Heaven

[killa]

A Muslim man dies and arrives in Heaven. He is very excited as, all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard. “Are you Mohammed?” he asks.

“No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up,” and he points him to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbed the ladder in great strides. He meets another bearded man. Full of hope, he asks again, “Are you Mohammed?''

“No, I am Jesus. Mohammed is higher up still.”

Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: “Are you Mohammed?”

“No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.”

Exhausted but with heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he meets a man with a beard. “Are you Mohammed?” he gasps, as he is by now totally out of breath from all his climbing.

“No, my son . . . I am God . ... but you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?”

“Yes please, my Lord.”

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out: “Mohammed, two coffees please.”
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[hellkat]

LOL, thats the sort of joke we could get away with telling when I was at school.

Dave Allen used to tell jokes like that. He was the hero of all Catholic school back-of-the-class "comedians" - you know the sort - the ones who would wisecrack at the back of class and make everyone else laugh, and who the teacher would take by the ear to lead them out of the classroom door, and vanquish them to the corridor to wait for the head teacher

(oh wait a minute ... or was that just me?)
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Shaun]

[Dischord]

lol love it
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[pa_broon74]

You can take this in two ways, as a joke (which is funny) or as a lesson (if you're into god-bothering.)

Mohammed was merely a Prophet who claimed to speak the word of God, he wasn't actually God. Just shows, at the end of the day we all serve the same master...

Well, if you believe all that stuff anyway... Its a well known fact that god is actually a woman who bares a startling resemblence to Alanis Morrisete...


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Didn't catch anything.

[killa]

Mister James beleieves this is overrated guys. Time to stop rating it
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[Adam.I]

This same joke was posted a fortnight or so ago, again, both feeble and erroneous.
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Veni Vidi Vici

[Skudd]

There are many Gods and Prophets, but only one Devil. I wonder who is right?
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[pa_broon74]

[Skudd]

[Adam.I]

Feeble - weak, the joke is weak. Erroneous - containing errors, no such person as 'Mohammed'. The transliteration is 'Muhammad' - there is no 'O' or 'E' in Arabic. And your response, well, my vocabulary doesn't extend that far.
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Veni Vidi Vici

[Mister James]

Not only is the joke offensive - it commits the far greater crime of being unfunny.

Thanks for trying to be my spokesman - I don't seem to remember banning people from rating it funny, I just exercised my right to disagree.
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>Soultrader Mister James, I bet you are a copper
>Bazza Wow. Eyes like a shithouse rat, you...

[killa]

You'll find it un-funny if you find it offensive. Move along James, move along.
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[Mister James]

[killa]

I guess i bit here because the half dozen other jokes i posted you didn't even rate or reply too.

Mention race/religion and you're on there straight away with your 'you read the daily mirror!...you don't know what its like to live in the city'

Yawn


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[Mister James]

[The Shaggy D.A.]

[Adam.I]

Absolutely, well spotted Shaggy.
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Veni Vidi Vici

[Finglonga]

[Mister James]

If you have to ask - you obviously aren't going to agree.

It's clear as day why it would cause offense in its patronising treatment of the bemused muslim protagonist, and in the belittling of their no. 1 prophet in a manner that panders to lazy racial stereotyping - ie. he's a servant only worthy to pour drinks.

Had it actually been funny, witty or a clever twist on the situation, perhaps the offensiveness could have been overlooked. It was none of those things, and thus remains boorish, unfunny and crass.
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>Soultrader Mister James, I bet you are a copper
>Bazza Wow. Eyes like a shithouse rat, you...

[Walloper]

Another man died and went to heaven.
He was met at the gates by St. Peter/(Insert meeter & greeter of your prefered faith)
St. Peter/(Meeter Greeter) told the man as it was his first day in heaven he'd take him around heaven to let the man see what it was like.
First he showed the man a group of men and women parading around the garden following a band.
"Who're they?" asked the man.
Oh those are the Protestants. Not a bad bunch of folk. They get along with everyone so long as we let them do this walking around from time to time."
Next they saw a group of people banging their heads against a wall.
"Who are they?" the man enquired.
"Well that's the Jews. A friendly crowd who mind their own business but get along with everyone else. We let them do as they please also"
Next they see a bunch of folk kneeling on little mats bowing back and forward.
"And who are they?" the man asked.
"Those are the Muslims. A nice bunch of guys very private and well behaved. They mix in with all our activities up here. They're always doing that praying stuff too"

Just then they came to a big high wall.
St Peter stopped and whispered to the man, "Shhhhh. Don't speak or make a sound when we pass by this bit."
"Why?" the man asked in a whisper.
St Peter whispered again, "We keep the Catholics in there surrounded by this big wall. They think they are the only ones who made it up here."
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[st3v3]

[Finglonga]

[MaybeGuy]

muslims and other religious pricks should fuck off.
wankers.
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[salty21]

its a joke, lighten up

blokes at my work joke about having a threesome with my mum and sister but i dont whinge about it
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