:S how can i tell my dad ?..

[hectashouse]

hi everyone,
the past 5 - 6 months have been quite a bad time,
first of all, I'll cut the long story short lol

my "step brother" shagged my ex gf last September, my dad didn't believe me and took his side (even tho he ain't my dads son), then went to a doctors appointment and got told that i seem depressed and i should go to a psychologist and once i seen a psychologist she explained to my dad and mam that im depressed and that its mostly about my dad, because i haven't really spent much time with him ( never gone fishing with him, never gone out and played football with him and haven't done anything a proper father and son should do) so the first month it was going great, my dad was making a proper effort i went to the cinema with him and had Mc Donald's with him a few times and really enjoyed it, the thing i enjoyed most was just playing a board game called checkers with him, then i saw the psychologist again and she said i seem a little happier but my dad should still help out and so we went to the cinema once after that and then after a while went back to the psychologist and she said that shes going to give it 6 weeks and if i m still feeling happier then she will be happy to say im not depressed no more, but after that i haven't heard from my dad in 2 weeks, he didn't go to my mams house to see me and didnt even phone me to see if i was alright and so i phoned him up to see if he was home and so i could ride up there on my moped (i know they are rubbish but i got to start somewhere lol) and so he answered and said i could come up, i arrived and he turned around and gave me my pocket money and then it felt like he was trying to make me leave like saying stuff like "isn't your mam worried about you?" and it was 3pm lol not like it was in the middle of the night or something lol and so then after a cup of tea and a chat i decided to hit the road, and then just before leaving he says "want to go to cinema on tuesday ?" and i quickly answered "yeah please " and so i went home, tuesday arrived and i finished school and walked home, and then after waiting for him, for about a hour or two, i got fed up and went out, he didnt phone me to say he wasnt coming or anything , then a week past and i had a phone call off him saying that he just sold my lcd moniter for my pc for £40, if i want it i have to go up there because he wont drop it off, and so i said ok and then he said "dont forget to buy something for your step mother for mothers day" ( she aint my step mother because her and my dad ain't married yet) and so mothers day came and i only bought things for my mam because i didnt have enough money to buy things for his girl friend and guess what ?, i still haven't heard from him.

i have the last appointment to a psychologist in 2 weeks, i now relise i don't need my dad at all and he got a family that he would rather be with than me, if i see him down town and talk 2 him and his girl friend phones telling him to come home then he just says hes got to go and shoots off, hes already told me im not alloud to go to his wedding in september, and so im thinking i dont need him and im thinking i should tell him where to go and that i dont want to see him again, but how to do say it ??

sorry for typing such a long post !

hecta ..
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98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[nowhere.elysium]

Shit, dude; that's harsh. My gut reaction would be to just do what he's done to you, and ignore him, but that's impulsive, and a bit childish. It sounds like he's not happy standing up to his past, for lack of a nicer way to say it (sorry).
Regardless of how little time you feel you've spent with him, have you felt that you're able to talk to him, on a man-to-man basis? If you can, then you can talk it through with him, and tell him what's going on from your perspective.
Other than that, I honestly don't know if I can offer anything of value.
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'10 SV650SF, '83 GS650GT (it lives!), Questionable DIY dash project, 3D Printer project, Lasercutter project

[TomR6]

Best thing to do is tell him straight up, don't pussyfoot around ignoring him, he'll know what's what straight away and you won't dwell on it afterward.

If he doesn't do anything to resolve it, then fuck it, he's not worth the time of day.
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2005 Yamaha R6

[hectashouse]

thank you very much for your reply

and the only time i tried to talk to my dad because i was feeling bad, it was when i tried telling him about my step brother but he just said "he would never do that" and then once he spoken to my mam and she said that I've been acting differently and seem quite sad, he just said to me "the way you think is wong" so now if i have any problems or anything i feel i need to say i either talk to my mum or to my half brother, he got a different dad. (i don't speak to my step brother anymore), so i guess i cant talk to my dad on a man to man basis

and thank you for your reply tom, i think it might be best if i just do tha
____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[The Artist]

Life dude.

