I just had to share this!

Alex-RS · Traffic Copper Joined: 23 Jun 2008 Karma :

My mate just rang me whilst he's on his break.
He's a lifeguard, and it's disabled night. So him and this other bloke are lifeguarding, and splashing some of the swimmers, because they don't mind it, or because it's probably extremely funny.
Anyway, this young kid, about 14, starts proper screaming like a girl for ages. Then suddenly, puts on a really angry face, reaches down, and pulls a MASSIVE SHIT out of his shorts! He then proceeds to hold it above his head in victory, and then throws it out of the pool and it bounces off under the stairs for the slide. It doesn't finish there!
He then starts rubbing his face vigorously with his hand, and carries on doing this while they get everyone out of the pool. People were retching from the smell, and lifeguards arguing over who has to clean it. I have been informed that the girl who had to clear it up has been ridiculed, and will continue to be ridiculed for weeks!
Some of the funniest shit i've ever heard, thought it might be a good read lol Very Happy

rotax81 · Nearly there... Joined: 10 Sep 2008 Karma :

what a returd Confused

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trevoriv · World Chat Champion Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Karma :

Charlie · World Chat Champion Joined: 27 May 2007 Karma :

They closed the pool because of shit? You only normally have to do this when it is a really sloppy shit or they has been liquid vomit. I have even given a kid a pair of latex gloves and got him to pick shit off the bottom of the pool for me. Lovely. Cleaned shit of the side of the ladies toilet wall before, that was just after picking up a big dollap of shit from the floor.

Hmm I have 3 favourite stories like this;

1.
This kid is about 6 or so, his mum is a teacher somewhere so you'd think he'd been reasonably toilet trained. Anyway one day he climbs out of the steps at the shallow end, pulls his trunks down shits on the side of the pool. Completely spontaneous, never seen a mum move so fast, she grabbed him and runs into the ladies with him, re-appears 10seconds later, picks the shit and runs back into the ladies. THe other customer are completely oblivious to this (only about 5-6 more in the pool). I give the side of the pool a quick wash over with some water and that is that.

2.
Same kid as before, comes running onto the poolside, mum tells him not to get in before she does. She turns her back on her and asks me some stuff, anyway I am keeping an eye on the pool (and the kid) and he stood there excitingly looking at the pool with his hand grasping at his trunks.

And then all of a sudden piss just squirts out of the side of his drunks and onto a parents head stood against the side under the kid. The parent in the pool doesn't realise and thinks it is their kid splashing them Laughing

I am still talking to the kids mum at this point trying to keep a straight face. Mum never found out.

3.
Cleaning up after we have closed, cleaning in the toilet and I knock over the sani bin, shit. It has happened before normally fine. But oh not this time (I just wanted to go home at this point in time), blood and all the shit in there just pours out. Sick

Probably the worst thing I have had to clean up, or maybe it was the tampon and red 'water' in the bottom of the gents bin? It smelt fishy too.

The joys of being a lifeguard.
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Robby · Dirty Old Man Joined: 16 May 2002 Karma :

Eddie Hitler · World Chat Champion Joined: 06 Nov 2007 Karma :

Matthie's taking some extreme steps to avoid prosecution!

Removing your plate was enough lad, no need to scare other children. Laughing

SlimRick · World Chat Champion Joined: 29 Sep 2008 Karma :

I was at a conference in Arizona a few years ago - gorgeous centre in the middle of the desert with hot-tubs and pools scattered around the ground. We had finished for the day, so I was sat in the hot tub with one of the admin girls who I was trying to pull (and doing quite well), when this fucking fat American kid of about 7 walks up to the side if the hot tub, pulls his cock out and starts to take a piss into it! I jumped out pretty fucking sharp and creased up in hysterics. Apparently what I should have done was help the young lady out, and not stand there laughing - I went back to my room alone that night... Thumbs Down

Alex-RS · Traffic Copper Joined: 23 Jun 2008 Karma :

Matthie · World Chat Champion Joined: 30 Mar 2008 Karma :

Dragonfly · Super Spammer Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Karma :

Oh you brought back horrid memories there when I worked looking after special needs people. Two of them used to eat their pooh and smear it all overthe walls and guess who had to try and clean their mouths out and went through a hell of a lot of tooth brushes from the supply cupboard and wasnt happy! :sick:And one of them had a beard which his family wouldnt let us remove, it wasnt very hygenic with his eating habbits. I had forgotten all about that till I read this thread.