Violent Gasses Part Deux

[GodzGift]

I was having the same issue months ago and now its back and even worse. Right, im on the protein shakes as usual and normally its all good but since 2 days ago I have been belting out some blinding farts.

Is there anything I can do stop them, its gotten so bad that during the night when i let one rip I wake up because the smell is so bad I have to leave the room. Then I cant come back into the room as its like walking into a wall of sh#t. Not sure what they're putting into the protein shakes but im starting to worry about the peoples health around me.

In the same way you have passive smoking, can you have passive farting? Any ideas?
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Bike Level: Amateur | CBT Passed

[Cigaro]

I think it probably is possible to fart oneself to death.

As for your anal expulsion problems, it probably is the protein shakes.

[trevoriv]

Typical side effect with some of the cheaper protein shakes.

Being a bit of a brand whore i soon moved on to Maximuscle Cyclone and the problems went away for the most part.
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Past: '96 Thundercat, '02 ZX636R (A1P), '58 KTM 690 SM LC4 Current: '06 ZX636R (C6F)
Mudskipper wrote: Someone just has to sig that...

[hellkat]

[Walloper]

You could try lighting them.
This would burn off the offensive sulphurous parts and cause less distress/discomfort to others within range of the Skirmish Line.

Eating A handful of barbecue briquettes with the supplements could help absorb the excess gasses by way of the larger than life surface area of the carbon.

Become a wimp and give up that blatantly Gay Body Building lifestyle.....

You are rotten BTW... I never knew a fart could be downloaded over an Internet connection before.....
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W-ireless A-rtificial L-ifeform L-imited to O-bservation P-eacekeeping and E-fficient R-epair

[D O G]

I am shocked at the horror of my farts, both in their quantity and toxicity. I'm sure it's because I east too fast and hence there is a lot of chunks to fester, or that I need a clean of the colon.

I want someone to stick a hosepipe up my arse and such out the plaque. Anyone had this done?

[feef]

smelly farts are the by-product of a protein rich diet. In fact, if they are THAT bad, it might be that you're actually taking in TOO much protein, more than your body can absorb.

It's the stuff that your body can't digest properly that gets expelled as gasses.

a
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[JonB]

Baked beans really are my downfall.

I've pretty much excluded them from my diet.
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[GhostRider]

Had similar trouble when I was drinkin the protein shakes after the gym sessions, not the cheap stuff either, Met-Rx sachets! My mates would heave and have a right go at me when I launched the air biscuits.
Even worse was when I'd be stood in the pub and let loose a "creaky door" soundbyte, an there was a table of hotties sat behind us. They didnt hear it, but they sure as hell smelt it. One girl ran off crying an others moved holding their noses sayin things like "thats fucking disgusting". Best of all the girl who left cryin blamed it on her fella who was standing there looking as equally displeased to have experienced such a vile aroma (sorry old chap!).

Anyhow, I stopped takin the protein shakes an abandoned the high protein diet due to busting my elbow on a bench press which has seen me out of the game for a good 7 months and since then..... well I wouldnt say I exactly kick out the smell of roses but it certainly lacks the satanicly evil pungence that it once did......

GhostRider
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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

[YUN]

Those protein shakes was my ultimate nightmare.

The OH used to drink it EVERYDAY before he hit the gym.
Farts used to be EXTRA LOUD and EXTRA TOXIC......

It became a ritual for him to play the game 'fart-bed' almost everynight. He'd do a big one and trap me under the duvets - there's NO ESCAPE...I can't redeem myself since my squeaky farts are in no comparison

Plus the smell festers for AGES!!

Passive farting? All I can say it....that stench can not be healthy for anyone to absorb!
____________________
Meet the team that will win, Blade, Razor, Blazer and my personal assistant, Michelle and from Romanovia - Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky
~ * CBT - 13/01/08 --> Theory 24/05/08 --> Squished by lorries, brand new CBR125(2000miles) write-off 04/06/06 --> DAS booked 02-04/08/08 * --> DAS passed 05/08/08 * --> VFR400 (aka 'Mike') ~

[JonB]

[pa_broon74]

Sitting as I am in work, it is somewhat embarassing to guffaw loudly then have curious work colleagues come over and realise I'm laughing at a thread on a motorcycle chat forum about passing wind.