I'm in a similar situation apart from my parents are kinda not really but a bit together.

My dad is a complete and utter cvnt. I hardly speak to him and when I do its not nice. I am 17 and have managed to survive so far.

I know its harsh but just ignore him and the situation. If you want, confront him but that's your choice, no one on here is going to be able to tell you exactly what to do, they are not you and don't know everything about your life.

[nick606]

i agree with tom it will be hard to do but at least you will know where you stand and you know he knows exactly how you feel. lol thats a bit of a tongue twister.

[Tonka]

That's very harsh, but my advice FWIW would be to just let it slide. I had a similar situation (female relative) and to be quite honest, you need to put yourself and your health first. If you really feel the need to make it 'final' and talk with him go ahead, but I decided that I didn't need to put myself through all the worry and stress that I'd feel building up to 'the chat' and any fallout from it. Over a year on I still think about it on occasions but I genuinely feel that it was for the best for both of us and who knows what the future holds?

Things and people change over time and one of the hardest things is knowing when to just let go. If you're suffering by trying to hang on to a 'high maintenance' relationship I'd suggest you take a little breather and concentrate on getting yourself back to feeling happy and spend time with the people that can help you with that, like your Mum.

Think good thoughts, take care and get happy soon.
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'The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences'
Suzuki SV650S (Clean); Yamaha XT250 Serow (Dirty)

[hectashouse]

thanks alot everyone !

i will have to spent the next few days thinking and see what i shall do from there

and thank you everyone for your replys

and thank you very much tonka,

i think i might ask my mam what would she do if she was in my shoes
____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[chris-red]

Fuck him off, spend more time with a mum.
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Well, you know what they say. If you want to save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs.
Skudd:- Perhaps she just thinks you are a window licker and is being nice just in case she becomes another Jill Dando.
WANTED:- Fujinon (Fuji) M42 (Screw on) lenses, let me know if you have anything.

[Kwaks]

Sounds to me that your dads' life might be being run by his GF. Maybe its her that wants to sever his ties to his past.

An option would be to turn this around on its head, sit down with your dad and ask him if he is happy. Ask him if he feels he is in control of what he does and when.

It may just be he is staying there because he doesnt want another failed relationship behind him, he might in fact be as miserable as you.

Don't write him off just yet, cause unless there is history (and I will give you the benefit of doubt there isnt) there is no way he would believe the step son over his own, not deep down
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Fallen Angel "Nae sniffing my seat now!!!!! "
www.cliqueycuntsmcc.co.uk
I AM NOT A FAST RIDER!!!!!!!!!

[chillpill]

only way to solve this is through confrontation , without it youll never get anywhere and it will never be resolved , it will probly just lead to bigger problems

go round there and tell him what youve told us and if he dosent change his ways fuck him youll probly tune out better without his influence, my dad left when i was 5 and i turned out to be a well rounded member of society

anyway mate hes got to decide whether he wants you in his life otherwise the situation your in at the moment will just carry on and it wont be fair to you as your the one suffering in it.

[MinhDinh]

Personally I would make one more last effort. My mum and dad divorced when I was 7 and sometimes I do miss not having a guy around the house.

My dad was a cunt. He use to drink to he was drunk a lot. He would gamble the money my mum and him saved up to put into mine and my sisters bank account. He also did it with his own/my mums money too. He would beat me quite badly to a stage I was bleeding blood if I was naughty (bearing in mind I was under 7) and he use to beat my mum a lot.

He is now the anti human being that I want to be. I have now recently made a personal oath to never drink, gamble and hit women ever.

I still remember the day they divorced. He was hitting me badly so my mum jumped in. Then he hit my mum and she told me to run to the bedroom and, lock the door and phone the police. He tried kicking the door and my mum was trying to stop him I think. She was crying so loud. I asked for the police and the ambulance. It was quite traumatic for me really, but luckily at 7 I didn't have the mental capacity to be really heart broken from it as such.

