4 year relationship maybe at an end.......Feel screwed

[Louise]

I will try to explain as much as I can but over 4 years its a bit hard.
I feel pretty screwed at the moment.
Been with Kat for just over 4 years.
She has known Josh since he was born - Not seeing him a lot, but enough for him to know her ect - He is still too young to know she is my partner.
Anyway, a few of you are aware she was born in Greece - anti homophobic people.
This I have live with for 4 years..... If her dad found out, she would loose a lot - successful restaurant ect.
But im not bothered about this, she goes home for 6 weeks of the year to be with her family.
This year was different..... The day she came back to England, is the day I left for Devon for 2 weeks......thus being almost 8 weeks apart.
after one week away for me, I find out her Bro is over for a month - jealousy hit and I stupidly said I will see her once he has gone home.

This is where it all kicked off....Basically she said she didnt feel the same, the whole issue with me drinking got in the way - I would be fine on a night out with mates, but as soon as I went out with her I would/could get violent with words.
Pretty long story over 4 years to be honest.
But she snapped and said this was it, we were over (Once she got home, whilst I was away)
Which was a very unfair move - at least speak to me face to face.......

This to be honest ruined my last week away - ok was only Devon, but it just did.
I took an extra 4 days off from work just to go and see her (as it was over 8 weeks since we had seen each other)
obviously this didnt happen, I was stuck at home for 3 days sobbing my heart out.
Text after text with whats going to happen ect - nothing happened.

After 2 weeks we arranged to meet - 'As mates'

So I went up there, got some late night shopping - I didnt expect to stay..... we ended up having a small tiff in a tesco store - she brought a big pot of coffee -I said 'Blimy, im not staying why by something that big'?
With a blank look she said 'you not staying then'
'No. I didnt expect this'
With her reply
' this is what aggitates me about you'

Since then, I have stayed over, we have had sex once, cuddles loads of times ect ect'

'Now im seriously confused...... she tells me 'what mates have sex'

Which is a good sign yes?

Then the last time we meet, her neibours complain my bike woke them up at 6am as I left for work.....

My bike is road legal, Loud but legal - not my problem .
If they dont like, nothing I can do - afterall there TV keeps me awake when im there.

This then resulted in another argument saying I was rude because I said 'They were deaf anyway'

This was last week

Then after a few lenghty text she said she would give me another chance, but i 'cant push her'

Her bro is here till the 25th Oct - do I wait out or do I just say fuck it!?

Remember tho, I am a single mum with a toddler - I know this shouldnt affect anyones mind - But being in the gay world, dykes are dykes- there is no one in pompey that I even fancy!!!!

Not like im going to listen to you lot anyway

Just want your opinion's really

My work has suffered as well - I dont know whats going to happen there - not been myself, new boss is picking flaws at me

My head is just pretty screwed right now and I need people to rant at - and you are the only Lot I know!
Even thinking about selling the bike - which isnt a good sign!

This has been a long post, I am sorry
But thought Id add, im the one that text her first. not the other way around.
Is it worth fighting for the 4 years or not.
ANy one who says go S8 - will get a karma bashing

[S1KE]

shit ur a lesbian, learn summin new every day

pics or the sex didnt happen
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[Fisty]

sounds like you need to arrange to sit down and talk things through.

I cant really give much usefull advice as im shite at relationships, but I find talking helps.

Tom
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[MarJay]

This sounds like it could end of its own accord, after all why would you say "there is no-one in pompey that I fancy" If you really want to continue the relationship? It sounds like you're with her because she's the only one available!

But as a previous poster said if you truly want the relationship to survive then communication is the only way. She isn't a mind reader and neither are you. Try to work out what it is you feel for her (see above) and if you do have feelings for her, then let her know.

The relationship won't fix itself; it requires some effort on your part at least.

HTH
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[st3v3]

I took the "no one in pompey I fancy" as the current partner is the only one, no one else is to taste.

I would fight for it, but not so much you lose sight of the goal. You obviously love her and want to be there, or you wouldn't be looking here for re-assurances. Just get together with her, have a chat and see how stuff works. Try not getting too intimate because the last thing either of you needs is for this future to result in it just being based on sex, no feeling's etc.

On the same note, you have to be aware of where/when to cut off an realize it's a lost cause.

If this don't make any sense to you, don't worry im not the best at it.

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Roger wrote: Women don't get damp for clingy puppies. Get some better happy pills, hit the gym & buy a medallion the size of a dinner plate. Job done

[Louise]

Yes I am fighting for it, and she knows as she has said it herself.
I brought her flowers, I never do that - Just I dont know, its messing with my head, and messing with my job.
I dont know what to do to be honest.

[yambabe]

Bite your tongue, sit it out, then arrange some "you-time", either for a night or if you can get a babysitter for a whole weekend. Try to be on neutral territory, maybe a cheap B&B somewhere?