I have no suggestions other than to table the idea of consuming black dog biscuits. Apparently those are designed specifically to absorb the gasses that make canine farts so eyewateringly malodorous.

Its all about balance, first thing I do when I get out of the gym is spark up. I get all sorts of dirty looks from other patrons, I can read it in their eyes - "What are you doing that for you cock!" Ok, so you have a windypops problem but on the upside, your looking after yourself which is a good thing.

That is all.
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Didn't catch anything.

[Ste]

Stop drinking protein shakes, it's pretty simple isn't it?

[GhostRider]

[quote="~ * YUN * ~"] It became a ritual for him to play the game 'fart-bed' almost everynight. He'd do a big one and trap me under the duvets - there's NO ESCAPE...I can't redeem myself since my squeaky farts are in no comparison

Plus the smell festers for AGES!!

quote]

Aaaaaahahahha, the classic "dutch oven" otherwise known as "the hot box!" love it !!

Yeah the simple solution would be to drop the protein shakes however, this conflicts with the interest of buildin muscle after a workout, as I say I used to wretch at my own stench and it lingered for 10 minutes or longer but it was worth it to get my bench press up!!

GhostRider
____________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

[Didge]

Aah.......Good.......a fart thread.

I thought I'd have an in-depth look at the subject of farting. It is a subject that we all find hilarious or disgusting, depending on whether we are, at the time, the 'Farter' or the 'Victim'.
A BREAKDOWN OF FARTERS
Now some people are what I call 'CLOSET FARTERS' and by that, I don't mean that they hide in a wardrobe to let rip, (God forbid, that'd be the methane version of self flagellation). No, by 'CLOSET FARTER', I mean someone who makes out that they don't fart.(Ladies?) DON'T FART????? We all bloody fart. Men, women, dogs, cats. In fact they reckon the ozone layer is being destroyed by cows farting.
So, now that we've established that everyone is flatulent to a more or less degree, we are now on a more level playing field as it were.
But people can be split into other farting groups as well. There are the 'DISCRETE FARTERS', (ladies?), the one's who don't mind releasing the pressures from down below, but do all in their power to point blame on someone else. An anal version of throwing ones voice if you will. Now the professional 'DISCRETE FARTER' will have this off to an art form, and they can quietly 'let off' and then 'butter-wouldn't-melt'. (Ladies?) My own bloody mother was one of these, but she got found out when after 'release', someone pointed the finger and she started to giggle, trying hard not to giggle anymore, she let rip again, but this time it was heard, which made her giggle more, which caused more (louder) escaping flatus and on and on it went. So she was outed from that day on. Not to mention left on her own for a while, until 'things' calmed down a bit. 'DISCRETE FARTERS' can be dangerous if not outed very quickly. Those of a more nervous disposition can easily fall victim to a 'DISCRETE FARTER' and have their reputation tarnished forever, whilst the 'DISCRETE FARTER' only tarnishes their own undies.
On the opposite end of the scale we can find the 'LOUD & PROUD' farter. Yes, I admit that at times I can be one of these, but I'm a bit more of a pro, as you'll see later. The 'LOUD & PROUD has no shame whatsoever, and is usually male. When on their own, the 'LOUD & PROUD' will not release any pressure under any circumstance. They will retain it for as long as it takes, until they meet up with their friends, (yes, surprisingly they DO have some friends), and after a few beers to 'loosen things up', will emit a rasp from their rear end that can be heard all over the pub. Not to mention, create a rather uncrowded drinking area. The favourite haunt of the 'LOUD & PROUD' is of course, the cinema. Having watched the film on a pirate dvd the night before, he KNOWS the places where the film goes quiet. As the film approaches the quiet part, 'LOUD & PROUD' leans over on one cheek, and lets rip right on cue. Of course the cinema erupts to guffaws and cheers from fellow patrons, although it must be said, those closer to 'Ground Zero' are not quite so amused, and many sweet packets and ice cream tubs are frantically covered up to protect from any possible 'fallout'. It is virtually impossible from that time on, to concentrate on the film, as other 'LOUD & PROUDS' take their cue from that point on, and it becomes a rectal shouting match as every few minutes one tries to outdo the other, in both volume and note variation. Not to mention of course, odour. But 'LOUD & PROUD' doesn't always have it his way. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, one may hear what at first appears to be a beautiful, almost melodic variance of tone, that suddenly gives way to a rather bubbly sounding gurgle, and it's then that a figure is always seen to appear, walking like a penguin towards the men’s bogs, to hoots of laughter, jeers and pointing fingers. The area of the cinema that has become the 'fallout zone', clears quicker than a Scottish pub when it's time to pay the tab. Of course the now 'LOUD-BUT-NOT-SO-PROUD' who followed through' will be ostracised by his peers and will now be relegated to the guffing equivalent of the fourth division.