Life became tougher. From having a car, washing machine and console etc We became poor. My dad was the breed winner while my mum didn't have any skills or work. I remember the 2 mile walk to safeways and carrying heavy shopping bags from age 7. He took the washing machine so me and mum use to hand wash all our clothes too. We were poor, but without him, life was better, even in poverty. Those days were tough but it's made me a much more sincere and humble person.

Now that I am older, I do regret not having a father. Sometimes you really do need a man in the household or just as a companion. So my advice is try and talk to him how he feels about you etc. and more important how you feel he is treating you. Forget the stuff about your ex girl though. Not having a dad statistically suggest adverse affects. Good luck to you bud. Sorry for high jacking your thread but I just felt like letting it all out.
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Hit the G spot.

[J D]

Dad's are a waste of space mine left my mum when she got pregnant with me, seen him 2 or 3 times in my life.

Im better off without him.

[hectashouse]

wow thanks everyone for the replys.

im so glad that i posted this thread on here lol

i asked my mum this morning about what would she do if she was me but she said "im not sure because i don't know what its like to have a dad" (my grand dad past away when she was 3 ) so i guess i need to think it through,

no probs MinhDinh sometimes its best to let it all out

and i dont talk much to the ex girl friend now just say hi every now and again and thats it tbh lol,
minhdinh yeah i know what you mean about having a man in the house hold, my mum is going out with a guy and hes really funny, my mam have known him just after her and my dad split up (13 years ago) so i know him well but the fact is, that he treats me better than my proper dad does, he takes me to mc donalds and this year hes even bought me tickets to see the grand prix in silverstone in june, but best of all i can talk 2 him if i need to, so i guess that even if i do tell my dad to F**k off, it wont feel any differant because i dont see him much as it is....

thanks everyone for posting

hecta ...
____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[Clanger]

Hey good luck with all that...I think you have had all the same advice I would give you too. My Dad cannot maintain a relationship with me alongside a girlfriend. I always get the boot.

Best thing you can do, is tell yourself he is just another human and get him off that pedestal, that way he cannot hurt you through rejection anymore.

I wouldn't even bother with the whole confrontational thing, because he will only turn it round on you, and blame you for being emotional, he will use your age against you (oh yes he will, parents are bloody good at doing that!!!!).

I would personally, do as I think Tonka suggested, and just let it slide. Don't ask anything of him anymore, don't ring, don't do anything, just get on with filling your life with family and friends who do give a shit about you.

Maybe one day, when you are much older he'll come back into your life, when you are an adult, and perhaps you will be able to make a new start with him, but on a different level. One where you don't NEED him emotionally.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[tutton]

Its the old new family dominator,
could well be your dads new bit of stuff, is making him see less and less of you.

Have had it happen myself.
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Past: '05 Peugeot XPS '99 Aprillia RS125 '94 FZR600R
Current: '02 ZX636 A1P '51 CCM R30

[Dave ett]

A Dad is more than just a biological relative.

Your Mum's new bloke sounds like more of a Dad, so I think I'd work on that and as others have said, let the biological one slide.

Mine was always around, even though my folks divorced, and I'd challenge anyone who says Dads are not important, as they damn well are.

Try not to ruin your life with negative thoughts, and think only of the positives that your Mum is happy, you have all your arms and legs, and there are good folks that love you.
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Dave E.

