeling that sunshine, I've been looking back over these last few days looking at my attitude recently and I can see how I have slowly been growing stronger and more confident.

I've realised that there are so many things out there for me to live for and I know I'm in for some rough times in the near future but I'm honestly feeling like I am not just going to survive this but I'm going to beat it.

To everyone, thank you so much for all of the friendship and support you guys/gals have shown me, it really does help to know that there are so many good people around that will offer their help to a relative stranger like myself.

I think the worst thing anyone has said to me in the last few days has been from my mum, she said yesterday "that pink bike looks horrid!" but I guess I can forgive her.

Abi.
____________________
'81 Yammi XJ750 Seca, oldie but a goodie.

[neatbik]

Hi, im glad you are picking up
Im a firm believer that things happen for a reason in this life, it may be hard now but in time you will be happy again, and there is no reason why you wont meet anyone again and be happier than you've ever known
Use this oppurtunity to do the things you've always wanted to do - get that speed triple, then take 2 weeks off work and ride it everyday to somewhere different. Go do a parachute jump or a bunjee jump, anything, as long as its life affirming. Its worked for me in the past.
You can be happy on your own, and i reckon its important to know that as you will be much more self-confident.
Good luck, keep us posted
nick

[st3v3]

Wow Things changed dint they? Glad your back on the up, and it looks like you've got better things to come, so enjoy
____________________
Roger wrote: Women don't get damp for clingy puppies. Get some better happy pills, hit the gym & buy a medallion the size of a dinner plate. Job done