The next farter I'd like to mention is the bully. The 'BULLY FARTER' belongs in the psycho-section of the farting community. He, (yes, this is a VERY male thing), will use his superior strength on weaker victims (usually a wife or girlfriend), to box them into a confined place, so that when the evil gas is released, said victim is forced to breathe the vile outpourings of the 'BULLY' bottom. This at first, causes the victim to go into a frenzy, as she tries to unsuccessfully escape the rapidly cloying stench that assails her nostrils, but quickly she will succumb to the overpowering stink, and collapse into a limp defeated heap, but not before uttering the words, "you dirty bastard" & "I HATE you" etc etc. By now of course, the 'BULLY' himself has collapsed, but with tears of laughter pouring down his face, managing the words, "but it's not too bad". This of course is NOT true. No fart is bad to it's maker. In fact to the farter, his/her smell is to be savoured, revelled in almost. BUT, to the victim it is the most appalling bloody stench they've ever smelt. Not to mention of course, the thought on the mind of the victim, that they have taken in gaseous droplets of the farters shite, and the physical and psychological damage that this can cause. A friend of mine, who will remain anon.....no sod it, "hi Larry", has a favourite trick. When lying in bed, he will squeeze out a silent, but resiliently strong and toxic vapour under the duvet, and at the same time say to his partner "If I gob in the air, I wonder who it will land on?". At this point, he will make out that he's hoiking up a huge grolly, and she will dart under the duvet, whereupon he traps her there until her struggles are no more. Now that is bloody evil.
The last type of farter that I'll touch on, is the pro'. Now the 'PRO' FARTER' must NEVER, under any circumstances, be under estimated. He/she can be any one of the above groups and more, whenever they so wish. To be a 'PRO' FARTER', takes many years of testing development, and all of us 'PRO' FARTERS' have at one point in our lives, gone through' the 'brown belt' level. No pain-no gain is the old saying, and that is very true of the 'PRO' FARTER'. We have all gone through' the hell that is 'slinging mud'. But it is something that one must pass (sorry), to go on to gain full and utter control of ones sphincter. Once one has reached PRO' level, one is looked on in envy and awe by the rest of the colon blowing community. A PRO' FARTER is able to, at times, using his sphincter as a rudimentary vocal cord, enunciate not only words of various dialect, but include localised accents as well. In a rather raspy manner of course. This puts the Germanic farters in a difficult position, as the Germanic languages are very guttural, and made at the back of the throat. So they do tend to suffer from a lack of PRO's, as it's VERY hard to create a sound from the back of the lower bowel without losing control. It tends to cause a reflex action, much like sticking your finger down your throat, and so they inevitably end up touching cloth or feeling the appearance of the turtles head. Many a German farter, on feeling the turtles head appear, have panicked, involuntarily spasmed and decapitated it, causing the dreaded 'Penguin-walk-of-the-unclean'. Not nice. The real top PRO's (I'm slowly getting there) can, on demand play any tune on the ol' 'bowel bugle'. Very few 'Buglers' can read music, but are nonetheless, able to create some beautiful sounds. To listen to "The Blue Danube" by a group of buglers or 'Botty Band' as they are better known, will bring a tear to the eye. As does the smell of course. The players have an unwritten rule, that if one wants to clear ones throat, one will do so prior to appearing on stage, as the sight of a freshly laid turd steaming on the stage can be a little off putting to those of a nervous disposition. Not to mention that, when playing in front of royalty, it is considered 'bad form' to hoik up a golden brown on stage. We must have our standards.
I hope you have learned much from my anal (f)article, and now have it in you to except us farters in the general community. After all, we have feelings too, and we have suffered for our (f)art, and so have our underpants.