[lydanial]

my dad and mum split op about 10 years ago, although i was older with my own life my father would tend to spend more time with his new girlfriends kids (older) and her children.
we would get an occasional visit and that was it.

we fucked him off for quite a while but found in the end we really missed him.

after a period of time he started visiting again and on one occasion i asked him to babysit. we went out and i got pretty drunk.
on our return he was ranting and raving at us for being half hour late and that was it.
i grabbed him and literally threw him out the house, i then proceeded after him and smacked him a good one before pinning him to the wall where all my emotions came out and i will admit i cried a bit over the fact he had never shown us any real love and that he never really bothered with us.
when my wife pulled him off he ran down to his car and sped off and left me thinking that i would never see him again.

i was once more a wreck over the fact i had laced into my dad, i regretted everything and so first thing in the morning i phoned him at work. surprisingly he spoke to me and said he would come round later. after a long long talk we got somewhere, he now visits every monnday evening and comes round now and then for a chat.. also he gives me a hug when he leaves and has learnt to show some affection.

im not saying twat him but you need to tell him straight and in a way that gets through to him how you feel.

dont go the other way like my wife who argued with her dad and so cut contact with him, for 2 years i pleaded with her to make peace and bury the hatchet but she was too stubborn.. then a phone call came through that he had died aged 54.
she still gets upset now that she never listened to me and although i want to i really cant use the 'i told you so' line.

[hectashouse]

thanks everyone,

I've had a thought and its been quite hard to me to make a decision but i finally made one last night

im gunna give it a week without ringing him or txting him and wait for him to contact me, and once he does i will ask him is he happy this way ? and if he says yes, i will ask what about me not bothering you ? and if he says no i will say well i've given two weeks to try and get in contact to give you another chance but you havent (and then i might give him 1 last chance) or if he says yes then i will just tell him i dont want to see him ever again and shut him out of my life.. i dont want to do that but i will if it makes him see what hes lost

thank you to every one which have posted i couldn't have done it without you im extremely grateful


thank you to everyone which have told me what have happend to them and there dad, it have made me relise that its best if i give him 1 more chance but no more after that

hecta..


____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[The Shaggy D.A.]

[hectashouse]

yeah that sounds better, thank you

hecta..
____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[kitty kat]

My son ended up seeing a child psychologist because of his dad. His dad & I divorced when my son was 6, dad had full access whenever he wanted, but he used to see the kids only on saturday afternoons. The stupid thing was he lived 8 doors away from us on the same road. If the kids walked past his on any day other than a saturday he ignored them. He then started phoning 10 minutes before he was due to pick them up saying he couldn't see them, talk about disappointed children. 12 years on and my son still sees his dad (if dad can be bothered) but he says that he only sees him for the money he can get out of him. I have never put the dad down to the kids, but my son turned to me not long ago and said that although I couldn't give him £30 every week like his dad does he loves me more as I am always there ready with a hug, or I take him out on the bike and I am always a sounding board for him. I listen and try to help with his problems - dad doesn't give a sh!t.
Yes my son has been in front of the magistrates, but I was the one who stood by him, I was the one who held his hand and kissed his tears.
My son went off the rails because he wanted a dad in his life to kick a ball with him etc, but he has now realised that he doesn't actually need a dad, he has a mum and some good adult male friends who are there for him when he needs a male point of view.

Hang in there, go with what your heart says, but remember that your mum is the one constant in your life, who loves you unconditionally.
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Enjoy everyday, tell those you love everyday you love them
Life is too short to fall out with people

[hectashouse]

aww thats a well good post ! thank you ever so much kitty kat

you just made me think of how good my mum is to me, i will always be there for ma mum just like she is for me, im so glad to have a mum thank you


hecta..
____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09

[untitled_warrior]

You should change all the energy that represents your thoughts of your father and his lack of emotion/attention to yourself and convert it into a positive thing, i mean look what you do have, you have a strong, caring mother who didnt go the easy route and leave you.

You love your mother, i say use your love you've kept aside for your father on her too, she deserves it more.

[hectashouse]

yeah i always look out for ma mum

she says im the only one out of my brothers which is respectful

I've decided to give my dad another chance, i came off my ped yesterday and fair play to him he went here to see the damage to the moped and to me so that shows he cares, plus he wants to fix the ped as well so i guess that shows he really do care

hecta..
____________________
98" Honda xr125 (sold), 56" Peugeot Jetforce 50

CBT = done 24/01/09