Reading between the lines I can't help thinking that the most likely cause of this ruction is the fact that although it's been going on for 4 years your relationship has been long-distance for all that time and although you get together you still both basically lead seperate lives.

When you have your time together, sit down and talk honestly about what you both want from each other. And ffs don't have a drink! I'm assuming she hasn't come out to her family yet? Any particular reason why? Family business doesn't really cut it, she's an independent woman with a life over here. I can't remeber where she's from, is it Greece? Is she Orthodox, or Catholic? That might be messing with her head too.

You really need to talk this through with no distractions, and be totally honest with each other. Maybe it has reached an end, some relationships do and painful though it is if that's the case the best thing you can both do is part with a hug and get on with your lives.

Oh, one last thing. mates don't have sex? Hasn't she heard of fuck buddies?
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Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate.

[ms51ves3]

If it starts to effect other things in your life such as your relationship with your son, your job and your love of biking etc you could fight so much for your girlfriend that you lose her and more.

As has been said, try and talk it out but maybe it is the time to end the relationship and move on.

[GodzGift]

If I was a woman I would have been a lesbian, women are so just so hot! - except the ones with hair on the nipples.
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Bike Level: Amateur | CBT Passed

[Fortuna]

She's nit picking to cause arguments.

[Louise]

heers for the coments guys,

She hasnt come out to her family because they are Greek.
Thats a long story which I wont go into , but I knew what it was from the start so it hasnt bothered me.

[chris-red]

My offer of marrige is still on the table





In all seriousness I have no advice because I think your gender is batshit crazy, hope everything works out.
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Skudd:- Perhaps she just thinks you are a window licker and is being nice just in case she becomes another Jill Dando.
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[DEN MONKEY]

Hate to be blunt but she's just not into you any more.

Well that's my opinion anyway.

Ever noticed that when you're into someone (love ) those little things that they do don't really matter.
It's just part of them and because you love them you just don't care.

When you're on the outter though these things quickly become annoyances that you can't stand.


Fortuna was right, she is nit picking to start fights and when that shit starts to happen you know it's just so she can use it as a get out of jail free card.
That is, if she can have a fight over something YOU did and use it as an excuse not to be with you then she can walk away guilt free as apposed to just admitting it isn't where she wants to be and making the hard call on it to leave.
Leaving her with dumpers guilt. Did she do the right thing etc etc.

it's shit to know when someone you want to be with just doesn't want to be with you anymore but sometimes we just need to face it and get on with the act of dealing with it and moving on.

Surely you have left someone before and can recognize that there is nothing wrong with the person but you just don't feel for them anymore and there is nothing they could have done to keep you there.

Right now it sounds like you're at the other end of the break up and there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

Hope I'm wrong of course

Good luck with it.
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meh

[kitty kat]

Give her some space so she has time to realise just what she is missing out on, arrange a date in the future where you can both get together and talk about what you both feel for each other and want out of a relationship with each other if either of you still want the relationship! Continue with you life as best you can until that day.
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Enjoy everyday, tell those you love everyday you love them
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[Feasty]

I expected the inital post in this thread to end with something like...

So what DO you think is causing the excessive noise on my bike in the morning, should I clean out the exhaust!?'


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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).

[Louise]

[Carl_steveo]

My naive preconceptions of lesbians is slowing being shattered.

I dont give good relationship advice, because mine generally involves leaving them and going to the pub with the lads, because if its already going downhill all your gonna do is slow down your descent no matter what your still gonna end up at the bottom.

[Dragonfly]

everyone has great advice here and dont want to repeat anyone but i did pick up on one thing.

She said about mates having sex to me that looks like using you as a f*ck friend (sorry to be so blunt) but its like she can come and go as she pleases and pull your heart strings so if she wants to leave over her fam she can do as your just a friend with benefits.

[GodzGift]

[tutton]

This dosnt really help but ive youve always been lesbian how did you have a kid
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[Mudskipper]

[Mudskipper]

On topic with sarcasm delivery disabled...

Louise, I'd agree she's no longer into you. But is keeping stringing you along for emotional imtimacy. Without giving it in return.

I've seen it happen, both personally and to others. It affecting your work is a classic symptom.

Doesn't necessarily make her a bad person, just one with issues (aint we all though!)

But only solution for you is clean break. Tough but necessary. You have to distance yourself, snap out of the mentality of being her girlfriend.

If you let it go on like this, it will just hurt like fuck more and more. You'll end up fragile emotionally, stressed and deeply unhappy.

From Relationship to Fuck Buddies doesn't work.
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[MarJay]

[Itchy]

Me thinks mudskipper is correct , though I prefer the term intellectual whore, throughout my teens I would attract quite attractive women , generally to chat to , while they went to the sack with their knuckle dragger BFs , I wondered what was going on...

I noticed and changed my tactics and suffer no more from intellectual whorism ,


Either that or Mudskipper wants you for herself..... , of course since you have run out of karma you can repay us by letting us all watch.
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[gr82bthe1st]