Strange housemates...

[Shaun]

Time to share some stories of your strange house mates, I, of course, shall go first.

My current house mate is what you would define as lazy, massively. Now I've heard of people that live on microwave meals but I assumed they were a myth. He will not cook anything unless he can microwave it, he bought a frozen pizza and some bacon, a week later he gave it to me because he'll never be arsed to cook it, as though it's a huge effort. He lives on microwave meals but if he's skint it's a whole new story, for a week, I didn't see him eat anything other than coco pops and 8p strawberry yoghurts!

Then one day whilst trying to convince me that it's an amazing idea to set him up on a date with one of my female friends he starts a sentance with "come on Shaun, I know how to treat a girl" and ends it by shouting out of his car window to some random girls with "suck me cock".

He isn't so odd all of the time but some of the stuff he does confuses the shit out of me, like when we were sat on Tesco car park and he realised he hadn't done his hair, so he styled it using diet coke!

Your stories please.

[Endless Nameless]

Other than 2 lads who, every time they come home drunk, insist on coming into my room, and wandering around while I'm in bed (we hardly ever lock our room doors, everyone in here is awsome). Didnt really mind 'till one picked up a bottle of disinfectant that was on the side and squirted me in the face with it as I lay in bed. It wasnt meant nastily, he was just very drunk... Now I lock the door if I know they are out on the piss, and it gives them hours of amusement trying to pick the lock when they come in. Oh, and they pile random shit from the loft (house is an ex nursing home and the loft is crammed with junk) outside me door too. Every time.

But compared to your guy, they are perfectly normal!
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[Ariel Badger]

Shared a place with a couple of mercenaries out in Zimbabwe. One had spent too much time in the bush and gone jungley. I came home well pissed from a month in the bush and took a leak in his bedroom mistaking it for a bog.
The next day half way through breakfast and in mid conversation he pulled a knife and stabbed me in the shoulder. He then cleaned his knife and took me to hospital, after I was sewn back up we never mentioned the incident again.
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[benvanwell]

^^^
Whatever happened to me pales into insignificance now - I doubt anyone can top that. Absolutely brilliant!
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[Ariel Badger]

His name was N**k M****ns and was a total nutter, He had this German Shepard that was trained to rip Africans appart if they came anywhere near our gaff, bloody thing never learned the independance war was over and was forever hurting inocent people. It escaped once and I had to chase it for miles in bare feet, I still have nigtmares about being in the bush miles from home with bleeding feet from thorns and flints. N**k had a nice ginger GF who used to get pissed off with him and blow me out of revenge, I did worry about him castrating me in the night.
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Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[Paddy Blake]

xxxxx

Paddy.

[McGee]

Ariel honestly I want your life man
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Its pronounced Jixxer!

[hellkat]

LOL @ Ariel.
Yeah, but its not so much fun when they are actually doing it.
Mad flatmates are great. I'm sure people who have lived with me and Andy have some tales of weirdness to recount.

Having atrocious flatmates is one of the great joys of life, people who stay at home with their parents never acquire such fun tales of madness. I'm currently trying to talk my daughter and her best mate into going flat-sharing, so that they too will have tales of godawful flatmates to amuse their friends with.

I had a flatmate who was doing a physics PhD - he was a typical geek, mad ginger hair, thick glasses, acne and was completely anti-social. He'd lock himself in his room all the time and was very shy, even around us, never had a girlfriend. He used to only eat takeaways, Monday was McDonalds, Tuesday was Chinese, Wednesday was pizza, etc ... he simply didn't know how to cook, but he already had a computer and some sort of basic internet that was an object of complete mystery and fascination to us (this is back in about 1984), with a huge modem that buzzed and made weird noises. It freaked us out. We thought he was building Frankenstein's monster in there.

The only thing he ever cooked was toast, and he burnt that. To this day, we still call burnt toast "Rosstoast", after that guy, even my daughter Anita (who was not even born until 1987) knows what Rosstoast is.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[ZRX61]

[Al]

Not really a house mate as such more room mates.

Whilst traveling in Thailand me and a my mate stayed in a multi bed dorm.
We arrived in the early evening and dumped out bags on our beds and went out drinking for the night. There was a few other peoples bags in the room but nobody else actually there.
We arrived back at about 3am ish fairly hammered and literally dived on our beds and fell asleep.
I woke up at about 7am ish to the sight of some western guy banging a Thai girl a couple of beds away (not even under the covers ) and a South American guy that looked remarkably like Carlos Santana sitting on the floor strumming the strings of a guitar.
My mate was sitting on the window sill having a smoke with a rather bemused grin on his face.........was a strange night really!

But apart from that anybody I've lived with for any length of time as been disappointingly normal.
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[colin1]