FREE HPI CHECK - with added jokes. (closed and drawn)

[Keir]

i have 2 'checkabike's (HPI check things) left that run out on the 9th of DEC.

Funniest joke, ok 2 jokes, get a free check through me.

Please note: one entry per person, there is no cash alternative, my decision is final
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Current : '08 Yamaha FZ1s
Previous: '99 Honda CBR 600FX, 03 ZX636 B1H, 99 Fazer 600 (red), 02 GSX-R 600 K2, 00 SV650s (red), 2008 ZX10R, 97 Bandit 1200N, 04 ZX6RR K1H, 04 GSX-R 1000, 98 Fazer 600 (gold), 05 Madness 110 Pit bike, 04 CR125R, 00 SV650s (black), 06 KTM 625 SMC, 99 SRAD 600 track bike, 03 SV650, 98 Bandit 1200N, Bandit 600SY, 03 GSX-R 600 K3, 01 GSX-R 600, 01 Fazer 600 (black), VFR 400 NC30 x3, 78 Honda Dream, 00 Speedfight 50

[----]

One morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in D.C and his name is Jeff.”

After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. “Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She’s a wonderful wife but she’s never offered much excitement in the bedroom, I have fooled around with other women a lot. Jeff is actually your half-brother, and I’m afraid you can’t marry him.” Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again.

A year later she came home and very proudly announced, “Mitch asked me to marry him! We’re getting married in June.” Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Mitch is your half-brother too, Hun. I’m terribly sorry about this.”

Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. “Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” she complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother.” Hillary just shook her head. Don’t pay any attention to what he says dear. He’s not really your father.”

Two young boys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young boys, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than some hard jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court on Monday morning, bright and early.”

The two boys where in court that Monday morning, and the judge asked the first one, “So, How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor,” he replied, “I persuaded 22 people to give up drugs forever.”

“22 people? That’s amazing. How’d you accomplish such a feat?”

“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs, and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s admirable,” said the judge.

“And you, how did you do?” he asked the second boy.

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 214 people to give up drugs forever.”

“214 people! That’s unbelieveable! How on earth did you manage to do that?”

“Well, I used a similar approach,” he answered. “I drew a large and a small circle. Pointing to the small circle, I said, this is your asshole before you go to prison………..”

Do copy and pasted jokes count
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DRZ-400sm

[D O G]

There's nothing funny about rape.





















Unless you're raping a clown.

[spikenipple]

What's pink and fluffy?



















Pink fluff.

HA.
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C50 > GN250 > XJ600 > SV650S K7 > 2001 RSV Mille R > MT-09, XR400R > 2005 Fireblade (trackbike) + 2022 MT-09 + ZXR400 race bike

[benjami]

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?


A: A giraffe.

[trevoriv]

What do you call a teddy bear with a pig on its head?

Hammed.

What do you call a teddy bear with two pigs on its head?

Mohammed.

*coat/door*
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Past: '96 Thundercat, '02 ZX636R (A1P), '58 KTM 690 SM LC4 Current: '06 ZX636R (C6F)
Mudskipper wrote: Someone just has to sig that...

[Shay HTFC]

Its Thursday morning and the binmen are doing their round.
At one house, the binman goes to collect the bin, but there is nothing in the drive. So he goes round the back and there is no bin there either.
He knocks on the front door. He notices the light upstairs turn off, but still no answer. So he knocks again and a small Chinese man eventually opens it.

"Harrow" he says.
"Hi there, where's ya bin?", asks the binman
"I've bin on the toilet" the Chinese man replies

"No, where's ya dustbin?", the binman asks again
"Yeah, I've dust bin on the toilet" comes back the reply.

At this stage the binman is a bit flummoxed. He thinks for a bit and asks again.
"Ok, where's ya wheelie bin?", he says

To which the Chinese man replies sheepishly with,
"Ok Ok, I've wheelie bin havin' a wank"


I don't even want a HPI check lol... Just wanted to tell a joke

[puremagic72]

Mate says to best mate in pub "if i shag your wife and she has a baby, does that make us related." Mate says " no, that makes us even!"

A man licking out a prostitute when suddenly gets a piece of carrot in his mouth, he spits it out and carries on but then gets a pea in his mouth. He spits it out & asks hooker " you've got bits of veg in your pussy, are you sick?"

She says "no, but i think the last bloke was!"