[YUN]

Didge: that was hilarious.

I forgot to mention in terms of "pro-farting"...you may want to PM FourTen.

She is the ultimate pro and knows exactly when her ones will stink.
She will inform our holy tribe when sitting around the tv with "i'm going to do a silent one...and it will stink" or "i'm going to do a loud one and it won't smell"....
I feel pretty ashamed to say that I (and everyone else) actually sit there awaiting her "raspberry blowing", nostrils flared for optimum intake.
Suffice to say...her "predictions" usually work.

you might want to PM her and ask for tips with regards to controlling the stench if anything.
I presume, if you "KNOW" that it'll be a stinker......you'll prepare yourself to a people-free-zone. Unless of course you are what they call a LOUD AND PROUD farter.
____________________
Meet the team that will win, Blade, Razor, Blazer and my personal assistant, Michelle and from Romanovia - Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky
~ * CBT - 13/01/08 --> Theory 24/05/08 --> Squished by lorries, brand new CBR125(2000miles) write-off 04/06/06 --> DAS booked 02-04/08/08 * --> DAS passed 05/08/08 * --> VFR400 (aka 'Mike') ~

[Brod122]

I use MetR-X and the first week or so of being back on protein shakes (1-2 scoops a day) I suffer aswell, its a known side effect, much like the smell of a real Gym lol.

How long have you been on them? I return to normal after a week or so usually.

[Ichy]

Nothing to worry about.

Is it possible for a fart to kill you?
A great many of you have asked if farts can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad fart. My initial response to this question was "no," but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medical opinion I received is no, a fart can't kill you.
However, if you really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just about anything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus with a system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. He died of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personally cannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories.
The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatus (and whose farts almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time.
But according to Buzzbomb43, whom I quote: "In World War Two, the Air Force estimates that around 1000 to 2000 airmen were killed because of flatulence. The reason is B-17 bombers were not pressurized, so when bomber crews operated around 20,000 feet, the gas would expand and rupture their intestines." Now, that is a nasty way to go!


Taken from https://www.heptune.com/farts.html the centre of knowledge to all things fart related, including
Is it possible to freeze farts, and would they still be smelly after they are defrosted?
Is it possible for a fart to rip your underwear?
When it is cold outside and you fart, can you see it like you can see your breath?

And the classic

Is it possible to get stoned after inhaling two or three farts in a row?

[GodzGift]

[Walloper]

Guy goes to his Dr. and says, "Doc I have been doing these massive violent farts all week but the funny thing is, there is no smell off them."
"Can you do one now?" the Dr. asked him.
"Parrrp.." the guy lets one rip.
"One moment please." says the Dr. as he walks into the little examination room and returns with a large wooden pole with a big metal hook on the end.
Oh for sake of Jesus Dr. You're not going to poke that up my arse are you? asks the man in a bit of a panic now.
"Oh don't be so damned stupid man." says the Dr.
"I'm going to ram it up your nose you have a blocked nasal passage. And you're absolutely fuking stinking."
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W-ireless A-rtificial L-ifeform L-imited to O-bservation P-eacekeeping and E-fficient R-epair