Baz.
____________________
Make; cbr929cc blade Year; 2001
Gsxr 750 2000, alstare Corona, Current bike 1999 R6
(1) Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

[Ichy]

An ugly bloke walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time!
We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

















"Dunno...Never found the head."

[Ichy]

Biker sitting in a pub, quietly nursing his pint, when the door opens and in walks a prostitute. She sits at the bar next to the biker and says in a her most sexy voice, “Hey big boy, have you ever had a thrill?”

“Yeah,” replies the guy, “I was out on my bike and was rippin’ down some country lanes; the sun was shinin’, the little birds wuz tweetin’, the bike was runnin’ sweet and everythin’ was cool.”

“No, silly,” I mean have you ever had a real thrill?” she asks again.

“Oh yeah,” he answers. “I was cranking it over into some really tight bends and the footpegs were scraping out wiv sparks flying behind me!”

Bloody hell, she thinks, this bloke is so thick his brain must be custard. I’ll make it simple for him.

“What I mean is,” she says, as she runs her hand up the inside of his thigh and squeezes his nuts, opens her legs to reveal a complete absence of panties and hair, “have you ever felt a cunt?”










“Yeah,” he sez. “I fell off.”

[Ichy]

No words needed. Rock on!!

[Endless Nameless]

Tis an old one, but I like it.

Three Swedish bikers sat in a sauna- a BMW rider, a Honda rider and a Harley rider. The three are sat there discussing the merits of their various motorbikes when there is a bleeping noise. The BMW rider looks at the back of his hand, taps it for a minute, then goes back to the conversation. The other two are giving him a funny look. "Oh" he says, "I've got a pager chip inserted into the back of me hand. Latest thing you know". They resume the conversation for a minute or two, then a phone rings. The Honda owner says sorry, turns round and talks into his hand for a few minutes. When he turns back, the other 2 are staring at him. "Ahh, I've had a mobile phone surgically inserted into my hand." The other 2 nod and carry on. The Harley rider is feeling a bit left out here as he has no technological advantages to show off. He excuses himself and wanders off. He comes back shortly after with a strip of bogroll hanging from his arse.




"Oh look, I'm getting a fax"




Sorry. I'll get me coat.
____________________
A2 passed 22/07/08; restriction up 22/07/10 (just so I don't forget)
'79 Suzuki GS550E. Yes, that's a GS550, not a GS500.
Supersports "In a video editing competition I'd kick your sorry ass"

[danclarkie]

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
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Bah Humbug

[NSR Mick]

Arse.

[NSR Mick]

[benjami]

99% of Women kiss with their eyes closed.

- That's why it's hard to identify rapists.

[puremagic72]

Or 9 out of ten people wonder where the other ones gone!

Baz.
____________________
Make; cbr929cc blade Year; 2001
Gsxr 750 2000, alstare Corona, Current bike 1999 R6
(1) Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

[trevoriv]

My teddy bear joke gets bad karma but yet the gang raping joke gets good karma...


____________________
Past: '96 Thundercat, '02 ZX636R (A1P), '58 KTM 690 SM LC4 Current: '06 ZX636R (C6F)
Mudskipper wrote: Someone just has to sig that...

[Rawker]

i would like a free HPI check but im shit at jokes,

so i might joke and say its to check a car hahaha :S

[Endless Nameless]

Ha, dont worry, mine did too. I'll apologise now to any swedish harley riders that happen to be on here- sorry!

Other than that, cannae see how it's offensive, but hey
____________________
A2 passed 22/07/08; restriction up 22/07/10 (just so I don't forget)
'79 Suzuki GS550E. Yes, that's a GS550, not a GS500.
Supersports "In a video editing competition I'd kick your sorry ass"

[Ichy]

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa

How did Fahd lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
He cut off his head.


You've got to wonder about a person that rates a joke about a teddy, a fax machine and headless corpse sex (ok, maybe) as abusive, but seems happy with gang rape and gay sex. Ahhh... maybe he's just letting us know what he wants for Christmas.

[numark1]

What happened to the blind circumciser???


He got the sack

[306_abb]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is


the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered,

"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid." "Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid,

and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid.

Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?"

The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house

and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?"

The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?! "

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?"

"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied,



"Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million quid..............

but Realistically,.........

we're living with two Sluts and a Queer"

[Syx]

[306_abb]

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?





















"Good morning Girls"